Ex-Mormon, Fully Swiping: Dating After Marriage 💋

WEBVTT

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Oh my god, I just totally got catfished.

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He looks absolutely nothing like his picture.

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So I found out the guy that I've been dating is married with kids.

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His wife just reached out to me.

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Welcome to the meat market.

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The single scene is a slaughterhouse, and we are here to devour it.

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We are your hosts.

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I'm Lindsay.

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I'm Jess.

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And today's sizzling single is Alyssa.

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Welcome.

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Hi.

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So you are back to the dating world after nine years.

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How is oh bless you?

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Sorry.

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I've been holding that in.

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I thought it was gonna come out when I was introducing myself.

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How is it being back?

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Uh I mean, I don't really know how to navigate the dating stuff.

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So I've definitely been reaching out to friends and such.

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But um I mean, I dated a little bit during the divorce.

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Um, one of the trainers at my gym.

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But it's always the personal trainers.

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Personal trainers.

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Were you training with him during your marriage?

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No.

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Okay.

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This was post, this was the revenge body trainer.

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Oh, okay.

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For sure.

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For sure.

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I bet it's changed the dating world since you were lost in it.

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Completely different, right?

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Yeah.

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Tinder was like just starting to be a thing.

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And so I've never done like the dating apps or anything.

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I mean, I was raised Mormon, so like that was that's a whole other side of it.

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But yeah, it's completely different.

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How long were you married?

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Um, like almost nine years.

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Nine years.

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Okay.

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And were you married to another Mormon?

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Yeah.

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Are you still Mormon?

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No.

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Did that happen after the marriage or during?

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During, okay.

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How do you feel about the whole Mormon wives situation?

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Oh my gosh, it's so accurate.

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I'm so really into it.

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I never I didn't watch it, and then this it stuff just kept coming out and coming out and coming out.

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And so finally, I think over the summer, I sat down and watched all of the episodes, all of the seasons.

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It's crazy.

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Is it based in Utah?

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Uh-huh.

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Yeah.

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That I will never live in Utah for that exact reason.

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Just like the culture and everything is different.

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Um, but there are a lot of things.

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I think just like the patriarchy, like Jen's husband.

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I know things have kind of changed, whatever.

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It's just like in green.

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But it's just, it's so crazy the hypocrisy of it all.

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Like the no coffee, but they can drink soda or like it's just like it's very, it's so weird.

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The rules are so weird to me.

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And people don't really know the rules like behind it.

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Like, I think it's like the coffee bean, the black tea leaf, but people are like, oh, maybe it's the caffeine.

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Because that's what I always thought it was because of the caffeine, because caffeine is a drug.

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So why can't you drink coffee?

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What are the reasons?

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I think it's the coffee bean.

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It started from not having like hot liquids, and then it kind of why can't you have hot liquids?

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This was like back in like Joseph Smith time.

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Kind of.

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And it's like it's well, but it's also sort of like the um what's it called?

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Soaking, right?

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People do that.

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Is that true or is that just a myth?

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I've never met someone that has, but I've heard stories.

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Like I went to BYU Idaho, and that was like a thing.

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So is it true that they'll like have someone push on the bed?

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Have you heard that?

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Yes.

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I've heard that.

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I've heard not doing that, and they just like make out well.

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Yeah.

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I also saw a video recently that was like, I wanted to get a tattoo, but I'm Mormon.

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And so it's a girl and she's laying down on a table and she's got her arm like out to the side.

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And the tattoo artist is holding the needle, is holding the tattoo gun to her arm, and then her friend is shaking the tattoo bed so that her arm goes into the needle instead of the needle going into her hand.

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I think it was probably a joke, but like that was a joke, so like supposed to be satire, but it's like sort of, it just sort of is.

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And is it true that you're not supposed to have sex?

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So they do they go in the back entrance instead?

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Is that true too?

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Because that's not considered sex.

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I haven't heard of that, but I wouldn't be surprised.

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Oh my goodness.

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I don't know.

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I could I don't think I could do it.

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After watching, after watching the show and just seeing things and and I don't know.

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I don't think I could do it.

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It's too, it's too many rules.

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So are you on the apps right now?

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Um, I joined Hinge at my well, my friend set it up at my divorce party.

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Um and so it was what in June?

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And so I've gone on like some dates.

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I didn't do it right.

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I was going on too many dates, was like kind of overwhelming myself.

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But yeah, that's I'm only on Hinge.

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And how are you finding the dates?

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Are they as they appear to be on the app?

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Have you been catfished before or hat fished or I haven't fished.

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You haven't?

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I haven't, which is surprising because to be honest, one of the guys, he's a musician, and when he gave me his number, which I don't give out my phone number on the app, but he gave it to me and was like, You're not gonna like sell it or like put it on a billboard.

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I'm like, okay, he's like catfishing.

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There's no way, like he's acting like he's like too cool.

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No, no, it was him.

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Wow.

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So I don't know.

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What is the worst that you've been on from the apps?

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Honestly, I feel like I haven't had bad dates.

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It's more maybe stupidity.

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Really?

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Like men.

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I mean, the one of them, he planned the date in the heat of Arizona summer at what's that like golf place?

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The mini golf?

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No, top golf.

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Not oh the mini golf, the one up in north, the one up at Curilland.

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Yeah, I think so.

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The Tiger Woods one.

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You're kidding me.

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Wow.

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2 p.m.

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And so I'm like, you know what, whatever, we'll do it.

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So I show up at 2 p.m.

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and I text him that I'm there.

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And he's like, Oh, I I thought we were doing three.

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And I'm like, Are you freaking kidding me?

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As if that would have made it any better.

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No, but then I had to wait.

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I waited for him for like 30 minutes.

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He thought it was three, so he wasn't coming until three.

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Oh my god.

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So you have to wait an hour?

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Like 30-ish minutes.

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He's like, I'm on my way, whatever.

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And so it was like, okay, you already planned this poorly.

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And then you're late because you got the time that you chose mixed up.

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It was like we had good conversation and everything, but just not that like I just haven't had probably enough dates, really, to say I've been on really bad dates.

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I mean, this was a hinge date, but yeah, uh your leg.

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Was it really?

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Yeah.

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Really?

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Yeah.

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Well, I mean, like, we had been on a few dates, but we were going to- Oh, I thought you meant we I thought you meant your leg happened on a hinged date.

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Oh, you did?

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That's crazy.

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Yeah.

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But it wasn't a first date.

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No.

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Okay.

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So you were date, right?

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So you were riding and yeah, we were riding a side by side, like a can-am and we're doing donuts.

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Oh my gosh.

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But first, are you gonna buy are you gonna see him again?

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I did, but I'm no longer talking to him.

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Okay.

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Yeah, I mean, I will say he wasn't the brightest either.

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Because when we were like trying to like flag down people to get the Can Am back up, he was going in the opposite direction of the noise.

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And so I'm like, okay, I'm just gonna call 911.

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Oh my god.

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Yeah.

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So do you find it easy to sort of end things with these guys?

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Or are you are you a ghoster?

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Are you like a fizzler?

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Are you a conversation person?

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Yeah, I'm a communication person.

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I think with like going through a divorce and like a marriage, I'm like, I'm not gonna waste anyone's time.

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Um, yeah.

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I don't know.

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If you don't mind me asking, why did you end up getting divorced?

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Um I don't know how much I can say.

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And you have kids?

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One.

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Oh.

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She's four.

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Oh, that's a fun age.

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Yeah.

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And what what are you looking for?

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Are you looking to get remarried?

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Are you looking to have more kids?

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I don't know.

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Um, I don't know that I necessarily believe in marriage at this point.

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I feel like people try harder when like you like marriage, you get you feel like you're like almost trapped.

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I mean, obviously I I have a a little bit of bitterness towards it still, but I don't know.

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I feel like people are gonna try harder in a relationship and not get as stagnant if I mean maybe that's just again me being biased, but um I don't know with kids.

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I'd be happy just with me and my daughter.

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Um, but I'd be happy to have another kid.

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Yeah.

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Do you feel like you ignored the red flags in the beginning, or do you feel like there was like a change?

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So this is part of the Mormonism that comes into play because we got engaged after four and a half months.

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Oh wow.

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How old were you when you got engaged?

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19.

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Oh dang, that's so young.

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So I feel like I really saw um red flags when we were engaged, and then it was like a flip switch whenever we got married.

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Okay.

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Because we got married like what four and a half months later.

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Wow.

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So do they does that religion really push for you to get married at a young age and what have a bunch of kids and do the whole family thing?

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Wow.

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Yes, yeah.

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Yeah, well, because they can't have sex until they're married.

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So they want to get married tomorrow.

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How bunny.

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I mean, that didn't stop us.

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That's hilarious.

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So you do music therapy, is that right?

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Um, that is like my second degree I was getting in music therapy, but during our divorce is when I was in my internship.

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Um, they don't pay anything out here, and so I am going to get my doctorate in occupational therapy and try to combine the two.

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Oh, nice.

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Yeah.

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Wonderful.

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And so, what are your deal breakers in dating?

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Um, I don't know.

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I feel like I really want you to communicate with me.

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I'm not playing games, I'm not wasting anyone's time.

00:10:07.919 --> 00:10:12.559
Um, but like genuine kindness, being authentic.

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I don't know.

00:10:13.600 --> 00:10:19.200
I feel like maybe I see things that are not red flags and think they're red flags.

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I'm still a little bit traumatized.

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But um yeah, I don't know.

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I'm not looking to move too fast.

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I'm not in a rush.

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And so if the guys are, that kind of throws me off too.

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Do you feel like the guys on Hinge are good quality?

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Or do you feel like the dating apps have just have been not great?

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So far, I mean it was it it was it's been fun.

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Because I was gonna say, you seem like you've been on some good dates from Hinge, and it's interesting because a lot of the people that we talk to are just like so fed up with the apps over it.

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But maybe she's good at filtering through them and picking the baby.

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I'm gonna be honest, I have a lot of notifications, and so I can be a little bit pickier.

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Yeah.

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And so I don't know if that's why, or I I'm also not looking for a douchebag, and I can kind of tell when yeah.

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Yeah.

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Describe your ideal partner.

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What are you looking for?

00:11:15.679 --> 00:11:19.919
Um, yeah, like kindness, good sense of humor.

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Um you're good at communicating, you're you have an active lifestyle, because I really want to be active too.

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What age range?

00:11:29.440 --> 00:11:30.399
Not younger.

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I'd go up to I'm 30.

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Okay.

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Almost 31.

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But I'd go up to like 40.

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Okay.

00:11:37.440 --> 00:11:44.480
And do you do you want someone who has who is religious in some way or not?

00:11:44.799 --> 00:11:48.799
What's your stance on that being having left the Mormon church?

00:11:49.120 --> 00:11:51.360
What's sort of your um take?

00:11:52.080 --> 00:11:53.519
I want someone open-minded.

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I've had some pretty good conversations about it um with some guys.

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Just kind of I don't know what I believe, and I don't I just don't want someone that's gonna force their religion on me.

00:12:07.519 --> 00:12:09.519
I'm happy for them to go to church.

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I've gone to church with um my like ex-boyfriend during the divorce, and it's nice.

00:12:15.919 --> 00:12:21.919
Um, I think there's a great sense of community in organized religion, but it's not necessarily for me.

00:12:22.080 --> 00:12:25.039
So if that's a deal breaker for them, that's probably a bigger deal.

00:12:25.200 --> 00:12:25.840
Yeah.

00:12:26.559 --> 00:12:29.039
Do you live on in Gilbert?

00:12:29.360 --> 00:12:30.399
No, I live in Peoria.

00:12:30.799 --> 00:12:31.519
Oh, you do, okay.

00:12:31.600 --> 00:12:31.840
Yeah.

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You haven't gone out.

00:12:33.279 --> 00:12:36.159
Have you dated much in Scotstell or dated many Scottsdale guys?

00:12:36.320 --> 00:12:36.720
I have.

00:12:36.960 --> 00:12:38.320
And how do you feel about them?

00:12:38.639 --> 00:12:41.120
I mean, I uh so far it's been okay.

00:12:41.279 --> 00:12:42.639
I haven't been on that many.

00:12:42.879 --> 00:12:46.720
I've probably been on like with like eight guys or something.

00:12:46.960 --> 00:12:47.039
Okay.

00:12:47.360 --> 00:12:48.000
Not too much.

00:12:48.399 --> 00:12:49.679
Do you have a physical type?

00:12:49.840 --> 00:12:52.240
Is it the Mormon, the clean cut Mormon boy?

00:12:52.799 --> 00:12:53.120
No.

00:12:53.600 --> 00:12:55.679
I actually posted a TikTok about this.

00:12:56.000 --> 00:12:59.600
I like a guy that looks like he's seen some shit.

00:12:59.759 --> 00:13:05.039
Like I don't like the like clean cut, I like a little like beard and so you're like the edgy guy.

00:13:05.200 --> 00:13:05.519
Yeah.

00:13:05.840 --> 00:13:10.960
Well, like obviously still a teddy bear, but maybe he could beat up a guy or something.

00:13:13.600 --> 00:13:15.919
What do you do in like in your free time?

00:13:16.000 --> 00:13:17.120
What are your hobbies?

00:13:17.360 --> 00:13:18.960
Um, pre-accident.

00:13:19.039 --> 00:13:20.159
I work out a lot.

00:13:20.320 --> 00:13:22.879
Um, I love hiking and camping.

00:13:23.039 --> 00:13:27.360
Um, I'm also getting my like personal trading certification because that would be really fun.

00:13:27.519 --> 00:13:35.919
Um, obviously I have my daughter 50% of the time, lots of girls' nights and single and ready to mingle.

00:13:36.080 --> 00:13:44.879
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00:13:58.960 --> 00:14:06.879
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00:14:18.480 --> 00:14:20.720
Do you have a pretty decent co-parenting situation?

00:14:20.799 --> 00:14:22.080
Do you are you amicable?

00:14:22.320 --> 00:14:22.480
No.

00:14:22.639 --> 00:14:22.879
No?

00:14:23.039 --> 00:14:23.840
Oh no, really?

00:14:24.000 --> 00:14:24.399
Mm-hmm.

00:14:24.559 --> 00:14:25.759
Oh, that's unfortunate.

00:14:26.000 --> 00:14:26.559
Yeah.

00:14:27.120 --> 00:14:29.039
Which is crazy because he's with someone else now.

00:14:29.120 --> 00:14:32.639
You think he'd be happy and he'd want the best and he'd be amicable, you know?

00:14:32.879 --> 00:14:33.360
You'd think.

00:14:33.440 --> 00:14:33.919
I don't know.

00:14:34.399 --> 00:14:38.879
It sounds like he's maybe got a little narcissistic personality disorder going on.

00:14:39.120 --> 00:14:40.399
I'm not gonna say anything.

00:14:42.399 --> 00:14:42.799
He does.

00:14:43.759 --> 00:14:48.159
My diagnosis based on based on the what you've said over the last 20 minutes.

00:14:48.320 --> 00:14:53.679
I don't think anything's gonna be amicable, even if it's even if it's I've you know tried.

00:14:54.559 --> 00:14:54.960
It's hard.

00:14:55.200 --> 00:15:00.000
Like I'm not even allowed to like have my daughter when he's working and it's his time.

00:15:00.159 --> 00:15:01.600
So what really?

00:15:01.759 --> 00:15:04.080
Yeah, like it's like that's annoying.

00:15:05.279 --> 00:15:06.159
Are you ready for it?

00:15:06.320 --> 00:15:07.120
I'm ready for it.

00:15:07.440 --> 00:15:09.440
The keep more, the key more minute.

00:15:09.519 --> 00:15:10.240
Don't be scared.

00:15:10.399 --> 00:15:12.639
Brought to you by Tactical Tax Strategies.

00:15:12.720 --> 00:15:14.159
They help you keep more in your wallet.

00:15:14.240 --> 00:15:16.879
We help you keep more in your relationship.

00:15:17.120 --> 00:15:18.720
It's just a listener question.

00:15:18.879 --> 00:15:20.080
It's nothing crazy.

00:15:20.320 --> 00:15:20.639
Okay.

00:15:21.840 --> 00:15:22.159
Okay.

00:15:22.559 --> 00:15:25.200
So this is sort of just like a random general one.

00:15:25.519 --> 00:15:28.879
If they ask, do I look okay?

00:15:29.360 --> 00:15:33.600
Is there any correct answer that doesn't get me in trouble?

00:15:34.799 --> 00:15:36.000
That's tough.

00:15:36.320 --> 00:15:40.639
I feel like with a woman, you really have to be like, you look great, darling, even if she looks terrible.

00:15:40.879 --> 00:15:43.279
I know, but if I look terrible, I want to know I look terrible.

00:15:43.440 --> 00:15:43.519
Yeah.

00:15:43.840 --> 00:15:47.600
I want to know like if these pants make my ass look flat.

00:15:47.840 --> 00:15:48.159
Yeah.

00:15:48.320 --> 00:15:49.519
Because I don't want that.

00:15:49.840 --> 00:15:50.639
I don't know.

00:15:50.960 --> 00:15:57.759
For me, that would just like accentuate that like insecurity, you know?

00:15:57.840 --> 00:16:00.480
I I I just want them to puff me up, you know?

00:16:00.720 --> 00:16:13.279
You rather let your man let you walk out of the house with a pancake booty than just go change into something else that more flatters you in your body.

00:16:13.600 --> 00:16:15.360
I want my husband is so honest with me.

00:16:15.440 --> 00:16:16.159
He'll like make fun of me.

00:16:16.399 --> 00:16:18.159
What are you walking into a ladies movie?

00:16:19.200 --> 00:16:20.240
You've just been electrocuted.

00:16:21.440 --> 00:16:22.240
That's what I'm saying.

00:16:22.399 --> 00:16:24.240
Like, I need somebody be honest with me.

00:16:24.320 --> 00:16:25.840
Like, you're wearing the that out.

00:16:26.399 --> 00:16:27.679
That's what my husband says all the time.

00:16:27.759 --> 00:16:28.320
You're wearing that.

00:16:28.639 --> 00:16:29.600
No, turn them out.

00:16:29.759 --> 00:16:31.039
I'm gonna do this.

00:16:32.799 --> 00:16:36.639
So I think I prefer to be honest, but I think a lot of women would get offended, no?

00:16:36.960 --> 00:16:37.600
Maybe.

00:16:37.840 --> 00:16:38.159
Maybe.

00:16:38.480 --> 00:16:39.440
I like for me.

00:16:39.519 --> 00:16:41.679
It's more so like just tell me if something's in my teeth.

00:16:41.840 --> 00:16:45.120
Or like my makeup's like messed up or something, not outfit.

00:16:46.159 --> 00:16:49.440
It is true because guys, sometimes what guys think looks good.

00:16:49.679 --> 00:16:57.600
I think it depends on whether the guy has a good sense of style or not, and like knows how to dress and knows how to dress a woman's body.

00:16:57.919 --> 00:17:08.000
Because not a lot of straight men know how to dress a woman's body for actually like their body type versus like to sexualize them.

00:17:08.160 --> 00:17:08.319
Yeah.

00:17:08.480 --> 00:17:08.960
Or whatever.

00:17:09.519 --> 00:17:11.680
And a lot of times they don't like what's in style.

00:17:11.839 --> 00:17:12.000
Yeah.

00:17:12.160 --> 00:17:12.319
Right.

00:17:12.880 --> 00:17:14.319
My husband, does my husband have style?

00:17:14.400 --> 00:17:15.119
Who is he to tell me?

00:17:15.200 --> 00:17:16.000
Like, what is he, Mr.

00:17:16.079 --> 00:17:16.799
Amani, Mr.

00:17:16.880 --> 00:17:17.440
GQ?

00:17:17.599 --> 00:17:17.839
No.

00:17:18.160 --> 00:17:19.200
I don't think so.

00:17:20.079 --> 00:17:22.160
So are you honest to your men?

00:17:22.240 --> 00:17:23.839
If your men say, How do I look?

00:17:23.920 --> 00:17:24.720
Are you honest with them?

00:17:24.799 --> 00:17:24.960
Yeah.

00:17:25.119 --> 00:17:25.440
Yeah.

00:17:25.680 --> 00:17:26.319
Yeah.

00:17:26.559 --> 00:17:26.960
Yeah.

00:17:27.200 --> 00:17:31.680
I've bought clothes like for like for exes before.

00:17:31.920 --> 00:17:35.200
As like, oh, maybe we should try, maybe we should try this.

00:17:35.279 --> 00:17:36.480
Maybe we should throw these away.

00:17:36.720 --> 00:17:48.400
My ex, my so the most recent ex that I had, he I swear he had clothes from like the 80s still in his closet, like front pleats on his pants.

00:17:48.720 --> 00:17:49.519
And he still woke up.

00:17:49.759 --> 00:17:51.200
And he still wore them.

00:17:51.519 --> 00:17:52.559
That's hilarious.

00:17:52.799 --> 00:18:04.079
And I mean, yes, it it was economical, I will say this, to still keep clothes like that around.

00:18:04.400 --> 00:18:11.200
And I think there was one time I tried to throw these pairs of gym shorts away because they had a giant hole in them.

00:18:11.519 --> 00:18:17.359
And dumb me, I like threw them in the trash and then I took the trash out, but I just set the trash on the patio.

00:18:17.599 --> 00:18:20.640
I didn't walk it all the way out to the dumpster.

00:18:20.799 --> 00:18:23.039
And so he comes back into the house.

00:18:23.119 --> 00:18:28.319
Like, he's like, What are my gym shorts in the that is hilarious?

00:18:28.559 --> 00:18:31.920
Yeah, so like they have a hole, a giant hole in them.

00:18:32.079 --> 00:18:34.880
Like, we will get you some new gym shorts.

00:18:35.039 --> 00:18:36.640
Like, just that's good.

00:18:36.880 --> 00:18:37.599
Can we get rid of it?

00:18:37.759 --> 00:18:39.359
I feel like a lot of guys are like that though.

00:18:39.440 --> 00:18:40.799
They just keep it around, even.

00:18:41.599 --> 00:18:43.039
So my husband, he has holes in his underwear.

00:18:43.200 --> 00:18:44.079
I'm like, you need some new underwear.

00:18:44.319 --> 00:18:44.720
No, they're fine.

00:18:44.799 --> 00:18:45.200
What are you talking about?

00:18:45.279 --> 00:18:46.559
There's only five holes.

00:18:46.880 --> 00:18:47.920
They're fine.

00:18:48.400 --> 00:18:51.440
Like he has this brush, and there's literally three prongs on the brush.

00:18:51.519 --> 00:18:54.000
I'm like, I think I know what I'm getting you for Christmas, baby.

00:18:54.079 --> 00:18:54.400
A new brush.

00:18:54.480 --> 00:18:55.200
He's like, what are you talking about?

00:18:55.279 --> 00:18:55.680
This one's fine.

00:18:55.759 --> 00:18:57.440
It still has three prongs left on it.

00:19:00.160 --> 00:19:01.440
Aye, aye, aye.

00:19:01.759 --> 00:19:06.559
Okay, so we are going to talk about another episode, another dating trend.

00:19:06.720 --> 00:19:09.599
I'm sure you've heard of the dating trend zip coding, right?

00:19:09.839 --> 00:19:11.119
Have you heard of that dating trend?

00:19:11.279 --> 00:19:11.920
Zip coding?

00:19:12.079 --> 00:19:12.319
No?

00:19:12.480 --> 00:19:14.720
So there's a bunch of ways that you can interpret it.

00:19:14.880 --> 00:19:21.839
So a lot of singles will only put in a certain zip code in their um dating apps, so they only date in their zip code.

00:19:22.000 --> 00:19:23.440
Like, Izmi or is that lazy?

00:19:23.519 --> 00:19:25.119
Like, you can't drive out to another zip code.

00:19:25.200 --> 00:19:28.319
Like, how far is a 85254 from 85251?

00:19:28.640 --> 00:19:30.240
I don't like to leave my bubble.

00:19:30.480 --> 00:19:30.960
Really?

00:19:31.680 --> 00:19:31.920
What?

00:19:32.240 --> 00:19:33.759
But then your options are so limited.

00:19:33.920 --> 00:19:37.039
Like you're already scraping the bottom of the barrel here in Arizona for singles.

00:19:37.119 --> 00:19:38.400
Then you narrow it to a zip code.

00:19:38.480 --> 00:19:39.599
I'm okay being alone.

00:19:39.839 --> 00:19:42.400
I'd rather be I'd rather be alone than drive to Gilbert.

00:19:42.559 --> 00:19:42.799
Really?

00:19:43.039 --> 00:19:44.000
How far is Gilbert?

00:19:44.319 --> 00:19:44.960
Like 30 minutes.

00:19:45.200 --> 00:19:46.160
Oh my god.

00:19:46.480 --> 00:19:49.119
It depends on how deep into Gilbert I have to go.

00:19:49.279 --> 00:19:49.599
Yeah.

00:19:49.759 --> 00:19:50.079
Yeah.

00:19:50.240 --> 00:19:51.200
No, I would drive.

00:19:51.279 --> 00:19:53.200
I said I'm being a dramatic.

00:19:53.279 --> 00:19:54.240
I'm exaggerating.

00:19:54.400 --> 00:19:54.960
I would drive.

00:19:55.039 --> 00:19:55.680
I would drive.

00:19:55.759 --> 00:19:57.440
I just I don't like I don't like to.

00:19:57.599 --> 00:20:00.400
I'm a little bit of a I'm a little bit of a zip coder.

00:20:00.640 --> 00:20:03.279
So when you've gone on dates, have you driven from Peoria?

00:20:03.519 --> 00:20:04.880
Are the guys close to you or farther?

00:20:05.359 --> 00:20:06.480
No, no, they're always far.

00:20:06.640 --> 00:20:08.640
And honestly, there's not much to do in Peoria.

00:20:08.880 --> 00:20:11.039
And like there's not much of a dating pool in Peoria.

00:20:11.359 --> 00:20:15.759
And so yeah, I'm gonna date Scottsdale, Tempi, whatever guys.

00:20:16.079 --> 00:20:18.160
Yeah, I feel like you're really limiting yourself.

00:20:18.559 --> 00:20:26.799
So um some other people use zip coding in the terms of they only want to find matches in certain expensive zip codes.

00:20:26.880 --> 00:20:31.519
Like they'll only look in what, 85251 or Paradise Valley.

00:20:31.759 --> 00:20:33.920
So they only want to look in those rich areas.

00:20:34.079 --> 00:20:34.400
Yeah.

00:20:34.559 --> 00:20:46.720
And then some people use zip coding in that um it's a toxic version of zip coding when people refer to zip coding as exclusively dating someone who is in the same zip as them, but then consider themselves single when they go outside of that zip code.

00:20:46.880 --> 00:20:48.559
It's called hose in different area codes.

00:20:49.599 --> 00:20:50.640
Okay, you're eating it too.

00:20:50.720 --> 00:20:51.759
That is scandalous.

00:20:52.720 --> 00:20:54.799
I like having a hoe in a different area code.

00:20:55.039 --> 00:21:00.720
But like my question is this the whole zip coding thing, like, how lazy do you have to be to only date in your zip code?

00:21:00.799 --> 00:21:02.640
Like, I feel like a relationship is a lot of work, right?

00:21:02.799 --> 00:21:03.920
You have to put effort into it.

00:21:04.000 --> 00:21:10.160
So if you can't put effort into going outside of your zip code, what else are you not gonna put an effort in when it comes to dating, you know?

00:21:10.319 --> 00:21:12.640
In the relationship and making someone happy, right?

00:21:12.960 --> 00:21:13.599
It is true.

00:21:13.839 --> 00:21:27.839
My I think my issue is sort of like the like with the things to do also, because I live super central and so it's close to everything, it's close to where there's good restaurants, there's good nightlife, concerts, there's a lot of fun things to do.

00:21:28.079 --> 00:21:40.079
And so sometimes part of me is like, if you're a single guy, why are you living 45 minutes outside of that in a suburb where it's all like families?

00:21:40.319 --> 00:21:47.839
Why aren't you, as a single person who's really dating, why aren't you living where the action is?

00:21:48.319 --> 00:21:52.720
And so it's more about that for me than it is because it's the same thing.

00:21:52.799 --> 00:22:02.000
Like, why would I want to leave where I live where all these fun things are to do to drive to you where there's nothing to do?

00:22:02.559 --> 00:22:03.119
You know?

00:22:03.359 --> 00:22:07.599
But then you kind of contradict yourself because you're like, I will not leave my baba, but then you date long distance.

00:22:07.839 --> 00:22:08.319
Yeah, I know.

00:22:08.799 --> 00:22:10.240
She's like, oh no, I'm dating in dark.

00:22:10.480 --> 00:22:10.720
I know.

00:22:10.960 --> 00:22:12.160
I'll fucking bubble.

00:22:12.400 --> 00:22:12.640
I know.

00:22:12.799 --> 00:22:16.079
It either, so it either has to be, I'm like on the extremes.

00:22:16.160 --> 00:22:22.079
It either has to be within like a five to ten minute drive, or it has to be a flight away.

00:22:22.240 --> 00:22:24.559
Like that's that's my that's my dating problem.

00:22:24.960 --> 00:22:30.000
I feel like if you meet the right one, like if you met your ideal person who lived in Gilbert, you'd be willing to make the drive, right?

00:22:30.160 --> 00:22:31.200
Yeah, it is, it is.

00:22:31.279 --> 00:22:34.880
It is really just something that I use as an excuse if I don't like someone very much.

00:22:35.039 --> 00:22:37.039
It's like, oh you live too far.

00:22:37.359 --> 00:22:38.319
It's like making the bed.

00:22:39.839 --> 00:22:40.319
Exactly.

00:22:40.559 --> 00:22:41.119
Exactly.

00:22:41.279 --> 00:22:41.759
Exactly.

00:22:41.920 --> 00:22:47.440
It's not a hard and fast rule, but it's maybe it's okay for girls and not for guys.

00:22:47.759 --> 00:22:49.119
They they need to drive tests.

00:22:49.599 --> 00:22:50.640
I I think so.

00:22:50.880 --> 00:22:51.279
I think so.

00:22:51.519 --> 00:22:53.519
Would you date long distance like in another state?

00:22:53.839 --> 00:22:54.480
Probably not.

00:22:54.720 --> 00:22:55.039
No.

00:22:56.079 --> 00:22:59.039
Um I can imagine with a kid it's a lot more difficult.

00:22:59.359 --> 00:22:59.759
I know.

00:22:59.839 --> 00:23:05.759
And I mean that's why I'm in the suburbs, or else I would be like with the singles and in a nice area.

00:23:06.000 --> 00:23:12.640
But um, have you guys heard about like people having different people in different states or countries?

00:23:12.720 --> 00:23:15.359
So you have someone to stay with every time you travel.

00:23:15.680 --> 00:23:16.079
Oh, really?

00:23:16.240 --> 00:23:18.559
Is that why they have free free hotels?

00:23:18.720 --> 00:23:19.039
Yes.

00:23:19.359 --> 00:23:24.160
Why pay for a hotel when you can just go online and uh that's funny.00:23:24.480 --> 00:23:33.920


Set your settings on your dating app because can't you set it to be in different areas or whatever so that you can like meet people in different places before you go?00:23:34.079 --> 00:23:34.240


Yeah.00:23:34.480 --> 00:23:40.960


See, I'm all about I'd be fine dating long distance in the US, but can you imagine dating someone in another country, like in Europe?00:23:41.759 --> 00:23:43.279


Like how often would you really see each other?00:23:43.440 --> 00:23:43.680


Yeah.00:23:43.839 --> 00:23:44.720


It'd be really tough.00:23:44.960 --> 00:23:45.599


Yeah.00:23:45.920 --> 00:23:48.160


So now we're gonna indulge in the celebrity couple.00:23:48.319 --> 00:23:50.160


We marinate in the juices of the celebrities.00:23:50.319 --> 00:23:57.039


So, did you see how Kevin Frederline is coming out with a book or came out with a book and the few snippets that he's revealed about Brittany Spears?00:23:57.200 --> 00:23:57.599


Have you seen that?00:23:57.759 --> 00:23:58.480


No, I haven't.00:23:58.720 --> 00:24:05.039


So, one he says that she was breastfeeding um while she was on cocaine, like she did cocaine while breastfeeding.00:24:05.279 --> 00:24:05.599


Wow.00:24:05.839 --> 00:24:06.079


Right?00:24:06.400 --> 00:24:07.279


That's salacious.00:24:07.519 --> 00:24:07.599


Right.00:24:07.759 --> 00:24:08.480


Isn't that crazy?00:24:08.720 --> 00:24:14.160


One on their wedding night, right before they got married, she called Justin Timberlake.00:24:14.400 --> 00:24:15.039


What the hell?00:24:15.200 --> 00:24:20.480


And he was like, Yeah, I thought she was talking to her mom, but then I was listening to the conversation and I could tell it was definitely not her mom.00:24:20.799 --> 00:24:25.599


And then she told me it was Justin that she just wanted to make sure that chapter was closed before she got married.00:24:25.759 --> 00:24:27.200


Isn't that a big red flag?00:24:27.440 --> 00:24:28.319


Kinda, yeah.00:24:28.559 --> 00:24:32.799


Like, how would you feel if you're the guy you're about to marry is calling his ex right before your wedding?00:24:32.960 --> 00:24:35.519


Yeah, did he find all of this out before the wedding?00:24:35.759 --> 00:24:36.000


Right.00:24:36.400 --> 00:24:38.160


I I think that happens a lot.00:24:38.400 --> 00:24:38.880


Really?00:24:39.119 --> 00:24:39.759


Yeah.00:24:40.160 --> 00:24:40.480


Dang.00:24:40.799 --> 00:24:42.480


Or at least maybe in the movies it does.00:24:42.720 --> 00:24:44.559


I feel like it's something that happens in the movies.00:24:44.720 --> 00:24:49.440


Maybe it doesn't happen in real life as often, but I feel like it's something that happens.00:24:49.680 --> 00:24:57.680


And then he also revealed that um oftentimes she would be standing over her sons while they were sleeping, holding a knife.00:24:57.759 --> 00:24:59.039


Like she seems obsessed with knives.00:24:59.119 --> 00:25:01.200


You've seen all those dancing videos she does with the knives, right?00:25:01.519 --> 00:25:07.440


I guess she would just hover over the bed with a knife and then they'd wake up and she'd be like, Oh, you're awake, and then would just walk off.00:25:07.680 --> 00:25:09.440


Like kind of like crazy, no.00:25:09.839 --> 00:25:21.119


It is weird, but I did, I also heard something about this book is coming out at the same time that his payments from her are stopping.00:25:21.359 --> 00:25:23.680


Oh, so he's trying to cash in.00:25:24.160 --> 00:25:24.640


Yeah.00:25:24.960 --> 00:25:30.720


So there are two sides to the story because her book gave one side and you know, the fine and dandy, Peachy Keen.00:25:30.880 --> 00:25:32.880


But I'm sure I'm sure she's not perfect, right?00:25:33.119 --> 00:25:33.519


Yeah, no.00:25:33.759 --> 00:25:42.160


And now he's coming out with his side, but now she's fighting back saying, Oh, I'm tired of being gas lit, and you know, people are making stories about me, and he's inaccurate, he's lying.00:25:42.240 --> 00:25:43.119


Do you I don't know?00:25:43.440 --> 00:25:43.839


I don't know.00:25:43.920 --> 00:25:46.160


I don't know what I think it's hard to know what to believe.00:25:46.319 --> 00:25:50.880


Yeah, I want to love her so much, but she's so baddie.00:25:51.119 --> 00:25:52.480


Yeah, she's so crazy.00:25:52.640 --> 00:25:58.400


Her I know it's unfortunate what happened to her because she's a good performer, like she's a killer dancer.00:25:58.640 --> 00:26:04.559


It's just I wonder, is it being famous at such a young age that drive people to have mental issues like that?00:26:04.720 --> 00:26:05.119


I don't know.00:26:05.200 --> 00:26:05.599


What is it?00:26:06.079 --> 00:26:07.839


Yeah, yeah, being in the mind light.00:26:08.000 --> 00:26:10.799


I feel like it happens to so many people that start young.00:26:11.039 --> 00:26:12.319


Yeah, yeah, yeah.00:26:12.720 --> 00:26:15.279


So where is your favorite place to go on a first date?00:26:16.400 --> 00:26:16.880


You were dinner.00:26:18.000 --> 00:26:18.559


An activity?00:26:18.720 --> 00:26:19.200


Yeah.00:26:19.599 --> 00:26:25.039


Because I mean, I like talking, but I like something to kind of take the edge off, I guess.00:26:25.359 --> 00:26:26.640


Um, or drinks.00:26:27.039 --> 00:26:27.519


Yeah, yeah.00:26:28.079 --> 00:26:29.440


But not like a specific place.00:26:29.599 --> 00:26:30.880


I haven't been on enough dates.00:26:31.039 --> 00:26:31.200


Yeah.00:26:31.920 --> 00:26:33.119


Did you start drinking?00:26:33.279 --> 00:26:34.559


Do you drink you drink alcohol?00:26:34.720 --> 00:26:35.039


I do.00:26:35.200 --> 00:26:39.680


Did you start drinking while you were still Mormon or after you left the church?00:26:40.400 --> 00:26:41.440


While I was still Mormon.00:26:41.680 --> 00:26:42.160


You did, yes.00:26:42.480 --> 00:26:43.200


Okay, okay.00:26:43.440 --> 00:26:44.640


Is that frowned upon?00:26:44.799 --> 00:26:45.039


Yes.00:26:45.279 --> 00:26:45.920


It is really.00:26:46.000 --> 00:26:46.240


Yeah.00:26:46.319 --> 00:26:46.720


Mm-hmm.00:26:46.880 --> 00:26:47.200


Wow.00:26:47.599 --> 00:26:49.200


Okay, you can't have alcohol.00:26:49.599 --> 00:27:08.640


Um yeah, I I mean I had alcohol as a teen, heard of but um yeah, I think I was just like going crazy, maybe like a year into the marriage, and then I just like just wanted to try some alcoholic drinks because I never had the like college experience in all of that.00:27:09.039 --> 00:27:12.319


So is your family still practicing?00:27:12.640 --> 00:27:13.839


Half are, half aren't.00:27:14.079 --> 00:27:14.319


Okay.00:27:14.400 --> 00:27:16.640


Like your immediate family, so like your parents.00:27:17.200 --> 00:27:22.000


My parents are and two of my siblings, but then the other two are not.00:27:22.319 --> 00:27:22.640


Okay.00:27:22.799 --> 00:27:25.839


Do you guys still have a close relationship all with each other?00:27:26.160 --> 00:27:26.880


Yeah, actually.00:27:27.119 --> 00:27:27.279


Okay.00:27:27.359 --> 00:27:27.440


Yeah.00:27:31.039 --> 00:27:31.359


Yeah.00:27:31.519 --> 00:27:42.480


I mean, I think for a little bit it was a little kind of patchy, but we've had good conversations establishing like boundaries and such, and they also have chilled out so much.00:27:42.960 --> 00:27:45.119


So yeah, we have a really good conversation.00:27:45.359 --> 00:27:48.720


Um, they literally have family dinner every Sunday in Utah.00:27:49.759 --> 00:27:50.559


So why did you leave?00:27:50.640 --> 00:27:52.400


What prompted you to get out?00:27:54.160 --> 00:27:54.880


I don't know.00:27:54.960 --> 00:27:58.000


I feel like it was a culmination of a lot of things.00:27:58.240 --> 00:28:05.839


Um there's just there's a lot of conditions with you know, um, and it's fear-based.00:28:06.079 --> 00:28:17.519


So I think one of the major things that uh kind of like made uh the light bulb go off in my head was in order to like live with your family again, you have to be in the celestial kingdom.00:28:17.759 --> 00:28:27.359


So the heaven is divided into three kingdoms, and in order to make it to the celestial kingdom, you have to um be like go through the temple, be sealed and everything.00:28:27.440 --> 00:28:31.119


And in order to go to the temple, you have to have a temple recommend.00:28:31.759 --> 00:28:35.680


And one of the requirements is that you pay 10% of your tithing.00:28:35.759 --> 00:28:42.559


So you're essentially you have to pay 10% of your income to the church in order to make it to heaven.00:28:43.039 --> 00:28:44.640


What that is crazy.00:28:44.960 --> 00:28:47.920


So it's just like just kind of things that you start like putting together.00:28:48.000 --> 00:28:53.359


Obviously, like the history is very questionable and a little bit manipulated and everything.00:28:53.599 --> 00:29:00.079


Um, I've tried not to like look too much into it because obviously I still have family in the church and I don't want to like resent them or anything.00:29:00.240 --> 00:29:09.440


So I find that any religion that tells you you'll get higher up in heaven according to how much money you give to the church, I feel like that's automatic scam, no?00:29:09.920 --> 00:29:10.160


Right?00:29:10.720 --> 00:29:12.480


They hide it really, really well though.00:29:12.720 --> 00:29:12.960


Yeah.00:29:13.119 --> 00:29:13.279


Yeah.00:29:13.599 --> 00:29:23.279


They've had, I mean, they've had decades to figure out the ways to get people to buy in and believe.00:29:23.440 --> 00:29:24.240


You know what I mean?00:29:24.559 --> 00:29:35.200


It's and and they do even because the not only just the Mormon wives, but there's also a Housewives franchise that's out of Salt Lake City.00:29:35.440 --> 00:29:47.279


Um, and a lot of those ladies have left the church, and there's been a lot of stuff uh filmed about the backlash that they've received from leaving and things like that.00:29:47.440 --> 00:29:53.200


And it is, it's it's really it's hard on people because of the it's really emotional.00:29:53.359 --> 00:29:59.839


Oh, yeah, because you grow up being taught all of these things, and so it's just like it's I'm sure it was.00:30:00.319 --> 00:30:01.599


Very, very hard.00:30:01.920 --> 00:30:03.039


But there are some good things.00:30:03.119 --> 00:30:12.400


Like I read that they use that 10% to help, you know, if you lose your job and you're in the Mormon community, some of that money will go to help you pay your bills and pay your mortgage.00:30:12.559 --> 00:30:13.119


Is that true?00:30:13.279 --> 00:30:15.839


So they kind of support you if you're going through a hard time.00:30:16.079 --> 00:30:24.240


Um I've heard like, yes, if you go to your bishop or state president, they'll help out a little bit, but um it is a billion-dollar corporation.00:30:24.480 --> 00:30:25.039


Is it really?00:30:25.279 --> 00:30:28.240


What a lot of stuff came out recently, I think.00:30:28.480 --> 00:30:36.400


Like one of the higher-ups in the church um that like dealt with the financials kind of came out with a bunch of stuff.00:30:36.480 --> 00:30:39.680


And he's driving Lamborghini on the private jet.00:30:40.000 --> 00:30:41.359


Basically, it's like the Joel Austin.00:30:41.599 --> 00:30:41.759


Right.00:30:41.839 --> 00:30:56.400


It's you donate all this money and they're f you're paying for their private jets in their huge homes, like they're not not necessarily that, but it's like the like the stocks, and like they were essentially kind of what they hold, what they own.00:30:56.559 --> 00:30:56.799


Yeah.00:30:57.680 --> 00:31:01.839


And so Oh, so they're using that money to buy stocks and stuff for their personal companies.00:31:02.319 --> 00:31:02.799


Wow.00:31:03.119 --> 00:31:06.079


Not for like personal, but just like it's it's a corporation.00:31:06.480 --> 00:31:06.720


Yeah.00:31:06.960 --> 00:31:09.599


So they're not using that money for good.00:31:09.839 --> 00:31:12.640


They're not using it as much as they could.00:31:12.880 --> 00:31:13.200


Wow.00:31:13.759 --> 00:31:14.079


Scandalous.00:31:14.400 --> 00:31:22.079


They have a lot of money that they could do a lot of good with, but and they do do a lot of good with stuff, like whenever natural disasters and stuff.00:31:22.160 --> 00:31:22.799


I'll give them that.00:31:22.960 --> 00:31:28.640


And like I will say with the Mormon community, like family's great, it's a great community.00:31:28.799 --> 00:31:33.119


That's one thing that you like lose when you leave is the community and everything.00:31:33.200 --> 00:31:39.200


But well, now it's time to get to know you with Zoyo, sponsored by Zoyo, your neighborhood yogurt.00:31:39.519 --> 00:31:42.000


If you want to take the top card and answer it, okay.00:31:43.920 --> 00:31:46.319


Hopefully it's it's a good one.00:31:47.920 --> 00:31:50.079


Do you have a hidden talent?00:31:51.519 --> 00:31:53.200


Like, what's considered hidden?00:31:53.279 --> 00:31:55.440


I have a talent that not many people know.00:31:56.079 --> 00:31:58.240


Because like I do have a music degree as well.00:31:58.319 --> 00:31:58.799


So I sing.00:31:59.200 --> 00:32:02.720


Do you play or I play guitar, a little piano, ukulele?00:32:03.039 --> 00:32:04.160


Oh, I love the ukulele.00:32:04.400 --> 00:32:04.559


Yeah.00:32:04.799 --> 00:32:05.680


I've always wanted to learn.00:32:06.079 --> 00:32:06.559


How fun.00:32:06.799 --> 00:32:07.920


Do you write music or?00:32:08.240 --> 00:32:08.640


I don't.00:32:08.880 --> 00:32:15.279


That was never like my forte, obviously had to with a music degree, but I don't know if that's necessarily hidden.00:32:16.799 --> 00:32:21.119


Considering that you do music therapy, it's not really a hidden topic.00:32:21.680 --> 00:32:22.000


No.00:32:22.640 --> 00:32:23.839


Do you have any other questions?00:32:24.079 --> 00:32:24.240


No.00:32:24.480 --> 00:32:25.519


Do you have any other questions?00:32:25.759 --> 00:32:26.480


I don't think so.00:32:26.640 --> 00:32:28.799


Well, thank you so much for joining us this week at the meat market.00:32:28.960 --> 00:32:30.160


And thank you so much, Alyssa.00:32:30.240 --> 00:32:35.920


If you want to go on a date with Alyssa, send us a DM at Meat Market Podcast on any of our social media platforms.00:32:36.000 --> 00:32:38.319


And thank you to our sponsor, Tactical Tax Strategies.00:32:38.480 --> 00:32:42.880


If you want to keep more of your own money in your own wallet, you need to go to Tactical Tax Strategies.00:32:42.960 --> 00:32:45.279


We'll see you next week at the Meat Market.00:32:46.559 --> 00:32:49.519


Oh my god, I just totally got catfished.00:32:49.599 --> 00:32:51.680


He looks absolutely nothing like his picture.00:32:51.920 --> 00:32:56.640


So I found out the guy that I've been dating is married with kids.00:32:56.880 --> 00:32:59.359


His wife just reached out to me.