Master the Comeback: Respond, Don’t React!

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Oh my god, I just totally got catfished.

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He looks absolutely nothing like his picture.

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So I found out, the guy that I've been dating is married with kids.

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His wife just reached out to me.

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Welcome to the Meat Market.

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The single scene is a slaughterhouse and we are here to devour it.

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We are your hosts.

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I'm Lindsay, I'm Jess and today's sizzling single is Ramsey Welcome.

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Hi ladies, thanks for having me.

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So MSN named you one of the top 10 speakers to follow.

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That is huge Congrats.

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Well, thank you.

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How did?

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you get there.

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Well, a lot of work.

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It started back in 1999 when I started DJing.

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So I've been doing that for a little bit of time, spending time on a microphone doing over 800 weddings but I never really knew where it was going to go and just kind of trust in the process and following life.

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So what do you speak about?

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Mainly the power of perspective.

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It's not what happens to us, it's how we choose to respond.

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That really determines our reality.

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I have been in personal training business for 15 years and I realized most of that was coaching.

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Everyone knows they need to eat better, move more, but why aren't they?

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And just that, doing the work on myself.

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It's kind of a lot of things came together and, yeah, that's where I'm at now.

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And so tell us what inspired you.

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So he has a book Cake on the Floor.

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Tell us what inspired the name.

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I like that story.

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So I was also.

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As I said, I was a DJ for a while and I was at a wedding about 10 years ago and the bride went to cut her wedding cake, but the venue didn't lock the legs of her cake table out all the way, so this five-tier cake falls all over the floor and everyone froze and looked at her and she started laughing.

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And then everyone in the room started laughing.

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I was like, wow, what a great way to handle that situation and I thought why don't most people handle situations like that?

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Why do people usually freak out?

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And it doesn't really change anything.

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So the book is mainly about the difference between reacting versus responding to situations.

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What's really within our control and our life's all about the story we tell ourself, rather than what's going on.

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It's not what happens, it's how you choose to respond that really determines your reality.

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It's true, because we get so many hate comments on social media and we say, oh, they hurt our feelings, they didn't hurt our feelings, we allow them to hurt our feelings.

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You know, we should, I should.

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I need to learn how to react differently because what do I always tell you, lindsey?

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I'm like there's enough when things happen that are outside of your control.

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What does like a freak out response?

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Do nothing it only makes it worse for you.

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It doesn't actually help to solve or, you know, fix the situation yeah.

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So think about if somebody just walked up to you on the street and said I hate your green socks and you wearing you weren't wearing green socks.

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How would you respond or what would you say?

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I'm not wearing green socks, and it wouldn't bother you at all, right, so it's the same thing the only thing.

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time is when.

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When they say something on social media, if we think there's a grain of truth to it in our head, then we make that part of our story.

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So I just have my clients in their head just say green socks, like it has nothing to do with me.

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I don't know what's going on in their head.

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Why are they projecting?

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It really has everything to do with them and I'm okay.

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So.

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So do you meet a lot of single women at these speaking events?

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I bet you do, I have had some women approach me afterwards.

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I do some book signings but I don't look at it through that lens because then it really would change my energy.

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I'm there to deliver a message.

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I even like I'll meditate and ground before I go up on stage because I don't want it to be about me.

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I want it to be about helping people find the shift in their perspective.

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So I don't look at the audience through that lens because I think everyone can tell when somebody's trying to mack on that person in the room and I don't want to be up on stage in front of 400 people and everyone think, well, this guy's checked out, he's not even delivering messages, he's flirting with this person.

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So I could.

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I can notice if someone's attractive, but that's not why I'm there and I usually work with companies a lot more than just a speaking engagement.

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I do executive development and six month like packages with people and I don't want to ruin that by you know crapping where I eat you know from a work event.

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What about when you were DJing weddings?

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Was it like a real life wedding crashers?

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Like the bridesmaids and the.

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That's a different story.

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I enjoyed my 20s a lot.

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I DJed a lot in nightclubs.

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I DJed for Playboy, for Hawaiian Tropic, with Vanilla Ice, with Paul Oakenfold.

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So I've enjoyed my life.

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I'm not in that stage of life anymore, but yes, that was a much different scenario and a much different time back in the day.

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How true to life is that movie?

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Remember they would go to the weddings for the desperate bridesmaids and the desperate family members who are there.

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Is there a lot of action at weddings?

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Yes, but I think the same can be said for any scenario.

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It's a matter of when you're going to enough events you're going to see that happen.

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It does happen.

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I mean, again, I don't even know all the stories, I just know because I'm behind the booth a lot of times, so I don't know what's going on out there.

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But yeah, when I was, I mean, I was also married for a while and so that definitely changed the dynamic.

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Whenever I was DJing, I was much more respectful.

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But when I was single and DJing, yeah, you know it's, it's, life is short.

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Um, you know, have fun, be respectful and be open and honest about people, to people for sure so now, if you don't mind me, asking why did your marriage not work out?

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we grew apart, we got married.

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Um I say we were younger, we had had a nine year age difference, but I was, yeah, 31.

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She was 23, 24.

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And yeah, and we just kind of grew.

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We grew apart.

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She was finding herself and I was.

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I didn't know who the hell I was.

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I'm a very different human being than I was back then.

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Yeah, and different priorities.

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So when, when COVID hit in 2020, I was a personal trainer.

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I built a gym in my yard, I was training people, and my best friend passed away during COVID but it wasn't from COVID.

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He essentially drank himself into a coma and was on a ventilator for over a month, and then I was with him in the hospital when he died, and that's really what got me to change my life and made me realize what in the hell am I doing with my life?

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He was 42.

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Got me to change my life and made me realize what, what in the hell am I doing with my life?

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He was 42.

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Um, and so I went back to school to become a certified coach and to help people in a more profound way and, through that process, really discovered that I just wasn't.

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I wasn't happy in my marriage.

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Um, she and I are still friends.

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We're not.

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we don't have co-custody of a dog or anything but, we're cordial, we're civil to each other, yeah, but we just weren't right for each other and that's okay.

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Are you on the dating apps now?

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I am.

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How's that?

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going, it's going.

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I have finally, for the first time in my life, learned how to just be comfortable with myself, and that's changed the way that I approach dating apps.

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I don't have to match with somebody and if I go on a date or two and if it doesn't work out, that's okay.

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It's not that they're a bad person, it's just not the right fit for the energy.

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Uh, so, coming from a place of I don't need this, it's it would be a nice to have as really, I guess taking a lot of the pressure off that I used to put on myself.

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People take it so personal that what you just said we're just not right for each other.

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It's like I've found that typically we've talked about this before.

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I will.

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If I feel like a date isn't going to progress into something more, I will right away, the next day or whenever it is, say hey, I was thinking about it and I just don't see this going anywhere, and typically it's one of two responses.

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It's the very mature hey.

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Thanks for letting me know.

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I'm really happy that we didn't waste any more time.

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Or it's like the total fly off the handle like fuck you too, bitch.

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Like.

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I didn't like you either, and I'm like dude, like I was trying to be nice and you know, stop this from continuing to to go somewhere and so it's just like it's crazy people it's.

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It seems to be either one extreme or the other but that should just make you more confident in your decision you made the right choice.

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You made the right choice.

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You dodged the bullet for sure.

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So I'm writing a second book called use your words, because the my friends that have kids.

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They're always telling their kids use your words.

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But as adults we're all just old children, like when we 18, the bolt of lightning doesn't hit us.

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We're not smart all of a sudden and we don't know how to communicate.

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I think, like you, being smart and intelligent and saying hey and being respectful and letting this person know.

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I'm just not interested in that capacity.

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How else would you like?

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That's how I would want to hear it.

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Do they want to get strung along?

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for months or waste my time, because the longer you spend time you know with something that's not for you, the less time you have with what eventually is going to be for you so why am I going to waste?

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Either one of our time yeah, that's funny.

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I say that all the time.

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Use your words.

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Well, I also work in pediatrics so I say it all the time to kid, like patients of mine.

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But I say it to myself too when I'm like, okay, how am I going to approach this?

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Like use, use your words, jess.

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Like, just use your words, like, just say it.

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You know what I mean, cause usually once you say it and get it out there it's it starts.

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It either starts a conversation that goes in a positive direction or it gets the extreme backlash of and that's how you know, when people aren't able to use their words right, they haven't developed those communication skills.

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And the same thing applies in the workplace, and that's what I'm saying, like how how we show up at home can mirror how we show up at work.

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And if you, if, if, in the office I can't share how I feel with my team or really feel like I'm frustrated, I have that toxic positivity or spiritual bypassing of no, I've got this, or I just lash out.

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And I think the reason I'm so busy with work right now 75% of job loss is due to emotional, intelligent components, and that's I teach workshops on stress management emotional intelligence because people don't know how to handle interpersonal conflicts, they don't know how to handle stress or challenges at work, or leadership doesn't know how to manage change, and it's so sad that these things can be easily fixed if we just slow down, learn how to share what we're feeling.

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I use the analogy that if you pretend to be cool with a scenario, you're not, whether it's with your partner or work you then become an actor and you're playing the part of somebody who's cool with this situation and eventually you get tired of playing that part.

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You're not being you, you're playing this role, and then the other person has no idea who you even are, and then eventually it builds, it, builds, it, builds, you blow up, and then eventually, it builds, it, builds, it, builds, you blow up.

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And then they're like where the hell did this come from?

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You've never brought this up before Because you were trying to be the nice guy and not share anything and you're not doing anyone any favors instead of saying I don't like this.

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I don't see this going anywhere.

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So, ladies, this one's a bad boy.

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So you were banned from Bumble, is that?

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right they gave you the boots.

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I was banned from Bumble.

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That is correct.

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What?

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happened.

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I was talking about a substance that I think is very helpful for mental health that apparently you can't talk about on Bumble.

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You know, I believe in the healing power of plant medicine and somebody had indicated they did in their profile too, and we were talking about it.

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Apparently, bumble does have these automatic AI things that just scrub chats and if you talk about it and if you reach out to Bumble, be like, hey, I would like to know what did I do to be banned, they won't tell you like sorry, it violates our policy, but just know that you violated it in your band.

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Were you ever able to talk to a real person about it?

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I think that's the problem with the apps.

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I had a friend, not from a dating app.

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She was recently banned from Airbnb and she's devastated because she's one of, like, my travel friends and she's so.

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She's so upset about it, but she can't talk to a real person.

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Every time she tries to figure out hey, what did I do wrong?

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Why am I banned?

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They can't they it's the same thing.

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They can't tell her why she was banned, so has no idea.

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Why did she do anything she does?

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she does know why it was, she does know why, but there's no remedy she feels like she should be able to remedy the situation similar to you, like you feel, like you have a like interest with someone that you met on bumble yeah so why should you not be able to have a safe conversation about it within the app?

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Right.

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And so like, there's your argument, but you can't actually get ahold of a real person to explain that to them, Whereas, like if you're arguing with chat GPT, you know you're going nowhere.

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You're going around in circles.

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You know.

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So, going back, what they did is they kept emailing me.

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They said well, here, here are the terms and conditions.

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Just know, you violated something on here.

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And of course I read the specific paragraph that it talks about.

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It was if it's an illegal substance, then you can't talk about it and you're banned.

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But they don't have a.

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We'll let you know if you violated the procedure.

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It's kind of like if you get pulled over for speeding the first time you're going to jail and it's like, well, holy shit, just like let's pump the brakes here.

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Just let me know that this isn't policy.

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No one reads the terms and conditions Right exactly, I'm a human being, not a robot.

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And once you've let me know that I violated it, then cool, I know that's a policy now and I won't do that anymore.

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Almost seems strict.

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Had another guest, a very lovely lady, so innocent, and she was banned too and she doesn't know why.

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Right and I but I think hers was because people were reporting.

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I think someone reported her someone got, they were jealous or something and reported her profile.

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I don't know it needs to be bumble, needs to be ran more like an hoa, where they send you like, hey, you're in violation of this first warning within 15 days or we're going to kick you off the the app so but got me on to.

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You know I'm no longer on that app.

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I'm still on another one, but it's like, well, maybe I'll I don't know meet someone in real life instead, and so that's really kind of helped me learn to just get back out there in the world and not I think I can't remember who said it I'm not going out looking for people, I'm going out to enjoy the things I like to do, and in doing that, I will find people who also like those things, and I think I was trying to do the opposite for so long.

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I was trying to find that person who would go enjoy the things with me.

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Well, but there's a hundred other deal breakers that could be there that I don't know about when, if I'm meeting someone organically, I can learn about them as a person holistically.

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So wait can and holistically.

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So can I go back to your airbnb?

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story.

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Are you allowed to disclose what she did?

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How did you get banned from airbnb?

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it must be pretty big um no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

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It was so.

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She has this property that she was trying to list on the seller or on the renter side of it.

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She's always been like a rentee right she's always rented places and now she has this place that she bought recently and she wanted to put it on Airbnb and so she was trying to.

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She wanted her husband to manage it and so it sort of was this weird thing where she was putting her name on it but also wanted her husband's name on it as the manager, and I think Airbnb didn't like that because there was two different names and so they saw it as maybe she was doing something shady because she didn't have, you know, the person she wanted to manage it didn't have ownership, so the person she wanted to manage it didn't have ownership.

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So I think it was a misunderstanding and from her explanation it was a misunderstanding.

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She's not even really sure, but she said Airbnb in general has banned her overall from both being a renter of her place to others and her renting from others in the future.

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Well, I know I will never use Airbnb again, not just because of that story, but I had a horrendous experience as a renter and I rented a place in Flagstaff last.

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I think it was July and the listing had.

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Apparently they had heat but no AC and it was one of those hot Arizona summers and inside the temperature they had one tiny little fan and it was up to 87 degrees in the house.

00:15:27.246 --> 00:15:28.231
No, thank you, and I'm like.

00:15:28.331 --> 00:15:29.296
I'm going to have to go get a hotel.

00:15:29.296 --> 00:15:30.239
I can't stay here.

00:15:30.389 --> 00:15:33.078
And the owner was like nope, not giving you anything back, that's it.

00:15:33.078 --> 00:15:36.900
And then so I left a review saying this owner was unreasonable.

00:15:36.900 --> 00:15:45.092
He wouldn't give me even a partial refund and I had to pay the whole thing.

00:15:45.092 --> 00:15:45.794
Um, and then what he did?

00:15:45.794 --> 00:15:49.610
He waited until the last day that he could dispute it, to dispute my listing, and then I couldn't then update the review.

00:15:49.610 --> 00:15:50.410
They just took it down.

00:15:50.410 --> 00:16:00.076
Oh my god, I wasn't even able to leave that review and it was, I think, so egregious that I felt like my voice wasn't heard to share with people.

00:16:00.096 --> 00:16:06.096
So I'm like, I'm just like I'll use vrbo yeah, he's played that game before you came with a knife to a gunfight.

00:16:06.096 --> 00:16:07.400
Basically is what happened.

00:16:07.850 --> 00:16:10.095
He's a realtor here in the Valley so I looked him up, the owner up.

00:16:10.095 --> 00:16:12.176
He's a sleazy kind of guy.

00:16:12.196 --> 00:16:13.038
Yeah, yeah.

00:16:13.038 --> 00:16:14.777
So you're pretty international.

00:16:14.777 --> 00:16:16.275
You weren't born in this country right.

00:16:19.197 --> 00:16:29.120
I was born in Kuwait and then moved, lived in Amman, jordan, for a couple of years and then we moved from Geneva, switzerland, to a small town in Arkansas, that's crazy.

00:16:29.140 --> 00:16:30.403
Switzerland to Arkansas.

00:16:30.403 --> 00:16:34.701
I'm pretty sure Arkansas was the state of my little sister's fake ID.

00:16:34.701 --> 00:16:41.825
And we always had such a hard time about it because we were like that's our little sister from Arkansas.

00:16:43.091 --> 00:16:44.355
Well, it was unique.

00:16:44.355 --> 00:16:45.480
It had its fair share of challenges.

00:16:45.480 --> 00:16:51.660
I'm half Arab, so growing up as a half Arab in Arkansas definitely was an experience you know, kind of shaped me who I am.

00:16:51.660 --> 00:17:01.201
There are some fantastic people in Arkansas but I don't live there anymore because I just didn't feel like I connected with the culture.

00:17:01.782 --> 00:17:02.442
When did you leave?

00:17:02.442 --> 00:17:03.043
How old were?

00:17:03.485 --> 00:17:07.253
you when I left Arkansas 19.

00:17:07.253 --> 00:17:10.618
Okay, yeah, went to high school there, then college out of state.

00:17:10.919 --> 00:17:12.260
Yeah, where'd you go to college?

00:17:12.942 --> 00:17:13.762
Mississippi State.

00:17:13.903 --> 00:17:14.663
Really yeah, I went to.

00:17:14.683 --> 00:17:15.164
Mississippi.

00:17:15.164 --> 00:17:16.125
You know what I got to be careful.

00:17:16.125 --> 00:17:24.702
I have clients in a lot of states that are incredible people and every state has this magic, but I really like Arizona, I like being out here.

00:17:25.770 --> 00:17:30.663
The mindset is different and I say that without judgment.

00:17:30.663 --> 00:17:44.583
I like to surround myself with people who have similar mindsets and interests to what I do, and the beautiful thing is and this goes back to dating If someone doesn't have the same viewpoint as me, that's fine, just go your own way.

00:17:44.583 --> 00:17:56.499
So I would use my middle name in the dating science because I have a rather unique first name and I would, if I didn't match with somebody, for whatever reason, I would have sometimes people like look me up on my social media and still add me anyway.

00:17:56.499 --> 00:18:01.075
Hey, I saw you on on hinge and we didn't match, but I thought I'd reach out and say hi, well, why are you reaching?

00:18:01.154 --> 00:18:01.394
out what?

00:18:01.394 --> 00:18:01.835
How embarrassing like.

00:18:01.835 --> 00:18:03.617
That's the reason you didn't match, but I thought I'd reach out and say, hi, I'm like.

00:18:03.617 --> 00:18:04.719
Well, why are you reaching out if we didn't match?

00:18:04.739 --> 00:18:06.121
How embarrassing Like that's the reason you didn't match.

00:18:06.121 --> 00:18:10.286
You're not interested, and so I just I like, especially when people put their political views if it's not something that I agree with.

00:18:10.286 --> 00:18:28.151
It's like hey that's good.

00:18:28.171 --> 00:18:28.673
They're not super like.

00:18:28.673 --> 00:18:31.082
Yeah, I don't know if any part of your audience aggressive about it or not, trying to shove them on you.

00:18:31.082 --> 00:18:31.904
Could you date someone who's who's the?

00:18:31.924 --> 00:18:32.125
opposite.

00:18:32.125 --> 00:18:38.201
I could date somebody if they didn't own an article of clothing that was made by the person they support.

00:18:38.441 --> 00:18:41.011
Okay, you know, I guess so I guess that's.

00:18:41.011 --> 00:18:42.733
That is that happens to be made in China.

00:18:43.154 --> 00:18:50.806
I'm not going to date somebody that is like if your political ideology becomes your identity, yeah, that's the issue.

00:18:51.310 --> 00:18:51.973
That's the issue.

00:18:51.973 --> 00:18:52.616
I have too.

00:18:52.616 --> 00:19:05.903
My ex had very strong political views and I do not have very strong political views, and as long as he wouldn't totally just spew them all over, the place, it's fine.

00:19:05.903 --> 00:19:21.862
And then there was once that he got in a fight with one of my friends who was opposite of him, and so it's just like things like that, where I'm like you can have your views, that's fine, but you don't need to be calling my friend names, because you guys have different political views.

00:19:21.902 --> 00:19:23.529
Now I will be honest, I do have different political views.

00:19:23.529 --> 00:19:24.688
Now I will be honest, I do have strong political views.

00:19:24.688 --> 00:19:43.981
But I think, if I am able to have conversations with the other side of the aisle, I think if you can have intelligent dialogue, I think that's what's missing For sure, part of the reason I think we are where we are as a country is because we were always told not to talk about politics and in doing so, we never really understood the other side.

00:19:44.431 --> 00:19:49.894
We're always just kind of entrenched ourselves in our beliefs and our viewpoint and we never really understood.

00:19:49.894 --> 00:19:53.098
Like hey, at the end of the day, we want a lot of the same things.

00:19:53.098 --> 00:20:02.353
Now, if you are talking about, I want to say, the fringe elements that have taken hold in the mainstream, that's a very different mindset, the hot topics.

00:20:02.353 --> 00:20:03.034
The hot topics.

00:20:03.034 --> 00:20:05.457
The hot topics like the hot, the hot button.

00:20:05.457 --> 00:20:06.739
Or they say hot topics.

00:20:06.838 --> 00:20:11.964
I'm like, well, that, yeah, that too, no, the hot topics, the things that really get people riled up.

00:20:11.986 --> 00:20:17.172
Well, it's the same and I think what you hit the nail on the head, whether it's relationships or politics or work.

00:20:17.172 --> 00:20:23.555
So many of us are motivated by fear and we want to be comfortable.

00:20:23.555 --> 00:20:27.050
We want what we know and in doing so we don't grow.

00:20:27.050 --> 00:20:32.353
So a lot of times that's what I deal with in challenges, in either organizations or even in a relationship.

00:20:32.353 --> 00:20:34.520
I want to go try something new.

00:20:34.520 --> 00:20:42.053
Two years ago, I wanted to challenge myself and do something I've never done before, so I swam around Key West 12 and a half miles in the ocean.

00:20:42.073 --> 00:20:42.913
That's so crazy.

00:20:43.492 --> 00:20:45.314
And I didn't think I could do it at first.

00:20:45.314 --> 00:20:47.375
I'm like well, what Worst thing that happens.

00:20:47.375 --> 00:20:48.435
Well, I guess I could.

00:20:48.455 --> 00:20:52.617
You die Well yeah, but I had somebody with me.

00:20:52.617 --> 00:20:58.480
My best friend was in a kayak next to me the whole time and I would just stop and get out of the water.

00:20:58.480 --> 00:21:07.305
But we don't know what we're capable of, because we're so scared and that comes to ignorance of the other side or what other people may think, or what people may think of me.

00:21:07.305 --> 00:21:20.289
We're so scared of not being accepted and we're always wearing a mask of what we think the world wants us to be and then we're not real.

00:21:27.289 --> 00:21:28.855
And I've been in relationships with some incredible people, but they were so scared of what their family would think or what their ex would think.

00:21:28.855 --> 00:21:29.116
I'm like well, are you living for you?

00:21:29.116 --> 00:21:29.269
What are you doing for you?

00:21:29.269 --> 00:21:29.526
Like you gotta be authentic.

00:21:29.526 --> 00:21:30.588
It's gotta be exhausting to have that mentality.

00:21:30.588 --> 00:21:33.601
Yeah, it's like take the mask off, it's so heavy it gets, and I was doing that.

00:21:33.621 --> 00:21:39.435
I used to be an iron man triathlete and I went to ireland to do one and I was a spade uh, spade.

00:21:39.435 --> 00:21:45.545
I was a paid spokesperson for a sports nutrition company and the water was going to be 50 degrees.

00:21:45.545 --> 00:21:47.576
It was going to be 100% chance of rain that day.

00:21:47.576 --> 00:21:52.737
It's Ireland, for Christ's sakes, and I'm like I don't want to do this anymore, and I remember posting on my social media.

00:21:52.737 --> 00:21:56.077
I'm tired of being the person that I think you want me to be.

00:21:56.239 --> 00:21:57.101
I just want to be myself.

00:21:57.101 --> 00:22:08.136
I want to go drink a Guinness and just enjoy my day, and the outpouring of people who were complimentary, like thank you for being real and vulnerable, it makes me feel better about myself.

00:22:08.136 --> 00:22:23.078
That there's not, because I would always portray myself as invincible or this perfect person, and that's very different from the reality, and so I think being authentic with who you are and what your needs are is going to attract the right people 100%, and it's okay if I'm not for everyone.

00:22:23.078 --> 00:22:24.531
It's okay if I'm not for everyone.

00:22:24.531 --> 00:22:26.599
It's okay if every day that go on doesn't like me, that's fantastic.

00:22:26.599 --> 00:22:39.506
I don't want to, you know, muddy myself down to just be a common denominator and just kind of be vanilla yeah, well, and I think too, speaking about making things your whole personality, that iron man community.

00:22:39.866 --> 00:22:45.976
There are so many people in that community that that is their whole personality it's like do you know how somebody's done an iron man?

00:22:45.976 --> 00:22:52.298
Don't worry, they'll fucking tell you in every conversation they have to bring it up.

00:22:52.298 --> 00:22:53.280
I have a tattoo.

00:22:53.300 --> 00:22:53.942
Well, I just did.

00:22:53.962 --> 00:23:02.295
I mean, I'm par for the course right well, I think it's because whenever I speak like I have all these credentials, I've, I've uh, you know all these certifications.

00:23:02.295 --> 00:23:07.084
I've written a book, but companies will sometimes just introduce me as a time Ironman, ramsey Bergeron.

00:23:07.084 --> 00:23:15.540
I think it has such an element of accomplishment and perseverance that a lot of people don't recognize that is it the goal?

00:23:15.540 --> 00:23:22.536
Because a lot of people in the Ironman community myself included it's not that I'm chasing the finish line.

00:23:22.536 --> 00:23:24.180
I was running from something else.

00:23:24.180 --> 00:23:33.019
I had a lot of feelings of inadequacy and I thought, if I cross this finish line, I'm going to matter, and then a week later I'm the same asshole I was before the race.

00:23:33.019 --> 00:23:33.420
Well, what?

00:23:33.420 --> 00:23:35.393
Now I need to do something, I need to sign up for another one.

00:23:35.855 --> 00:23:37.398
So just chasing this emptiness.

00:23:37.398 --> 00:23:39.472
And a lot of people don't recognize.

00:23:39.472 --> 00:23:40.756
Sometimes it's addiction switching.

00:23:40.756 --> 00:23:47.057
So you'll find a lot of people that used to be alcoholics or have other kinds of addictions and then they go into endurance sports.

00:23:47.057 --> 00:23:50.675
I'm not a David Goggins fan.

00:23:50.675 --> 00:23:53.097
It's like oh, don't you love David Goggins.

00:23:53.097 --> 00:23:54.476
He does all this crazy stuff.

00:23:54.476 --> 00:23:57.835
And I'm like, well, at some point you just need therapy At some point what are you?

00:23:58.016 --> 00:24:00.196
running, for You're running until you're peeing blood.

00:24:00.196 --> 00:24:06.309
Come on, man Like and I know I swim around Key West but I think there's there's an element of balance, for what's the intention.

00:24:06.710 --> 00:24:06.871
Yeah.

00:24:07.050 --> 00:24:09.980
Are you running towards something or are you running away from something else?

00:24:09.980 --> 00:24:11.755
And that can even be a relationship.

00:24:11.755 --> 00:24:13.358
Am I running into a relationship?

00:24:13.358 --> 00:24:18.455
Cause I don't want to slow down long enough to be still, to be quiet, to think.

00:24:18.455 --> 00:24:19.958
What is it that I'm feeling?

00:24:19.958 --> 00:24:20.740
What do I need?

00:24:20.859 --> 00:24:21.019
Yeah.

00:24:21.039 --> 00:24:22.863
And I'm just going to drown myself in a relationship.

00:24:22.923 --> 00:24:23.884
So what are you looking for?

00:24:23.884 --> 00:24:24.945
Are you looking to get married again?

00:24:27.032 --> 00:24:27.694
Are you looking to have kids?

00:24:27.694 --> 00:24:29.240
I would like both of those things.

00:24:29.240 --> 00:24:31.678
I'm open to it.

00:24:31.678 --> 00:24:33.513
I'm not attached to the outcome.

00:24:33.513 --> 00:24:35.500
I have a word on my wrist that says allow.

00:24:35.500 --> 00:24:37.817
So I just allow situations to be what they are.

00:24:37.817 --> 00:24:39.292
I would love to find partnership.

00:24:39.292 --> 00:24:40.474
I find partnership.

00:24:40.474 --> 00:24:51.252
I am looking for somebody I want the old cliche of marrying my best friend right who loves to travel, loves to do things with.

00:24:51.272 --> 00:24:53.679
I think finding somebody else who knows how to repair is incredibly important to me.

00:24:53.679 --> 00:24:58.240
I think that's probably the most underutilized skill in a relationship, because you're going to have disagreements.

00:24:58.240 --> 00:25:00.073
Can you disagree with respect?

00:25:00.073 --> 00:25:01.998
And do you know how to repair?

00:25:01.998 --> 00:25:03.602
Do you know how to not take it personal?

00:25:03.602 --> 00:25:15.152
And I think, to kind of your point from earlier, bring it up quick, because otherwise, when you don't, you let things faster, resentment builds and then the other person doesn't even know that this is bothering them.

00:25:15.152 --> 00:25:24.357
So, um, being able to say hey, by the way, this can we I don't like the way that you phrase this right now Just being honest about how you feel, because then you can move on from the subject.

00:25:24.438 --> 00:25:32.461
Otherwise resentment builds and then yeah, that's been one of my biggest pet peeves in a past relationship Is I'm very much a.

00:25:32.461 --> 00:25:45.431
When I feel something, I'm going to let you know in this moment how it makes me feel and how either your actions or the situation or whatever it is, is affecting me right now.

00:25:45.431 --> 00:25:55.035
Right, and so I was with someone who would hear that and then grab something from eight months ago and go well when you did this.

00:25:55.195 --> 00:26:06.011
It made me feel this and I'm like, no, no, no, yeah, we should have talked about that eight months ago and we probably did likely and fixed it, and fixed it and moved on.

00:26:06.011 --> 00:26:12.791
But it's like now we're here in this moment and this situation is making me feel a certain type of way.

00:26:12.791 --> 00:26:17.201
So why are we talking about, you know, a situation from eight months ago?

00:26:17.782 --> 00:26:18.691
have you heard of darvo?

00:26:18.691 --> 00:26:20.835
No, darvo d-a-r-v-o.

00:26:20.835 --> 00:26:24.902
It's deny, attack, reverse, victim and oppressor.

00:26:24.902 --> 00:26:44.482
So, essentially, if you're in a conversation with somebody and they don't know, they don't have the emotional intelligence to be able to listen and hold space for you, then that's, they'll deny what, what you're, what you're bringing up, and then they'll attack you and reverse it and make themselves the victim in this scenario oh, my boy friends, that's like exactly what I'm saying right now.

00:26:45.553 --> 00:26:47.138
And here's the thing, don't take the bait.

00:26:47.138 --> 00:26:52.940
We're so quick to get hooked on that story and I tell people, there's always cake on the floor, right?

00:26:52.940 --> 00:27:03.378
So how do you slow down enough to not get pulled into that drama and then recognize like, oh well, and if they don't have the emotional intelligence to be in a relationship, well, that's great.

00:27:03.378 --> 00:27:07.696
It's just, I'm in a different place in my life, yes, and that's fine.

00:27:07.696 --> 00:27:08.138
I wish you the best.

00:27:08.138 --> 00:27:09.968
I want somebody who can slow down enough to recognize that I'm not attacking you.

00:27:10.009 --> 00:27:22.040
I'm sharing what my needs are because I want to make it work yeah, and I think that's what my, my reaction was always just like immediate shutdown, because I was like you're not heard, I'm not heard and that's not what we're talking about right now.

00:27:22.040 --> 00:27:24.305
So I'm going to shut down and we're going to keep it moving.

00:27:24.305 --> 00:27:43.460
But just know, like this is not working for me anymore and I feel like now, as soon as I get the first inkling that someone is that way, it is an immediate no for me, because I've been in a relationship like that for way too long.

00:27:43.460 --> 00:27:45.743
To where it was, I was always just shutting down.

00:27:45.743 --> 00:27:47.917
I will just shut down, shut down, shut down.

00:27:47.917 --> 00:28:00.499
And it's like now, as soon as someone even starts to handle conflict in that way, it's like immediate ick, immediate no, yeah, like we're done here, there is no future.

00:28:00.790 --> 00:28:12.758
Yeah, I used to make the joke that my I found my purpose in this life, which is to help women realize they're emotionally unavailable to be in a relationship, because I felt like I would date somebody and then I would recognize wait a minute, this is because of what you're saying.

00:28:12.758 --> 00:28:23.961
I used to be the avoidant chaser, where if someone wasn't able to be in the relationship or they would come on really strong and then they would freak out and they don't want to be in it and they're like well, I don't think I'm the right person for you.

00:28:23.961 --> 00:28:26.978
I'm like, well, no, and I would chase and try to convince them that they are.

00:28:26.978 --> 00:28:27.779
But now I listen.

00:28:27.779 --> 00:28:32.598
It's like well, you're right, I do want too much than you're willing to be able to give me, and that's okay.

00:28:32.598 --> 00:28:33.821
I wish you the best of luck.

00:28:33.821 --> 00:28:54.810
Yeah, and, and it's, it's, it's not helpful for anyone.

00:28:54.951 --> 00:29:04.726
And well and I think with me, cause I've had that happen to me before where I I am, have been upfront and said listen, I'm not interested in a relationship.

00:29:04.726 --> 00:29:08.635
It was really nice getting to know you, but this isn't something that I want.

00:29:09.069 --> 00:29:40.175
And they continue to chase, as if they think it's a game, as if they think that I'm playing hard to get and it's like, no, that's not what I'm doing, I'm not playing, I am serious, I am telling you I don't want this to continue and so I think sometimes you know, figure out if the person that you're talking to are they just playing a game or do they just like the idea of you, but not really you as a person?

00:29:40.336 --> 00:29:40.455
So.

00:29:40.537 --> 00:30:05.118
So this is where I think that I used to give people way too many chances, because I see that, as them trying, they probably in childhood had that type of attachment style with their parents and they couldn't and this is a realization I had as recently, as early as this this earlier this year, doing a during a plant medicine ceremony I had this giant epiphany in my head that when I was young, I never was made to feel safe, that my, my parents weren't like what do you need?

00:30:05.138 --> 00:30:05.961
We're here for you.

00:30:05.961 --> 00:30:17.214
No one ever asked how I felt and I spent a lot of time trying to guess what my partner needed and fix their problems, because then they could help me and fix mine.

00:30:17.214 --> 00:30:22.692
And it just dawned on me wait a minute, why don't I fucking cut out the middleman and just take care of my own shit?

00:30:22.692 --> 00:30:26.075
Because I would always suppress what my needs were to take care of them.

00:30:26.075 --> 00:30:31.178
So whenever someone's chasing you, they're really just chasing that attachment style they had from childhood.

00:30:31.178 --> 00:30:40.794
They could never connect with mom and dad, and so they're recreating that pattern, because if they can get you to like them, then they're fixing what wasn't working for them in childhood.

00:30:40.794 --> 00:30:42.029
They're making that wrong, right.

00:30:42.164 --> 00:30:43.788
So fix your childhood trauma everybody.

00:30:43.930 --> 00:30:44.852
Yes, therapy.

00:30:44.852 --> 00:30:45.272
Are you ready?

00:30:45.294 --> 00:30:46.497
for it, I'm ready for it.

00:30:46.497 --> 00:30:49.835
The Keep More Minute brought to you by Tactical Tax Strategies.

00:30:49.835 --> 00:30:51.711
They help you keep more in your wallet.

00:30:51.711 --> 00:30:53.886
To you by Tactical Tax Strategies.

00:30:53.886 --> 00:30:55.190
They help you keep more in your wallet.

00:30:55.190 --> 00:30:56.271
We help you keep more in your relationship.

00:30:56.271 --> 00:30:58.497
So we've got listener question to talk about today.

00:30:58.497 --> 00:31:02.788
Let's see here All right From Fiona.

00:31:02.788 --> 00:31:05.816
She says I love my partner, but my family doesn't.

00:31:05.816 --> 00:31:10.531
They say he's not right for me, even though he treats me well and makes me happy.

00:31:10.531 --> 00:31:15.451
How do I balance my relationship with someone I care about in a family that can't accept him?

00:31:16.394 --> 00:31:16.994
Oh, this is to me.

00:31:17.984 --> 00:31:21.153
It's to all of us Boundaries.

00:31:21.433 --> 00:31:22.817
Boundaries.

00:31:24.026 --> 00:31:29.595
And I think it's important to talk to your family about why don't they like him.

00:31:30.486 --> 00:31:34.654
It's tough because for me it was a deal breaker if my family didn't accept or like my partner.

00:31:34.654 --> 00:31:38.269
Because we're such a close family and we get together all the time, it was hard.

00:31:39.506 --> 00:31:40.671
It depends on your family.

00:31:40.951 --> 00:31:41.232
I agree.

00:31:41.686 --> 00:31:45.833
Like, how much of it is your, your parents issue versus your issue?

00:31:45.833 --> 00:31:51.673
Yeah, so there's a lot of, and why don't they like that's what I'm saying?

00:31:51.794 --> 00:31:53.316
I there's a lot of energy and why don't they like him?

00:31:53.316 --> 00:31:53.935
That's what I'm saying.

00:31:53.935 --> 00:32:07.497
I couldn't be with someone if they didn't intermesh well with my family, because, also, I'm very close with my family, but I would need to know exactly why my family felt like the person wasn't right for me See if they have valid reasons.

00:32:07.497 --> 00:32:08.679
Yeah, yeah.

00:32:08.939 --> 00:32:19.416
Yeah, and then are you being honest with yourself that because, just because your partner is nice to you there, there's a lot more under the under the hood there yeah, going on.

00:32:19.678 --> 00:32:30.307
Yeah, your family could be seeing things that you're not necessarily seeing with your rose-colored glasses and typically families just want the best for each other, right, so they probably just have her interests at heart.

00:32:30.307 --> 00:32:31.691
Yeah, so maybe just have a conversation.

00:32:32.353 --> 00:32:34.116
Yeah, again, use your words, talk about it.

00:32:34.116 --> 00:32:36.108
What don't you like about this person?

00:32:36.108 --> 00:32:38.455
And then talk, you know yeah, communication is key.

00:32:39.204 --> 00:32:44.695
So the article we're going to discuss today, your dating checklist, actually prevents you from finding love.

00:32:44.695 --> 00:32:48.355
So you have not one, not two, but three checklists, right, right?

00:32:48.355 --> 00:32:51.016
I do have three checklists how are they different each checklist?

00:32:51.396 --> 00:33:02.961
I have a deal breaker list, I have a must-have list and then I have a perfect partner list wow, I think we need to let's, can we do you by heart, do you by memory know some of?

00:33:02.961 --> 00:33:06.528
I mean obviously you'd know I know I know some of them yeah, on your list.

00:33:06.630 --> 00:33:08.676
What are, what are on your deal breakers list?

00:33:09.961 --> 00:33:17.054
I'm hesitant to share them because I used to list them off when I was on a date and then, magically, the person became who I wanted them to be.

00:33:17.134 --> 00:33:18.905
Of course, you give them the playbook.

00:33:18.905 --> 00:33:21.092
Yeah, exactly, if you have any of these.

00:33:21.152 --> 00:33:21.794
I won't go out with you.

00:33:21.794 --> 00:33:24.907
Oh yeah, no, I don't do any of these, so I don't share those.

00:33:24.948 --> 00:33:26.128
That is so funny.

00:33:26.128 --> 00:33:27.510
What's can you give us?

00:33:27.510 --> 00:33:28.692
Your just your top.

00:33:28.692 --> 00:33:30.074
What is your number one dealbreaker?

00:33:30.153 --> 00:33:32.016
Absolute no Smoker A smoker Okay.

00:33:32.016 --> 00:33:33.898
So everyone says yeah, smoker.

00:33:33.979 --> 00:33:35.901
Cigarettes, yeah, cigarettes.

00:33:36.165 --> 00:33:36.686
I'm okay with other.

00:33:36.887 --> 00:33:38.994
well, depending on what you're smoking Crack.

00:33:38.994 --> 00:33:41.791
There's a glass pipe involved and probably out.

00:33:43.016 --> 00:33:52.465
Yeah, the wacky tobacco is okay, though, wacky tobacco yeah, it's fine Okay to partake.

00:33:52.486 --> 00:33:53.028
So yeah, I'm okay with that.

00:33:53.028 --> 00:33:59.935
So this article basically says one of the biggest mistakes I see people make in dating is having a checklist or criteria that they judge people against, a list of qualities that they hope for in an ideal partner.

00:33:59.935 --> 00:34:05.661
The thing is, though, if you haven't already been with your ideal partner, then you don't actually know what your criteria is.

00:34:05.661 --> 00:34:12.610
You don't know what it is that's going to turn you on spiritually, psychologically, sexually until after you've experienced kind of like.

00:34:12.610 --> 00:34:15.516
You don't know if you're going to like eel until you've tried it right.

00:34:15.516 --> 00:34:15.978
It's true.

00:34:16.085 --> 00:34:23.193
But what if there's parts of one person you've been with that are ideal and then you're with someone else who has another thing that's ideal?

00:34:23.193 --> 00:34:29.117
What if you've dated enough people and you've seen parts of your ideal?

00:34:29.644 --> 00:34:30.891
I think it comes down to values.

00:34:33.068 --> 00:34:34.552
Like you know, it's your core values.

00:34:34.572 --> 00:34:39.673
Yeah, If you're, if your deal breaker is, I don't want someone who's who's going to wear a blue shirt.

00:34:40.005 --> 00:34:41.949
Big boobs or something superficial.

00:34:42.449 --> 00:34:43.733
Well, I mean, let's not get crazy.

00:34:45.597 --> 00:34:47.429
That's number number seven on his list.

00:34:48.684 --> 00:34:49.867
I see, I'm joking, that's not on my list.

00:34:49.867 --> 00:34:51.248
I see, I'm joking, that's not on my list.

00:34:51.248 --> 00:34:53.871
Yeah, but I think it depends on what.

00:34:53.871 --> 00:34:56.094
So it comes down to why.

00:34:56.094 --> 00:34:57.757
Why is this on your list?

00:34:57.757 --> 00:35:00.440
Because there's usually a you know what's the deeper thing underneath it.

00:35:00.440 --> 00:35:07.510
So I don't like smokers because generally I don't like the way that it smells.

00:35:07.510 --> 00:35:09.554
I don't like the way that like being around smoke.

00:35:09.554 --> 00:35:11.438
It's bad for my health as well.

00:35:11.438 --> 00:35:15.628
Why is it a deal breaker?

00:35:15.628 --> 00:35:15.969
Or why?

00:35:15.989 --> 00:35:16.851
do you feel you must have that.

00:35:16.851 --> 00:35:19.945
I on my, you know, I consider myself spiritual, maybe Buddhist, if any.

00:35:19.945 --> 00:35:26.211
If I was leaning towards a religion and I had somebody on a social site say, well, I'm Protestant, Would you consider converting to my religion?

00:35:26.211 --> 00:35:30.349
Or I don't think we could date and I, I just unmastered because I'm like, well, it's different.

00:35:30.349 --> 00:35:31.793
If you say, well, let's have a conversation.

00:35:31.793 --> 00:35:37.432
I'd love to learn more about what you think, but it was very much like well, you magically believe what I believe.

00:35:37.492 --> 00:35:39.396
It's like well no, yeah, it's true.

00:35:39.396 --> 00:35:43.215
So this goes on to say you might miss out on a good partner because they don't meet the criteria.

00:35:43.215 --> 00:35:47.016
I've seen so many people go through dating hell looking for someone who ticks all the boxes.

00:35:47.016 --> 00:35:50.518
Then they finally end up happy with someone who completely contradicts the list.

00:35:50.518 --> 00:35:51.217
That happens a lot.

00:35:51.217 --> 00:35:52.759
He's not my type at all.

00:35:52.759 --> 00:35:56.481
Um, let your experience with people tell you what your criteria is.

00:35:56.481 --> 00:36:03.429
Go towards people that you enjoy and connect with, even if it doesn't make sense, and go away from people who hurt or bore you, even if they look good on paper.

00:36:03.429 --> 00:36:05.175
But I think you're right.

00:36:05.175 --> 00:36:08.648
So then I went to reddit to see you know people's opinions on lists.

00:36:08.648 --> 00:36:11.072
Someone said for me, I have a list.

00:36:11.072 --> 00:36:17.704
I'm at the point of my life where I'm finding out the following information before I even go on a date do our human rights, our human rights views align?

00:36:17.704 --> 00:36:22.244
So there are some things that are deal breakers or do they value work-life balance, that kind of thing?

00:36:22.465 --> 00:36:26.655
so I think it really does depend on what is on your list, yeah yeah, um.

00:36:27.597 --> 00:36:31.251
Yeah, like for me, you know my perfect partner list blonde.

00:36:31.251 --> 00:36:33.617
But my ex-wife wasn't blonde, she's a brunette.

00:36:33.617 --> 00:36:36.956
So I think, like things like that aren't like that's not a deal breaker.

00:36:36.956 --> 00:36:40.610
Like deal breaker um, I'll throw one out there, a bonus one for the ladies out there.

00:36:40.610 --> 00:36:44.432
If you're mean to a waiter, if you're mean to someone, a mean to a wait staff, that's a deal breaker.

00:36:44.514 --> 00:36:49.769
Yeah, um yeah then on his on reddit, someone says you know, are they comfortable being around horses?

00:36:49.769 --> 00:36:54.518
They've got to be okay spending time with horses, but isn't it okay to have your own hobbies, to do your own thing?

00:36:54.518 --> 00:37:05.972
You don't have to do everything together in a relationship, but if they're a professional horse rider, a horse jumper then they've got to be comfortable around horses and they want to show support and go to the races, or, if they own horses.00:37:06.012 --> 00:37:16.893


think about it, If you live on a horse ranch and you know, got all these horses and you're out doing farm chores every morning and you need a partner who supports you in that.00:37:17.193 --> 00:37:28.333


I mean it's that's one of the reasons, sort of, why I moved away from the farm, because I'm like it doesn't interest me to make and bring my farmer husband lunch every day when he's out that's true in the field.00:37:28.333 --> 00:37:44.889


Like it was fun when I was a kid to go, you know along with what whichever one of the aunts or parents or you know, wives was going out that day, but it just it was never something that I really wanted my life to be, and so it's like you know you have to.00:37:44.889 --> 00:37:53.240


If that's your life, your partner, your future partner, has to be okay with doing that, you know what I mean.00:37:53.646 --> 00:37:57.074


Someone said but what if you never find someone who checks all the boxes?00:37:57.074 --> 00:38:01.251


And then the response was well then I'll buy stock in sex toys and live my best life solo.00:38:02.425 --> 00:38:08.632


Yeah, just being able to be, I think, no matter what, you have to be okay being by yourself, because it was like, well, I have to find that person.00:38:08.632 --> 00:38:11.951


That's where so many people come to dating from a place of desperation.00:38:11.951 --> 00:38:17.228


So I think again, it's what's the intention behind the list too well, and someone talks about how he doesn't want an older woman.00:38:17.389 --> 00:38:24.302


But then someone says but what if your soulmate's an older woman but you never give her a chance because she's statistically you know, factually older than you?00:38:24.302 --> 00:38:25.085


I'm on that page.00:38:25.405 --> 00:38:26.668


I don't want to date an older woman.00:38:26.668 --> 00:38:29.132


Um, and that's okay, it's.00:38:29.132 --> 00:38:32.599


There's nothing wrong with older women, it's just it's not for me.00:38:33.501 --> 00:38:34.322


What do you consider an older woman?00:38:34.322 --> 00:38:35.385


How old are you, oh God?00:38:35.806 --> 00:38:40.012


Okay, I just opened a can of worms here, right, I know so older than me.00:38:40.012 --> 00:38:41.771


Now I say that, but you're right.00:38:41.771 --> 00:38:49.434


So let me put it this way On a dating app, I won't match with somebody if they're older than me.00:38:49.434 --> 00:38:51.739


It's not a deal breaker, but it's kind of like.00:38:51.739 --> 00:38:59.420


On the app, I'm going to set my filters to what I, what I think I'm going to look for what your preference, I'm not going to be like well, if the right 80 year old walks into my life, I'm there.00:38:59.481 --> 00:39:02.012


No, it's just going to be a matter of of and think about it.00:39:02.012 --> 00:39:06.286


What you look for in a dating app is different than if you meet somebody organically in real life yeah.00:39:06.887 --> 00:39:10.653


so now it's time for the celebrity cut, where we marinate in the juices of the celebrities.00:39:10.653 --> 00:39:11.916


Do you know Bonnie Blue?00:39:11.916 --> 00:39:13.458


Gotta talk about Bonnie Blue.00:39:13.458 --> 00:39:14.320


Do you know Bonnie Blue?00:39:14.320 --> 00:39:21.952


So she was an OnlyFans model that has just gone crazy extreme and she broke the Guinness Book of World Records for banging the most men in 24 hours.00:39:21.952 --> 00:39:22.273


What was it?00:39:22.273 --> 00:39:23.856


2,000 men, I don't remember.00:39:23.856 --> 00:39:24.599


I think it was 2,000 men.00:39:24.599 --> 00:39:28.411


So she's just crazy extreme and she's very controversial.00:39:28.411 --> 00:39:43.739


Her newest stunt is she's going to do a petting zoo where she puts herself in a glass cage and ties herself down and lets 2 000 guys come in and do whatever they want to her anyway, I know it's pretty disturbing, but the news.00:39:43.760 --> 00:39:46.827


This week's news on bonnie blue is um, she's been banned from only fans.00:39:46.827 --> 00:39:50.717


You have to be bad if you are banned from that was the tweet that I sent.00:39:50.717 --> 00:40:05.447


Lindsey was like imagine how disgusting you have to be to get banned from only fans she's banned from all the football games in england because she was offering them sexual favors in during the football game wow, I I don't even know what to say.00:40:05.467 --> 00:40:06.429


To be quite honest, it's.00:40:06.429 --> 00:40:12.612


There's a lot of people out there that think I mean, that's taken what my iron man story to an extreme.00:40:12.612 --> 00:40:15.650


I want to do something that gets that.00:40:15.650 --> 00:40:20.030


They have to keep going bigger and bigger and bigger because they want the notoriety or attention.00:40:20.030 --> 00:40:21.673


If she didn't do any of these things, who would she be?00:40:21.693 --> 00:40:22.114


yeah.00:40:22.114 --> 00:40:27.914


Well, my question is did she experience childhood trauma, like what made her happy?00:40:27.914 --> 00:40:32.010


Is she happy and she claims it's kind of sad because she's like?00:40:32.010 --> 00:40:33.996


You know OnlyFans are picking on me.00:40:33.996 --> 00:40:36.733


You know they're my competitors on OnlyFans that they don't.00:40:36.733 --> 00:40:41.614


You know they cry and they bleed after they do their sexcapades.00:40:41.614 --> 00:40:49.248


I don't cry, I don't bleed and I don't publicly announce if I have to go to the hospital after my shenanigans and I'm like what are you doing to yourself?00:40:49.248 --> 00:40:51.612


Like, is she happy and proud?00:40:51.612 --> 00:40:53.373


Is there something I don't know?00:40:53.755 --> 00:40:56.197


but we're, we're talking about her, and that's true.00:40:56.197 --> 00:40:56.858


That's the point.00:40:56.858 --> 00:40:57.619


That's the whole.00:40:57.619 --> 00:40:59.568


That's the whole point of this.00:40:59.568 --> 00:41:01.132


Now she's in this episode.00:41:01.271 --> 00:41:03.117


Yeah, yeah, anywho.00:41:03.117 --> 00:41:05.610


So where's your favorite place to go for a first date?00:41:06.693 --> 00:41:07.737


Oh, I was about to say New Zealand.00:41:07.737 --> 00:41:15.452


That's a little for a first date, see, but now I don't want to say it because then if I don't take somebody there, they're going to be like, well, he didn't take me there.00:41:15.452 --> 00:41:19.231


I like some places like the Vig.00:41:19.231 --> 00:41:23.304


It also depends on summer first date versus regular Arizona first date.00:41:23.626 --> 00:41:25.052


That's true, because the Vig is the patio.00:41:25.132 --> 00:41:28.775


It's great, are you a dinner first date, coffee first date, something quick and easy.00:41:33.844 --> 00:41:35.853


Well, I was going to make a comment that could probably be inappropriate.00:41:35.853 --> 00:41:36.958


Quick and easy first aid is going to be fun.00:41:36.958 --> 00:41:37.601


I was going to that's.00:41:37.601 --> 00:41:38.103


That's not true.00:41:38.103 --> 00:41:39.188


It depends.00:41:39.188 --> 00:41:40.773


It depends on the energy and the person.00:41:40.773 --> 00:41:46.288


Like if someone, if it's if it's nice outside and we want to just go for a short hike, maybe we'll.00:41:46.288 --> 00:41:52.755


We'll do that If it's a busy professional and we, if we can grab a coffee before work, well, it really depends.00:41:52.755 --> 00:41:58.563


I don't want to say it has to be this um yeah, so again, I'm just very organic.00:41:58.563 --> 00:42:01.126


It's not like a very cookie cutter experience.00:42:01.146 --> 00:42:07.652


It depends on the person now it's time for get to know you with zoyo, sponsored by zoyo, your neighborhood yogurt.00:42:07.652 --> 00:42:08.614


So rapid fire.00:42:08.614 --> 00:42:14.989


Questions ready for it okay the best or worst pickup line you've ever heard the best or worst pickup line.00:42:15.010 --> 00:42:16.692


You've ever heard the best or worst pickup?00:42:16.711 --> 00:42:17.132


line towards me.00:42:17.132 --> 00:42:18.193


Do you have a go-to pickup line?00:42:18.755 --> 00:42:19.755


I can't oh gosh.00:42:20.496 --> 00:42:23.561


He's like I'm going to give away all my secrets on this episode.00:42:29.175 --> 00:42:30.619


I'm going to be single forever after this episode.00:42:30.619 --> 00:42:35.927


I'm going to sound like such a loser by not giving anything out now.00:42:35.927 --> 00:42:36.106


I think.00:42:36.106 --> 00:42:41.710


I know, the cheesy ones, you know, but I think nothing, nothing beats being yourself.00:42:42.030 --> 00:42:45.552


Let's just say you're at a bar or a restaurant and you see a beautiful girl that piques your interest.00:42:45.552 --> 00:42:46.373


Do you go and talk to her?00:42:46.373 --> 00:42:50.195


No, no, I don't you let that opportunity slip away.00:42:50.195 --> 00:42:50.775


Why?00:42:51.856 --> 00:42:54.416


Because I don't want to be that guy Like I don't want to be.00:42:54.416 --> 00:42:57.958


I have a lot of female friends and they don't.00:42:57.958 --> 00:43:03.601


I mean, I'm sure that they like guys coming up and talking to them, but I'm more organic.00:43:03.601 --> 00:43:05.682


I would much rather there's a reason to strike up a conversation.00:43:05.682 --> 00:43:12.188


I mean sometimes I'll find one, it can be something as simple as hey.00:43:12.208 --> 00:43:12.748


Is anyone sitting here?00:43:13.050 --> 00:43:13.831


And then just sitting down.00:43:13.831 --> 00:43:14.492


Is it more natural?00:43:14.492 --> 00:43:15.052


Or what are you drinking?00:43:15.052 --> 00:43:15.673


Just make it natural.00:43:15.673 --> 00:43:17.538


I'm not going to be like hi, do you have any Arab in you?00:43:17.538 --> 00:43:18.338


Would you like some?00:43:19.306 --> 00:43:20.134


I'm not going to do anything.00:43:20.134 --> 00:43:21.063


Did it hurt when you fell?00:43:21.063 --> 00:43:22.530


Yeah, that's the line right there.00:43:22.530 --> 00:43:22.851


No, it's not.00:43:30.614 --> 00:43:32.476


I'm just more of just a natural person.00:43:32.476 --> 00:43:34.480


It's like I would literally say is anyone sitting here?00:43:34.480 --> 00:43:35.221


Do you mind if I sit down?00:43:35.221 --> 00:43:37.148


What's the harm in that?00:43:37.289 --> 00:43:37.911


More authentic.00:43:37.911 --> 00:43:40.233


Yeah, what's your favorite body part on a partner?00:43:41.420 --> 00:43:42.264


It depends on the partner.00:43:42.264 --> 00:43:46.235


I love great eyes or a great smile.00:43:46.235 --> 00:43:49.474


Man, that really does it for me.00:43:49.474 --> 00:43:51.992


I'm probably going to look at their face more than anything else.00:43:51.992 --> 00:43:53.396


What gives you the ick?00:43:53.396 --> 00:43:54.829


That really does it for me, because I'm probably going to look at their face more than anything else.00:43:54.829 --> 00:43:56.003


So that that's true, yeah.00:43:56.003 --> 00:43:56.467


What gives you the?00:43:56.487 --> 00:44:19.478


ick, a woman who like, especially on a dating profile if it's if they're only posting what they don't want like negativity well that and trauma bonding, like if on the first date they're like well then, when I was 12, this happened Because I used to be that guy also and not recognizing that hey, let's have some boundaries.00:44:19.478 --> 00:44:27.556


You don't get to know everything about me just yet, like I'm holding on to some stuff and not having that fake or false sense of connection because I'm sharing too much too soon.00:44:27.556 --> 00:44:32.192


So I've learned that gives me the this person doesn't have boundaries vibe.00:44:32.192 --> 00:44:34.596


But that's fine for them, it's just not for me.00:44:35.135 --> 00:44:36.699


Is watching porn considered cheating?00:44:41.284 --> 00:44:48.887


I'm hesitant to answer that because I've had, you know, I've I've done my best to not watch porn, and it's something that, yeah, you know, I think I think if I was with the right person then, yeah, I think it would be.00:44:49.186 --> 00:44:53.753


Okay, before you're intimate, is it appropriate to ask your date how many people they've been with?00:44:53.753 --> 00:44:55.193


No, it's not appropriate.00:44:55.414 --> 00:44:56.396


No, whatever anyone's.00:44:56.396 --> 00:45:00.621


I mean, I hope that if I accidentally went on a date with Bonnie Blue, someone would tell me.00:45:00.661 --> 00:45:03.344


Hey man, you probably need to do this.00:45:03.344 --> 00:45:04.429


You're going to be number three.00:45:04.545 --> 00:45:12.175


You've got a Wikipedia this one, but I somebody has done before they've met me is is I.00:45:12.175 --> 00:45:13.217


That's their journey.00:45:13.217 --> 00:45:14.557


Who are they now?00:45:15.039 --> 00:45:15.378


I love that.00:45:15.378 --> 00:45:16.880


I love that you don't judge, you're open-minded.00:45:16.880 --> 00:45:19.141


Is it acceptable to have sex on a first date?00:45:19.945 --> 00:45:36.809


yeah, I think if you're honest and open about hey, this is where I'm at, I'm not seeing anyone, and it depends on what's your intention if it's like I know some people just after they get out of a marriage, they just want to go and, if the other person's on board, do what you want.00:45:36.809 --> 00:45:41.570


People, if you're not hurting anybody and you're on the same page, you're being open and honest with somebody.00:45:41.570 --> 00:45:42.994


That's what matters.00:45:42.994 --> 00:45:46.768


I think we have all these rules Like no, it has to be 3.5 dates and he has to.00:45:47.789 --> 00:45:49.672


Exhausting when you think about it too much.00:45:49.693 --> 00:45:51.275


Live your fucking life.00:45:51.275 --> 00:45:54.219


Stop letting society tell you what you should or shouldn't do.00:45:54.219 --> 00:45:55.809


Are you a grown-ass adult?00:45:55.809 --> 00:45:56.873


Are they a grown-ass adult?00:45:56.913 --> 00:45:57.213


Right.00:45:57.565 --> 00:45:58.389


Are either one of you married?00:45:58.389 --> 00:46:00.009


No, go do what you want to do.00:46:00.009 --> 00:46:00.972


Who gives a shit Live?00:46:00.992 --> 00:46:01.474


your life.00:46:01.474 --> 00:46:05.797


That's always my rule of thumb, too, is if you're not hurting anybody, then who cares yeah?00:46:07.318 --> 00:46:12.440


Like yeah, should you disclose mental health issues early on in a relationship?00:46:12.501 --> 00:46:15.503


Yes, Now again, you don't want a trauma bond.00:46:15.503 --> 00:46:17.032


It doesn't need to be sitting down for your first date.00:46:17.032 --> 00:46:23.869


Yeah, but I have been in some relationships that I would have made different decisions had I known some information sooner.00:46:24.351 --> 00:46:25.976


Last question, save the best for last.00:46:25.976 --> 00:46:27.769


What's your favorite sexual position, or my?00:46:29.114 --> 00:46:32.811


Oh man, I don't realize you're going down this rabbit hole.00:46:32.931 --> 00:46:34.096


I think you gotta end with something spicy.00:46:35.708 --> 00:46:43.315


I'm a fan of a lot of Position number 229 in the Kama Sutra.00:46:43.315 --> 00:46:46.788


I'm not gonna stop until the Ramsey is actually listed somewhere.00:46:46.788 --> 00:46:49.012


That is hilarious, it's.00:46:49.713 --> 00:46:50.876


I'm all about reading the energy.00:46:51.155 --> 00:46:53.507


It's about the partner you're with Like because it's.00:46:53.507 --> 00:46:54.570


I'm all about reading the energy, right.00:46:54.570 --> 00:46:55.914


It's about the partner you're with like because good answer.00:46:55.914 --> 00:47:00.628


Well, I think it's 100 right, because it doesn't matter if I love it, if she's not into it, then then it's it's.00:47:00.628 --> 00:47:03.155


You know you're getting dead fish like that.00:47:03.155 --> 00:47:07.773


They're just gonna lay there so there's just like, hey, what, what do you want to do?00:47:07.773 --> 00:47:09.177


And I think that's what's the the the.00:47:09.177 --> 00:47:11.068


My favorite position is what?00:47:11.068 --> 00:47:14.014


Whatever she's into in that moment, like yeah let's go with that.00:47:14.054 --> 00:47:15.617


Why not just lean into the moment?00:47:16.179 --> 00:47:18.260


So I wanted to touch on something that we didn't get to before.00:47:18.260 --> 00:47:25.811


So you come across as very confident and suave and secure in yourself, but you're a self-professed nerd, right?00:47:25.831 --> 00:47:30.027


Self-proclaimed nerd, yeah yeah, I played Dungeons and Dragons for 30 years.00:47:30.027 --> 00:47:32.489


Yeah, oh yeah, I was for my birthday.00:47:32.489 --> 00:47:36.394


I do themed dinner murder mysteries, I think.00:47:36.394 --> 00:47:39.498


Yeah, it's, I'm a multifaceted human being.00:47:39.958 --> 00:47:40.318


That's awesome.00:47:40.318 --> 00:47:40.980


You have many hats.00:47:40.980 --> 00:47:41.340


I love that.00:47:41.340 --> 00:47:42.465


Very versatile, I know.00:47:42.465 --> 00:47:45.454


Will you invite us to your next murder mystery birthday party In.00:47:46.077 --> 00:47:51.512


February okay, yeah, if who I'm dating and my family is okay with you, ladies, come on.00:47:51.512 --> 00:47:52.134


They approve of you.00:47:52.936 --> 00:47:53.657


They approve of us.00:47:53.744 --> 00:47:57.530


Well, thank you so much for joining us this week at the Meat Market and thank you so much, Ramsey.00:47:57.530 --> 00:48:02.237


If you want to snag a date with Ramsey, go to any of our social media platforms at Meat Market Podcast.00:48:02.237 --> 00:48:05.068


And thank you to our sponsor, Tactical Tax Strategies.00:48:05.068 --> 00:48:09.791


If you want to keep more of your own money in your own wallet, you need to go to Tactical Tax Strategies.00:48:09.791 --> 00:48:12.295


We'll see you next week at the meat market.00:48:12.295 --> 00:48:17.400


Oh my God, I just totally got catfished.00:48:17.400 --> 00:48:19.442


He looks absolutely nothing like his picture.00:48:26.945 --> 00:48:28.248


So I found out, the guy that I've been dating is married with kids.00:48:28.248 --> 00:48:28.891


His wife just reached out to me.