WEBVTT
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Oh my god, I just totally got catfished.
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He looks absolutely nothing like his picture.
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So I found out, the guy that I've been dating is married with kids.
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His wife just reached out to me.
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Welcome to the Meat Market.
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The single scene is a slaughterhouse and we are here to devour it.
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We are your hosts.
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I'm Lindsay, I'm Jess and today's sizzling single is Joe.
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Welcome Joe.
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Hi Jess, hi Lindsay, so you used to work at a strip club?
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uh, yeah, did you ever?
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date any strippers uh, I did not date uh any strippers no I love how politically correct he is, so tell us about your experience there working there um, I mean it was uh.
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I mean I mean it's more or less kind of what you think it is.
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It's a, it's a strip club, you know what I mean.
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It was uh sort of a devious, um sort of environment.
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There was a lot of uh, more or less unethical things I guess you could say that went on there, um a lot of partying behind the scenes and after the scenes.
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And you know, I was young when I did it and it was a good time.
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But I don't know that I'd do it again.
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Were you a bartender, were you security.
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I was a bar back, a bar back, okay.
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I would bartend occasionally and fill in when was necessary, but no, I was, I was the grunt work.
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I took out the trash and restocked the things and lifted all the things and cleaned up a lot of puke.
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Oh yeah, there was one instance where, uh, one of the girls was in the vip with a gentleman and she was right next to a trash can and, for whatever reason, um had a little bit too much to drink and decided to.
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Instead of going to the trash can, um, she tried to run to the locker room and just ensued on puking in about four different places um along the floor and you had to clean that up.
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She was probably worried that puking in the vip room, would you know, affect her tip from her gentleman friend that night.
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Probably I don't know that it helped when she ran away um, but hey, that's crazy.
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So do they offer additional services in the back room?
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Does that really happen?
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Um, I would say it happens without the knowledge or it's.
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It's an unspoken thing, but I mean you know it's a Vegas strip club.
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I mean things.
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Definitely I would say happen.
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I never personally witnessed anything.
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You hear the stories.
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Definitely I would say happen.
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I never personally witnessed anything.
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You hear the stories.
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Um, I know some girls would just work um to like pick up johns and do things outside of outside of the club.
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Yeah, we talk a lot, pick up jobs to do what johns like like clients we talk a lot about bachelor and bachelorette parties and the sort of debauchery that happens when you see bachelor parties, because we've spoken about the Thunder Down Under guys and they're like I will never trust a woman who goes out on her bachelorette party because of how many brides will sleep with the Thunder from Down Under guys.
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Is it the same for men?
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Do you see a lot of groups of guys that come in on bachelor parties?
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We saw tons of them and you know, just, you know, kind of being a gentleman myself, I could imagine that some unscrupulous things happen at bachelor parties.
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Yes, absolutely.
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But have I ever attended one where that happened?
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No, um, not personally, um, but I could imagine that that happens for sure.
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100 so you had good views at your work, because I hear the vegas strippers are beautiful when you're working.
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You had beautiful views.
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Yeah, oh yeah.
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I was definitely, definitely not complaining about the view for a few years, because aren't the Vegas?
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strippers supposed to be like the cream of the crop, Like I know a lot of women that live here, but they fly to Vegas for Thursday, Friday, Saturday just because they make way more money there.
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Yeah, certainly do.
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There's a lot of traveling women that do that for a living.
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But I mean I think Chicago, la, miami, things you know cities like that, I was gonna say I'm gonna attract in the same too.
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Like really, big um.
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I've heard atlanta's got a huge really I don't know why.
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I've just heard it is houston, atlanta and miami, I think are those are the three cities that I hear a lot of that have a really big club scene.
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Yeah but I hear like strip clubs have kind of gone down in the quality of women because only fans, because women can make more money just sitting in their bedroom, so a lot of them do that and they don't even go into the strip club.
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Like the strip clubs here I hear are just terrible uh I haven't been to have not been it's been a while since I've been to one here too.
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It's been a while for me too yeah, it's been a while are you gonna serenade us now so?
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um.
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You are not on the dating apps uh, no, I am not have you ever been on the dating?
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app.
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I am not because I am recently single at this point in time so you got ready to make you come to the right place.
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Yes, um how long were you married for?
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Uh 17 years oh wow, that's a long time.
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You look so young, I'm 38 got married at 21.
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how do you feel about you look so young?
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I'm 38.
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Got married at 21.
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Wow, how do you feel about getting married so young, if you had to do it all over again?
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How do I feel about it?
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I don't regret the decision by any means.
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Were you high school sweethearts.
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No, we met at a restaurant, Okay, so through a southern gay southern gentleman, Grant, who introduced us.
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But no, we just kind of like hit it off.
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Lifestyle at the time was very similar and if I were to do anything differently, I would probably just ask a lot more questions per se about long-term thought processes on lifestyle and things of that nature.
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But no, I had no apprehension about getting married.
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Do you have kids together?
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No, no, kids, and if you don't cats.
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If you don't mind me asking why did you separate?
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I mean there's like a lot of history there.
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I'm not going to get like too deep into the nitty gritty details, but I mean it started with essentially, you know, I sought some validation outside of the marriage at a certain point and that was because I was.
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I realized it over the last like three or four years.
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But I was kind of running from some stuff from my childhood and never really spoke about that because I was raised in a very traditional man mindset, I guess, if that makes any sense, where you don't talk about your feelings, you shove them down, you just kind of deal with them and and that sort of translated into some less than acceptable behavior.
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Even though I was taught to not do those things, I still did those things.
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But that was that.
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And then there's some other things over the years.
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You know where you know some other things had happened and that kind of led to it.
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And then when her father passed away was probably like the like the straw that broke the camel's back, because for her I mean like the blessing that I guess she hung around as long as she did with all the crap that she put up with from me per se.
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But when her father died.
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He was a very traditional man and so her whole mindset, through a lot of it, was like we're going to work on it, we're going to fix it, things of that nature.
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And so, and we did, we put in some effort here and there, but I definitely continued, you know, through some patterns of behavior and things of that nature, um.
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But when he passed away, um, she had a girlfriend while we were dating before we got married, um, who she continued to date through the first few years of our marriage, which I was totally fine with.
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So she was bisexual.
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Yes, okay, um, but then she's leaned more that way, or she kind of always leaned more that way, um, and so when her father passed away away, she kind of started going more that direction and the last sort of like three years, um, she kind of, you know, there was an obvious you know us going in opposite directions, aside from lifestyle choices too, and so, um, yeah, she dating women now, yeah, yeah.
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Did you guys ever consider bringing her girlfriend into your relationship, doing like the thing?
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no really, yeah, that was not tea uh, I mean even on my cup of tea, not, or, you know, my cup of tea maybe, but definitely not her she didn't want to share her, uh, more or less the girlfriend.
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The girlfriend did not want to um come in which is fine.
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Yeah, it's fine.
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Yeah, different horses, different courses, yeah so um, but that's more or less why the marriage ended do you feel like you've healed from your childhood traumas at this point?
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is it still a work in progress?
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Have you made some changes?
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um, yeah, it's definitely a work in progress.
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I think as human beings we're always a work in progress.
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I don't think you can ever be not working, I guess, per se, but that's just through my own experience at this point in time.
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You know changes I've made.
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Yeah, I've done a lot of, you know, introspective looking and you know and thinking about, you know, the decisions I made when I was younger and how they've translated and you know, translated into the decisions I've made throughout my life.
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And a lot of it was because I made a decision for the woman I was dating in high school and then decided to make a dramatic change and sort of leave the sports world for someone I thought I was in love with, and then that just, you know, I kind of ran from that per se and so I mean I've gotten back into a healthier lifestyle of living and working out and things of that nature.
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It's just always been a part of me and so, as I've gotten back into that, it's allowed me to think more clearly and and just realize a lot of what I did was because I was running from a person I wanted to be and I was just trying to like shove that away.
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You said you left the sports world, for her was were you playing sports?
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Were you an athlete?
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yeah, I was an athlete from the time I started playing sports, when I was five and what you chose her essentially over the sport yeah, and then it didn't work out.
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Um, and then, instead of going back, I just kind of was already in the in the restaurant scene in vegas, young, and just kind of like rode that wave and just kind of was like you know, I'm gonna party and have a good time and um, and yeah and so you felt regretful of that no, not regretful.
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Um, just was like, I'm just from it, I guess.
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You've made the interesting comment that therapy is very expensive.
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A lot of insurance companies don't cover it.
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So you made the interesting comment that you listen to a lot of podcasts to get therapy.
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Is that right?
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Yeah, a lot of the people very familiar with those names, the Chris Williamson's, the Jordan Peterson's, the Rich Rolls of the world, and they offer a lot of really good insight.
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And you know, you don't have to necessarily, I think, pay to.
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You know, do the whole therapy thing If you're willing to sit with yourself after taking in those things and those thoughts that they have.
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You know you can do a lot of the work yourself.
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But yeah, because I could not afford, I tried, I paid for a therapist.
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I did like four or five sessions, you know, but the rate at which she wanted me to keep coming back and she was wildly helpful in the you know from the four or five sessions I did, they were great but I just couldn't afford to keep going on.
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Isn't that sad.
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It makes me so sad.
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Yeah, but I think it's important too to keep in mind that you, you actually have to do the work because, it's.
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A lot of people will say, oh yeah, I go to therapy or I listen to so and so, or I listen to this and that's great, but then if you're not actually making changes to your actions and if you're not actually doing what you're listening to it's not, then nothing is going to change Exactly.
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You know, like, just like one of the big things I picked up was learning to listen to people without creating a response in my head and then not listening to the things that they were saying afterwards or, in essence, trying to constantly solve every single problem, you know what I mean.
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So, like that was one of the things I learned towards the latter part of my relationship was, instead of just trying to solve every issue that she brought up or anything that was going on, just listening to her, letting her talk through it, letting her know that you know she could talk, um, and just be vulnerable and be safe, um, and that's probably like the biggest thing that I've I still struggle with sometimes, but that I've broken through over the years is just being able to sit and listen and not, you know, oh, here's the solution to your problem, because you don't necessarily always need a solution you just want something to listen.
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That's the thing I think, one of the things I try to ask of people when it seems like they're going to dump on me, because I, as a, as a physical therapist, I work with developmentally disabled kids, so I get a lot of dumping on by parents and caregivers and all of these people because it's hard, right.
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And so one of the things I've learned to ask is do you want a solution or do you want a shoulder?
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Because if you want a solution, we can sit and have a conversation and we can try to come up with a solution.
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But if what you're looking for is a shoulder, like just dump, and I'll be here, because people sometimes just need to dump and they don't necessarily want a solution, you know what I mean.
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So I think it's important, like you said, to kind of figure out what someone actually needs as you're listening to them.
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And that's important because a lot of people, like you, said they will, they will.
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I had an ex who was this way he would ask how are you today?
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And then, as I would start to say how I was, I could see it in his eyes gone glass, like to ask the question but then to not care what the answer is.
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It's like why are you even asking me that question?
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So many people do that.
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They what the answer is.
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It's like why are you even asking me that question?
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People do that.
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They ask just because they feel like they have to ask, and then they glare yes, yes, yeah, I really care, yeah.
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I remember once we were on a trip we were on a road trip and we were with my parents and it, and he was sitting in the front seat with my dad and I was sitting in the back seat with my mom, and it was just in the beginning of COVID and my mom was trying to retire, but then the COVID happened and so the hospital she worked for wanted her on their COVID board, and so then they wouldn't let her, wouldn't let her retire.
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They so they sort of you know asked her to stay and this and that, and so she did the COVID thing.
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And so, because it was right at the beginning of the pandemic I will always remember this he was sitting in the front seat and he turns and he asks my mom how's everything going with the COVID stuff?
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And as literally as she's in the middle of responding to his question, he turns to my dad in the front seat and asks my dad a completely unrelated question.
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And I'm sitting there listening to my mom talk, because he asked my mom a question and I'm sitting right next to her and as she's, you know, talking and explaining something, I'm going.
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You just started this whole conversation, seemingly interested in what she had to say about what's going on in the world right now, and then, as soon as she starts talking, talking it's like you're not even listening to her response to your question so rude.
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Sounds like he needs therapy yeah, he's an ex, he does need therapy they couldn't have lasted too long at that point hearing you talk, I'm thinking, god, all my exes need the therapy really bad.
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They could really use that uh-huh.
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Everybody needs a little therapy, I think at this point in time.
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Yeah, he doesn't want to better themselves and right be the best that they can be.
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Yeah, for sure for sure so what are you looking for?
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Are you looking to get married again?
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Are you looking for just to have fun right now?
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um, I mean, yeah, marriage again is not off the table.
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Um, I'm not in any hurry to like jump into anything serious, um, but yes, I mean I'm, I'm obviously interested in in dating.
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Um, I'm not, you know, out at the clubs, you know, by any means, and you know heading out to bars trying to pick people up every week.
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Um, I'm, you know, kind of putting life back together a little bit at this moment in time.
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So have you dated much since your divorce?
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No, I've gone on a few dates and, um, I think you know, and they've gone well per se, but I just get right into the hard stuff real quick and I think that somewhat implies to them that maybe I'm trying to be real serious real fast and I'm not.
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I'm just, I'm just going to put this all out there and I'm going to let you know the past and some of the things.
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And if that's if that's a little much, I'd rather you just you know, be done with me from the get go Cause, like oh, these, he's done this, he's done that, like I'm not cool, that's fine.
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Like go on about your way.
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I don't want to get to date four, five, six, seven or have it be eight weeks in.
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And you know, everything was casual.
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And then it's like, okay, let's have a deeper conversation.
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And then now all of a sudden it's like, oh, you did all this stuff.
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It's like, yeah, we just wasted eight weeks.
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Like I'd rather I'd rather waste two hours.
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Yeah, what is that expression?
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You can't say the wrong thing to the right person and you can't say the right thing to the wrong person.
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It's so true.
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The person that you're meant to be with you can dump all of that on them, and they will embrace it and accept it and love it.
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Yeah, I mean, and I'm just and I'm not like trying to dump it on anybody, I'm just, I'm just letting you know what you're, what you're becoming right, and so I'm essentially approaching it from that stance of like you know, I'm might not be a hundred percent the person I want to be, but this is who I am now, this is where I'm going and if we jive, cool if not, like you know.
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But this is the past and I say that all the time too.
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You have to meet people where they are, because that's another huge problem, I see, is people romanticize this this is who he could be, or this is who she could be, and then it's like, when they never live up to that romanticized expectation, then what do you have?
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You have nothing really like to build a relationship on.
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Yeah, you can't, you know so I mean, I think you have to have you know some, some lifestyle things as well too.
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You know what I mean.
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Like there has to be some.
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You can be very different, but like there has to be some similarities, I think in lifestyle too.
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Um, if your lifestyles aren't somewhat similar, I don't know how two people truly make that work per se so, um, yeah, I mean we definitely over-romanticize who someone could be or what we want them to be.
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Right, Like you know, I have this vision of who I want my partner to be, but maybe that person isn't going to be that person.
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Yeah.
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What is your ideal partner?
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What do you want your partner to be?
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I mean, I guess, I mean, I would say probably someone who's, you know, ambitious.
00:18:49.560 --> 00:19:04.390
You know, I don't necessarily think I want to live the, I guess, the trad lifestyle right, where you know I'm the provider and she stays at home because, you know, I'm not against kids but I'm not necessarily like I have to have them or I don't have to have them.
00:19:04.390 --> 00:19:07.928
If I met someone that wanted to go that route again, we could have that discussion.
00:19:07.928 --> 00:19:21.027
But, um, you know someone who's, you know, just got a good work ethic and someone who, I would say, a lot of the things I got that I realized that I didn't realize that I had right, cause you don't really realize what you had until you lose it per se.
00:19:21.027 --> 00:19:44.286
Um, you know, but, uh, someone that's just going to, you know, want to be there for you through the struggles, and, um, you know someone who's going to sit with you and, uh, allow you to be vulnerable and, um, you know, and, and those types of things, um, but I haven't, I guess I haven't fully thought through all of it as of this moment per se.
00:19:44.968 --> 00:19:46.230
Do you get hit on a lot at work?
00:19:46.230 --> 00:19:47.553
I bet you have a lot of customers.
00:19:47.593 --> 00:20:01.511
That no, I I know I I fully try to put out the vibe that I do not want to be hit on at work, really, yeah, I I think it's the biggest, like I guess you'd call it x right like I can't.
00:20:01.792 --> 00:20:02.212
I don't.
00:20:02.212 --> 00:20:04.290
I'm not the bartender that's gonna want to pick you up or want to.
00:20:04.290 --> 00:20:06.932
You know, I mean like I'm gonna have a good time with you and we'll chat and all the things, but like I'm not the bartender that's going to want to pick you up or want to.
00:20:06.932 --> 00:20:10.526
You know what I mean Like I'm going to have a good time with you and we'll chat and all the things, but like I'm not flirting with you.
00:20:10.526 --> 00:20:11.644
I'm just doing my job.
00:20:11.779 --> 00:20:14.028
And that's why I picked him up while he was at work.
00:20:18.664 --> 00:20:21.691
Has a woman ever asked for your number or given you her number, or no?
00:20:27.940 --> 00:20:29.585
not that I could really think of no, even back.
00:20:29.585 --> 00:20:29.865
Yeah, I just.
00:20:29.865 --> 00:20:32.292
I mean not really clear, I, yeah, I just.
00:20:32.292 --> 00:20:33.738
I don't put the vibe out like, yeah, I, I just I don't like it.
00:20:33.757 --> 00:20:40.242
Um, so like I'm not gonna pick up women and it's funny because that is so true, because, remember I asked you, I was like I was like, are you single?
00:20:40.242 --> 00:20:42.007
Like I didn't get a vibe.
00:20:42.007 --> 00:20:53.846
Like most of the time with bartenders and waiters and stuff, you can kind of get the vibe that they're single, they're flirting with you or they're very much not single because they're not flirting with you.
00:20:53.846 --> 00:21:05.083
And when we were sitting at the bar I was with a friend, a neighbor, and when we were sitting there I was like this guy like would be great for the podcast, but I can't tell if he's single or not, I just have to ask.
00:21:05.143 --> 00:21:06.547
him was very like.
00:21:06.547 --> 00:21:10.785
I'm not sure if you are, but I'm gonna ask you it was.
00:21:10.785 --> 00:21:15.534
She was a little bit um so, but yeah, but that's the vibe I give.
00:21:15.534 --> 00:21:16.161
I think it's.
00:21:16.320 --> 00:21:24.326
I just think it's icky, like I don't yeah, but what if, like a beautiful woman that is your cup of tea, comes in, sits at the bar and you still would not Wow.
00:21:24.426 --> 00:21:26.230
Look how professional you are.
00:21:26.230 --> 00:21:28.453
That might be the fine dining background in me.
00:21:28.453 --> 00:21:40.910
I did like white table or like white glove, like style fine dining bartending for a long time, and you don't in those environments, you just don't do that, yeah, and so that might just still be in me.
00:21:40.910 --> 00:21:43.363
But so I just yeah, I just I, it's like it's where I work too.
00:21:43.363 --> 00:21:43.623
Like I don.
00:21:43.623 --> 00:21:45.085
Yeah, I just it's like it's where I work too.
00:21:45.085 --> 00:21:45.865
Like I don't.
00:21:45.865 --> 00:21:50.109
You know, I don't if you're a regular or whatever, like I, just I don't.
00:21:50.109 --> 00:21:52.814
I don't want that person to be like you know, like no.
00:21:52.973 --> 00:21:55.215
Well, and because you run the risk of getting a reputation.
00:21:55.215 --> 00:21:59.500
That's true, you run the risk of getting the reputation of being that bartender you know.
00:21:59.500 --> 00:22:02.765
Well, that's the reason the industry has that reputation yes it is true.
00:22:02.765 --> 00:22:11.608
Are you interested in dating a woman who is also in the service industry, that's, a bartender or a server or something like that?
00:22:11.608 --> 00:22:15.266
They don't have to be service industry no, it would just be hard with schedules, wouldn't it?
00:22:15.406 --> 00:22:16.190
Yeah, my schedule.
00:22:16.190 --> 00:22:17.061
I mean I work at night.
00:22:17.061 --> 00:22:17.704
You know what I mean.
00:22:17.845 --> 00:22:19.549
Five nights a week and you work weekends, right?
00:22:20.101 --> 00:22:22.223
I work weekends, it depends.
00:22:22.424 --> 00:22:25.209
So it would be tough for you to date, let's say a teacher, right.
00:22:25.209 --> 00:22:27.574
Yeah, because they are off nights and weekends typically.