From Marriage to Modern Romance: Setting Boundaries & Finding Fun
ating After Divorce: Alyssa’s Guide to Clarity, Boundaries, and Real Connection
Alyssa’s story starts where many modern love stories restart: at the end of a long marriage and the start of swipe culture. After nearly nine years married in a Mormon community, she steps into dating with curiosity and caution. Moving from faith-bound rules to Hinge prompts isn’t a small leap—it’s a shift in values, language, and expectations.
She set up her profile at a divorce party, tried activity dates, and got selective with matches. The goal wasn’t volume—it was clarity. She screens for kindness, communication, and an active lifestyle. She moves at a measured pace: no rush, no games, no chasing chaos.
Leaving a High-Control Faith
Underneath the dating tactics is a bigger story. Alyssa explains how teachings around tithing, temple recommends, and access to the “celestial kingdom” shaped early choices—including a lightning-fast engagement at nineteen. Over time, the math didn’t add up: the community was rich, but the cost was high.
Rules came before reasons. Fear-based frames around worthiness, obedience, and even beverages shaped life choices. She still values what faith communities do well—belonging, service, resilience—but is clear-eyed about power, money, and who benefits. That clarity now guides how she dates: boundaries first, honesty always, and an open mind without surrendering self.
Modern Dating Dilemmas
The episode explores challenges that mirror her shift. Take “zip coding”—filtering matches by neighborhood or status. Is it lazy, or a proxy for lifestyle and logistics? Alyssa points to the practical reality: as a co-parent, time is currency, and suburban life narrows options.
Distance becomes a signal for deeper compatibility. How someone spends free time, what “going out” really means, and proximity by design matter more than miles. The same logic applies to long-distance dating—what looks glamorous on paper can be thin in practice when schedules, kids, and costs collide.
Honesty Without Harm
Another tricky topic: “Do I look okay?” How do you answer without hurting feelings? Alyssa’s approach is simple: calibrate honesty to care. If feedback shames, you aren’t ready for intimacy. If you can’t receive it without spiraling, you aren’t ready for partnership.
The same ethic applies to co-parenting: cooperate, document boundaries, prioritize the child, and accept that not everyone wants peace.
Redefining What Matters
Alyssa blends resilience and reinvention. She’s merging music therapy roots with a doctorate in occupational therapy, proving personal growth can run alongside romantic growth. She’s re-learning play through activity dates, choosing laughter over resume bullet points.
She’s open to another child, unsure about remarriage, and believes effort beats labels. Her preference for men who have “seen some stuff” signals empathy and grit—a soft center under a rough edge. That is her new north star: kindness, communication, movement, and respect for evolving beliefs. In a world of filters and zip codes, those traits travel well.
