HOW TO DATE A RUSSIAN HOTTIE

Cold Open Catfish And Married Men

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Oh my god, I just totally got catfished. He looks absolutely nothing like his picture. So I found out the guy that I've been dating is married with kids. His wife just reached out to me.

SPEAKER_03 0:15

Welcome to the meat market. The single scene is a slaughterhouse, and we are here to devour it. We are your hosts. I'm Nindsey. I'm Jess. And today's sizzling single is Julia. Welcome. Hi.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

Well, thank you.

SPEAKER_03 0:25

So you are a nurse. You must be one of the most beautiful nurses I've ever seen in my entire life. Have you been hit on by doctors, by patients?

SPEAKER_00 0:33

Um, I would say I'm a nursing student, so in my last year, and there have been a few situations or like when I have to go in and have a conversation with a patient and ask like important questions. You could tell if it's like, you know, they're a bit younger, they get super flustered. But I mean, I'm very professional. I try to make sure they know that I just, you know, want to take care of them, make sure they're good. But it's definitely like you get some looks, you know.

SPEAKER_03 1:02

What type of nurse are you? What department?

SPEAKER_00 1:05

So I, so I'm in my last year of nursing school. So I um want to be actually a psych nurse. Oh. So that's very, I feel like, underserved in today's age, but you need it the most in today's age. So that's kind of why I want to do it.

SPEAKER_03 1:23

And it says in your profile you're going to be a DNP. So what's that, like a doctorate of nurse? So yeah, nurse practitioner. Oh god, yeah.

Holistic Wellness Versus Quick Prescriptions

SPEAKER_00 1:31

Because when you become an MP, you can have your own, oh, sorry, you can have your own clinic, you can, you know, have your own patients essentially. Whereas when you're like an RN, you usually work for someone else. Someone else, yes. And I'm actually really passionate about holistic kind of wellness. Um, I do think big pharma is a big, you know, thing. Like first, exactly. Like when a kid is anxious, why is the first thing like give SSRIs? And I think many people, and I can be open about this. Me as a kid, I went to a doctor and the first thing they did was like Zoloft or something, you know what I mean? And I feel like that messed me up in ways. So I want to do it in a sense where it's integrative. Like that's kind of what I want to open up. And that's as a DNP, you have the flexibility to do that.

SPEAKER_03 2:19

Awesome. Now, is it the same amount of like why would one choose to do all that work to become a DMP and not just become a doctor?

SPEAKER_00 2:26

Oh, yeah, that's a really good question. I think, so for example, with med school, you have your um your four years of med school. Well, you have four years of like an undergrad bio, you know, whatever, and then four years of med school, and then residency. And for a lot of people, that that does add up more in a sense than the DNP. There's also these programs like at my school where it's a little bit more accelerated. So you could get it done sooner.

SPEAKER_03 2:52

Got you. Okay, because it's a big time commitment to be a doctor. And I'm sure it costs a lot of money, right?

SPEAKER_00 2:56

Financial and um, yeah, time commitment.

SPEAKER_03 3:01

Now, do you model as well?

SPEAKER_00 3:03

So, no, I do like a little bit of TikTok and content creation in that sense, um, especially like around gym, because like I said, I'm very like wellness oriented, and so that's been like kind of my niche is like gym fitness stuff. But I'm not modeled. Um, I am five foot three, so it does limit some of your um modeling options, so nice, and um I see that you are from Russia originally, yes, I was born there.

SPEAKER_03 3:35

Okay, and then when did you you moved to California first? Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 3:37

I moved when I was like seven years old, like eight, seven, eight elementary school, and then I grew up in California and I moved here to Scottsdale three years ago.

SPEAKER_03 3:47

So now what do you prefer, Scottsdale or California?

SPEAKER_00 3:51

It's so hard because in the beginning I would have said California, but when I actually went back to California for like, you know, my break, like two weeks, I was like, wait, I kind of want to go back to Arizona. It's so interesting. I'm specifically from San Francisco area, so not like SoCal. And what I like about Scottsdale is again, like a lot of people, I'm not saying everyone, but a lot of people are like healthy, kind of trying to be the best versions of themselves. I'm not trying to say people in California aren't, but in specifically like the Bay Area, I didn't feel that as much. I feel like here there's so many opportunities. There's wellness events, especially for like singles, things like like I kind of I like that a lot, you know.

SPEAKER_03 4:32

Was it tough for you to move from Russia to California? Because that's quite a difference, no?

SPEAKER_00 4:36

That is a big difference. Um, I actually had also moved back to Russia for like a few months in high school, and that was even more so like hard. Um, I think the biggest thing is in America, and I'm not saying this is a bad thing, you know, you go into a store or even just socially, you're on the bus, anything. I don't know. People are like smiley, and sometimes like that's probably fake, and they're just trying to be a good person. So I'm not saying there's anything wrong with good customer service, but it's different because in Russia, and I think a lot of like there's a joke called the Slavic stare. I don't know if you guys heard of it. It's like they're really like real. Like if they're not feeling your convo, they want you like you can see it on their face. So in Russia, everyone's super direct, like there's no um sugar coating, you know what I mean? It's very different. I don't know, there's a lot of differences, but I remember I had a Russian friend and she was very direct.

SPEAKER_03 5:27

Like I was given birth and it was like six months after I gave birth to Lydia, and she's like, You still look pregnant. Oh my god, somewhere you still look eight months pregnant. I'm like, okay.

Directness Jealousy And Cultural Dating Rules

SPEAKER_00 5:36

No, that's like the that's also like the joke because I have a lot of Slavic friends and like from the community in California. We have like a big Russian Ukrainian community, and all of them, their parents, my parents, we like talk about how our parents are like that. Like, if we look, this is gonna sound kind of bad, but like, you know, they they they'll tell you, like, oh, you put on some weight, or like kind of toxic, but at the same time, like it's so normal. They just tell how it is. And I think any a lot of Russian people, or you saw people watching would get what I'm saying. It's like we don't take it that way. It's not like I'm offended, I don't get easily offended. That's a better way of putting it because I'm used to like how I grew up.

SPEAKER_02 6:13

Does it ever affect your dating life? Like, do men find you too brash or too honest or too direct?

SPEAKER_00 6:19

Yes. But I will be honest, and this is not like fake to say, I definitely reserve it. And I tried it, but I am also an empath, so that's the thing. I like, and I don't think that's just how you are born, right? So, like, I don't think being like an empath is necessarily something you become. It's like you, you know what I mean. And I think that like I really like feel people's emotions around me, so I kind of know when to not say something, you know, which is good. Because sometimes I'm thinking something, but I'm like, you know what? It's better I don't say it.

SPEAKER_03 6:53

So, how is dating in Scotland? You probably didn't date much in Rush, Russia, right? Not at all.

SPEAKER_00 6:59

Well, yeah, not at all.

SPEAKER_03 7:01

So, do you prefer American men? I mean, have you met Russian men over here or international men? Like, how do you find dating here?

SPEAKER_00 7:07

I think it's also because I haven't met too many Russian men in America. We have our community, but that's people I grew up with when I was nine and moved, you know, like kids of my parents' friends. Like, I always feel like a big family. Yes, yeah. So for me, that's so weird because it kind of gave me like a perception, like almost like I didn't want to date Russian men, you know what I mean? But I think that there are certain things that like in Russian Slavic culture, there's things that some people I would say in modern American culture would think is controlling or like jealous. Like, for example, a lot of people in like Slavic relationships, like you don't go out without your person or you don't, you know, follow other guys, follow their girls. Like that's very like a bare minimum thing. That's not even like a disgust, like you don't do that, right? In most. In America, it's almost like you're jealous, you're insecure. So there's differences. I feel like I'm also just navigating my own, you know. You know, I've definitely had past issues where I feel like I got a little like expected that they would act the same way, you know what I mean? Like in America, and they probably think I'm just crazy. Do you like American men? Yeah, yeah, no, I do, I do. I um I think I've only dated like one person who isn't like necessarily American. And when I say date, I mean like a real like relationship, you know? So, and they were like um Spanish, which I mean but they lived here for so many years.

SPEAKER_03 8:41

Because I know that like I have some international friends and they say that the American men that they've met haven't known too much about the world outside of America, they haven't been too cultured or international, so it kind of ugly that they were you know dumb meatheads. Because I mean you do you speak Russian? Yes, yeah, like not a lot of Americans speak multiple languages, you know?

Scottsdale Nightlife And Staying Sober

SPEAKER_00 9:01

But exactly. Oh, sorry, not true. I think um that's why it's so dependent on the person, and I've learned that because I can say, like, oh, I like, for example, Russian men more, but I can meet a Russian guy that's honestly like bad, right? So I guess it really depends. I've met some because I have met in America, this is a better way to put it, and I know we'll probably also touch on this, like stating in specifically Scottsdale. When I moved here, I initially thought, like, this is rough. And I think because of like the nightlife scene, yes, there's people that don't go out, don't party, but if we're talking exclusively Scottsdale, there's a lot of people that you know go to Old Town, and it's like a lot of like infidelity, you know. But I have met some really good people that aren't like that. So are you a go go outer? So do you like to go out? It's a little bit of a fun fact. I've actually never been drunk, like I do not drink. No, and that's also with the Russian stereotype. And it's so funny because when I go out, because I do go out with friends, because just to like for the social part, also, because I don't want to be that friend that like never wants to, you know, go with them. Um, but people come up to me and they're expecting some like crazy sobriety story or some like why don't drink, and I really don't have one. Like I just never got into it, and then you don't like that Russian vodka. No, funny enough, I've took it taking one like sip of like a cocktail and it was a Moscow mule. Oh, that's I'm actually born in Moscow, so it's like, okay, that's if I am gonna drink something, it better be a Moscow mule, because I mean, and I was like, oh, I do not like this. I like just the taste, and just I was already like 20.

SPEAKER_02 10:42

I'm 24, I was like 22, you know, and that was the first time, so it's like it's probably more the taste of the ginger beer than the alcohol. Why because in a Moscow meal you can't really taste unless it's super strong. You can taste the vodka, but that's funny, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:56

So you're so young, 24. Did you are you looking for a relationship?

SPEAKER_00 11:00

So my friends um have like a joke, I'm like a serial monogamous, meaning like I get into relationships, like, and like they're pretty long usually, and like because I I do feel I'm a relationship person, and I think this is the first time I kid, you know, in my life from like maybe I need to stop and be single, and not in the sense where, like, you know, there's like a connotation around this, like, oh, she just wants to hook up, or like, no, that's not it. There's I feel like in the past I've been in relationships that were like we talked about kind of controlling, and I literally just couldn't do certain things that had nothing to do with going out with guys or just opportunities, like and I feel like I missed out on a lot of those, so just kind of trying to see if I do meet someone though, I don't know.

OnlyFans Boundaries And Feeling Disrespected

SPEAKER_03 11:48

What is your longest relationship? Three years. And if you don't mind me asking, why did that end?

SPEAKER_00 11:54

So I was 18 when I met him and he was like 24, and that is a big difference, I do think. I don't think a lot of people talk about it. And most people like maturity-wise, or like I mean, I just I was like first month in college, freshman year, and um it was just really I don't want to talk bad about it because he was a good guy, and I honestly think looking back, I don't regret any of it. But I was with him for three years, we moved in together, we got like, you know, a dog, um, and then I found out that he had subscribed to a girl's OnlyFans, and this was a weird thing because it had just recently really become a thing. Like OnlyFans, all like, and people were like, Is this cheating? Is this micro cheating? Is this the same thing as watching porn? I don't think it is, but that's actually a very good question.

SPEAKER_03 12:47

It's kind of similar to porn, yes, but you're subscribing to one specific person's constant content. So is that cheating? That's a great question.

SPEAKER_00 12:55

Was it someone that he knew or someone that he didn't know? So, no, he didn't know, but this is where we can kind of conclude that it was cheating because I initially, I'm gonna be honest with you guys, I had a gut sense, and a lot of people have checked their partners' search history or phones and in moments that are vulnerable. I'm not saying that's necessarily a good thing, but I did it. So I went on and I first saw that he just Googled this person's name. Like, like, you know what I mean? Not on only that, like it's just like a Google search, but it said, oh my gosh, this is so bad. It said at the end, like it said her name, and it said like naked images, like free naked images, like something, you know what I mean? Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 13:38

He was wait, how old at this time? This is like something like a 13-year-old boy would look up like, no, Jenna Jameson, boobs.

SPEAKER_00 13:46

It gets, it gets like very, very, it gets okay. I should start off with the worst part. So he prior when we just met, I was 18 guys, he said up front to me that I'm not his usual type. And I was like, okay, like, okay, like I don't, like what's your usual type? And he's a specifically Asian woman, which they are so beautiful, but I'm not, you know, when someone explicitly tells you that they have a specific type that you do not fit, that's gonna add insecurity to anyone, right? And this girl, like, she, and when we first started dating, he was following pages of pictures of like girls that said, like, Asian girls, all this stuff. And I was it just caused a lot of insecurity. Not necessarily like it's just like why are you doing that, right? If you're with me, it's okay. If you don't want to be with me, you want to be with someone, like that's fine, but you're wasting my time then, right? So that was kind of how the girl looked also. So that's kind of why it also like dug it. Like, I'm not good. It did give me, I was like only then I was 21, because it was like three years, right? It was like, wow, so I'm really not your type. You had to risk our relationship for that, right? So that was bad. And then yeah, he subscribed to OnlyFans because he couldn't find free images. That is that's in the end, like what happened. He couldn't find them, and that was his literal explanation to me.

SPEAKER_03 15:05

So that would make me question if he's met her in real life. Yeah, because if he's googling her name in free images, can't find anything there, then he subscribed to her. So maybe he met her.

SPEAKER_00 15:15

So so I thought that too, and then how he explained it, which I would believe because when I did look at her account and she was like very beautiful, but she didn't live in America. So maybe, right? So that's initially what I was like, I don't know. And then he said that you know you're on Instagram and your Explore page, it's very much tailored to your interests. So obviously, if a guy's always searching up girls, there's gonna be girls on his page. That's how he found her. So why I thought that was like cheating is that he sees this specific girl, and it's probably just a selfie because it's Instagram, right? And he goes out of his way to like you know what I mean? Like that's a little yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:54

I have a friend in that bugs her that she checked her husband's explore page and it was all like insta models with big boobs and like not wearing hardly any clothes.

SPEAKER_00 16:02

Yes, exactly. I was just like, that's his explorer page. So that that was ultimately the end of our relationship.

SPEAKER_03 16:10

I think would that bug you, Jess? If he subscribed to someone's OnlyFan? Well, I mean, yeah, yeah, kind of.

SPEAKER_02 16:19

But okay, haven't you guys ever like seen a picture of somebody and been like, who is that, and then gone and Googled them?

SPEAKER_00 16:25

Yes, 100%.

SPEAKER_02 16:26

Well, not naked pictures.

SPEAKER_00 16:28

I didn't know what you mean, like naked?

SPEAKER_02 16:29

I know, but don't you think a man Googling naked pictures of a random girl that they see online is like the same thing as the woman doing like a deep detective dive on someone's I don't know, when I'm Googling like background, they don't even care about like food and sex. So it's like, what are they gonna like?

SPEAKER_00 16:49

I think the problem that bothered me was because keep in mind, I already, because there are some women that are really like intense about their man watching porn, right? I actually wasn't like that, like I was like, oh my gosh, I'm not gonna break up with him for that, right? Where it was just like he specifically paid money though. Yeah, right?

SPEAKER_03 17:07

Like the same girl, like for me, if my significant significant other watches random porn here and then when we're not together, that's fine. But it's the same porn star every time and he's subscribing and only watches her. I'm gonna start thinking like when we're together, is he thinking of her? And do I not do it for him?

SPEAKER_00 17:22

You know, or is he going in the bathroom and just honest, like like I'm there in the room, and then he's probably just going the bathroom and like let me just like you know, so I was just that part of me, but it's also I should preface that there's a buildup of things. He actually even called himself like a self-diagnosed narcissist, like like openly, right?

SPEAKER_03 17:41

So he openly admits he's gonna be able to do it.

SPEAKER_00 17:42

Like he openly admits, so like that was the only thing where I would say is like cheating, whatever, not or you know, whatever people want to define as. But maybe had there been so good things before that situation, I wouldn't have maybe ended it, but it was just a buildup. Like at that point, I was like, yeah.

Micro Cheating And Relationship Agreements

SPEAKER_02 18:01

Yeah, I wouldn't call it cheating, yeah, but I it would be something that would but like it would bother me. It would be like, Oh yeah, no, I'm not having it. Micro cheating. Dude, that's such a fucking thing. Come at me with the micro cheating. No, it's either cheating or it's not. You either stuck it in somebody else or you didn't, like all the other shit is just like an accessory to cheating. Yeah, like why do we need to call it micro cheating?

SPEAKER_00 18:27

Like, so I think that also really good point though, with like when we talk about that term micro cheating, is it also depends on your relation with that person, right? Because in your relationship, there could be a couple that's like open, right? Like there's people that are literally open. There's a couple that they have agreed exclusively, promise like we're not gonna do this and that. And then they do it, like even if it's not like cheating, right? Like you're kind of going against your promise version. So I guess it depends on the relationship. Cause I have friends, it's true, they go out, right? Like without clubbing, which most people would be like, okay, whatever, right? But I have other friends that like they have a rule and they mutually like agreed on. So if they do that, it kind of is deceitful, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 19:07

Like and I wonder how he would have felt had you subscribed to a males only fan page, right? And like Googled his name, naked pictures.

SPEAKER_00 19:16

You know, I feel like that's kind of a double standard. And he was very controlling about what I would post. Not that I would even post anything like that, but just like if I'm with my friends and like bikini picture, like, and again, like I I don't necessarily think that I think it depends what your relationship is. Again, like what you're comfortable with partner is, but I wasn't mad about that, but just like the fact that he was so wanting me to do all these things, but then he kind of went against it.

SPEAKER_02 19:43

That also and it was too like a little bit of a boundary because you're like, it makes me feel uncomfortable. Yeah, like that you're into Asian women, but you're dating me. It would make me feel comfortable if you weren't following all these Asian women. And then it's like, what does he do? Goes and like subscribes to an OnlyFans. Yeah. So it's like it's more about the crossing of the boundary and the disrespect to you than it is like, was it cheating or was it not cheating? That shouldn't matter because it was disrespectful to you knowing that you felt a certain type of way, like knowing that it made you feel a certain type of way.

SPEAKER_00 20:19

Exactly, especially because he made it such a point that I wasn't his type, right? Because obviously everyone can like whoever they have like different type, you don't even have to have a type, right? But you explicitly non-like I didn't ask for it to tell me that, and then go further on saying what his type is, and then that happens. It was just such a weird thing.

SPEAKER_02 20:40

Well, and also like going back to the age difference, I feel like a six-year age difference when you're 18 is way different. Like when you're 18, you're closer to being still like a child than you are an adult. And if he was 24, 26.

SPEAKER_00 20:55

Yeah, he was 24 when I was 18. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:58

So like at 24, you're reaching your mid-20s, you're closer to an adult than you are a child. Although he's a male, so he's still that's true. Yeah, that's true. That is closer to a child's dog. Right.

SPEAKER_00 21:09

That is true, right?

Disaster Dates And Instant Turnoffs

SPEAKER_02 21:10

But that's the thing, is like But it is a little, it's a little, you know, like eh.

SPEAKER_03 21:16

So what are what is the craziest fest that you've ever been on? Do you have any disaster date stories?

SPEAKER_00 21:21

I feel like I definitely do. There's just so many, right? I'm just like now I'm trying to narrow it down. There was, I've been on like a date where the guy was like flirting with our server, actually, like a few months ago. Yeah, and then he's just like, that's just like my um personality. Like, I just like you know, I'm just like that. And then anytime we're like walking somewhere, like, okay, yes, men, like anyone by nature, we have like an attraction to the opposite sex. So, like, like like you look, right? Dude, he's full on, like, you know what I mean when the guy's like like looking back at the And his girlfriends, like, like that's him. He was like full on, like 360ing any girl that walked past us. And I was like, this is really recent. And I was like, oh my gosh. And then I've also been on a date where um I the guy was like, I just hate Russians. Like, I just hate Russians. And I guess I don't, it was kind of like almost like a blind date in a sense where, like, well, I don't know how they didn't specify or he didn't know that I was, you know, because on my Instagram, it shows that I'm Russian. I'm like, oh, I'm Russian. He's like, Oh, you're one of the good ones. I'm like, okay, well, that's like very awkward.

SPEAKER_02 22:33

I think he didn't realize you were Russian when he said that.

SPEAKER_00 22:36

I don't know, he didn't, but still, I was like, dude, the odds that like you said that, and I'm just like, I this it's hard to come back from that when that's like the first 30 minutes of your day.

SPEAKER_03 22:47

That's hilarious.

Deal Breakers Family Values And Kids

SPEAKER_00 22:48

I just I can't be with anyone that says they don't like in general. I think that's a bare minimum. Unfortunately, this side I don't think it is, but like a bare minimum thing. Like, I love people, you don't have to specify a specific group. Like it's just like it's just a turn off for me. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 23:05

What are your deal, Bray?

SPEAKER_00 23:06

Because I think I have uh a few, but I think one of them would be if they like well I have a dog and I'm like super, like super crazy dog mom. So they don't like you know, like dogs, I'd be a big one, but also like I'm a big family girl. Like I love my pair, like I love like being around my family and like visiting my parents. And I've had some people where like they kind of like try to distance, like or like they're like, you need to spend more time with me. Like, no, you gotta understand, like I'm very I have a big family, like that's like integral integrated in me, you know, to whoever's with me. Yeah, I love that.

SPEAKER_03 23:48

Do you want kids eventually?

SPEAKER_00 23:50

Yes, uh I do. I want uh like two to three kids, but yeah, I I just need to meet the right uh person, obviously. What's your type normally? Okay, so I uh have a very random type. It's almost like I hate to say this, it sounds so cringe, you guys. Like an aura. Like it's like an aura that I like because I can't pinpoint like a hair color, right? Or like an eye color. It's like the specific like like aura I get from them. I think like spirituality is a big thing, like how someone carries themselves is a better way of putting it. Like how they carry themselves. I mean, it's easier to say like some of my slivery crushes if you want my physical type. The James Franco. Okay. That's like you know, prime like my type. But I mean, I'm not too crazy about that. Like, I could be with anyone if they like they're a good person, they have that like vibe with me.

SPEAKER_02 24:47

Are there anything looks-wise that are deal breakers? Like bald or bald is a deal breaker.

SPEAKER_00 24:57

Yeah, um, I like actually it's good you said that because I was like, I was like, I need to think, right? Um, that's a deal breaker. Um heights, do you have a height preference? I think that's five. To be honest, I mean, slightly there is that aspect to it, but the re but if they like have the other qualities where like they're really driven, that's another thing. Like, like how someone's driven. Like, I want to do a lot in life. And it's not even about being like a because people would label it as a gold digger, it's not about like financial, it's about like the fact that they want to do more and they don't want to just be static, like bare minimum. So that's a big thing. So height could kind of, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 25:34

Do you have a crazy unique talent that not many people know about?

Aura Attraction And Weird Hidden Talents

SPEAKER_00 25:38

I would say I okay, this is just so weird. I have double jointed toes. Toes? What? What does that even mean?

SPEAKER_02 25:48

I mean foot finder. Okay. Oh no, I can't see girl.

SPEAKER_00 25:52

I'm actually, someone asked me the other day, have you ever done like those? I'm like, I've never done that, but I have friends who have. I've never sold feed picks, but they like, okay, you know how ballerinas can like do they do that toes? Like, I don't know. I've just always known how to do that. So I usually gone into ballet. I've never done ballet. So I have double-jointed toes, and okay, I usually am a really good guesser. Like it sounds weird, but like I can guess like a lot about someone just from reading them.

SPEAKER_03 26:23

Really?

SPEAKER_00 26:24

Yeah, but what do you guess about Lindsay? No, no, no, no, no. I gotta like have a full on. Like, I don't know. I've been in situations where like I could literally just guess someone's profession just from like talking to them. Like, I'm not joking. You can read someone well, like very well. Like people, but it has to be like like at a conversation. Like, for example, I was at like an event and I just like read this whole guy, like he's like, What do you think I do for a living? Like, I just like everything I just guessed, right?

SPEAKER_02 26:49

Wow. Are you sure he wasn't just flirting with you?

SPEAKER_00 26:51

Oh my god. I went on Instagram and I was right, and then I've done it with other people. Like, I just can read people so like freakishly well. It's like, you know, like when you have like a horoscope and like you get someone's astrology sign, it says certain like things about them. So I was like, I can like I'm that like I'm just I'm pretty good at doing that just by like meeting someone for the first time. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 27:15

Are you ready for it?

Non Planner Dates And Emotional Labor

SPEAKER_02 27:16

I'm ready for it. The keep more minute brought to you by Tactical Tax Strategies. They help you keep more in your wallet. We help you keep more in your own.

SPEAKER_03 27:24

Did you have something to say? I feel bad. I totally interrupted you.

SPEAKER_02 27:26

Okay, you go for it. Okay, so we have a question, and I just like go along. I'm just like, I'm ready for it. Um, okay. So this says the when a guy says he's not a planner, what am I supposed to do with that? I've gone on a few dates with someone I really like, but every time we try to set something up, he does the whole, I'm not a planner, I just go with the flow thing. I don't mind being flexible, but I'm not trying to carry the emotional labor of organizing every date. For anyone who's dated this type before, was it worth pushing through or is this usually a sign to move on?

SPEAKER_03 28:01

I had an ex like that. And it gets old when you're always the one planning things and planning the social events, and it it gets kind of old, doesn't it? And I actually have a friend that's going through a divorce, and that's one of the reasons was because he never planned anything and never took initiative, and it was always her.

SPEAKER_02 28:19

Yeah, I feel like if that's the way that he dates, it's the way that he's gonna be forever. So it's like if you want someone who is more of a planner.

SPEAKER_00 28:30

I would I I agree that that would be if it's all the time, like every single time, it's gonna make someone feel like they're just done, like they're resentful. I don't know, like down the line.

SPEAKER_03 28:42

But is that something you can change, have a conversation with? I mean, it's pretty, it could be a pretty easy fix.

SPEAKER_02 28:47

Yeah. Right? But it sounds like she's said things before because he says, I'm not a planner, like explicitly I'm not a planner. She's tried to change it, and he's like, Nah, I'm not a planner. Well, and I feel like there you can be like you can be like, Well, okay, this is my availability. Like, hey, I'm available on Tuesday night at 7 p.m. Yes. Figure something out. And it's like, then like you've done the initiation of the plans, and so then they just have to follow up with it. So I feel like she could help him in that regard, but I feel like he still isn't gonna plan anything.

SPEAKER_03 29:21

And it's just kind of it's nice when you're in a relationship to have him plan surprise things like a surprise birthday party or something for Mother's Day or something for your anniversary. If they're never planning anything for you, it you know, it would be a little only if your partner likes surprises.

SPEAKER_02 29:34

I guess please don't ever plan a surprise party for me. Oh, you don't like it? No!

SPEAKER_03 29:40

No, not a surprise party. I hate surprise parties too, but maybe like, hey, it's Mother's Day. I've planned this weekend getaway for just you, you know, something like that where you don't didn't think about what you're gonna do, you know?

SPEAKER_00 29:51

Yeah. I mean, is it that hard to like go on open table? I'm just saying, right? It's not a good idea. No, I don't know, because you even do that for like work sometimes, you know. You have to like book an event. Like, I but it's your person. Right? I mean, I get it, like, I there's some people, but it's like if it's worth saving your marriage, right?

Breakup Recovery No Contact And Detoxing

SPEAKER_03 30:10

I would just So I have a question for you, girls. So one of the most searched questions online, in fact, over 1.6 million times a month, people Google this is how do you get over a breakup? So for me, like to get over a breakup, I just always had to keep myself busy, distracted, social, meeting friends, meeting family, maybe going on the apps to distract yourself. What do you what do you guys do to get over a breakup? What's your advice?

SPEAKER_02 30:37

I'm already over it by the time I've broken up with them. Really? Oh, there's but what if he breaks up with you and it's a shock? I don't know. I've that's never happened to me.

SPEAKER_00 30:44

You're a baddie. Like, I don't know, that's never happened. How do you get over a breakup? Okay, so because I would agree they're a woman, like when you're already over it, you're over it. But yeah, if I think I bring I'm gonna be honest, I have not really been broken up with, but okay. Let's say it was kind of like mutual, but I still liked him. This happened. I was low-key the worst example of how to get over it. I was like always checking his social media. Oh no. I know. That's why I'm like toxic breaker upper.

SPEAKER_03 31:15

Doesn't that make it so much more difficult? You're torturing yourself.

SPEAKER_00 31:18

Okay, actually, I got, I think I'm equipped to actually answer this, like not politically correct, but like the actual way you should probably do it. Is so I had to like delete like the app, the actual like app, Instagram to stop myself. It, I think a lot of people who are gonna be watching this, like you guys would, I feel like understand like who do that. It's like an addiction. I hate to say that. It's like, did their following go up? Did are they following a new girl? Oh, they're following a new girl, like they must be hooking up with her. Like genuinely, like that's how crazy. I had to delete, like, delete it. You have and another thing, I'm sorry for people who I don't know how people don't go no contact. I am, I guess you say toxic, I can't, I it's either zero or we're gonna be like blowing each other up. Like that's I don't Are you saying you can't go non contact you can't go no contact? No, I'm saying I have to. Oh, I always go no contact. But but what I'm saying is there are people that don't and they're they're friends or they'll keep each other. No, I don't understand that. Thank you. Okay, yeah. I don't either. It has to be zinc like cut or like you're gonna like think about them and text them. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 32:25

Like that's good advice. I feel like if you're broken up, don't remain friends because it's gonna be harder to get over them if they're still in your life and you're still talking to them. That's gonna make drag it on, right?

SPEAKER_00 32:35

I have actually a question right now, say it out loud, and whoever in the comments might answer this. For people who who do remain friends or cordial or whatever, how do you guys like like the first thing gets a new girlfriend, right? Because people move on. Do you not like I guess if it's been enough scared, you wouldn't care? But there's even people that stay friends and they're like updating each other on their dating history. And I could never do that.

SPEAKER_02 33:00

I think if it was someone you dated cat, like if it was someone I dated casually, I can do that because you really only get to the point of friendship, and then it's like once you get past friendship, you decide that's not gonna work for you guys. Oh, yeah. And then I feel like you can stay friends, but if it's gone deeper to be like a full-on relationship that's lasted like a year or longer, I don't there's no reason to stay friends, I don't think.

SPEAKER_00 33:28

Yeah, I mean, I like now, yes. Obviously, I'm over anyone that I date, like if I had seen that, but I'm saying that fresh, like, you know, that's hard. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:38

I guess time is the only thing that really heals a broken heart, right? I was in Vegas last weekend. My friend's son was fighting, and so we were going to dinner, and I had gone upstairs to change my shoes and came back downstairs. And I was walking to dinner, but I wasn't quite sure where the restaurant was, so I was like looking around and I got to the table and I was like, I know what I will do if I ever need to like an ego boost. It's like come to Vegas in a sheer dress and act like you're looking for something because I was like, you guys are lucky I'm at dinner right now.

SPEAKER_00 34:13

I've never I've never been to Vegas as an adult. Really? Wow, that's how you get old for a breakup. Right. That's true. Go to Vegas, yeah. Uh-huh. Wow. How about Miami? Same, same, same. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 34:26

So, speaking of had them fun after a breakup, this article that I read, oh my god, it kind of made me feel sad. So, did you hear about Cameron Grigg, who was married to the influencer Taylor Grigg? She was a huge influencer, known for her lifestyle content. She passed away from complications surrounding Addison's disease at 25 years old. So young. It's such a way she was so pretty and young. Um, but they were married. She passed away 18 months later. He's engaged again. What? I would be heartbroken. My soul in heaven would not be amused. I'm like monsters. I'm gonna be all over that house. Like if my husband passed, I would never, ever, ever want to date. Could never date. I would die single. Like the fact 18 months later, you're already engaged. So how soon did he start dating this girl?

SPEAKER_00 35:16

That that makes you think. And think about this way: imagine, like, he didn't have the wife before. 18 months is already like pretty fast. Right. Exactly. From point A to meet someone to asking them, I don't know, like, and where's the grief? Where was the grief process throughout this? I just I don't understand.

SPEAKER_03 35:34

He didn't waste any time, but it's overlap. Like the in the past, when you've broken up with someone that you cared about, doesn't it take you a while to be able to? I wasn't one of those monkey bars that could just swing from guy to guy, you know?

SPEAKER_02 35:47

I don't know. People grieve differently though. I have a friend who Erica Kirk, grieves differently. I was like, no, I have a friend whose husband died and she was dating somebody within a year. Really? Yeah. And it was just like, she's like, I don't feel bad about it. She's like, I've gone through my grief.

SPEAKER_03 36:08

And we don't really know their relationship, you know.

SPEAKER_00 36:11

There's there's one thing I guess I'm just trying to see, like, you know, like playing devils out of here or whatever, like seeing sides, you know, when people like, I hate to say this, like not prepared for something when someone's certainly ill and they're kind of in their brain getting ready, like, oh my gosh, I how am I gonna live without this person? Usually there's even a conversation, like, after I die, like, you know, you can remarry. Like, I've actually like seen people have that, but I don't know again, I don't know enough about that specific situation where like when it's like a sudden thing, it it you're right, people grieve differently, but like, dude, I don't know. Engage is also a little bit different than dating, right? Because it's like that's like a big commitment, right?

SPEAKER_03 36:53

It is, yeah. Yeah, now it's time for the celebrity cut where we marinate in the juices of the celebrities. So, Shannon Elizabeth, you guys know Shannon Elizabeth? Did you hear how she got over her divorce? How she's on OnlyFans and she made over 1.7 million in her first week. So she gets divorced. She now wants to, you know, live her wild crazy life again, get back at it, started OnlyFans, and now she's within seven days, a millionaire. Might as well. I wonder if he's like looking, I wonder if he's a subscriber.

SPEAKER_00 37:22

My ex probably is subscribed to her and anyone with an OnlyFans. She was hot though.

SPEAKER_03 37:28

Like it's crazy because she didn't really do anything much after American Pie. She was kind of like a one-hit wonder, but she still apparently like has a fan base. Has a fan base.

SPEAKER_02 37:38

I read an article about like all of the American Pie actors. Where are they now? Oh recently. And they they all like continued to do a lot of things. Like did they? Yeah, a lot of them did. Tara Reed, a couple. What is it? Sci Briggs, whatever his name is. I don't know. Jason Biggs, I'm bad with names.

SPEAKER_03 38:02

Now it's time to get to know you with Zoya, sponsored by Zoya, your neighborhood yogurt. Okay, rapid fire questions. Are these red flags or no? Okay. He makes you split the bill on the first date.

SPEAKER_00 38:11

Oh, red flag.

SPEAKER_03 38:13

He still follows his ex on Instagram.

SPEAKER_00 38:15

Red flag, three cones, a construction hazard team on watch.

SPEAKER_03 38:20

It's kind of true. Why do you need to follow your ex, all right?

SPEAKER_00 38:23

Guys, I sorry, keep going, sorry.

SPEAKER_03 38:25

If he lives with roommates and he's over 30.

SPEAKER_00 38:28

I'm sorry. Red flag, I mean.

SPEAKER_03 38:31

Post gym selfies daily.

SPEAKER_00 38:34

I don't I'd be a hypocrite. That's true, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:37

Bad tipper. With what? If they're a bad tipper.

SPEAKER_00 38:41

I don't know how bad. I that I guess red flag has no social media at all.

SPEAKER_03 38:47

Green flag.

SPEAKER_00 38:48

Talks about crypto on the first date. I mean, if they know what they're talking about, green flag. If they're just making shit up and saying they're a day trader and they don't trade, I mean red flag.

SPEAKER_03 38:59

Calls his mom every single day.

SPEAKER_00 39:01

I honestly think there's a green flag.

SPEAKER_03 39:03

What about if he orders dinner for you without asking what you want?

SPEAKER_00 39:06

I say green flag because he's trying to be like assertive.

SPEAKER_03 39:10

Where should someone not take you on a first date?

SPEAKER_00 39:13

The movies, because you're not talking.

SPEAKER_03 39:16

Do you think watching porn is considered cheating?

SPEAKER_00 39:19

See I just I personally don't think it's cheating. Kind of we talked about that the word I just I wouldn't like it. I wouldn't be like, oh my gosh, my man watches porn. But I'd be like, I mean, I don't like it.

SPEAKER_03 39:33

Before you're intimate, is it appropriate to ask your date how many people they've been with?

SPEAKER_00 39:37

Yes, for I I do think so. For like, especially if you don't have that many, just for like safe safe. I think everyone has a right to ask, right? It's like what you're putting in in your body. Like literally, like, why is that supposed people act like that?

SPEAKER_03 39:55

Is it acceptable to have sex on a first date?

SPEAKER_00 39:59

Um, I think it depends. I wouldn't want to, but I feel like I've heard stories and like I know people who like have and they're married now, so I think it depends.

SPEAKER_03 40:11

In one sentence, why should someone date you?

SPEAKER_00 40:15

I think that when I do meet that person and we're really locked in, like I am like actually a ride or die, and I'm probably the least, like any of my friends would say, I'm the least judgmental person you would ever meet. Like you could tell me something like genuinely like horrendous, and I'll be like, that's not good in psych. Like I'm I'm good with like like I can hear crazy things, I'll try to like understand it, you know?

SPEAKER_03 40:40

So and last but not least, what is your favorite sexual position and why?

SPEAKER_00 40:46

Oh, um I think honestly anything where like you're like making eye contact, I don't know. I feel like that's such a because for me it is like I hate to be like so like cringy, but it's like a spiritual connection. Like, I don't know. Like I I think there's nothing like more spiritual and deep than that.

Scottsdale Dating Wrap Up And CTA

SPEAKER_03 41:08

So do you have any other questions? Do you have any other questions or anything you want to comment? Let's think.

SPEAKER_00 41:13

Well, what do you guys think about Swashil dating? Or like what do you think compared to like in other regions of the country or I don't know, like the world, I guess? Do you find it to be different than you?

SPEAKER_02 41:28

I don't I don't date here much. I don't know. I'm not a huge fan. Why? Why aren't you a huge fan of dating here? Um just it's just I don't know. No, your cup of tea. I've lived here long enough. And it's I've dated a couple of people here and it just it's not seems kind of superficial. It's very, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:50

I I would agree. So I I don't actually know where I'm gonna live next year. You know, there's a chance I might move. Like, I don't know, I'm like already looking at other cities, right? So we'll have to see because I I have been pretty bad here. Would you date long distance? Would you date somebody in another city? That's the thing. There has to be like a plan though. Like, you know what I mean, where there's like a definite-ish time when we would be together. If it's like, oh, I'm I have a contract for a few months, that's fine. But if there's like, I don't know, like yeah, it does, it it kills relationships, a lot of relationships.

SPEAKER_03 42:28

So well, thank you so much for joining us this week here at the meat market, and thank you so much, Julia. If you want to snag a date with Julia, go to any of our social media platforms at Meat Market Podcast. And thank you to our sponsor, Tactical Tax Strategies. If you want to preserve your wealth and keep more of your own money in your wallet where it belongs, you need to go to Tactical Tax Strategies. We'll see you next week at the Meat Market.

SPEAKER_01 42:49

Oh my god, I just totally got catfished. He looks absolutely nothing like his picture. So I found out the guy that I've been dating is married with kids. His wife just reached out to me.