A Guide to Red Flags and Regrets 😅

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Oh my god, I just totally got catfished.

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He looks absolutely nothing like his picture.

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So I found out, the guy that I've been dating is married with kids.

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His wife just reached out to me.

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Welcome to the meat market.

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The single scene is a slaughterhouse and we are here to devour it.

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We are your hosts.

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I'm Lindsay, I'm Jess and today's sizzling single is Paolo.

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Welcome.

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Thanks for coming here.

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Thank you for having me.

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So you have never been married, but now you feel like you're ready and you want it.

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So why are you ready now?

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What changed?

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I don't know.

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I think just just over time.

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And you know, having a daughter and knowing what I want, Before, when I was younger, I didn't know really what I wanted.

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So I think now I do know what I want.

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So that's what I'm looking for, which is extremely difficult these days.

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So I am ready.

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Do you have a long list of what you want?

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I don't.

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I don't have a huge list.

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Do you have it?

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written down somewhere.

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I do actually.

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Do you Really what you want?

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Um, I don't, I don't have a huge list, right?

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Do you have it written?

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down somewhere.

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I do actually do you?

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Yeah, really I actually wrote it down one time.

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Yeah, I don't remember where I put it though.

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So you've never been close to getting married, you've never been engaged you've never had that feeling of being with a woman and thinking, oh, I want to grow old with her.

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Um I think there was a point at one time I was thinking about it, but it just never evolved to that right.

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So then it ended, and since then I've just no, never again and how's your daughter?

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She's seven and how.

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So I was gonna say how was that relationship?

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um, we're cordial you know, but I try to, like you know, mom does her thing, I do my own thing, you know, and if we need something serious or come to a decision, then we discuss it, but other than that, you just go live your life, I live mine.

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How long were you with the mother for?

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Very short period of time, oh really, yeah.

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So, um, I actually wanted to continue dating her and but she didn't want to, and then she got pregnant, and then I wanted it again and she just said we're never going to be together.

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I said okay, and as soon as she said that I was just, I was done.

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It's time to move on.

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Wow, so was the pregnancy planned unplanned.

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It was unplanned.

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Unplanned.

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Do you?

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want more kids.

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You know, people have asked me that and at my age it's kind of like yes and no.

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So if I'm with someone that does yes, if I'm with someone that doesn't no, I'm okay, you can go either way.

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I can go either way yeah, Does your daughter want siblings?

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Oh my God, like crazy yeah.

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So I'll give you a little story right.

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So on the mom's side, my daughter has two cousins an aunt, uncle and a grandma.

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That's it Right On my side, cause I'm Portuguese right and for people that don't know that, portuguese families you tend to be really big.

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So we go to my California to Christmas, you know, and my uncle has a Christmas party and my daughter walks up to me and she goes dad, who here's my cousin.

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I go everybody here is your cousin except uncle and auntie, that's it and she goes.

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But there's like a hundred people here, cousin I go.

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Everybody here is your cousin except uncle and auntie, that's it and she goes.

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But there's like a hundred people here I go.

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I know there's a hundred cousin dad, nobody, I have nothing like that at my mom's house.

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You know I'm a mom's side.

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I go.

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I know it's just a lot over this way.

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So, and she loves it.

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Every time we go she's excited, she wants to go there, she wants to hang out and everybody's just cousin I go.

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If you don't know their name, just call them cousin so do you still have family back in Portugal?

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um, yes, extended family, portugal.

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So all my brothers and sisters, except for one sister, live in California.

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So I have a sister lives in Virginia, she's married to a JAG officer, and then my mom's there.

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My dad's no longer with us.

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Um, she remember I'mried, but everybody lives in California, so I'm the only one who lives out here Nice, yeah, and so you are very international.

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You've done a lot of traveling.

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Tell us about that.

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Well, most of my traveling I did so back in college I wanted to do well, I'll rewind.

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First of all, I'm in agriculture, right, so people don't know what that is.

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Sexiest industry in the world by the way, Woohoo arriba, I grew up on a farm.

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I can attest to that.

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Heck yeah because we have music, country music, whatnot?

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So when you say you're in agriculture, what exactly does that entail?

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You know, it's funny because for the longest time I couldn't figure out how to explain it to you.

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And I pharmaceutical rep is right.

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So I'm like a pharmaceutical rep for farmers.

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So there's a manufacturer I work for and then I go and talk to farmers, you know, and say hey, what do you need to take care of your crop?

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Now, do you guys remember and I don't even know if they have these anymore you remember the old supplement store called GNC?

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Yes.

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You know.

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And then there's the vitamin shop right.

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So they no longer have those.

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Well, I can't find them.

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I typed in the other day vitamin shop because I was looking for a particular vitamin.

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It's like optimal.

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Something pops up Anyhow.

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I would be more like their rep, so I'm looking.

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I'm trying to help farmers, you know, be proactive in putting proper nutrition in their crops so that they have they don't have to use pesticides or at least a small amount of it, right?

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So that's what I pretty much do.

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Interesting.

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How did you get into that?

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So first of all I grew up on a farm forever, and then I got to farm for about eight years for a guy, and then one day he was just like I'm going to close the business, I'm done.

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And so I went looking for a job and I landed one in in sales and and I was working in California for a company for a little bit and then this headhunter called me and goes hey, we're looking for someone that could speak Portuguese and Spanish to go to South America.

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And I go, I'm in.

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So I applied and that was that.

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So then I traveled a lot and down South America.

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Oh, nice yeah.

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But when I was in college I wanted to do weed harvesting.

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So in the US they call it the 3,000-mile harvest.

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They start in Texas to Canada.

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But I was graduating later when they started.

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So one guy goes why don't you go to Australia?

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They start in October.

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So I was like all right, so I went to Australia.

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And so when I got there it was all Irish guys, one Palmy, which is English Uh, I was the only American and two Australians.

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So for a week nobody would talk to me, you know, and I was just like why?

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And then later on they were like well, we didn't talk to you because we just thought you were one of those pompous Americans that we had to deal with.

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And then we find out you're not.

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So it's kind of to americans, I feel have a little bit of a negative reputation oh yeah of being loud and obnoxious, and oh yeah people always say you can always spot the american on the train because everyone can hear them uh-huh for sure I think americans sometimes go places and they they feel like they can do the same thing they do here, somewhere else, without you know they don't adapt to other cultures they expect to interject our culture, whatever our culture is, into other countries.

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It's true because england everyone is quiet.

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They keep to themselves when you're on the tube or the bus.

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Same thing in japan and I think americans go to these countries and, kind of, you know, continue to be loud and right everyone know what they're talking about.

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Yeah, and I think it's also my my.

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My feeling is I think they get in trouble.

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They think, oh, you know that some somebody from the government's going to come help them.

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It doesn't really work out that way.

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You get in trouble their laws.

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You just gotta deal with their laws now, right how do you like australia it?

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was amazing yeah, a lot of fun, yeah I love it because it's like England, but with good weather, with the sun.

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So I did weed harvesting in the bush they call it right.

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In the bush.

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It was basically that right.

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So I did that.

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And then it was a drought year, so we only got to do it for about a month, a little longer than a month, and then we all kicked over to Sydney and I found this little place right right on Coogee Beach.

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So I found a place there then.

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I started, I was just gonna say Australia is just set up for inappropriate right all day right, it's like it's.

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It's south of Bondi Beach where so everyone?

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Knows Bondi Beach.

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So anyways, um, I was there and I started.

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I was working at a club as a bar back then during the day, bartender, and then I would do construction on the side.

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You know, just to make ends meet, cause I wanted to stay you know, so I, just I was constantly just working, and then I think, the last few weeks of being there, um, I just traveled the country you know, and I'll tell you one thing, man, australia is scary in some parts?

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Yeah, because there's things that eat you and kill you.

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Lots of bugs and snakes there's like certain places you go in the water there's crocodiles, you know, and there's saltwater crocodiles, you know.

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Where I was, at Coogee Beach, they had this huge net, you know, out in the ocean to keep the sharks from coming in right.

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And then constantly there was a plane or helicopter would fly by to watch and then all of a sudden you hear a siren because a shark jumped the net.

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Oh, my God.

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You know.

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So then they had to send guys out there, find the shark, grab it, put it back over, and everybody would just get out of the water, you know.

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I remember I was snorkeling at the Great Barrier Reef in Australia and we were surrounded by these reef sharks and they weren't huge.

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They were like don't worry they're not gonna eat you.

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They're innocent.

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But they're still sharks, so I'm still like freaking out, and that was fun.

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I did that too.

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That was a lot of beautiful.

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Oh my god, it was great.

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I went on a.

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It was a sailing ship.

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I went out and you just stayed out there the night for a couple nights, you know, and then you go um diving at night, and that was that was amazing gorgeous oh the, it was a full.

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It was like you could.

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You felt like you could touch it.

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It was so big, it's cool, it was so pretty.

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So you said that you would bartend there.

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Yeah.

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Did you meet many Australian women?

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How was that?

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How were they?

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No, so I was bartending during the day, oh gotcha.

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You know it wasn't at know you would see a lot of Australian women.

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It was different because they would be pregnant women smoking at the bar.

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It was okay, savage.

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You know and I was just like I never saw that right.

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I was like this is interesting.

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As ever, the men were very much like you know, how did they speak?

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They would say something like oi, oi, yeah, when they wanted to talk to somebody, it wasn't like what's up or hey, how are you, it was like oi, and it was like we just grabbed someone's attention and they were just what's going on?

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You know, they want to talk to you and um, it was.

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It was just very interesting to see so you never dated any Aussie women.

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I did actually I did date, you know, um one of the girls that worked there at the same club that I, that I worked at.

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Yeah, we dated for a little bit was she different than American women or?

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Um, yes, yeah, um, in one sense is she was constantly working out, in a sense like in no, I know a lot of American women work out, but hers was just swimming like we'd finish at three o'clock in the morning.

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She said I'm gonna go swim in the ocean.

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You know forever, let's go, all right, cool, I'm not going to, you know like I'm going to bed, I'll see you back at our place, you know, and uh, she'd show up, just you know, a couple hours later soaking wet kind of thing, and I'm trying to think what else would be different about her.

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I mean, the accent was great.

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She was very like um, I want to say like wanderlust, hippie-ish kind of you know, which I wasn't really into back then.

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Yeah, but, um, but, but overall she was just a very nice person so we were talking about how, um, like Australia owned by the commonwealth, and that's where in the olden days, the Brits would send the prisoners to Australia, but it's so beautiful like I'd rather be in Australia than England.

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And then he was telling me how, in Portugal, they have the same thing.

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Tell us about that.

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Oh yeah, so I think the Azor Islands was um was where the Portuguese would send, you know, the prisoners to those islands.

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But now it's a big tourist destination.

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It's become a huge tourist destination.

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Yeah, people love going there.

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The Europeans like going there, you going there, the europeans like going there.

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You know they buy houses, they want to go there all the time it's.

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I remember going back in 92 and there was still, you know, horse and buggy kind of thing and now it's more paved.

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I haven't been back so I can't tell you everything, but my cousins ago they tell me that it's more paved, there's more cars, more people, etc kind of remember how in the olden days they would serve lobster to the slaves, because that was like the bottom, and now it's so expensive to eat lobsters.

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Yeah yeah, are you looking for someone that wants to travel?

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with you a travel partner yeah, a travel.

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Have we talked about this before?

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like the travel bunny, like there's girls that are literally looking for that, some like looking for men that just travel at it uh-huh, it's kind of like a gold digger, but they just want to travel you pay, you pay their way and they'll be on your arm he's like no thank you not that type of travel partner?

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yeah, my travel buddy right now is my daughter yeah, and I love that.

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Oh yeah, yeah, I take her wherever I took her to to portugal, spain, in in italy last year.

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We just had a blast she's a good traveler at that easy super easy.

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Even when she was a baby, she was so super easy.

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She didn't cry, didn't complain no she's like she'll just say, hey, dad, when we're gonna get there, and then say, oh, a couple of hours or whatever, and she's like okay I feel like if you start taking kids when they're like young, young they're just used to it.

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Yes, yeah, yeah, but I mean some, some kids don't do that great of a job.

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I mean some kids just screaming, you know?

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Okay, headphones.

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Yeah Right, I want some music.

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So are you on the dating apps currently?

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I'm not.

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I got completely off of them.

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I've done them all you know, and um, yeah, I don't know what's going on.

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I was actually probably gonna ask you guys you know what's up with this world of dating, cause it's a sucks so flat out.

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Have you had any bad dates from the app?

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So disaster dates or catfish?

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Um, I don't know if it was a quite a catfish, but I went out with one woman once and she asked me she goes, oh my God, you look exactly like your photos.

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I go, I'm supposed to right, you know that's the point.

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That's the point of pictures she's all she's like how about me and I go?

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No, no.

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You said that yeah.

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I go no, not even close.

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She goes what.

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I go no, and she's like what's different?

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I go everything.

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That's hilarious.

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How did she take that?

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She's just like well, it is me and I go.

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Well, you can say that all day you want.

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Were the pictures different?

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Were they filtered?

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Was she, you know, heavier?

00:14:08.186 --> 00:14:08.706
Well, yeah, she was heavier.

00:14:08.706 --> 00:14:09.249
They had heavily filtered.

00:14:09.269 --> 00:14:30.403
Right, you know, filters are terrible, so terrible I feel that way, though I I'm not on the dating apps, but I feel that way when we, when we talk to people that want to come on the podcast, so they'll reach out to us on social media and go, hey, I want to be a guest on your show, I'm single, and it's like, okay, great, send us, you know, a recent photo and and why you think that you know you would make a good guest.

00:14:30.403 --> 00:14:41.241
And so they send photos, or they send their social media and we check them out and then we jump on the FaceTime with them and it's like whoa, like I thought we were talking to wait, who are we talking to right now?

00:14:41.302 --> 00:14:43.205
and it's like oh, oh yeah, you're the same person.

00:14:43.306 --> 00:14:45.109
Like it's crazy.

00:14:45.109 --> 00:14:46.871
Most of them don't look like their pictures.

00:14:46.871 --> 00:14:48.333
The women especially.

00:14:48.879 --> 00:14:54.688
Which is weird to me, because I would be mortified to show up on a date looking uglier than my picture.

00:14:54.688 --> 00:14:58.404
I don't want to disappoint people, I'd rather have people be pleasantly surprised.

00:14:58.465 --> 00:14:59.809
Yes, exactly right.

00:14:59.809 --> 00:15:08.648
So picture and then be like like I always get the same question is like, are you actually six three?

00:15:08.648 --> 00:15:10.535
And I'm like, yeah, I'm six three, because I guess a lot of guys lie about it.

00:15:10.535 --> 00:15:16.009
You know, they say they're six foot and show up they're five foot you know kind of thing and when.

00:15:16.171 --> 00:15:27.147
And I remember one day I went on and this girl, this she, she purposely wore, like I want to say, four inch heels because if I was lying she wanted to tower over them.

00:15:27.147 --> 00:15:29.544
Oh my God, which she did before she told me I went on a date.

00:15:29.544 --> 00:15:31.225
I completely towered over this guy.

00:15:31.225 --> 00:15:33.905
It made him so uncomfortable and I wanted to see if you were lying.

00:15:33.905 --> 00:15:38.059
She was, I want to say she was 5'10" and then she put on four-inch heels.

00:15:38.059 --> 00:15:40.067
So I was like, yeah, why would I lie about that she?

00:15:40.067 --> 00:15:41.408
You'd be surprised how many guys lie.

00:15:41.408 --> 00:15:47.272
But at the same time there's a lot of women that lie too right it goes, it goes both ways, both ways 100.

00:15:47.591 --> 00:15:49.714
So ladies, he's tall, he's six, three.

00:15:49.714 --> 00:15:54.657
All the ladies that we interview, that's their number one criteria is I need a tall guy.

00:15:54.736 --> 00:15:57.745
He has they always say that yeah even if they're like five two, they're short.

00:15:57.785 --> 00:16:03.047
I know it's not fair for us tall girls no, because there's a lot of tall guys like tall girls.

00:16:03.788 --> 00:16:04.149
That is true.

00:16:04.149 --> 00:16:05.991
It's just you have limited right.

00:16:06.032 --> 00:16:16.602
Yeah, yeah yeah, the pool goes down, so have you been in many relationships since you broke up with your daughter's mother no, actually I have none no, no relationship.

00:16:16.623 --> 00:16:26.085
So I haven't, um, yeah, so I know relationships and prior to that, um, I had been probably on maybe two relationships.

00:16:26.125 --> 00:16:36.995
Prior to that, yeah, and then, yeah, since my ex-girlfriend yeah, it was probably about two so it that seems surprising, because you're good looking, you're tall, you're successful, you're easy to talk to, you travel a lot international.

00:16:36.995 --> 00:16:38.119
So do you have a?

00:16:38.119 --> 00:16:40.527
Do you think you have a fear of commitment?

00:16:40.527 --> 00:16:43.917
Do you think or do you just feel like you haven't found the right one?

00:16:44.437 --> 00:16:46.841
so, um, I think, a couple things.

00:16:46.841 --> 00:17:04.044
Number one, when I had a girlfriend, super, I was younger, a lot younger, and, um, I think I was just immature and just, you know, just a pompous ass, because I was just dealing with so much and I didn't know how to really work through it.

00:17:04.044 --> 00:17:17.424
So I would be super moody all the time, like constantly and, um, so after I broke up with her, or she actually broke up with me, after we broke up, I sat back and I go, I need to just work on myself.

00:17:17.424 --> 00:17:18.587
I need to figure this out.

00:17:18.587 --> 00:17:23.955
Why am I always moody?

00:17:23.977 --> 00:17:42.654
And I just kept asking the same question why, when I got there to a point to where I was like, okay, now I've figured it out, whatever it was, and I got better and better but took time and I put a lot of work into it and I wanted to put that work in it because, you know, eventually I'd want to get married and I didn't want to be this ass, you know, you know husband, so, um, so I, I did all that, you know, for years.

00:17:42.654 --> 00:17:53.786
And um, which is funny now, because my daughter you know I have how to put this, I have, I guess you call it a standing bitch face right Resting bitch face.

00:17:53.806 --> 00:17:54.508
That's what it is Resting.

00:17:54.508 --> 00:17:58.661
I suffer from that too.

00:17:58.661 --> 00:17:59.541
I have this serious.

00:17:59.563 --> 00:18:01.586
Look on my face and I'll be driving somewhere.

00:18:01.586 --> 00:18:03.669
My daughter's like dad, are you in a bad mood?

00:18:03.669 --> 00:18:09.240
I go, no, you know, and I get to like force a smile like Joel Osteen right All day long.

00:18:09.240 --> 00:18:11.996
You know, because she's watching me and I go.

00:18:11.996 --> 00:18:24.082
And it's funny because the other day she was with me and I was just in a moody mood and I told her I go, hey, dad's kind of in a moody mood, I'm trying to work through it, whatever.

00:18:24.082 --> 00:18:24.824
And she catches on and she's okay.

00:18:24.824 --> 00:18:27.213
And she would ask me every, you know, 20, 30 minutes.

00:18:27.253 --> 00:18:30.182
Our daddy, you know when you move, and I go, yeah, still there, I'm just working through it.

00:18:30.182 --> 00:18:44.547
I go, hey, you know, some, let, we went for a bike ride.

00:18:44.547 --> 00:18:46.179
I ran, I'd stop, do push-ups, she'd circle back.

00:18:46.179 --> 00:18:46.560
She's like what are you doing?

00:18:46.560 --> 00:18:47.061
What are you doing, you know?

00:18:47.061 --> 00:18:49.656
So we knocked it out within, like you know, I don't know, 40 minutes or something like that felt super great.

00:18:49.656 --> 00:18:51.743
And then I was just, you know, in a good mood.

00:18:51.743 --> 00:18:53.317
And my daughter's like, oh, you're in such a great mood.

00:18:53.317 --> 00:18:55.882
I go, yeah, when daddy works out, if he feels a lot better.

00:18:55.882 --> 00:18:57.244
You know so now.

00:18:57.244 --> 00:18:59.796
So, so now what she does is dad you in a bad mood?

00:18:59.796 --> 00:19:02.303
The gym's right there.

00:19:02.303 --> 00:19:03.666
I'm like now.

00:19:03.666 --> 00:19:06.355
I'm not in a bad mood right now so what are your hobbies?

00:19:06.474 --> 00:19:07.538
what do you do on your days off?

00:19:07.858 --> 00:19:12.837
so I don't really have any hobbies, but the things I like to do especially is just travel.

00:19:12.837 --> 00:19:13.599
I love traveling.

00:19:13.599 --> 00:19:15.545
I haven't done it's a hobby.

00:19:15.724 --> 00:19:17.939
I feel like you can qualify that as okay.

00:19:17.959 --> 00:19:19.036
So so then it is so.

00:19:19.036 --> 00:19:21.761
I love traveling, so I did a lot of, most of my traveling.

00:19:21.761 --> 00:19:30.404
So I've been to almost 30 countries, but I did most of it on my own right, and now that I have my daughter, I just want to take her everywhere, you know.

00:19:30.404 --> 00:19:34.538
So I plan things to how do I, you know, when can I take her?

00:19:34.538 --> 00:19:36.119
When are we going to do something?

00:19:36.119 --> 00:19:37.181
You know kind of thing.

00:19:37.181 --> 00:19:45.130
In my family I have a sister-in-law that's really big on traveling, so her and my brother are constantly pushing me Just take her here, take her there, what not?

00:19:45.150 --> 00:19:47.311
So how do you find solo travel?

00:19:47.311 --> 00:19:55.220
Because I love to solo travel and it's funny because people tell me all the time they're like I don't know.

00:19:55.220 --> 00:19:55.760
I love it.

00:19:57.021 --> 00:19:57.682
I'm the same way.

00:19:57.682 --> 00:20:01.605
I love it because when you travel with a group, there's people that always want to go different ways.

00:20:01.605 --> 00:20:07.630
Right, and it's not as fun for me because this person pushes that way, that one pushes that way.

00:20:07.630 --> 00:20:10.832
If we're all in sync, you know we're all going to do the same thing.

00:20:10.832 --> 00:20:12.776
Cool, whatever let's go.

00:20:12.776 --> 00:20:14.318
But when you're solo travel, you just do whatever you want.

00:20:14.358 --> 00:20:16.002
When you want and you meet the best people.

00:20:16.002 --> 00:20:23.702
I feel Like I have friends all over, because I travel by myself and it forces you to just like meet people.

00:20:24.536 --> 00:20:26.763
They say that traveling can make or break a relationship.

00:20:26.763 --> 00:20:28.355
Like you, have to be the same type of traveler.

00:20:28.355 --> 00:20:29.942
Oh, it's a huge deal breaker for me.

00:20:30.255 --> 00:20:35.744
It's one of the reasons why I stayed with my ex for so long, because it was pretty much the only thing we were compatible.

00:20:37.596 --> 00:20:38.380
Let's always travel.

00:20:41.194 --> 00:20:42.577
It's a basis and that is that kind of is what we did.

00:20:42.577 --> 00:20:44.864
We traveled all like we probably traveled once a month.

00:20:44.864 --> 00:20:50.625
I would say we had a trip at least every month, but it was like it literally when it got to the end of the relationship.

00:20:50.625 --> 00:20:56.093
It was like it literally was the only thing that was compatible between us at that point.

00:20:56.314 --> 00:21:05.662
I've traveled with people when we're on vacation and they said they want to be up early at 7 am and for me, when you're on vacation, you shouldn't set your alarm, you know, or people that want to plan everything out At 12 o'clock.

00:21:05.662 --> 00:21:07.316
We're doing this 1 o'clock too, like for me.

00:21:07.316 --> 00:21:09.782
I'm like no, let's just go with the flow.

00:21:09.982 --> 00:21:11.406
I'm the same way.

00:21:20.115 --> 00:21:20.938
And so wherever there's water, let's go.

00:21:20.938 --> 00:21:22.122
Someone cares swimming pool, ocean lake, that's it.

00:21:22.122 --> 00:21:22.884
That's how I am I need to be.

00:21:22.903 --> 00:21:23.405
I need to be by water.

00:21:23.405 --> 00:21:27.039
Yeah, there's a lot of people that want to go like I don't get really impressed by, like the buildings.

00:21:27.039 --> 00:21:29.676
You know, I like the history, I like knowing a little bit about it.

00:21:29.676 --> 00:21:33.372
But like, I went to machu picchu, right, and I went all the way to top.

00:21:33.372 --> 00:21:33.753
Go to this.

00:21:33.753 --> 00:21:34.516
You know the ruins.

00:21:34.516 --> 00:21:35.897
It's great and whatnot.

00:21:35.897 --> 00:21:37.279
I was there maybe 30 minutes.

00:21:37.279 --> 00:21:38.521
People spend all day.

00:21:38.521 --> 00:21:39.763
What are you doing here?

00:21:39.763 --> 00:21:43.977
You know, this thing is so tiny, it's not massive like they see on photos.

00:21:43.977 --> 00:21:46.080
I'm like check it out, look at it.

00:21:46.541 --> 00:21:54.134
You make your way back to this, the town, the town has more exciting things now, you know I felt that way about the grand canyon the first time I ever went there.

00:21:54.134 --> 00:22:00.916
You like drive up to it and you're like, okay, cool there it is right, you know, I just like, I like to see it.

00:22:00.938 --> 00:22:07.989
And then also, you know, it's more the expression on my daughter's face, like when she sees something but she's right now she doesn't care about.

00:22:07.989 --> 00:22:09.134
I mean, we saw the coliseum.

00:22:09.134 --> 00:22:14.695
She's like okay, whatever, you know, let's get back on, let's go back on the ship, you know, and go to the pool.

00:22:14.695 --> 00:22:15.676
That's what she cares about.

00:22:15.676 --> 00:22:17.578
Yeah, you know that, know that's, and that, to me, is fun.

00:22:18.520 --> 00:22:19.362
Are you ready for it?

00:22:19.362 --> 00:22:21.805
Are you ready for it?

00:22:22.906 --> 00:22:26.070
It gets more extreme every time, but I am ready.

00:22:26.070 --> 00:22:28.661
Gotta switch it up.

00:22:28.661 --> 00:22:31.827
The Keep More Minute brought to you by Tactical Tax Strategies.

00:22:31.827 --> 00:22:33.599
They help you keep more in your wallet.

00:22:33.599 --> 00:22:35.786
We help you keep more in your relationship.

00:22:35.786 --> 00:22:45.924
Our question this week um, I've recently started dating someone amazing, funny, kind, emotionally mature, a unicorn, basically.

00:22:45.924 --> 00:22:48.935
The catch he has a seven-year-old son.

00:22:48.935 --> 00:22:56.038
I've never been a parent and now I'm suddenly googling things like how to bond over Legos and do kids know when you're nervous?

00:22:56.038 --> 00:22:58.967
I care about them both, but I'm terrified of messing this up.

00:22:58.967 --> 00:23:04.503
How do I step into this new role without stepping on toes or, worse, stepping out too soon?

00:23:05.214 --> 00:23:11.082
That's funny because when I met my husband, he had a three-year-old Grayson and I had zero experience with kids.

00:23:11.102 --> 00:23:12.946
I remember this, I never changed a diaper.

00:23:13.155 --> 00:23:17.537
I never babysat, I did not know how to be around kids, but you know what?

00:23:17.537 --> 00:23:18.180
It was great.

00:23:18.180 --> 00:23:18.982
It was very natural.

00:23:18.982 --> 00:23:23.906
I just gave him attention, played with him, spent time with him and it worked out great and he loved me.

00:23:23.906 --> 00:23:25.153
He was always asking when's La Lindsay?

00:23:25.153 --> 00:23:26.359
He called me La Lindsay.

00:23:26.359 --> 00:23:28.201
When's La Lindsay coming over?

00:23:28.201 --> 00:23:34.222
So I feel you just have to be natural, don't try too hard maybe, and just give them attention and time.

00:23:38.954 --> 00:23:39.433
Play with time, played with them.

00:23:39.433 --> 00:23:39.681
What do you think?

00:23:39.681 --> 00:23:40.592
I agree, 100 and all that, that's all it is.

00:23:40.592 --> 00:23:41.861
Just be yourself, you know, and you're gonna fumble.

00:23:41.861 --> 00:23:42.155
But who cares?

00:23:42.155 --> 00:23:44.405
They don't care, it's true, you know what's your opinion on introducing your daughter?

00:23:44.465 --> 00:23:44.925
how soon?

00:23:44.925 --> 00:23:50.705
Well, I guess you haven't really dated much, so you probably haven't run into this like oh I don't introduce my daughter to anybody no period.

00:23:50.726 --> 00:23:54.039
Like I remember going on a date um with this woman.

00:23:54.039 --> 00:23:58.607
I think I went the second time with her and she just flat out said she goes, I don't even believe you have a daughter.

00:23:58.607 --> 00:24:00.892
And I'm like okay, why would you?

00:24:00.932 --> 00:24:01.653
lie about that.

00:24:02.173 --> 00:24:03.415
And she's like you never showed me a picture.

00:24:03.415 --> 00:24:05.401
I go, yeah, good luck on me showing you one now.

00:24:05.401 --> 00:24:09.457
And she was just like really You're not going to show me.

00:24:09.457 --> 00:24:12.760
No, I don't post my daughter anywhere, nobody knows what she looks like.

00:24:12.760 --> 00:24:19.836
And just I'm that guy, I'm very private and quiet about it and you know, she was just very like you need to show me, kind of thing.

00:24:19.836 --> 00:24:22.165
And I'm like, no, I've had another woman.

00:24:22.165 --> 00:24:24.234
One time I was talking to her on the phone.

00:24:24.234 --> 00:24:25.538
She goes how much time do you spend with your daughter?

00:24:25.538 --> 00:24:27.023
I go I have your 50 of the time.

00:24:27.023 --> 00:24:28.196
She goes that's too much.

00:24:28.196 --> 00:24:32.486
And I'm like, no, not for me, it's not yeah I go for you.

00:24:32.526 --> 00:24:35.637
It might be but okay 50 is too much yeah

00:24:36.219 --> 00:24:37.401
that's funny, kids are funny.

00:24:37.401 --> 00:24:51.982
My niece is eight and we were in Dallas for Easter last weekend and we were in the car and she looks at me and out of nowhere, she's like you know, she's like there's, there's going to be a man that likes you someday.

00:24:51.982 --> 00:24:53.157
And I was like.

00:24:53.157 --> 00:24:54.763
I was like thanks, natalie.

00:24:54.763 --> 00:24:56.361
Thank you very much.

00:24:56.361 --> 00:24:57.920
Like little do you know?

00:24:57.920 --> 00:24:58.982
There there are plenty.

00:24:58.982 --> 00:25:06.387
Like just because I'm not introducing you to men every time I come home doesn't mean that they're not out there.

00:25:06.387 --> 00:25:08.301
But I was just like oh my god.

00:25:08.321 --> 00:25:15.645
That's what I love about kids is they'll say anything, they don't care this one little kiddie before was like Yeezy, you used to be skinny.

00:25:15.645 --> 00:25:16.407
What happened to you?

00:25:16.407 --> 00:25:17.621
You used to be skinny, now you're no you.

00:25:17.621 --> 00:25:19.008
You used to be skinny, now you're no longer skinny.

00:25:19.008 --> 00:25:19.328
What happened?

00:25:19.328 --> 00:25:19.872
That's funny, thank you.

00:25:19.872 --> 00:25:23.423
Christmas and Thanksgiving is what happened.

00:25:24.255 --> 00:25:24.395
Yeah.

00:25:24.395 --> 00:25:29.722
So my daughter, like I'll give her a kiss and she'll rub it off, she goes I'm dad, I'm rubbing it off, I go, you know, dad's going to go find a girlfriend that keeps them.

00:25:39.035 --> 00:25:39.917
She's like oh, give me a kiss, now it in.

00:25:39.917 --> 00:25:40.278
I'm rubbing it in.

00:25:40.278 --> 00:25:40.579
That's funny.

00:25:40.579 --> 00:25:41.142
Start laughing all the time.

00:25:41.142 --> 00:25:41.604
It's funny, you know.

00:25:41.604 --> 00:25:42.627
So now we're going to discuss an article.

00:25:42.627 --> 00:25:43.250
Why do relationships fail?

00:25:43.250 --> 00:25:44.615
So why do you guys think relationships fail?

00:25:44.615 --> 00:25:48.202
So they're all pretty, pretty obvious communication.

00:25:48.262 --> 00:25:51.037
I feel like that's one of the big one loss of trust.

00:25:51.357 --> 00:25:55.394
One of the foundational feelings necessary in a good relationship is a feeling of security.

00:25:55.394 --> 00:26:04.694
If you lack emotional support or find your partner unreliable, you might lose trust, and relationships that are built on missed trust are on shaky grounds, I agree.

00:26:04.694 --> 00:26:12.920
I feel like once you lose trust, it's over pretty much yeah, but I feel like people nowadays go into relationships without trust.

00:26:13.642 --> 00:26:18.471
Why would you do that because they bring their baggage from their old relationships into their new relationships.

00:26:18.490 --> 00:26:21.097
they do, my God, yes, they do, and so they like you're not.

00:26:21.397 --> 00:26:29.410
you're not given the initial trust that should come with being in a new relationship, because people bring their old stuff in.

00:26:29.410 --> 00:26:36.094
So I feel like a lot of relationships start without trust and so then how do they even, how do you even work through that?

00:26:36.335 --> 00:26:40.922
That's one of my pet peeves when people use their past against you because their ex cheated on them.

00:26:40.922 --> 00:26:44.365
They assume that you're going to cheat on them, and that's not fair, yeah.

00:26:44.404 --> 00:26:44.766
No, it's not.

00:26:44.766 --> 00:26:47.284
So I'll give you guys a couple stories.

00:26:47.284 --> 00:26:56.383
So a couple of years back, I was listening to a podcast and there was a financial advisor on there and he was talking you know finances, and the one guy goes.

00:26:56.383 --> 00:26:59.426
Oh, you know, the main reason people get divorced is because of money.

00:26:59.426 --> 00:27:00.208
He goes wrong.

00:27:00.208 --> 00:27:02.150
That's not it, it's communication.

00:27:02.150 --> 00:27:03.656
It's just a lack of communication.

00:27:03.656 --> 00:27:06.906
People don't talk to each other, they don't spend time with each other whatnot?

00:27:06.906 --> 00:27:17.538
So, um, and then when I was in college, I was taking this, um, this health class and the the professor, you know, he comes up and he goes.

00:27:17.538 --> 00:27:18.137
You know something?

00:27:18.137 --> 00:27:22.184
My wife and I have the best sex always.

00:27:22.184 --> 00:27:23.749
We've been married 30 years.

00:27:23.749 --> 00:27:26.021
I was like, well, that's intriguing, how's that possible?

00:27:26.021 --> 00:27:27.507
And he goes.

00:27:27.507 --> 00:27:35.436
The reason why is because I tell her exactly what I like, she tells me what, exactly what she likes, and I I sat back and thought about that.

00:27:35.436 --> 00:27:36.601
It's like that's pretty simple.

00:27:36.661 --> 00:27:43.567
You're just saying what you like you know so, and then I'm like why don't people just take that with everything right, like literally everything?

00:27:43.567 --> 00:27:47.484
Like if you look at kids right, they just tell you what they like I'm hungry, you know I got to go to the bathroom.

00:27:47.484 --> 00:27:51.788
They just like you just said you know about, you know your was it.

00:27:51.788 --> 00:27:54.602
I don't know if it was your niece or your nephew, you know.

00:27:54.602 --> 00:27:57.130
So it was kind of like why can't people do that?

00:27:57.130 --> 00:28:06.507
The problem, I found out, is people have the hardest time receiving it Right.

00:28:06.507 --> 00:28:08.635
So if you're going to be brutally honest, you got to be ready to take it because it might come as a punch.

00:28:08.655 --> 00:28:12.307
It's funny because it was yeah, my niece again back to her one of the things she used to say when she was little.

00:28:12.307 --> 00:28:16.242
If she didn't like something, she'd go don't like it, grandma, don't like it, grandma.

00:28:16.242 --> 00:28:17.724
She would say it to my mom, don't like it, grandma.

00:28:17.724 --> 00:28:23.211
My grandma, my mom, my grandma, my mom would make dinner or whatever, and they'd be watching her and she'd they'd put it on her plate.

00:28:23.211 --> 00:28:24.092
She go, don't like it, grandma.

00:28:24.092 --> 00:28:32.381
So now we say that it's funny, cause we'll say that, like, if she makes something that's not good or or about anything, we'll just be like don't like it, grandma.

00:28:34.066 --> 00:28:35.028
That's funny.

00:28:35.631 --> 00:28:36.954
So another one is lying.

00:28:36.954 --> 00:28:42.269
Lies can have powerful consequences and have far reaching effects on a relationship and can drive it into the ground.

00:28:42.510 --> 00:28:42.892
Filters.

00:28:43.612 --> 00:28:52.157
Filters is a lie, right when people put them up, it's so true they are a lie yeah so you should always take a girl swimming on the first date yeah, that's true.

00:28:52.178 --> 00:28:53.038
See if her eyebrows come off.

00:28:53.038 --> 00:29:01.604
Possessiveness if you're with a partner who is overly possessive, ask yourself does this seem healthy?

00:29:01.604 --> 00:29:05.421
Does your partner isolate you, away from your friends or constantly check up on you?

00:29:05.421 --> 00:29:07.448
These are signs of someone who.

00:29:07.448 --> 00:29:09.757
These aren't signs of someone who trusts you.

00:29:09.757 --> 00:29:13.388
Remind yourself that this is not what a healthy relationship is all about.

00:29:13.388 --> 00:29:17.182
I do feel like, um, being possessiveness is.

00:29:17.182 --> 00:29:18.766
Don't you think that's a deal breaker?

00:29:19.648 --> 00:29:32.464
but isn't that also we talked in a couple of our previous episodes about, like narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder, and I feel like that, that sort that isolation, isolation of the person from their friends and family?

00:29:32.464 --> 00:29:33.770
Don't you have friends female?

00:29:33.851 --> 00:29:41.703
friends that once they get into a relationship, they drop off the face of the earth like you never see them anymore because their boyfriends won't let them go out with their girlfriends.

00:29:41.703 --> 00:29:52.563
Yeah, I dated a guy once that was extremely possessive and I graduated college and he wouldn't let me go to any graduation parties and I'm like, looking back, I'm like what the bloody hell was I thinking Like why didn't?

00:29:52.584 --> 00:29:54.200
I just go to that dang graduation party.

00:29:54.200 --> 00:29:56.445
I was graduating college, you know.

00:29:57.167 --> 00:30:13.671
Well, I also think too is like um, people's friends have a huge influence on you know, if you're going to keep a relationship, you know, or keep pushing forward, Like you know, I always tell my friends, when they call me up and they want to talk about, you know, either girlfriends or their wives, right, when they begin, I go I'm on her team.

00:30:13.671 --> 00:30:15.882
You know, whatever you're going to tell me, I'm on her team.

00:30:15.882 --> 00:30:21.047
And they're like, really, and I go, yeah, unless it's like something bizarre, you know, I bet you it's going to be something.

00:30:21.047 --> 00:30:22.387
That's not that big of a deal, right?

00:30:22.387 --> 00:30:31.297
Because even with your own friend, if you have them supporting your marriage to keep it going, well, there's an avenue to vent, right, To talk about whatever you want.

00:30:31.297 --> 00:30:36.957
But hey, maybe they're seeing something different that you're not doing correctly in your relationship, right?

00:30:37.057 --> 00:30:37.239
Right.

00:30:37.239 --> 00:30:56.335
You know, what I find very surprising is I see a lot of videos on TikTok of women going out out like mom's night out or wife's night out, and there are so many comments from men and women that are saying that this is inappropriate, that women should not be going out with the girls when they're married or when they're in a relationship.

00:30:56.335 --> 00:30:58.123
Do you agree with that?

00:30:58.123 --> 00:31:06.637
And some women have that mentality too, like that's not okay to go out for a night out like once in a while I don't know.

00:31:06.657 --> 00:31:07.501
I don't think it's a big deal.

00:31:07.501 --> 00:31:08.063
It's not right.

00:31:08.083 --> 00:31:14.704
I mean, if you're going all the time, then yeah, if you're going out all the time, if you go like if you're going once in a while, I don't see a big deal about that at all, I think that's great.

00:31:14.704 --> 00:31:15.428
It's good for you, right?

00:31:15.468 --> 00:31:21.344
yeah, yeah, I mean the guys do it and especially like if you're going to dinner you're going to get some drinks or something like that.

00:31:21.344 --> 00:31:27.173
It's not like you're going out to the club and then going to an after party until 4am, like that's one thing.

00:31:27.373 --> 00:31:27.854
You know what I?

00:31:27.894 --> 00:31:28.153
mean.

00:31:28.153 --> 00:31:30.321
Like if it's like dinner and drinks or whatever.

00:31:30.321 --> 00:31:31.946
I don't think it's that big of a deal.

00:31:32.047 --> 00:31:32.307
Yeah.

00:31:32.970 --> 00:31:33.471
Jealousy.

00:31:33.471 --> 00:31:38.415
So jealousy in small doses can be healthy and a sign that you're not taking one another for granted.

00:31:38.415 --> 00:31:44.492
But if someone is overly possessive and seems to exhibit signs of pathological jealousy, these are red flags.

00:31:44.492 --> 00:31:46.464
I hate jealousy.

00:31:46.464 --> 00:31:49.174
There's, I feel, like a lot of people are jealous nowadays, don't you agree?

00:31:49.758 --> 00:31:58.865
yeah, well, because people are jealous of fictional characters on social media oh my god, right because like nobody is who they really are you know?

00:31:58.865 --> 00:32:07.983
So they're jealous over these instagram models who aren't really real, and they're jealous over these, like you know, athlete type guys that aren't really real, and they're jealous over these, like you know, athlete type guys that aren't really real.

00:32:07.983 --> 00:32:13.105
And so it's like there's this whole sense of altered reality that we live in.00:32:13.165 --> 00:32:14.710


And all platforms have the same people.00:32:14.910 --> 00:32:16.113


Yes, all the time Right?00:32:16.240 --> 00:32:17.241


Yes, you know so.00:32:18.365 --> 00:32:18.705


I hate.00:32:18.705 --> 00:32:25.367


So I've dated jazz men in the past and they make you feel like you're doing something wrong when you're not, you know, because they're always giving you crap.00:32:25.367 --> 00:32:29.644


Like you'll be talking to a male co-worker about work and you're like, oh my god, am I doing something wrong?00:32:29.644 --> 00:32:34.244


I just I hate that feeling of insecurity and always having to worry if you're gonna piss off your boyfriend.00:32:34.686 --> 00:32:43.191


Like, remember that time I was dating a very jealous guy at the time and we went to the W and met those football players and I did nothing wrong.00:32:43.191 --> 00:32:47.976


I mean, we were just having a good time, had some funny stories with these football players and I told him on the way home.00:32:47.976 --> 00:32:52.711


I called him because I'm an open book, I did nothing wrong and he got so mad at me and you know what he said.00:32:52.711 --> 00:32:56.426


He said my ex-girlfriend would have absolutely never done that.00:32:56.426 --> 00:32:58.310


I'm like, what did I do?00:32:58.310 --> 00:33:03.347


We were sitting me and my girl was sitting by the pool and happened to interact with these football players.00:33:03.347 --> 00:33:10.583


Big deal, like I made out with them, yeah, but he made me feel so guilty, like I was such a bad girlfriend and I betrayed him anyways.00:33:10.784 --> 00:33:20.181


So I think I think people my age the one thing too, like if you're looking to be serious in a relationship just a lot of people have never dealt with their baggage like you were talking about.00:33:20.181 --> 00:33:21.604


You know something about their ex.00:33:21.604 --> 00:33:21.924


I've.00:33:21.924 --> 00:33:27.566


You know endless dates where women just bring up their, their ex-husband, their ex-boyfriend.00:33:27.566 --> 00:33:31.003


I'm like this you have to deal with this because it's not going to go anywhere.00:33:31.003 --> 00:33:33.531


You know, I don't want, I'm not bringing anything.00:33:33.531 --> 00:33:35.461


I'm, I'm done with everything.00:33:35.461 --> 00:33:41.910


Like okay, I'm clean, let's go, let's figure this out, let's build something together, right, whatever that is, let's build it, you know.00:33:42.330 --> 00:33:47.586


And now that I have a daughter, I'm just very particular because it's like I'm not going to be a revolving door at all.00:33:47.586 --> 00:33:50.244


My daughter doesn't know anybody.00:33:50.244 --> 00:33:53.145


You know, now I have girlfriends of mine that you know.00:33:53.145 --> 00:33:59.501


Every once in a while she sees and, okay, big deal, but we're not making out, we're not nothing, it's just we're friends, that's it.00:33:59.501 --> 00:34:05.428


But I just think a lot of people just don't take that time to just get those things taken care of.00:34:05.428 --> 00:34:07.230


Now I will go back a little bit.00:34:07.230 --> 00:34:10.414


You were talking about like, have I ever gone on a crazy date?00:34:10.414 --> 00:34:12.014


So you guys tell me if this is crazy.00:34:12.056 --> 00:34:33.780


I'm not sure if it is or not no-transcript place.00:34:34.302 --> 00:34:42.045


So I come walking in right and they had this wall of just pictures all over the place, you know people, and right in the middle of that wall is a picture of me.00:34:42.045 --> 00:34:46.454


What, what, yeah, she had, and it's not just like she printed it on a piece of paper.00:34:46.454 --> 00:34:59.387


She had taken the file and she told me that she's like like I don't know if you guys have a CVS or a Walgreens and printed it on like, yeah, like a glossy piece of paper framed it, put it right on the wall.00:34:59.447 --> 00:35:00.190


Was this a joke?00:35:00.320 --> 00:35:01.442


No, no, no, she was dead serious.00:35:01.442 --> 00:35:01.742


She goes.00:35:01.742 --> 00:35:04.626


These are all my friends and you're my friend no, and I'm thinking in my head.00:35:04.626 --> 00:35:06.230


Silence of the lambs.00:35:06.269 --> 00:35:12.065


There's a dungeon down here yeah I if it was a joke it would be one thing like if it was a joke it is.00:35:12.065 --> 00:35:16.385


It is kind of a funny joke like that's something my husband would have done as a joke.00:35:16.545 --> 00:35:17.128


That's what I'm.00:35:17.128 --> 00:35:17.911


That was, that was our.00:35:17.931 --> 00:35:21.766


That was our first date right I like I came to visit her and I was just like, yeah, so here's.00:35:21.766 --> 00:35:22.367


The other thing too.00:35:22.367 --> 00:35:34.012


Is so I fall asleep, or try to fall asleep on the couch, right, I'm like sleeping with one eye open, I go, I'm gonna get drugged you're wearing your skin in the morning exactly right, you know, rub the lotion on the skin.00:35:34.012 --> 00:35:36.163


Super freaky.00:35:36.163 --> 00:35:45.998


Anyhow I wake up, you know, just think of a doorframe, right, you know, and she is like peeking through, like with one eye, you know oh my god right at00:35:46.099 --> 00:35:49.652


me the whole time and I wake up and I'm like, hey, what's going on?00:35:49.652 --> 00:35:56.592


And she's like man just watching you sleep, just you know, just keeps me peace, or something she said this yes, it was something odd.00:35:56.639 --> 00:36:01.800


It was like, oh, you're so beautiful watching you sleep and I was just like, well, I am me, so we're good.00:36:01.800 --> 00:36:07.871


But at the same time I was just like, oh my God, here's the cool thing about it was my phone.00:36:07.871 --> 00:36:12.007


The alarm went off, right, and I pretended it was a phone call, so I turned off the alarm.00:36:12.007 --> 00:36:19.626


I was like hello, and I made it like this whole dramatic thing, like, oh my God, I got to get back.00:36:19.626 --> 00:36:20.927


You know, something happened.00:36:20.927 --> 00:36:21.989


She's like okay, we'll keep in touch.00:36:22.489 --> 00:36:24.833


Hell no, yeah, that's a special kind of crazy.00:36:24.833 --> 00:36:25.994


That's like crazy crazy.00:36:25.994 --> 00:36:30.195


That's like that's like legitimately, like certifiably crazy.00:36:30.195 --> 00:36:32.311


Yeah Was she great?00:36:32.472 --> 00:36:34.744


other than those comments, was she normal?00:36:35.065 --> 00:36:35.367


No, no.00:36:35.367 --> 00:36:44.891


So later on I found out all these lies about she, came clean about all these lies about herself and I was just like holy crap, really, where do you think this is gonna go?00:36:44.891 --> 00:36:48.418


You know, in life, you know, if we were to be something, you know, come on now.00:36:48.418 --> 00:36:49.744


Yeah, why I don't.00:36:49.744 --> 00:36:51.771


That's the part I don't get, why people just can't be.00:36:51.771 --> 00:36:52.012


You know.00:36:52.295 --> 00:36:59.081


You know themselves right like authentic right, you know one of the biggest accomplishments you could have in your life is just being your authentic self.00:36:59.081 --> 00:37:01.487


You know, whatever that might be, yeah, it's true.00:37:01.507 --> 00:37:03.050


so to finish off that is infidelity, of course I feel like once.00:37:03.050 --> 00:37:03.391


Yeah, it's true.00:37:03.391 --> 00:37:06.496


So to finish off this infidelity, of course I feel like once you cheat, it's hard to go back.00:37:06.496 --> 00:37:13.570


Communication, and what's funny is they say that you know a lot of people brag about never arguing in their relationship, which that's not normal.00:37:13.570 --> 00:37:14.021


Did you see?00:37:14.021 --> 00:37:18.347


George Clooney in his last interview was like Amal and I have never had an argument.00:37:18.347 --> 00:37:20.387


We always try to find something to fight about.00:37:29.500 --> 00:37:29.800


Is that normal?00:37:29.800 --> 00:37:31.708


I feel like there's always going to be conflict in a marriage and they've been together years.00:37:31.708 --> 00:37:32.009


They have kids.00:37:32.009 --> 00:37:34.096


There's always conflict, but they might not have like knock down drag out whatever you call it argument.00:37:34.096 --> 00:37:40.012


Maybe they're just mature, maybe they're just mature and when they have conflict about stuff they just like talk about it and work through it.00:37:40.012 --> 00:37:47.452


So it is conflict and it is differing opinions, but they're not toxic about it and fighting about it.00:37:47.652 --> 00:37:48.514


I could see that I don't know.00:37:48.514 --> 00:37:55.206


And then lack of respect is one you have to respect each other and not talk down to each other or roll your eyes at each other.00:37:55.206 --> 00:37:59.965


And if your partner mocks you, sneers or is hostile, it's a sign of disgust.00:37:59.965 --> 00:38:03.101


But why would you ever be with someone that is disrespectful towards you?00:38:03.362 --> 00:38:07.344


Or why would you be with someone that is disrespectful towards you, or why would you be with someone that you don't respect?00:38:07.344 --> 00:38:07.784


Goes to her point.00:38:07.784 --> 00:38:09.925


People are just jumping into the relationship and getting married for no reason.00:38:10.025 --> 00:38:29.297


Right, well, and then like to like resting bitch face, I roll my eyes like it's like nothing and I mean no disrespect by it, like so it's, some of that stuff is like kind of you got to take it a little bit with a grain of salt, but um, yeah, no, respect is big, I think quickly a difference in priorities.00:38:29.398 --> 00:38:36.047


You know, someone might just want a casual relationship, no strings attached, whereas the other one is ready to introduce them to her family.00:38:36.951 --> 00:38:50.869


Um, but that's communication too, though, because if you're yeah, yeah, if you're not looking for a serious relationship, I feel like you need to say that, because a lot of people go into dates or go into dating situations and they're not honest about that.00:38:50.869 --> 00:38:56.148


It's true, you know they act like they want a relationship when they really are not looking for that.00:38:56.219 --> 00:38:59.666


I feel like you need to put it out there in the beginning what you're looking for and what you want.00:39:00.039 --> 00:39:00.721


So, the next one.00:39:00.721 --> 00:39:03.123


Different life goals can end a relationship.00:39:03.123 --> 00:39:08.547


I know someone that was adamant about saving for retirement, like all the money they put into was going to retirement.00:39:08.547 --> 00:39:11.690


His partner had the mentality you could die tomorrow.00:39:11.690 --> 00:39:16.014


I don't want to save money for retirement because you might not get to retire, so she was spending it all.00:39:16.014 --> 00:39:16.916


That didn't work out.00:39:16.916 --> 00:39:18.137


Same thing with kids.00:39:18.137 --> 00:39:24.503


A guy I knew didn't want kids, had a vasectomy, was upfront.00:39:24.503 --> 00:39:24.842


It met this girl.00:39:24.842 --> 00:39:25.605


She thought she could change his mind.00:39:25.605 --> 00:39:25.945


They got married.00:39:25.945 --> 00:39:29.413


Then she asked him for a reversal and he's like nope, they got divorced again.00:39:29.413 --> 00:39:32.690


I think you really need to be upfront about you know what?00:39:32.710 --> 00:39:32.952


you want.00:39:32.952 --> 00:39:42.146


So going back to the you know people saving for retirement that podcast I was telling you about, that I was listening to the financial advisor said yeah, the husband didn't do anything, just save, save, saved.00:39:42.146 --> 00:39:45.132


He retired the day, the next day he died.00:39:45.132 --> 00:39:48.083


And the wife comes in is like you know.00:39:48.083 --> 00:39:50.851


And he had a couple million dollars saved and the wife comes in.00:39:50.851 --> 00:39:51.963


She's like now what?00:39:51.963 --> 00:39:54.514


And I had all these years to travel and see the world.00:39:54.514 --> 00:39:56.422


My husband, the man that I love more than anything.00:39:56.422 --> 00:39:58.291


Now I have all this money to go do what.00:39:58.291 --> 00:40:00.701


You know, I don't have no one to go travel with.00:40:00.701 --> 00:40:03.585


So you're right, you know, you want to experience the things as you go along.00:40:03.585 --> 00:40:06.429


Now, yeah, you know yeah so it's true.00:40:06.869 --> 00:40:08.592


The last one is sex and intimacy.00:40:08.592 --> 00:40:09.914


That can break a relationship.00:40:09.974 --> 00:40:25.869


If someone's super sexual and someone's not really, then it can end the relationship so there's a book called 101 questions to ask before you get engaged and you know, in my understanding from the book it's like the really hard questions.00:40:25.869 --> 00:40:26.552


I think everyone should just read that book.00:40:26.552 --> 00:40:26.971


It's like the really hard questions.00:40:26.971 --> 00:40:27.842


I think everyone should just read that book.00:40:27.842 --> 00:40:32.284


It's like it's going to answer a lot of that, but yeah and um, um.00:40:32.385 --> 00:40:38.907


I think people should read it and see if they are a match, instead of just jumping in and just like, okay, I'm gonna get married safe time right.00:40:39.108 --> 00:40:42.563


Start bringing it to your first date and be like we're gonna start on page one.00:40:42.563 --> 00:40:43.284


They're so funny.00:40:43.304 --> 00:40:53.722


There was a guy that brought it on his second date, oh really, and he ended up marrying his wife and they've been married forever oh my god, he brought a second date and she goes perfect they went down every list of the things oh, how funny.00:40:54.163 --> 00:40:57.581


So now it's time for the celebrity cut, where we marinate in the juices of the celebrity.00:40:57.581 --> 00:40:59.885


So you know who I have mad respect for.00:40:59.885 --> 00:41:07.565


Now, after seeing her interview on call her daddy podcast, chloe kardashian, I haven't really had a positive opinion on the kardashians.00:41:07.565 --> 00:41:11.623


I don't know how I feel about kim or kendall or kylie, but I love chloe kardashian.00:41:11.623 --> 00:41:13.047


Now do you know much about her?00:41:13.047 --> 00:41:13.969


Did you see that interview?00:41:13.969 --> 00:41:20.108


Like she's so nice and kind and well-spoken and smart and real and authentic.00:41:20.108 --> 00:41:28.666


And then she was saying how she went to a therapist after the whole cheating scandal and the therapist released all of her docs to the press.00:41:29.306 --> 00:41:34.143


Oh, seriously yes, which is a huge HIPAA violation right, yeah, but the host was like did you sue?00:41:34.143 --> 00:41:35.788


And she's like no, that's just not me.00:41:35.788 --> 00:41:37.541


You know what am I going to gain out of it?00:41:37.541 --> 00:41:40.610


I don't need money and that's just gonna, you know, rehash all the trauma.00:41:40.610 --> 00:41:52.030


And then she went to get IVF with her ex-husband and the doctor's office released her records again for a second time which again huge violation, but again she didn't sue.00:41:52.030 --> 00:41:53.052


Wow, she just.00:41:53.052 --> 00:41:53.541


I don't know.00:41:53.561 --> 00:41:54.563


I was very impressed with her.00:41:54.563 --> 00:41:54.724


I.00:41:54.724 --> 00:41:56.188


She's someone I could totally be friends with.00:41:56.188 --> 00:42:03.521


She seems fun and I love how Chris, her mother, lives right next door to her and she like spies on her and she'll call Chloe.00:42:03.521 --> 00:42:04.844


Be like where are you going, huh?00:42:04.844 --> 00:42:06.128


Whose whose car is that?00:42:06.128 --> 00:42:06.869


Who's over?00:42:06.869 --> 00:42:08.213


That's funny.00:42:08.213 --> 00:42:11.182


I wish I lived close to my mom like that not me.00:42:11.302 --> 00:42:12.766


No, really, heck.00:42:12.766 --> 00:42:14.889


No, be my business all the time.00:42:14.909 --> 00:42:19.262


There's no way to want that so where's your favorite place to go on a first date?00:42:20.505 --> 00:42:21.668


um, I like speakeasies.00:42:21.668 --> 00:42:23.652


Oh yeah, you know they have.00:42:23.652 --> 00:42:24.884


Um, they're kind of dark.00:42:24.884 --> 00:42:32.326


You know you're trying to figure out where the wall is to go through and then you open up and it's like this really nice place to check out which is your favorite one in town?00:42:32.326 --> 00:42:35.072


So I've been to a few um.00:42:35.072 --> 00:42:45.632


I've been to a couple in gilbert, you know because I live out that way, and then I've been to one in chandler, a couple in um in uh, scottsdale, but so far the one I liked was the one in Gilbert.00:42:45.952 --> 00:42:47.074


Is that the White Rabbit?00:42:47.074 --> 00:42:48.456


Yeah, I've heard of that.00:42:48.599 --> 00:42:49.826


You have to have a password.00:42:49.826 --> 00:42:51.746


They email you once a month.00:42:51.746 --> 00:42:53.030


There's a new one.00:42:53.030 --> 00:42:56.610


That it's like a plane ticket.00:42:56.610 --> 00:42:58.413


You know the old-fashioned Carry on.00:42:58.559 --> 00:42:59.681


Yes the old-fashioned?00:42:59.681 --> 00:43:02.626


Yeah, I've heard of that one I want to go, but they're always full up.00:43:02.626 --> 00:43:05.228


You have to like wait in line online to get a spot.00:43:05.248 --> 00:43:12.289


So they send it to you every Monday, like you get it every Monday, and then you just got to get on right away, right, have you been to the one at Rennan Wolf downtown?00:43:12.289 --> 00:43:13.804


No, I've heard about it though.00:43:13.804 --> 00:43:20.592


Yeah, I like that one that one's my favorite, yeah, oh.00:43:20.632 --> 00:43:24.856


I like that and it's like a hunting cabin inside Is that the one with the Roosevelt.00:43:25.657 --> 00:43:29.289


There's one with like Roosevelt on a wall, or maybe that one's called the Roosevelt.00:43:29.309 --> 00:43:30.563


I don't know that one.00:43:30.563 --> 00:43:38.170


Yeah, I don't know, but it's, the inside is all like dark and leather and like it's like a cabin.00:43:38.170 --> 00:43:38.670


It's cool.00:43:39.099 --> 00:43:42.478


Because there's also one that's like a disco club, you know you go in.00:43:42.478 --> 00:43:48.425


And there was another one I came across because you know those influencers that are on social media.00:43:48.425 --> 00:43:49.840


You know they post a lot about it.00:43:49.840 --> 00:43:53.204


There was one that the entire room, or the whole place, was all red.00:43:53.204 --> 00:43:54.760


You know everything was red.00:43:54.760 --> 00:43:58.204


And I was just like ooh, that's pretty bitchin', yeah, you know.00:43:59.215 --> 00:44:01.842


So I have a question for you Are you down for the challenge?00:44:01.842 --> 00:44:02.235


Up for?00:44:02.255 --> 00:44:04.059


the grab Depends on the challenge challenge willing to share.00:44:04.079 --> 00:44:05.221


Pick one, if you dare.00:44:05.221 --> 00:44:15.766


Hopefully it's a juicy one, because the last episode wasn't so juicy, I needed my fix we need a spicy question this week.00:44:15.806 --> 00:44:19.721


Paulo, let's go oh, this one just says um, do you have a hidden talent?00:44:20.422 --> 00:44:21.403


oh, do you have a hidden talent?00:44:22.327 --> 00:44:23.474


I don't think I do really.00:44:23.474 --> 00:44:32.327


I think the only thing that I don't know, if it's hidden people that tend to tell me things that are just that I don't think they would tell anybody else.00:44:32.327 --> 00:44:42.456


Like we'll be hanging out and just say something random and I'm like, really, you're going to tell me this right now.00:44:42.456 --> 00:44:42.998


I'll give you an example.00:44:42.998 --> 00:44:49.972


So I went out with this, this woman, and we're shooting the breeze and she's telling me about how she went hunting in Africa, right, and I'm like with her ex-husband now, right, she's telling me about it.00:44:49.972 --> 00:44:53.400


And in that conversation she talks, you know, brings in you know the word.00:44:53.400 --> 00:44:54.744


She says the word strip club.00:44:54.744 --> 00:44:59.282


And I'm like, what, what does that have to do with hunting, you know, in Africa, you know?00:44:59.282 --> 00:44:59.985


So I asked her to go.00:44:59.985 --> 00:45:01.175


You know, you brought up strip club.00:45:01.175 --> 00:45:01.637


Was that means?00:45:01.637 --> 00:45:02.518


Oh, it's just.00:45:02.599 --> 00:45:11.806


When my husband and I were together we used to swing, you know, and she started going into detail about how she would go to this house and whatnot.00:45:11.806 --> 00:45:16.586


And you know, she'd hook up with, you know, four, five, six dudes, you know, and whatnot.00:45:16.586 --> 00:45:24.842


In the middle of our date, her phone starts, you know, chiming, and she's like, oh it's, you know, it's just no worry about this.00:45:24.842 --> 00:45:25.585


It's my booty call.00:45:25.585 --> 00:45:31.958


You know he calls me so I can just go there.00:45:31.958 --> 00:45:33.324


Oh my god, on the date, talk about being transparent, right?00:45:33.324 --> 00:45:34.831


I'm like oh my god, that's so sexy, can we just hang?00:45:34.851 --> 00:45:35.032


out again.00:45:35.032 --> 00:45:35.775


No, I'm never gonna hang out with you.00:45:35.775 --> 00:45:41.123


I love how you're so straightforward we're never gonna hang out again.00:45:41.585 --> 00:45:42.347


Are you high?00:45:42.347 --> 00:45:43.449


Seriously?00:45:43.449 --> 00:45:46.782


First of all, you want to tell me about you, you know.00:45:46.782 --> 00:45:49.478


You want to tell me about all this weenie you're taking on, you know.00:45:49.478 --> 00:45:51.525


You know on a daily basis.00:45:51.525 --> 00:45:55.083


Now you got some dude texting you so you can leave here and go get some more.00:45:55.083 --> 00:45:58.280


Oh my God, there's nothing, dude, we're never doing anything.00:45:58.434 --> 00:46:00.302


At least she weeded herself out early, though.00:46:00.302 --> 00:46:00.896


Oh my God.00:46:00.936 --> 00:46:03.240


But it's like, it's like stuff like that People would just.00:46:03.260 --> 00:46:05.967


How did she take it when you said, no, we're not going to see each other again?00:46:06.266 --> 00:46:06.929


She was like okay.00:46:08.416 --> 00:46:10.561


Because she's obviously got a roster.00:46:10.561 --> 00:46:12.244


She's got a roster, you know.00:46:12.846 --> 00:46:13.748


It's just insane.00:46:13.748 --> 00:46:20.547


Like you know, I went on another date and you know I asked the lady I goes hey, what do you do for a living?00:46:20.547 --> 00:46:21.048


Because I didn't know.00:46:34.735 --> 00:46:35.940


And she's like okay, cool, maybe you go ballet or something.00:46:35.940 --> 00:46:36.300


No, I'm a stripper.00:46:36.300 --> 00:46:39.393


I'm like, I'm like, well, it's so funny because I just saw a clip from another podcast and they were talking about this because they were, they were arguing.00:46:39.393 --> 00:46:46.945


I think the one of the guests on was a stripper and the guy, the male host, was like, like why do you call it dancing?00:46:46.945 --> 00:46:50.329


Because you, essentially, you are stripping.00:46:50.329 --> 00:46:52.518


You don't have to dance up there.00:46:52.518 --> 00:47:01.505


Like you really don't have to dance, you can just stand up there, walk back and forth, take your clothes off, and it's stripping.00:47:01.505 --> 00:47:02.666


Like, let's call it what it is.00:47:02.666 --> 00:47:07.277


Yeah, some of them do dance and there are some really good dancers.00:47:07.277 --> 00:47:10.445


I've been to some strip clubs with amazing dancers, don't get me wrong.00:47:10.445 --> 00:47:18.621


There are dancers, but it's like, essentially, if you're just walking back and forth taking your clothes off, you're not really a dancer, you're just a stripper, right?00:47:19.643 --> 00:47:27.744


And I've had women I'll go on a date Um, even, sometimes even just leading up to it, not even going on a date, and they're just asking you know, hey, can you pay for my rent?00:47:27.744 --> 00:47:29.668


Hey, you know I can't afford.00:47:29.668 --> 00:47:31.097


You know, food for my kids?00:47:31.097 --> 00:47:32.500


Hey, I can't have money for gas.00:47:32.500 --> 00:47:35.367


I'm like, does this look a ATM to you?00:47:35.606 --> 00:47:36.315


You know I've been on.00:47:36.315 --> 00:47:46.989


I've been on a date where the guy asked me to help him pay his rent, so that that goes both ways Paolo men do it too Well, I'm not on that side, right, I'm on this side, so I only hear you know you know what they have00:47:47.010 --> 00:47:48.730


to say but it's just, it's just bizarre.00:47:48.730 --> 00:47:52.072


You know how people are just so blunt with me on certain things.00:47:52.072 --> 00:47:53.333


It's like damn.00:47:53.333 --> 00:47:57.978


And then I asked friends of mine they go, I've never heard, they'd ever hear anything, nothing, bizarre.00:47:58.398 --> 00:48:01.221


It's nice though, because it's sort of it, does it like it?00:48:01.221 --> 00:48:02.663


The trash takes itself out.00:48:02.663 --> 00:48:04.945


Then at that point, right, you know what I mean.00:48:05.005 --> 00:48:12.177


I get that, but it's just it's just funny how people just open up, you know and um, and I thought, okay, maybe it's just like a date thing, right, people open up.00:48:12.177 --> 00:48:13.141


No, I.00:48:13.141 --> 00:48:14.304


I meet random people.00:48:14.304 --> 00:48:19.581


They just want to open up and just want to talk about whatever, and I'm like God, it's seriously right now.00:48:19.581 --> 00:48:22.085


Yeah, you know, so it's just funny.00:48:22.425 --> 00:48:30.181


I bet you wish all the hot ladies would open up she had to put something spicy in, because the question was so vanilla.00:48:30.240 --> 00:48:35.226


I did have to tell you the question was yeah I did have a joke that I wanted to tell when we were talking about australia.00:48:35.226 --> 00:48:36.996


I forgot to sneak it in, so I'll sneak it in now.00:48:36.996 --> 00:48:40.423


What is the difference between a french kiss and an australian kiss?00:48:40.423 --> 00:48:45.237


An australian kiss is the same thing as a french kiss, but it's down under.00:48:45.237 --> 00:48:47.581


Do you have any other questions?00:48:47.581 --> 00:48:50.324


No, do you have any other items you want to share?00:48:51.105 --> 00:48:52.246


No, I don't think so right now.00:48:52.346 --> 00:48:55.170


Well, thank you so much for joining us this week at the Meat Market.00:48:55.170 --> 00:48:56.731


Thank you so much, paolo, for being here.00:48:56.731 --> 00:49:04.137


If you want to go on a date with our 6'3 Paolo, send us a DM at Meat Market Podcast.00:49:04.137 --> 00:49:05.800


And thank you so much to our sponsor, tactical Tax Strategies.00:49:05.800 --> 00:49:10.688


If you want to save money and keep more in your wallet, go to Tactical Tax Strategies.00:49:10.688 --> 00:49:13.900


Thank you so much and we'll see you next week at the meat market.00:49:13.900 --> 00:49:18.472


Oh my God, I just totally got catfished.00:49:18.472 --> 00:49:20.521


He looks absolutely nothing like his picture.00:49:20.963 --> 00:49:25.577


So I found out, the guy that I've been dating is married with kids.00:49:25.577 --> 00:49:27.740


His wife just reached out to me.