Trust Your Gut, Dodge the Drama
Modern Dating Doesn’t Follow a Straight Line
Dating today rarely goes the way anyone expects, and Em’s story proves it. She’s 31, a golfer, a single mom of four, and just returned to the LDS church, and she’s learned to navigate dating with purpose, humor, and a lot of gut instinct. She talks about how she screens matches, skips chaotic dinner dates, and relies on activity-based outings to see people for who they really are before wasting time or energy. Her approach is practical, shaped by experience, and honestly pretty refreshing.
The Golf Course as a Reality Check
For Em, golf isn’t just a hobby—it’s a social filter. Big, booze-filled tournaments tend to attract loud, flashy energy, while weekday rounds bring out people who are calmer and more grounded. Starting as a cart girl and moving to confident player, she’s seen how proximity to status can hide weak character. Choosing activities over dinners lets her watch how someone handles competition, frustration, and attention, which tells far more than a polite conversation ever could.
Naming Situationships
The heart of her approach is clarity, especially around “situationships” that feel like relationships without the labels. Home-cooked dinners, sleepovers, trips together—these can look serious, but without a conversation about exclusivity, assumptions lead to hurt. Em learned this the hard way during a dinner where expectations clashed with reality. Now her rule is simple: if exclusivity hasn’t been named, assume it doesn’t exist.
Phone Calls Before Texts
One of her biggest tools is asking for a phone call early, not texting for weeks. These calls test banter, emotional depth, and how someone handles real conversation. She caught a man’s fiery temper by the second date, proving that intensity without commitment is a red flag, not chemistry. The early call gives clarity without spending hours on setup or overthinking every message.
Trust Your Gut
Em trusts her body over her mind when something feels off. She shares a story where she sensed trouble before a date that ended with her being cursed at, proving her instincts were right all along. She connects this to Stoic philosophy, especially Meditations, which taught her that even powerful people wrestle with impulses and that calm, internal control matters more than trying to control others. Dating becomes practice: set standards, control your pace, and let go of outcomes you can’t manage.
Patterns Matter More Than Single Moments
When texts slow or phones go on Do Not Disturb, Em doesn’t panic—she asks questions and pays attention to patterns. If clarity never comes, that silence becomes the answer. It’s about noticing signals over time instead of overanalyzing single events.
Parenting, Faith, and Raising the Bar
Dating while homeschooling four kids and wanting a god-fearing partner isn’t easy. Her pool is small, her bar is high, and she’s okay with that. She jokes about athletic competitiveness and height preferences, but what really matters are calm, ambition, and character. Social media complicates this too, since attention and validation can make restraint and loyalty harder to find.
Fun First Dates Keep It Human
Despite the seriousness, Em keeps dating fun. Active first dates, playful competition, and laughing about trends from non-alcoholic drinks to sourdough keep it light and real. Her takeaway is simple: date with purpose, start with a call, move your body, pay attention to signals, and don’t be afraid to walk away when words and actions don’t match.
Modern dating is messy, but with clarity, instinct, and a little humor, it’s possible to navigate it without losing yourself.
