The Good, the Ex, and the Creepy 😬

WEBVTT

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Oh my god, I just totally got catfished.

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He looks absolutely nothing like his picture.

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So I found out, the guy that I've been dating is married With kids.

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His wife just reached out to me.

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Welcome to the Meat Market.

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The single scene is a slaughterhouse and we are here to devour it.

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We are your hosts.

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I'm Lindsay, I'm Jess and today's sizzling single is Shelby Welcome.

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We got a Midwest girl in the house, woohoo.

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Midwest girls are your hosts.

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I'm Lindsay, I'm Jess and today's sizzling single is Shelby Welcome.

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We got a Midwest girl in the house, midwest girls are the best.

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So you've made the comment that you were born in the wrong generation.

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What generation do you feel like you fit in best?

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Oh gosh, I don't know, but I feel like, um, mostly I feel like that comment comes from me having a hard time relating to people my age, like I feel like the conversation is always so much deeper and more intentional when I'm talking to people that are, like I don't know, 20 years older than me, for some reason.

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And that's maybe because I was actually having a conversation with a friend of mine and we were like, yeah, we grew up in a small town, so like wherever our parents went, they took us so we were constantly surrounded by their friends and it's like I don't know.

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I think that kind of maybe just stayed with me like growing up.

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I was like oh, it's easier for me to talk to people that are like 20 years older, so you're an old soul well and in the small towns, too, it takes a while for things to catch up right, yeah like I was just home last week and my dad was balancing the checkbook.

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Like sitting down at his desk, writing in the checkbook ledger that comes with the checkbook.

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Like because that's still.

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That's what in small towns it takes time for, like technology like electronic banking.

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You know what I mean.

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We have.

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We have electronic banking at our hometown bank, but it's like some of those things don't actually become daily life for people in a small town.

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So it does feel like you're sort of living in a little bit of an older time.

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I feel like for sure.

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and then I feel like I was just what was I saying the other day?

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That it's like I was bartending at the bar that I work at and this guy and I were talking about our traumatic experiences dating and he's from a small town and he was saying that well, you grew up in a small town, so if somebody does you wrong, then where it's going to get around Because it's such a small town, well, like here.

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So you're kind of cultured in that sense.

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But like you move here to a place like a bigger city and you start dating and you realize like gosh, people are mean.

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And then you're like wait, no, people aren't mean.

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I grew up in a place where reputation was like everything yeah.

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And here if you like do somebody wrong, you can kind of run away and disappear.

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That would be awful.

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Living in a small town where if you're sexual with someone, everyone knows about it?

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Oh God, I would hate that.

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Yeah, and everyone dates everyone.

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Yeah.

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The pickings are slim.

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in a small town, Straight from the bottom of the barrel.

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There's things that are charming about it.

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I walk into the bank and it's like the bank teller goes to the back to get my bank statement and she's like all excited because she can save a stamp.

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She's like I don't have to send your bank statement to Arizona this month, you know.

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So it's like cute, like there's charm right in the small towns.

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But then my small town, for example, my dad is one of nine and there's 600 people that live in the town that I'm from, and so when you know your cousins, first cousins or second cousins, with pretty much the entire town, it makes it really hard to, yeah, to date, to have a social life.

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Are you on the dating apps?

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I'm not, no have you been?

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on the dating apps no, not really like before.

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I was married um so 2013.

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Um, because I met my ex-husband in 2014, I was on it for a little bit and then.

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I met him and I was like he's the love of my life.

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Like they deleted them.

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When I moved out here um a little over two years ago, my roommate was like just get on bumbleumble.

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And I was like, all right, Like you can't knock something until you try it.

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So I went on a couple dates and I was like, yeah, this just isn't for me.

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I don't know.

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Something about it.

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And you met your ex-husband on the app.

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No, we actually met in college in our class that we were in together, yeah, and if you don't mind me asking, why did that not work out?

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Oh gosh, um, I was like thinking about what kind of questions are you gonna ask me when I'm on the podcast?

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Um, ultimately, like it was our communication.

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I think too now, when I think back about it, we were so I say we're, I say this to people, I'm like we were so young, but we, we weren't.

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We just like, I think ultimately I I didn't know how to communicate.

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Um, and so I was like just at this place where I felt like I couldn't talk about how I was, like how I was growing, and then I just didn't.

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And then I felt so distanced and like alone and I just was like this isn't working and I didn't.

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And then I felt so distanced and like alone and I just was like this isn't working and I didn't take marriage seriously, like, um, honestly, how old were you when you got married?

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When I was, when I got married, I was 26 and when we got divorced, I was 28 people underestimate the power and importance of communication.

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I feel I feel like we talk about this in every episode the importance of communication if you just communicate correctly, I feel you could solve a lot of your problems.

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And knowing your own communication style and what works for you and what you need and asking for what you need because I feel like a lot of people just don't ask for what they need.

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No, and I think that's my problem too, like I've done so much work in getting to know myself over I don't know.

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We've been divorced for almost four years now and it's like I feel like I know what I need.

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But even dating here and there over the past year, I'm just like I could have totally just been, like I need you to sit down and tell me what you want to do for a date like this is what I need from you.

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But I just I'm like how, why can I not say that?

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is it?

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Do you think that deep down it's because you know that that person isn't your person?

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Yeah, and so then, kind of, what's the point like, if you know it's gonna be maybe a couple dates here or there, why do you, you know, why, put all the effort in to trying to do that?

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Maybe?

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yeah, I 100% yeah, because.

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I feel like, too, things shouldn't feel like they have to be forced, so true yeah, if they do feel like they're being forced and it's probably not meant to be.

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Yeah, yeah, I feel like it should just come with ease, but I know that, like anything good takes hard work, you know.

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And relationships are like good relationships, marriage is like hard work, but I think that, like, it shouldn't be to the point where you're like losing yourself or you know.

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And do you still feel like you know and do you still feel like you know right away, like, do you feel like you know right off the bat if it's going to be a significant relationship not necessarily that if it's going to be the person that you're going to be with forever, but do you feel like you kind of know right away if it's going to be a significant?

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I always could, I feel like I can too I can.

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I feel like I can always tell away, yeah, how deep I want to get into, like letting the person know what I need from them, or what my expectations are, what my boundaries are, because if I know like, oh, this is just going to be a casual thing, it's not going to go very far, I'm like why should I sit here and explain to you, you know, and you made a comment which I feel like yes, relationships are work if it's long term, like a marriage.

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But I feel a lot of people stress in the first three months and it's a lot of work so early on.

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And if so early on, you're having issues and it's a lot of work and you're stressing.

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It's not where that that should be the honeymoon phase.

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Right, I feel like you should run if it's that much work that early on, because then can you imagine how much work it is later down the road.

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Oh, yeah, that's why I'm just the time that I've spent over this past year with myself.

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I'm like, no, I'm not gonna hold back anymore with communication.

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I'm gonna ask the hard questions, right good and this last guy that I dated.

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I was asking like the hard questions and I could feel that he didn't really know the answer, which was totally fine, but it made me think, okay, our timing is just not right.

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So, yeah, I feel like those those kind of conversations have to come like in a fluid way, or else it feels forced do you want to get married again?

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are you looking to have kids?

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yeah, yeah, I want to get married and I want like a big family.

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But I know that I feel like I have to just trust in God's timing because in the past I feel like I forced things because I was trying to like control the outcome of my future, like this pressure of society's expectation how old are you?

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you're still young.

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I'm 32 just turned 32 did you and your ex-husband try to have kids?

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No, no, um, no, we talked about.

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We talked about it and had the conversation, obviously like before we got married and everything but, um, like after the year of our the first like year of our marriage, I was like I'm gonna have kids.

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Covid happened not long after we got married and I think that my brain was just like what next?

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Yeah, so I look back at it now and I'm just like I felt like he kept pumping the brakes slow down, but I was like, no, let's go.

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And then I look back at it now and I'm just like it was timing, like everything was timing when was your last relationship?

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my last relationship was about a year ago, like over a year how long was that?

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For we dated for like about nine months okay that was here, yeah, and why did that my?

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First really in like only act.

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I consider that a relationship um.

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Did you meet him on bubble?

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I.

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I've dated like guys for about a month and I just don't consider those relationships.

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So it's when people ask me that I'm like what do you consider a relationship?

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Yeah, no, I met him at the bar that I worked at at the time he was a customer.

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Yeah, is that a red flag If a guy's constantly at a bar?

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Because I dated a guy, if a guy's constantly at a bar because I dated a guy?

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The last guy I dated was last summer.

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It was last July and we dated for about a month.

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But I knew him, I'd known him for years and it was like we ran back into each other and he was like hey, you're single, I'm single now, why don't we go out for drinks?

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Ok, cool.

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So we went on a few dates, um, but it bothered me that he didn't have really any other hobbies besides just going and sitting at the bar.

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Like if he didn't have anything to do on the afternoon, he would just go sit at the bar.

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Yeah, and I.

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I never want to talk like badly about any of my past relationships, but he did do that, yeah, and he did have hobbies, though, too, which was what attracted me to him.

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He was really into CrossFit, and he wasn't really into his job, too, which made me believe that he was a very passionate person, which I was also very attracted to and um but it just didn't turn out that way.

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Yeah, but the bar was more important.

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So does he still come to the bar?

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No, so I had to find a new bar.

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Yeah, um, yeah.

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No, that job I actually was like my first job I got when I moved out here.

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Okay, um, and I left that job after.

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Everything kind of went down with him.

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I'd actually kind of left it before, but then kind of stuck around because I really liked that place.

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It felt like home.

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It was a Nebraska Husker bar.

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So, it was like my people, yeah, um, but I actually had to end up getting an order of protection against him.

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What.

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Why yeah?

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So I was like this conversation is going to come up.

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Because one of his hobbies was stalking.

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No, he wasn't a stalker, but I think that he was somebody who eventually, over time, revealed to me that he was in a lot of deep pain and you know, hurt people, hurt people.

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I've come to understand that very true.

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And um, he, basically the night that I finally was like adamant that we were breaking up, he broke into my house a couple times what?

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what was his intention for breaking into your?

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house, not wanting me to like to leave him, begging me to make it work.

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Oh God, that's scary.

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That is very scary, it was scary and I think back about it now and I'm like it was scary at the time and I think back about it now and I'm like he was just reaching, like he was just so, like just wanted to be together.

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So I don't know, I don't think he would ever actually hurt me or anybody but I don't know.

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I had an ex, do that.

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I caught an ex, no complaints.

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Doing what at my house, like like, look, kind of like looking in the living room, looking in the living room window what did you do, yeah?

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I went out there and I was like what are you doing here?

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what did he?

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say and he was like, I just missed you, oh my god you need to leave and never come back after you broke up yeah oh yeah, but it is it's scary because I the same I don't think he had any intent to hurt me or anything like that but it is scary because it's like you let these people into your lives and they know where you live, obviously, and so it just it's yeah, it's creepy, didn't?

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you used to date a cop.

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Yeah, we um dated for a very short lived time.

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Yeah, um, after me and my ex-husband split, um, we were friends, like knew each other and knew of each other, um, and then we dated for a little bit and then we both, kind of mutually, were like, okay, I gotta work through this divorce.

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I wasn't like officially divorced, um, but we were split and I was like, yeah, I think I'm moving back to Nebraska.

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And, um, he was like, yeah, I think you should like go find yourself, you know, post-divorce, because he'd been through one too.

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Um, so we stayed friends and then he passed away in 2021.

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Oh, I'm so sorry.

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Yeah, 20, 2022, yeah, yeah, no, sad when I think about it, but it's.

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I think that, like he was supposed to come in my life for a reason, and I mean he was like anybody asked me like what's the most like influential person in your life?

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And I'm like, honestly, like we didn't know each other for that long, but he was one of those people.

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Just the way that he spoke about life and like how positive he was, so, so, everybody has a purpose.

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I agree, yeah, I believe in, like that, divine timing yeah, yeah, for sure.

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So you're a photographer, right?

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You're very artsy.

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Tell us about that yeah, I um, I do wedding and family photography mostly now, um, but I started when I was in college going for art education to teach, and then you had to choose a concentration, so I chose photography and it just kind of felt like right.

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So I've been doing that for almost 13 years oh wow, what's your handle, or how can people find you um it's?

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long.

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I should probably change, but it's my name Shelby Boer and photography.

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Okay, I used to use those like a personal Instagram and a photography Instagram and then I was like I had to separate myself from my business because I was like identifying myself solely as a photographer.

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And.

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I was kind of like who am I without this?

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So, yeah, what's your favorite thing to shoot?

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I think love yeah.

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Aw Like engagement photos, love and like now, the older that I get kids, because I just feel like they remind me that like life isn't so serious and um, yeah, love I just get.

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So like I'm such an emotional sappy person.

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That's funny so I know it's so expensive for photographers, especially like wedding photographers, but then I people I hear people complaining about the price, but it's the editing that takes a lot of the time, right, Isn't that?

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I feel like that's a lot of work.

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The editing it is.

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It takes so much time.

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I mean it's, I want to say it's quadruple the time at least.

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And people don't think that.

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They think, oh, you're just snapping pictures, it's so easy.

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But no, it's not.

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Once you get back, yeah, I will.

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If I shoot even just like a five-hour wedding, I'll come home with like 6 000 pictures and I'll have to call, go through all the photos to find, obviously, all the best ones that I'm gonna send, which still is like six, seven hundred pictures because you might have a hundred pictures of the exact same shot, right, but the eyes are closed in one, or the head tilt is weird in one or whatever.

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So you have to find the best, or there's a drunk person in the back.

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Me yeah, so describe your perfect partner.

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What are you looking for?

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Oh man, I was just having a conversation with this, about this, with my roommate last night and I was like, you know, I think it's not, I don't.

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I used to think, oh, there's this soulmate, there's this person out there, that's perfect.

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But I think now the older, having been married and like gone through, you know, losing somebody that I deeply cared about and then being in a relationship with somebody that was like not who they said they were, I feel like my ideal person is just somebody who practices on having a consistent relationship with God and is somebody who makes me better, like challenges me and is honest with me and calls me out in a very gracious way because I'm sensitive, but also it's like somebody who I can see being the father of my kids and so, ultimately, I think, somebody who's like respects themselves, are you?

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emotional too in your sensitivity, yeah yeah, I'm so emotional because I'm I'm sensitive, but I'm not emotional yeah and so it's.

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But I can feel where you're coming from, because if you are, if you're sensitive and you're emotional yeah, it's hard to be with someone who can't grasp it yes yeah, yes, yeah.

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I um dated somebody for like a little bit back in November and he was the sweetest guy, um, but I just felt like there was a part of me that couldn't fully be myself with him and it's that emotional aspect where I'm just like, can you hold me at my lowest, because it happens about once a month, yeah, you know yeah.

00:19:02.367 --> 00:19:03.069
Are you ready for it?

00:19:03.069 --> 00:19:04.212
I'm ready for it.

00:19:04.212 --> 00:19:07.280
The keep more minute brought to you by tactical tax strategies.

00:19:07.280 --> 00:19:09.046
They help you keep more in your wallet.

00:19:09.046 --> 00:19:11.422
We help you keep more in your relationship.

00:19:11.422 --> 00:19:13.229
So we have a listener question.

00:19:13.229 --> 00:19:13.892
Let me pull this back here.

00:19:13.892 --> 00:19:14.653
So we have a listener question.

00:19:14.653 --> 00:19:20.098
Let me pull this back here, If I can find it All right.

00:19:20.098 --> 00:19:21.682
This question is from Lindsay.

00:19:21.682 --> 00:19:26.616
She says Not me With L-I-N-Z-I.

00:19:26.717 --> 00:19:27.717
It's spelled differently.

00:19:28.317 --> 00:19:31.619
We matched on an app and now we're texting 24-7.

00:19:31.619 --> 00:19:36.282
Is it too soon to catch feelings, or is this just how dating works now?

00:19:37.343 --> 00:19:39.525
Oh, I feel it's all situational, right.

00:19:39.525 --> 00:19:46.890
If you meet the one, I feel like you can catch feelings right away If you are constantly talking, getting to know each other, if they're texting 24-7.

00:19:48.049 --> 00:19:52.032
I don't equate texting 24-7 with catching feelings.

00:19:52.032 --> 00:20:06.226
I equate texting 24 7 as no boundaries and and yeah, just like a constant access, like the need for constant access.

00:20:06.246 --> 00:20:07.348
So have they met in person yet?

00:20:07.990 --> 00:20:23.663
I don't know, so it just says no it says they they met on the apps okay we matched on an app and now we're texting oh so they haven't met in person okay yeah well, I feel like that's a slippery slope, because you could catch feelings but then meet in person and he could be five feet shorter than what he says he is.

00:20:23.903 --> 00:20:25.426
You never know yeah.

00:20:25.507 --> 00:20:26.368
That is so true.

00:20:26.368 --> 00:20:33.459
And haven't you met people from the apps where, even though they're the same height and they kind of look like their pictures, they just aren't as attractive?

00:20:33.459 --> 00:20:34.560
Have you met people like that?

00:20:34.560 --> 00:20:37.444
Like their mannerisms or the way they move just are unattractive?

00:20:37.444 --> 00:20:38.906
I don't date on the app.

00:20:38.926 --> 00:20:40.709
So I don't know, I feel like people.

00:20:40.709 --> 00:20:41.569
That's.

00:20:41.569 --> 00:20:52.366
The thing that I don't want to be on dating apps for is because I feel like it's so much easier for people to wear a mask of who they want you to think that they are, but then in person it's.

00:20:52.366 --> 00:21:10.238
It's even with social media, like you can go and look on someone's social media and they can have this whole curated profile of who they want people to see them as, but then you meet them in person and that's not who they are at all that's true, yeah most, most people's social media are not yeah, what their life is really like.

00:21:10.438 --> 00:21:20.217
So, unfortunately, yeah or like I mean, there's just I feel like even with her texting him non-stop, it's like do you really know his character?

00:21:20.217 --> 00:21:26.316
Um, take, take you on a date, see how he interacts with people outside of that.

00:21:26.375 --> 00:21:35.641
Yeah, she shouldn't get too excited just yet no, and I also feel like, if you're texting 24 7, what actually are you talking about?

00:21:35.641 --> 00:21:39.260
Because if you're like, if it's like good morning, good morning, I miss you.

00:21:39.260 --> 00:21:39.782
I miss you.

00:21:39.782 --> 00:21:41.390
What are you doing working?

00:21:41.390 --> 00:21:42.494
What are you doing working?

00:21:42.494 --> 00:21:44.278
Have a good day, okay.

00:21:44.278 --> 00:21:45.940
You too, okay.

00:21:45.940 --> 00:21:47.303
I'm on my lunch break.

00:21:47.824 --> 00:22:09.779
Me too, like, like, what kind that's not to me, that is that annoys me, that is like I, I can't do that you know, like if that's your 24 7 texting but they could be talking about everything politics desires, ambitions, goals like 24 7 I don't know, they could be what.

00:22:09.779 --> 00:22:10.580
What else are?

00:22:10.622 --> 00:22:11.523
you doing, are you do?

00:22:11.523 --> 00:22:18.086
You not have anything else going on, that you can talk about your life's goals 24-7 via text.

00:22:18.086 --> 00:22:19.608
I would be a little concerned.

00:22:19.608 --> 00:22:21.382
I don't have free time like that.

00:22:21.382 --> 00:22:24.104
And so it would concern me too.

00:22:24.124 --> 00:22:28.246
I don't know, when I met my husband on Tinder, we were texting till like four in the morning.

00:22:28.246 --> 00:22:37.887
I feel like we were texting for like eight hours and I was like dude, I got to go to bed and then the next day which I never do I never called a guy in my life, I was never the first one to call a guy.

00:22:37.887 --> 00:22:39.569
I just picked up the phone and called.

00:22:39.569 --> 00:22:41.415
I felt so comfortable, you know.

00:22:41.415 --> 00:22:44.378
I just it felt right the moment we started talking and texting.

00:22:44.378 --> 00:22:48.228
And we were texting about serious issues, I don't know, who knows.

00:22:49.174 --> 00:22:51.557
I feel like it depends on the person it does it's situational.

00:22:51.576 --> 00:22:53.218
Yeah, I think it depends on the person.

00:22:53.238 --> 00:22:55.839
So we're going to discuss this article.

00:22:55.839 --> 00:22:57.141
I find this very interesting.

00:22:57.141 --> 00:22:59.242
Something that's sexy now.

00:22:59.242 --> 00:23:01.964
That was not sexy 20 years ago.

00:23:01.964 --> 00:23:03.826
Good job, jess, she's the one that found this article.

00:23:04.246 --> 00:23:05.507
I sure did.

00:23:05.547 --> 00:23:07.127
So number one lack of a tan.

00:23:07.127 --> 00:23:07.989
It used to be.

00:23:07.989 --> 00:23:12.612
Almost everyone went to the tanning salon and not being a tan somehow lowered your attractiveness.

00:23:15.396 --> 00:23:16.509
But now do people still go to the tanning salon?

00:23:16.509 --> 00:23:22.472
People tan in tanning beds still remember we had a guest on oh, that's right, we did isn't it bad for you?

00:23:22.492 --> 00:23:23.015
hasn't it been proven?

00:23:23.055 --> 00:23:26.747
yes, it's terrible for you it's terrible for you.

00:23:26.807 --> 00:23:31.758
I know that nowadays so many women wear the hats in the sun and try not to go in the sun.

00:23:31.798 --> 00:23:44.971
It blows my mind that people still go to tanning beds when there are so many other alternatives like self tanning and spray tanning and things that are not baking in an oven.

00:23:45.414 --> 00:23:49.365
And you find that attractive, like men that are all tan and oily and glistening.

00:23:50.788 --> 00:23:52.461
I don't know, this was so crazy to me.

00:23:52.461 --> 00:23:56.486
Actually, this is making me think of this guy that I met at a friend's pool.

00:23:56.486 --> 00:24:00.740
He was like orange and he was telling us about.

00:24:00.740 --> 00:24:03.205
We were like how are you so tan, sir?

00:24:03.205 --> 00:24:11.557
And he was like, oh, I take this, this pill, and it makes the melanoma in my skin like rise or something like that the melanin.

00:24:11.576 --> 00:24:14.080
What a melanin, melanin.

00:24:15.502 --> 00:24:20.170
Can I re-say that it was.

00:24:20.289 --> 00:24:34.084
It brought out something in the melanin in your skin and so he was like orange and we were just like oh well, remember how it used to be sexy to have, like the playboy bunny, the sticker on your hip and you had just like a white playboy bunny.

00:24:34.084 --> 00:24:39.863
The sticker on your hip and you had, just like a white Playboy, bunny right here, that was white, and then the rest of you was tan.

00:24:40.144 --> 00:24:43.780
Yeah, hot 50-year-old women.

00:24:43.780 --> 00:24:47.422
20 years ago, when women turned 50, they just looked like the Golden Girls.

00:24:47.422 --> 00:24:48.840
But now 50 looks like 30.

00:24:48.840 --> 00:24:49.182
It's true.

00:24:49.182 --> 00:24:51.483
You look at J-Lo and Gwen Stefani.

00:24:51.483 --> 00:24:54.384
They look amazing, but it's true.

00:24:57.454 --> 00:24:59.039
One of the Golden Girls like look amazing.

00:24:59.039 --> 00:25:00.182
But it's true what the golden girls like?

00:25:00.182 --> 00:25:02.769
45, they're like my age and alice from um brady bunch, yeah she was like 40.

00:25:02.789 --> 00:25:03.551
God she was younger than me.

00:25:03.551 --> 00:25:06.940
Yeah, I think it's the hair, it's all in the hair, those curly little dudes.

00:25:07.079 --> 00:25:13.017
Yeah, the perms the hair or the uh, the botox and all this stuff.

00:25:13.057 --> 00:25:19.758
Yes, well, and the frumpy clothing like we dress so much different now makeup too.

00:25:19.778 --> 00:25:23.569
They wore like bright blue eyeshadow, and style has changed.

00:25:23.569 --> 00:25:25.095
Style has definitely changed.

00:25:25.095 --> 00:25:27.319
Bald guys with beards.

00:25:27.319 --> 00:25:29.003
It used to scream midlife crisis.

00:25:29.003 --> 00:25:30.666
Now all the women swoon over this.

00:25:30.666 --> 00:25:33.017
It's true a lot of the women that we interview.

00:25:33.017 --> 00:25:33.617
What's your type?

00:25:33.698 --> 00:25:36.020
oh, I love a beard uh-huh, a guy with a beard.

00:25:36.020 --> 00:25:40.047
I think it's because so many of us women are like I want a man, a manly man.

00:25:40.086 --> 00:25:42.309
Yeah, yeah, it's very true.

00:25:42.309 --> 00:25:49.114
The stereotypical nerdy thing dnd magic just being into fantasy, warhammer just being a nerd.

00:25:49.114 --> 00:25:51.402
Basically that's in or that's out.

00:25:51.402 --> 00:25:52.666
I guess it's no sexy.

00:25:52.707 --> 00:25:57.825
Now, that wasn't 20 years, it is sexy so think about like the cosplayers, like the female cosplayers.

00:25:57.825 --> 00:26:15.868
I have a client who her daughter is a Twitch streamer and so she streams her live playing video games and she's cute, she's hot and she has this whole following online of gamer guys that are just obsessed with her because she's hot.

00:26:16.455 --> 00:26:16.819
And she's a gamer.

00:26:16.819 --> 00:26:17.384
Yeah, it's a gamer.

00:26:17.384 --> 00:26:18.595
Yeah, it's a thing.

00:26:18.595 --> 00:26:21.082
So I have a friend and her stepson.

00:26:21.082 --> 00:26:24.563
She's always talking about how he he's never gonna find someone because he's a nerd, he's a gamer.

00:26:24.563 --> 00:26:26.994
But oh, he finally found someone and she's a gamer.

00:26:26.994 --> 00:26:29.480
She just sent me a picture because they're engaged.

00:26:29.480 --> 00:26:32.146
They are so good looking they.

00:26:32.146 --> 00:26:35.182
She looks like a victoria's secret model and he looks like a gq model.

00:26:35.182 --> 00:26:37.989
I was like these are the nerdy gamers that you were telling me about.

00:26:38.009 --> 00:26:39.393
They were hot, that's what I'm saying.

00:26:39.393 --> 00:26:40.336
Like they're sexy now.

00:26:40.336 --> 00:26:48.064
They're not the nerds that they used to be yeah, I mean, you're passionate about something passionate next one is going to therapy.

00:26:48.104 --> 00:26:52.237
It's true, you know, doing the work, concentrating yourself, making sure you're the best you can be.

00:26:52.237 --> 00:26:54.519
I know that that's pretty in now, isn't it?

00:26:54.519 --> 00:26:57.805
But in the past didn't people think you were crazy if you went to a therapist?

00:26:57.904 --> 00:26:58.846
you must be too cute.

00:26:58.866 --> 00:27:10.641
It was like look down upon mental health is becoming more of a like good topic yeah, exactly not so much as like something that's like hmm, why are you going to therapy?

00:27:10.681 --> 00:27:12.065
yeah, there must be something wrong with you.

00:27:12.185 --> 00:27:16.787
And now it's like yeah, you're going to therapy, yeah yeah, normal sized lips.

00:27:16.988 --> 00:27:22.363
Thank, god I don't know why women do it to where you can tell they're so fake.

00:27:22.363 --> 00:27:23.626
To me it's so unattractive.

00:27:23.626 --> 00:27:25.586
Do they look in the mirror and think they look hot?

00:27:25.586 --> 00:27:30.141
I'm legitimately asking like it's so hideous to me?

00:27:31.222 --> 00:27:32.144
body dysmorphia.

00:27:32.144 --> 00:27:36.921
I think a lot of the time and it just it screams, fake like it screams.

00:27:37.040 --> 00:27:40.059
All these aren't real and I'm very superficial, I don't know.

00:27:40.059 --> 00:27:44.186
Yeah, yeah, muscles on females, that is.

00:27:44.186 --> 00:27:52.680
I know a lot of guys like the athletic women now that I know a lot of women that do their bodybuilding and compete, oh yeah, like the bikini shows and stuff.

00:27:52.720 --> 00:27:53.843
I know a lot of women that do that.

00:27:53.843 --> 00:28:02.709
Yeah, because if you think about back 20 years ago, it was like what was sexy was to be like waif thin to be.

00:28:02.848 --> 00:28:03.269
You know what I?

00:28:03.309 --> 00:28:09.469
mean to have no muscle tone and to just be yeah, like skinny back in the day it used to be curvy, you know.

00:28:09.489 --> 00:28:14.441
Then it morphed into the waif, yeah cake moss like society?

00:28:14.520 --> 00:28:18.409
has you made us feel like we have to look?

00:28:18.409 --> 00:28:27.221
And now we're so much more influenced by social media, where there's all these like fitness influencers and everything Women actually like, wanting to be strong.

00:28:27.260 --> 00:28:29.487
Yeah, yeah, no tattoos.

00:28:29.487 --> 00:28:35.827
I feel like tattoos have always kind of been in, haven't they Like no?

00:28:36.715 --> 00:28:41.260
I'm like like looking at my tattoo don't you remember well?

00:28:41.300 --> 00:28:46.719
and I think people do still say like what do you, what do you think you're gonna look like when you're 80?

00:28:46.719 --> 00:28:51.640
And your tattoos are all saggy, but I think that used to be like the thing was.

00:28:51.640 --> 00:28:56.398
You were looked down upon for having tattoos because what are you gonna look like when you're old?

00:28:56.439 --> 00:28:58.828
I know a lot of women are like oh, I love a guy with tattoos.

00:28:58.828 --> 00:29:00.335
You know women love tattoos.

00:29:00.335 --> 00:29:05.926
Writing full words instead of abbreviations and text messages that is my pet peeve.

00:29:05.926 --> 00:29:08.115
Brb, imo, tbh.

00:29:08.115 --> 00:29:10.759
Oh my god, are you that lazy like rn?

00:29:10.759 --> 00:29:13.260
I'm busy rn like I don't know.

00:29:13.260 --> 00:29:14.682
That just does it annoy.

00:29:14.682 --> 00:29:17.144
You guys do your kids do that too.

00:29:17.144 --> 00:29:18.646
Yeah yeah some.

00:29:18.866 --> 00:29:23.912
I mean some annoy me but some I, because I work in pediatrics and so.

00:29:23.912 --> 00:29:29.405
I like I have to stay like hip to the lingo otherwise, otherwise I get made fun of.

00:29:29.405 --> 00:29:37.263
I get roasted at work and I'm like I'm not gonna be going to work and getting roasted because I don't use abbreviations in my text messages.

00:29:37.355 --> 00:29:45.721
If it's a younger generation using it, fine, but when it's like grown ass adults my age that are doing that, I'm just like, really Like in your 40s.

00:29:45.976 --> 00:30:00.944
I'll use it as a joke, like I'll say it to another adult, as like if I'm being funny or if we're like joking around or something, but if I'm texting someone something serious, I'm not going to Be like BRB.

00:30:00.944 --> 00:30:02.869
Yeah, ttyl, right.

00:30:03.050 --> 00:30:06.042
Yeah, bp, klms.

00:30:06.042 --> 00:30:08.028
Oh my God, what does this mean?

00:30:08.028 --> 00:30:10.693
Septum piercings?

00:30:10.693 --> 00:30:12.468
That's one thing I do not understand.

00:30:12.468 --> 00:30:19.667
I do not understand that the piercings right here, I think, to each their own To each their own, but doesn't that hurt?

00:30:19.667 --> 00:30:20.611
And I don't know.

00:30:20.611 --> 00:30:29.865
I just something about a face piercing just screams like I don't know.

00:30:29.865 --> 00:30:31.067
I just something about a face piercing.

00:30:31.067 --> 00:30:32.851
Just screams like I don't know.

00:30:32.851 --> 00:30:34.093
Yeah, I'm not judging, yeah, I just.

00:30:34.713 --> 00:30:35.635
I'm with you on the facial piercings.

00:30:35.635 --> 00:30:37.740
It scares me a little bit, it's like why?

00:30:37.740 --> 00:30:42.084
Yeah, why do you like your face pinched like that?

00:30:42.163 --> 00:30:44.424
Yeah, I don't know.

00:30:44.424 --> 00:30:47.268
Having your shit together, which I guess.

00:30:47.268 --> 00:30:48.087
What does that mean?

00:30:48.087 --> 00:30:50.190
Like in the like now.

00:30:50.329 --> 00:30:51.951
Was I ever not sexy?

00:30:51.951 --> 00:30:52.991
I think I wasn't.

00:30:52.991 --> 00:30:54.333
Who has their shit together For?

00:30:54.353 --> 00:30:55.292
example in the past.

00:30:55.292 --> 00:30:57.914
Remember how people tried to act dumb in school.

00:30:57.914 --> 00:31:01.238
Getting good grades was looked down upon Like you're such a nerd getting good grades.

00:31:01.238 --> 00:31:10.450
Oh yeah, that's right, like that lindsey lowen movie in the 90s where she pretended to be dumb but she was actually super smart.

00:31:10.450 --> 00:31:12.336
Yeah, but now I feel in school isn't it cool to be smart and get good grades.

00:31:12.356 --> 00:31:14.163
I feel like it was always cool really, but I don't know.

00:31:14.163 --> 00:31:16.914
But I always got good grades and I always thought I was cool.

00:31:16.974 --> 00:31:19.762
So yeah, and here it says um being fucked.

00:31:19.823 --> 00:31:23.391
A fucked up mess was idealized, but now it's sexy to be all together.

00:31:23.711 --> 00:31:24.212
That is true.

00:31:24.212 --> 00:31:32.328
It used to be like, you know, the Spicoli and Grandma's Boy and like all those movies.

00:31:32.328 --> 00:31:35.978
It was like kind of cool to be that like bad boy, that stoner rebel kind of you know guy.

00:31:36.419 --> 00:31:39.807
I don't know, Dad bods porch bellies and body hair.

00:31:39.807 --> 00:31:40.569
It's kind of true.

00:31:41.140 --> 00:31:42.104
Dad bods are in.

00:31:42.605 --> 00:31:48.580
Right, what is it Zaddy?

00:31:48.580 --> 00:31:49.364
Body hair it's kind of true, right.

00:31:49.364 --> 00:31:50.086
What is it, zaddy?

00:31:50.086 --> 00:31:50.890
What exactly is that in reference to?

00:31:51.471 --> 00:31:53.077
like a dad, that's hot or like a guy that has a dad bod, or just a hot dad.

00:31:53.077 --> 00:31:53.619
It's like a guy that's hot.

00:31:54.121 --> 00:31:57.724
I don't know, I think it's the weirdest comment.

00:31:57.744 --> 00:31:58.786
What zaddy like.

00:31:58.786 --> 00:32:04.172
It just makes me cringe so hard, yeah.

00:32:04.231 --> 00:32:14.705
Sweatpants with elastic around the ankles, joggers, joggers yeah, that's the ones that are short that like have the elastic joggers used to not be popular, yeah that is true.

00:32:14.705 --> 00:32:15.789
A lot of people are wearing them now.

00:32:15.789 --> 00:32:20.222
Yeah, pubic hair seems to have become somewhat popular again.

00:32:20.222 --> 00:32:30.416
It's kind of true like back in the day they wanted them like bold, like a baby, like spanking, like squeaky clean now, yeah, now it is kind of making a comeback it is.

00:32:30.718 --> 00:32:33.923
We had somebody on who was.

00:32:33.923 --> 00:32:35.567
Who was it?

00:32:35.567 --> 00:32:40.781
We had a guest recently that was that talked about this, because he was like I don't like it.

00:32:40.781 --> 00:32:42.506
I don't like it if there's nothing down there.

00:32:42.646 --> 00:32:46.717
Yeah he wanted to feel like he was with a woman yeah it makes sense.

00:32:46.717 --> 00:32:47.940
Yeah, high-waisted jeans.

00:32:47.940 --> 00:32:50.672
I get made fun of when I wear my low-waisted jeans.

00:32:50.672 --> 00:32:54.565
Apparently those are out of style they're coming back, lindsey.

00:32:54.965 --> 00:32:56.368
Everything comes back around.

00:32:56.368 --> 00:32:57.270
They'll be back in.

00:32:57.270 --> 00:32:58.380
They'll be back in in a year.

00:32:58.681 --> 00:33:07.632
Being chubby back in the day, having any meat on your bones at all, was practically considered morbidly obese, but nowadays we just call it being thick as fuck or curvy, or who's it?

00:33:07.632 --> 00:33:11.761
Big back, big back is that a negative term?

00:33:11.781 --> 00:33:17.940
big back the kids use it all the time yeah, they, they kind of use it and it depends.

00:33:17.940 --> 00:33:35.586
I mean, I think it depends on but yeah, because you can, I could say like because, like I'm hungry right now, so I could be like my big back like needs something to eat because I'm hungry, but you could also use it as an insult to someone if you were like feeling feisty.

00:33:35.688 --> 00:33:40.384
Okay, big back yeah, eyebrows wider than a millimeter, the thick eyebrows are now.

00:33:40.384 --> 00:33:43.402
I plucked mine so thin I don't know why back in the day they don't grow back.

00:33:43.402 --> 00:33:44.326
And then they never, never grow back.

00:33:44.346 --> 00:33:45.128
They never grow back.

00:33:45.128 --> 00:33:46.505
There's a serum you can use.

00:33:46.505 --> 00:33:47.127
Oh, is there really?

00:33:47.127 --> 00:33:48.365
Because I did the same thing.

00:33:48.365 --> 00:33:52.215
They grew back, they grew back yeah.

00:33:53.380 --> 00:33:55.987
Calf-length socks, before you wouldn't be caught dead.

00:33:55.987 --> 00:33:58.621
Invisible socks, no-show.

00:33:58.621 --> 00:34:05.661
Ankles with a style style yeah.

00:34:05.661 --> 00:34:05.981
Tall socks yeah.

00:34:05.981 --> 00:34:06.864
Remember that article we just talked about.

00:34:06.864 --> 00:34:07.385
Ankle socks are red flags.

00:34:07.385 --> 00:34:12.581
Athletic women people are finally coming around to healthy being sexy instead of super thin being the ideal.

00:34:12.581 --> 00:34:14.789
And then stability.

00:34:14.789 --> 00:34:16.695
And then justin timberlake.

00:34:16.695 --> 00:34:17.820
I have issues with this one.

00:34:17.820 --> 00:34:20.525
Would we say justin timberlake is sexy again.

00:34:20.525 --> 00:34:22.889
Would we say he bought sexy back I don't know.

00:34:23.391 --> 00:34:25.364
I've always wondered how tall is he?

00:34:26.447 --> 00:34:27.110
I've actually met him.

00:34:27.110 --> 00:34:28.074
He's actually not that tall.

00:34:28.074 --> 00:34:29.641
I feel like I was taller than him was.

00:34:29.681 --> 00:34:31.610
Justin Timberlake ever not sexy.

00:34:31.630 --> 00:34:38.041
Yeah, didn't he go through that phase where people were making fun of him on the dance floor like he was dancing at one of his concerts, like an old man and then he got the.

00:34:38.041 --> 00:34:40.545
Dui and then he cheated on his wife.

00:34:40.545 --> 00:34:42.789
I just feel like he's kind of gone to pot gone downhill.

00:34:42.829 --> 00:34:45.072
I've never really been attracted to him for some reason.

00:34:45.072 --> 00:34:45.634
I haven't either.

00:34:45.634 --> 00:34:46.295
I haven't either.

00:34:47.242 --> 00:34:49.128
I don't like the boy band.

00:34:49.128 --> 00:34:50.824
Look, doesn't he kind of have a?

00:34:50.865 --> 00:34:53.239
little bit of a high-pitched voice when he talks A little.

00:34:53.280 --> 00:34:54.635
He doesn't seem very manly and aggressive.

00:34:54.635 --> 00:34:58.670
I thought he was so funny in that movie Friends with Benefits, though.

00:34:59.320 --> 00:35:00.003
He was good.

00:35:00.003 --> 00:35:01.346
He's such a good actor.

00:35:01.346 --> 00:35:02.307
He's a good actor.

00:35:02.307 --> 00:35:03.570
He is a good actor.

00:35:03.570 --> 00:35:04.393
So that's that.

00:35:04.393 --> 00:35:10.492
Now it's time for the celebrity cut, where we marinate in the juices of the celebrity.

00:35:10.492 --> 00:35:19.965
How do you feel about Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni and his entire lawsuit being dismissed Like that frustrates me.

00:35:19.965 --> 00:35:20.588
Did you hear about that?

00:35:20.739 --> 00:35:21.864
His entire lawsuit is dismissed.

00:35:21.864 --> 00:35:23.190
So you know how he was suing.

00:35:23.532 --> 00:35:26.925
Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds for $400 million and he was suing the New York Times.

00:35:26.925 --> 00:35:28.545
The judge threw it out.

00:35:28.545 --> 00:35:36.130
I mean, there are still certain things he can go after her for, but the big one, the $400 million lawsuit, the judge tossed it out.

00:35:36.130 --> 00:35:37.452
Wait, who is this guy?

00:35:37.452 --> 00:35:38.442
You don't know.

00:35:38.442 --> 00:35:48.960
Justin Baldoni, what you don't know?

00:35:48.960 --> 00:35:49.202
The lawsuit.

00:35:49.222 --> 00:35:53.356
The name sounds familiar, but he was the director of it ends with us the movie that she was in, oh, and they got into a beef and then she sued him, and then he sued her, and it's this whole legal drama anyway.

00:35:53.376 --> 00:35:54.018
Was her lawsuit thrown out also?

00:35:54.018 --> 00:35:55.302
No, but this is what I wanted to talk about.

00:35:55.302 --> 00:36:03.827
So she was claiming that he caused her mental distress with the smear campaign, like it affected her mental, her mental health.

00:36:03.827 --> 00:36:11.925
And so then the there justin baldoni's team were like we want to see your medical records prove it, prove that we cause you mental stress.

00:36:11.925 --> 00:36:15.581
So she did not want to release her medical records for whatever reason.

00:36:15.581 --> 00:36:17.286
She did not want them going public.

00:36:17.286 --> 00:36:21.764
So she dropped those portions of her lawsuit so she wouldn't have to reveal her medical records.

00:36:21.764 --> 00:36:23.909
What is she hiding, I might ask?

00:36:23.909 --> 00:36:25.032
That's what I want to know.

00:36:25.052 --> 00:36:26.956
I kind of want to know that too right.

00:36:27.295 --> 00:36:36.121
It's like you're so against revealing your medical records that you you would drop the majority of your lawsuit for so you don't have to reveal them.

00:36:36.121 --> 00:36:37.003
What is, what are you hiding?

00:36:37.003 --> 00:36:38.989
I want to know anyways, that was it.

00:36:38.989 --> 00:36:40.842
What's your favorite place to go on a first date?

00:36:40.842 --> 00:36:40.902
Um?

00:36:44.226 --> 00:36:48.815
I think just something good like some good hearty food.

00:36:48.815 --> 00:36:51.768
Yeah, I love to eat, love a good cheeseburger.

00:36:51.768 --> 00:36:52.432
Yeah.

00:36:52.452 --> 00:36:52.896
Big back.

00:36:53.378 --> 00:36:55.175
Yeah, I love that you like to eat.

00:36:55.175 --> 00:36:57.820
Some women I know don't eat on a first date.

00:36:57.820 --> 00:37:01.090
They refuse to go on a first date where they have to eat or they order a salad.

00:37:01.820 --> 00:37:09.773
Oh, if I'm on a date with a guy and he has a problem with me eating like it's not gonna work good, because I love food, yeah you're like the.

00:37:09.994 --> 00:37:23.052
It's like the scene from white chicks, where he's like she'll have a salad and she's like, actually, I'll have that is my favorite scene, and I am gonna order exactly whatever she says in that scene too.

00:37:23.420 --> 00:37:27.458
Yeah, I was like he took when I was single, like don't order wings on a first date, and I was like why?

00:37:27.458 --> 00:37:29.659
Not, I'm all about getting messy Like who cares.

00:37:29.659 --> 00:37:35.365
If he's going to judge you for getting messy while eating, then you probably don't want to get married with him and have kids with him.

00:37:35.887 --> 00:37:39.405
Yeah, I'm like well, exactly, I'm going to have kids with you.

00:37:44.500 --> 00:37:44.559
You.

00:37:44.559 --> 00:37:47.369
You're gonna have to see all that right, so if you can't see me eating wings, you might as well get it out of the way on a first date.

00:37:47.389 --> 00:37:47.630
Yeah, so yeah.

00:37:47.630 --> 00:37:52.811
Now it's time for the most delicious segment of the show zoyo intel, sponsored by zoyo, your neighborhood yogurt.

00:37:52.811 --> 00:37:54.458
Pick one of these cards.00:37:54.458 --> 00:37:56.684


Some are innocent, some are not so innocent.00:37:56.724 --> 00:38:03.327


Take one at your own risk I'm gonna find an innocent one, we'll see.00:38:03.327 --> 00:38:10.867


Oh my gosh, has there been a time you said no to a sex act?00:38:10.867 --> 00:38:12.949


Oh, I was reading the top part.00:38:12.949 --> 00:38:14.811


It said stripped down to your underwear.00:38:15.032 --> 00:38:22.086


You read the dare the dare portion, I was like I don't think I'm going to do that.00:38:22.507 --> 00:38:23.289


Yeah, yeah, what was the question?00:38:28.340 --> 00:38:30.003


It said has there been a time you've said no to a sex act?00:38:30.003 --> 00:38:42.648


Uh, so a guy asked to do a specific position or styling you yeah and um, it was my ex that guy that I, that was kind of crazy, yeah, yeah was he into some weird stuff.00:38:42.668 --> 00:38:43.530


That makes sense now.00:38:43.530 --> 00:38:58.494


Yeah, and he was like also a Marine, which now I'm realizing is like a thing, like Marines are like something's not right up there, in the sense of like they're just very intense.00:38:58.494 --> 00:39:03.260


People Like the type of guys that go into the Marines are like very intense thinking.00:39:03.521 --> 00:39:07.030


I think it's like the most intense branch of the military.00:39:07.351 --> 00:39:07.931


Yeah, For sure.00:39:07.931 --> 00:39:12.130


So there were times that I was like, no, no.00:39:12.693 --> 00:39:13.835


I'm not going to do that.00:39:13.835 --> 00:39:14.396


Don't my cup of tea.00:39:14.396 --> 00:39:19.090


Have you ever said no to a sexual proposition Um.00:39:33.320 --> 00:39:35.884


Um, I mean, I've said no to things, but I've never had any.00:39:35.884 --> 00:39:44.806


I've never had someone present me with something that I said no to because it was outside of my comfort zone or too like quote unquote weird for me.00:39:44.806 --> 00:39:57.291


I've said no to things because, like, physically they wouldn't work with my body, you know, like like I physically cannot do that.00:39:57.291 --> 00:39:59.628


So no, we're not going to do that.00:39:59.628 --> 00:40:04.425


But I've never had any like crazy, like weird stories where someone wanted to do something super weird.00:40:04.664 --> 00:40:12.210


I like that could be a deal breaker, like kinks, because like if you know someone's into hardcore whips and chains and the other's more vanilla.00:40:12.251 --> 00:40:15.943


That wouldn't work, vanilla you know, they just like the missionary position.00:40:15.943 --> 00:40:17.588


Yeah, yeah do you?00:40:18.530 --> 00:40:19.391


have any other questions.00:40:19.391 --> 00:40:20.501


Do you have any other questions?00:40:21.324 --> 00:40:22.788


no, I don't think so well.00:40:22.807 --> 00:40:25.282


Thank you so much for joining us this week here at the meat market.00:40:25.282 --> 00:40:26.786


And thank you so much, shelby.00:40:26.786 --> 00:40:34.322


If you want to take shelby on a date, message us at meat market podcast on any of our social media platforms or the meat market podcast dot com.00:40:34.322 --> 00:40:36.996


And thank you so much to our sponsor, tactical tax strategy.00:40:36.996 --> 00:40:40.625


If you want to keep more in your wallet, you need to go to tactical tax strategies.00:40:40.625 --> 00:40:42.288


See you next week at the meat market.00:40:42.288 --> 00:40:46.822


Oh my God, I just totally got catfished.00:40:46.822 --> 00:40:48.867


He looks absolutely nothing like his picture.00:40:49.327 --> 00:40:53.963


So I found out, the guy that I've been dating is married with kids.00:40:53.963 --> 00:40:56.106


His wife just reached out to me.