HOW TO USE A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP TO HAVE A GLOW-UP

Welcome And Ivy’s Glow Up

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to the Meat Market. The Single Scene is a Slaughterhouse, and we are here to devour it. We are your hosts. I'm Nindsa. I'm Jeff. And today's Sizzling Single is Ivy. Hello. So, Ivy, you had a body transformation. Yes. And lost a lot of weight. And I also noticed that your hair is now blonde. Right bless. Has that changed your dating life? Have you had a lot more attention since? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 0:18

I think it's it's not more attention, it's different attention. So I was in a relationship at my heaviest point. And then as I was exiting that relationship was losing the weight. And after that relationship ended, I some would call it a crash out, but I did uh bleach my hair and dye it hot pink. Uh so the attention that I received with that hair color was very different. So I've noticed it in a sense that I think I gave off this more fun, uh, spontaneous dating appeal, but now I think I look a little bit more serious and reserved. So

Breakup Accountability And Weight Loss

SPEAKER_02 0:56

how did your ex change after the breakup? You know, we're on good terms. At first, we were not, um, but he really hasn't changed much. I think we were in a we were together for four years, and that's a decent amount of time. And it was over a span of my life that was changing. So I was 19 when we started dating, and he we were just toxic. And so when it ended, it just felt like a weight lifted off both of our shoulders versus like some sort of catastrophic ending.

SPEAKER_00 1:28

I'm curious because you know how they always say look at who changes for the better after a breakup and who doesn't. Yeah. And so it's like if the one person either goes in the opposite direction or sort of like stays stagnant and the other person levels up their life, it's like that's the universe's karma for their roles.

SPEAKER_02 1:44

Yeah, and I hear that all the time too. But I have such a soft spot for my ex. I hold a lot of accountability in my relationship. I would never, as many things that hurt me in that relationship, I would never look at that and say, this was all him, like this was all his doing. I did a lot of things or didn't do a lot of things that had an immediate reflection on our toxicity. Um, so I think if you look at it through that lens, I definitely leveled up more so.

SPEAKER_00 2:12

But maybe your mindset changed more than his. Did he also take accountability for the things that he did in the relationship? Absolutely. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:20

Yeah, he um definitely took a lot of accountability. But it was just something that once you realize that you're not compatible with somebody or that there's no marriage or there's no end goal with that person, that there's no point of recovering it.

SPEAKER_01 2:36

So, what triggered the weight loss? Was it the breakup?

SPEAKER_02 2:39

Yeah, I had already started losing weight prior to that because I just was so unhappy with myself. Like I had completely lost myself. I I haven't really understood what people meant when they say that, but I lost myself. Like I was not enjoyable to be around. I was not, you know, charismatic. I stopped going to church, I was eating everything in sight. Like there was a lot of emotional load that I carried, and I just kind of wanted to change that. And so I started losing weight before we broke up, but again, the relationship was already unhealthy. So um, once I was out of it, then it was like I had this glow up that wasn't directly connected to a breakup, but it was on the verge of coincidental timing. Yeah, good timing, good timing.

SPEAKER_01 3:22

Did he like see you after and want you back?

SPEAKER_02 3:26

Uh want me back is uh an interesting term. I wouldn't say want me back, but definitely felt the responsibility for how things ended a lot more. Got you.

Dating Should Feel Fun

SPEAKER_01 3:40

And so I saw that you made a video saying that you resigned from the dating pool till 2035. I take it you're back, back in the habit.

SPEAKER_02 3:46

Yeah, I see. I said that. I was hoping somebody would see it and go, let me save you. But so far, so far, no messages. Um, but yeah, I think I'm back. I I think that dating is something that we've kind of lost the art of. It has a lot of people freaking out. Like it seems like this very heavy thing that you've got to do. Um, but I think that we date our friends. Like we date, we date people. It's just a way of connecting, a means of connecting with people.

SPEAKER_01 4:12

So it's kind of true. People take dating so seriously. Oh my god, but it should be fun. It should be something that you don't have to think or stress about. Right, exactly. Yeah, people do think it like a science and like it's very contractual now.

SPEAKER_00 4:22

And you're trying and you have to do this, otherwise you're wrong, or you have to do this. Yes, you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

You have to be A, B, C, and D. Uh-huh. It's kind of true. Like, relax, calm down.

SPEAKER_02 4:35

And I I like dating in a sense that I'm trying to teach these people that I am seeing casually just going out with that dating should be fun. It's not something that's supposed to be filled with anxiety and questions and you know, waiting for texts and overanalyzing everything. It's just supposed to be figuring somebody out, seeing if there's a connection, and going day by day. But everybody thinks that you're jumping right into marriage or something. And how long have you been single? I've been single. It's probably almost been about a year. Okay. And how old are you? I'll do think I am. And you seem very young.

SPEAKER_00 5:07

I'm very young. I'm 23.

SPEAKER_02 5:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 5:09

I was gonna say you seem very young. Yeah.

Meeting People In The Wild

unknown 5:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:11

How are you dating? Are you on the apps or what are you doing? Uh I've never been on a dating app.

SPEAKER_02 5:16

What? You've never been on a dating app? Never one time in my life. There is no appeal to it as an extrovert. Um, I just how do you meet people then? I am very active. So I play a lot of pickleball. I think pickleball is a great way to meet people. I play soccer, I like doing like the run clubs, every community-based thing I'm at. So uh there's a lot of good prospects in those areas.

SPEAKER_01 5:39

Let me clarify: when I say young, your personality is not young at all. You seem very mature and very witty and very good, a good, strong, mature head on your shoulders. I mean you look physically young, is what I mean. Thank you. But no, you do she don't you don't seem like a 23-year-old talking to you. You're very good at conversation. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 5:54

Yeah, my mom had a uh, well, has a PhD in psychology, so that's the influence that I grew up with.

SPEAKER_00 5:59

Psychologist, mom, the best. It's either like you either turn out really, really good or you're traumatized. It's one or the other.

SPEAKER_02 6:07

I have a happy medium. Like I am traumatized to some extent, but I'm very thankful for that trauma. So yeah. That's funny.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

Are you looking to get married and have kids? Or right now you're just casual, not thinking too much.

SPEAKER_02 6:16

I think that from a young age, I always viewed marriage as a box that everybody checks. Like it's something that you check off in your lifetime. And as I have grown up and experienced more, you know, relationships, dating, I've realized I view it more as an extra credit assignment, like in class. Like if you can get to a point where you find somebody that you're super compatible with, just do it. Jump right into it. If I get to that point, I would love to get married and have kids, but I don't think that marriage should be treated lightly. So I wouldn't just uh get married for marriage sake.

SPEAKER_01 6:51

And have you been on any crazy first dates or terrible dates?

SPEAKER_02 6:55

I have not been. I think I've seen a lot of people change. You know, you hear the stories of he was great, and then like three months in he became crazy. I've seen that, but I haven't had any nightmare first first dates.

SPEAKER_00 7:09

I feel like when you meet people in the wild, because I we when we ask people this too, like I am the same. I don't really have any terrible first date stories, but I also don't date on the apps. And I think when you meet people in real life, uh you go on fewer bad dates because meeting them is almost like date number one. Yeah, like what you were just saying, like dating doesn't have to be so serious. Like you can tell when you meet someone in person for the first time, it's almost like a mini date, even though it's not a date, because you're like, do I want to go spend more time with this person?

SPEAKER_01 7:46

Yeah. And you know what I think does make dating more stressful and gives you more anxiety is dating on the apps because you don't know are they catfishing you? Are they as tall as they sit? You know? So I think that kind of includes anxiety. So if you meet people in the wild, you already know what they look like. You kind of already get a feel for their aura, their personality. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:05

Absolutely. Yeah, the the phones have changed dating completely. I mean, we have access to relationships that historically like wouldn't even exist. Like you in the olden days, you couldn't just go on a trip to Florida and go on Tinder and then find, you know, a billion different people and then stay in touch with them when you go back home. Like there's just all this access.

Social Media DMs And Boundaries

SPEAKER_00 8:28

So do you have guys that DM you on social media, like on Instagram and TikTok? I do. Because I feel like that's becoming the new dating map is the social media DM.

SPEAKER_02 8:39

It's so funny to me because a lot of my videos are inspiring people to just do it, right? Like just text the girl, just do this. And so then they take that as initiative to text. No, no, no, no, please don't.

SPEAKER_01 8:51

Yeah. So I bet you do get a lot of people DMing you because your TikTok is hilarious. Like, it's so funny.

SPEAKER_02 8:57

Yeah, I get a lot of people with like unique, unique pickup lines, like just kind of any that you remember, any memorable ones. Any a lot of people like to use my own words against me. That I like I said, that's just the worst, right? Because I'm trying to inspire people to be better humans, and then I have to kind of put them back. I'm like, no.

SPEAKER_00 9:21

You're like, I kind of have to be mean to you when I see that. Yeah, that's why that's so funny.

Emotional Intelligence As The Real Type

SPEAKER_00 9:28

What's your type physically?

SPEAKER_02 9:29

My type I have learned is emotional intelligence. I have zero tolerance for people who have no clue what's going on in their own head. Like it is so unattractive to me. You can't tell me what you're thinking, what you're feeling, and you're a 30-year-old man. But a lot of people can't. I know it's a skill, it's a skill and it's learnable. That's what one of my pet peefs, too, is if somebody says, Well, I'm just not like that. Right, you know, like I'm a guy, I'm just not into that. No, but you could be. And it's not a negative thing. Like, I think a lot of people associate vulnerability with very uncomfortable emotions or you know, weakness. But I think it's just a very neutral thing. Yeah. Like, what about physically? Physically, I always say I'd prefer somebody tall because I'm tall. How tall are you? Uh five's nine. But I love to wear heels, so we're gonna say that I need somebody like six feet or taller, but I really don't care. I I I think Tom Holland and Zendaya have done a great job of normalizing the the short king. So I'm open. I'm open.

SPEAKER_01 10:32

We love short kings. We've had some short kings on the show. They seem so nice and they treat women so well because they have to go above and beyond because they're not above and beyond.

SPEAKER_02 10:42

No, I love that. And I I think physically too, I physically like people who are active. So I'm like I said, pickleball, soccer, running all the time. So if somebody is not interested in those things, then we probably won't be spending much time together. Um, because that's where a lot of my time is spent.

SPEAKER_00 11:00

What about lifestyle like health? When you talk about someone who's fit, um, as far as like diet, alcohol, things like that, are those uh deal breakers or is that something that you look for?

SPEAKER_02 11:12

I like to take people as they are. So I, you know, if you have good qualities in one area and you fall short in another, we'll we'll figure it out. We'll see if you can keep keep me occupied. But with drinking and eating, with diet, with like um exclusivity, with whatever it is, I think everything is good in moderation. And so I think that gluttony kills, whether gluttony is with food or sex. And so I talk a lot about discipline on my page. Uh so I think discipline is a very attractive trait in general, but I would never be like, oh, you drink or you go out and do this every now and then, like, ugh. If somebody's constantly going out, I don't find that very attractive.

SPEAKER_01 11:53

But you had a really funny TikTok video of how you use trauma to get free drinks.

SPEAKER_02 11:58

Oh, yeah. And how you are rejected at a young age.

SPEAKER_01 12:00

Oh, absolutely. So tell us about that.

SPEAKER_02 12:02

Yeah, well, I love comedy. I think comedy is a great way to connect with people. And I think a lot of comedians have a lot of drama or uh baggage, as one would say. And so a lot of times when I go out, especially if you're in old town, I look the Scottsdale part, right? I'm blonde, I have lip filler, I get a lot of assumptions. And so a lot of men will hit me with compliments, compliments, quote unquote, of wow, you're just you're just so different from other girls. Wow, you've just you've got this personality. And it's like, okay. And then they usually buy you a drink. So you know, you just work in the room, crowd work. It works in real life or on stage, but it definitely leads to some free drinks. That's funny.

SPEAKER_00 12:41

That's funny. They're like, oh, we thought you were just like every other girl. And then you open your mouth and you're not. Yeah. Is that a compliment? It's not a compliment at all. Thank you for this drink.

unknown 12:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 12:52

Do you do stand-up comedy? I feel like you'd be perfect at it.

SPEAKER_02 12:55

Uh no, I've thought about it. I think it would be really fun. And I I like the idea that there's no cameras in the room, like you can't record. So then I could just free for all. Because nobody, I wouldn't have any internet trolls going on my page just saying, you know, oh, you can't say that. You're just in a room full of people who want you to say whatever you can't. Until somebody does record you and post it and then you get canceled.

SPEAKER_03 13:17

Canceled.

SPEAKER_02 13:17

Yeah. Yeah. I gotta track carefully because I'm too early in my career to get canceled for sure.

SPEAKER_01 13:23

Do you post daily? Because I'm I was shocked that you you don't have like hundreds of thousands of followers. Do you like constantly post daily? Because I feel like you would blow up if you don't.

SPEAKER_02 13:33

And you know, a lot of people, when I had my first few videos go viral, were like, you gotta start posting every day. And I was like, I don't know what to talk about. Like, that's I don't have these things happening to me 24-7. So yeah, I haven't. I know it's exhausting.

SPEAKER_01 13:49

I feel like in order to gain a full, you really do have to post every single day. It's it's so much work, it's a full-time job. Oh, yeah. Ain't nobody got time for that. I know for sure. Unless you're making millions of dollars doing it, then maybe, right?

SPEAKER_00 14:00

But at that point, you can have an assistant doing it for you. It's very true. Just post things.

Icks Pickleball Ego And Old Town

SPEAKER_00 14:07

Um, what are some of your icks? What gives you the ick? I have plenty, I have so many icks.

SPEAKER_02 14:13

Um I think one of the funniest things to me is that because I play pickleball on Scottsdale, there is a lot of uh questioning of a man's sexuality. It's very hard to tell if a man has a four-inch inseam and matching Lululemon set with his guy friend if they're like together or if they're just Scottsdale bros. Like, you know, so I think that's an ick. Like, if I can't tell. Um let's see, what else? I do think to go back on the drinking thing, like guys who are just 24-7 drinking, if you need to have a drink before you go to the movies and you need to be drunk when you're at the lake or at golf or literally at any activity, I that makes no sense to me.

SPEAKER_01 14:56

Um so you said you play pickleball. Is it an ick for you if you are playing with someone you're dating and they're not as good as you? It's so funny you say that because I this is how it usually goes.

SPEAKER_02 15:08

I will talk to a guy, I say I play pickleball because you know that's so sexy for a woman to just be like, yeah, pickleball. Um, and so he'll always say, like, well, I'm you know, athletic. Like, I bet I could be pretty good. I'm like, okay. Usually they always say they can beat me, right? And then we'll go play. And I have to switch to like my non-dominant hand playing on half the core while you guys are like running around on the other side. So it's not an ick, but usually it's just kind of like yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

Have you been on any dates in the last year, like since you broke up with your ex? Or have you just decided that you're gonna start dating?

SPEAKER_02 15:43

No, I've been I've been out there. I've been getting my hands dirty out there. Yeah, I've spent a lot of time in Old Town, and I don't think that's a great place to find real dating connections. Uh, there's a lot of, you know, just casual validation out there. Um, but I've gone on actual, you know, dinner dates, um, lots of good conversation. That's the thing. Like at the end of the day, I love connecting with people. So even if the date goes nowhere afterwards, like a couple hours chit-chatting, kind of like how we are now, like that's food for the soul, food for the soul. So are you a do you have a degree? I don't. So I am currently at GCC doing my associates in communicate communication, and then I'll be transferring to ASU in the fall. Uh communication. Okay. Yeah. So I started my LLC in high school, and so when everybody else went off to college, I just pursued my work. And I've had a good few years kind of doing something different, and so now I'm kind of ready. I've been very interested in learning a lot lately. So podcasts, books. So I was like, you know what? College sounds kind of fun. Like, let's let's finish it and get through it.

SPEAKER_01 16:48

So what business did you start?

SPEAKER_02 16:51

Um, so I originally started my LLC as videography and photography. So I was doing like wedding videography, and then that shifted into more brand work. And so now I just do marketing essentially as a freelancer for different companies.

SPEAKER_00 17:05

We're gonna have to have you back on when you start at ASU because a 24-year-old woman at ASU is like a cougar. Oh, yeah. That is hilarious. Like, imagine. Wow. That made me feel great. Because it's like ASU is like the party school. It's like known as that sort of. And so it would be interesting as someone who's because not when you think of like non-traditional students. It's like 24 is still very young to be in college, but it will be older then. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:38

No, that's a whole new perspective on that. Maybe I will do it.

SPEAKER_00 17:41

Maybe, maybe I'm not gonna get this degree now. That sounds about it. You have to. Maybe you have to do it. At least if nothing else. Just for the podcast. Yeah, just for the podcast.

SPEAKER_02 17:51

I love social experiments. That'll be that'll be good.

SPEAKER_01 17:53

I like it.

Faith Values And Micro Cheating

SPEAKER_01 17:54

So you have to tell us the baton story. It's so funny.

SPEAKER_02 17:57

Oh, yeah, yeah. This this one, it really does hurt. And I think, uh, do you want the do you want the real version or do you want the the dramatized version? Whichever one you think is best. I think I'll share the real version. I feel like I should. Um, so from scratch, yeah, I attended my high school service church, and I was very involved and uh token extrovert. So anytime there was somebody new, I would have to, you know, go assess the situation, make them feel welcome. And this one girl was sitting with us, and she was really difficult to talk to. And I can talk to a wall, and she was worse than a wall. Like she, I was not getting anywhere. And I ran out of all these questions, and then under her chair, she had these batons there. So I was like, oh, perfect. Like we can we can discuss this. And so I story goes, grab them. I did not grab them out from under her chair. There was no waving these around in her face, but I looked under her chair and she had batons. So I was like, Oh, so how long have you been playing batons? And she was very confused, and it also took a complete 180 from whatever we were talking about, so it really didn't make any sense in context. And she was like, uh, and she did grab it out from under the chair and she goes, This, and I was like, Yeah, and she goes, uh, this is my guide stick. I'm blind. And I was like, that makes a lot of sense. Like, she hasn't been looking at me, you know, the conversation has been straying off. I was like, that this adds up. And you know, of course, we're we're in a room filled with the Holy Spirit. So I was like, I am so sorry, God.

SPEAKER_00 19:26

Yeah, please forgive me. Oh, that's funny.

SPEAKER_01 19:29

Do you when you date, do you need to date someone that's also religious? I think so. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:34

And a lot of people, when they get to know me, think that I follow like some stoicism practice. And I do agree that I I do for sure. But that for me is from my faith. It's from the Bible, it's from my Christianity, not from stoicism. Um, so I do think it's important to date people with your values for sure.

SPEAKER_01 19:54

Have you ever walked out midday?

SPEAKER_02 19:57

No, but I've emotionally walked out. I think we all have, right? Yeah. You're like, ah yeah, this is this is not gonna we're not seeing each other again. And then you enjoy the rest of the conversation, maybe push it along a little faster, but never physically gotten up and walked out.

SPEAKER_01 20:11

Have you ever been cheated on or cheated on someone?

SPEAKER_02 20:14

I I put yes and no. Like it I think it depends on how how somebody views cheating, like physical cheating, micro cheating. Everybody wants to talk about what level of cheating. Um, and I think I was absolutely guilty of that in my last relationship with whatever it was, talking to men at pickleball, you know, having some a deeper emotional connection with people that you probably shouldn't have, flirting, seeking validation, etc. And so I'm very mindful of that now because I also have been on the other end of that, not the one doing, but the one being hurt. Um, and I've been in situations where there is another woman or there's another girl, and that never feels good. And so I don't want to be that for somebody else. And I see a lot of times when I'm out, or like if somebody's boyfriend likes my story on Instagram, or you know, they look at you while you're out, it like breaks my heart. Like, I do not want to be the girl that you're looking at on Instagram crying over. Because, you know, like when once you're in that position, like you don't wish that upon another, another girl.

SPEAKER_00 21:21

What are your thoughts about like how soon to post someone you're dating on social media as someone like with a following? Interesting. Because I feel like that's something you may run into with the insecurity of this is how I met you. So how do I know you're not meeting other people this way?

SPEAKER_02 21:39

Yeah, no, I think that's a really good question because I think about that a lot. Like, when is the appropriate time to announce somebody? Because I can't take it back, right? There's so many people. It's like all my personal and professional connections, and then all these other miscellaneous individuals.

SPEAKER_00 21:53

It's like if I post a guy, like and I mean you can delete the post, but people remember. Yeah, people will remember. People remember and people screenshot. And so it's like, you can you can try to delete things that you put out there, but you can't really.

SPEAKER_01 22:07

I know a lot of girls who are constantly posting new guys. Like they're so in love with this guy, and then the picture stops, and then three months later it's another guy, and it's always a new guy. Isn't that kind of cringe? Like, it's like, oh, she's, you know, on to another one. Like, wouldn't you rather wait until you know it's gonna last? That's my perspective.

SPEAKER_02 22:24

I would rather wait until there's some sort of consistency or clarity and then maybe post. But I also don't really have a desire to like post my relationship. Like it's just not, it doesn't benefit me. I'm not gonna be like, let's go take really cute pictures and I do all this is just not. Let's do content together. I don't want to do it.

SPEAKER_00 22:46

What if you were dating a guy, though, that was pressuring you to post the relationship?

SPEAKER_02 22:50

Well, that would be weird because that's never happened. I can't even imagine a life where the man in the relationship is like, baby, just don't post me enough. And doesn't that kind of scream insecurity? Uh-huh. Like, I need you to let the world know that you're mine. Yeah, and like as somebody who, like in my long-term relationship, I was so insecure. So insecure. Like, I was the ex that people make comedy bits about that's like hyper-vigilant and like managing your follower account and like, you know, just like hawk eyes on everything. And so after experiencing that, I don't want to be in that position again. I also don't want somebody else who is doing that to me.

SPEAKER_00 23:30

So I'm gonna try to avoid that at all

Listener Question Age Comments Red Flag

SPEAKER_00 23:33

cost. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:33

Are you ready for it?

SPEAKER_00 23:34

I'm ready for it. The keep more minute, sponsored by Tactical Tax Strategies. They help you keep more in your wallet. We help you keep more in your relationship. So we have a listener question. I went out to a bar for some drinks with a friend, and we ended up running into a couple of people that my friend knows. One of the guys was hitting on me hard, and my friend vouched that he was a good guy. At one point, I told him my age, which is only five years older than him, and he made multiple comments after that. He seemed to be using my age to hit on me, but it felt like he couldn't move away from it. He kept mentioning how hot I was for my age. He's 23 and I'm 28. The thing that seemed a little funny to me was that I'm also in better shape physically than him. And he made comments about this, like that I can probably lift more than him or run far farther. Would you want to date someone like this? Who makes these types of comments as a first impression?

SPEAKER_02 24:32

23-year-olds.

SPEAKER_01 24:34

I yeah, it's he just trying to be cute, but it's not cute. Yeah, it sounds like you're all flirting. And anyone that says you're really pretty for your age, no, you're really pretty, period. Yeah, not for your age, that's such an insult.

SPEAKER_00 24:46

Yeah. I feel like I feel like it's a projection of his own insecurity. Insecurity is it's like he's insecure about his age. Anyone that gives you a hard time about your age is probably because they're insecure about their own age or level of fitness. It's like if you're insecure about your own level of fitness, yeah, that's a you problem.

SPEAKER_02 25:05

And making jokes about it like the first time you meet somebody, that's such a red flag. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's only gonna get worse. No, I think so. It's only gonna get worse.

SPEAKER_01 25:16

Like you said, if it if he's going on and on about it, like in the first few minutes they've met, think about how it's only gonna get worse in the months if they continue dating.

Right Person Doubts And Too Many Options

SPEAKER_01 25:26

So now we are gonna discuss an article. Did you guys see that Perez video? Perez Hilton. Oh, I didn't watch it. Oh my god, did you guys want to talk about it? No, whatever. So he did a live stream where he got out a butcher's knife and started mutilating himself. And apparently he was mutilating his genitals, his face. I guess it was like a scene from Carrie. Have you seen the movie Carrie where there's just blood everywhere? And it went on for 35 minutes. Yeah. And now I guess TikTok are in a lot of trouble because it's kind of true. People are like, I had my live stream canceled after 30 seconds because I said this word, I said the word murder, or I said the word sex. He went for 35 minutes mutilating himself, blood everywhere when there are kids on TikTok. How do they let that happen? But it's just so sad that like what drove him to this point where he goes on a live stream and does this to himself, you know? Mm-hmm. That's disturbing. Makes me feel sad. Yeah. So I have a question for you guys. The number one Googled question when it comes to relationships is am I with the right person? For me, if you have to ask yourself that question, don't you already know the bloody answer? Right? Yeah. Like, can you feel in your gut if you're not with the right person?

SPEAKER_00 26:40

Also, I feel like that's so. How does Google know? How does Google know your personality? How does Google know, like, so Google says Can you be your authentic self?

SPEAKER_01 26:51

You shouldn't feel pressured to shrink yourself, hide your flaws, or play a role. Do they show up during the hard times? The right partner supports you through illness, fear, failure rather than leaving you to face them alone. The arguments bring you closer. Healthy conflict allows both of you to collaborate on solutions instead of keeping score or tearing each other down. Do you feel emotionally safe? Your partner should know how to reassure you when you're insecure and make you feel secure in the relationship. And duh, they make the relationship a source of energy. While relationships take effort, being together should generally fill your cup rather than constantly draining you. And I feel like that's true. Like, yes, relationships are work, but if they're more work than they are fun, end it. Don't you think?

SPEAKER_02 27:30

I feel like that's pretty sound from Google. Yeah. It's good advice. It's general. It's yeah. Yeah. I think the how do if it's funny that that's the number one Googled question because I feel like we're living in this weird time where we just have unlimited options. And I say unlimited options because we don't. Like the 20 guys in my DM, the, you know, they're not real dating prospects. Yeah. Yeah. So I might have like I could say, yeah, I've got all these options waiting for me. I don't.

SPEAKER_00 27:57

Yeah. Or like the OnlyFans girls that the guys are like, oh, you know, I could have her. I could have her, but I'm with you. It's like you actually could not have to be. Yeah, you're right.

SPEAKER_01 28:06

And would you want to be with her when she's doing OnlyFans and sleeping with other people? Like when it comes down to it realistically, would that be a good match? You know?

SPEAKER_02 28:14

And I think a lot of like, so like psychology, power of choice. So like when you have unlimited options or too many options, you can't choose. You can't actually make a choice. And so I think like when you're in a relationship, like when you're looking at all these people, if you're keeping that door open, you're never gonna be satisfied. So true. Yeah. Every time you enter a new relationship, somebody else is gonna come along, you're like, yeah, that looks pretty good. Go off over there.

SPEAKER_01 28:36

So you gotta choose.

SPEAKER_02 28:37

You have to pick. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:38

And I think people have this false sense of there are so many options out there. But when you get to know the options, are they good options? Yeah. Right? Like, yeah, there are so many guys on the dating apps, but I guarantee if I go on there and get to know them, I'm not gonna be interested in any of them.

SPEAKER_00 28:52

Yeah. Well, clearly, because the dating apps are like people aren't using them anymore.

SPEAKER_01 28:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:56

You know what I mean? Like they're sort of, I feel like they're not taken seriously anymore.

SPEAKER_01 29:02

Well, and you know, I feel like, am I the right person? Back to the question. I feel like a lot of people now are they force it. Because they want a relationship so bad and it is hard to date, they kind of try to force a relationship, knowing deep down that eh, it's not right.

SPEAKER_02 29:16

You know? Yeah. That's what goes back to like what I was talking about with marriage. It's like so many people jump into relationships just because they want the compatibility or you know, somebody just to hang out with him. And they're not even like they don't like each other. Like, you're not gonna work out. And I think in our hearts, we always know that. Right? Like when I first started dating my ex-boyfriend, he was not Christian. We didn't have the same values, and I stuck in there for four years trying to figure it out. But I knew from square one, like this is not, this is probably not gonna go anywhere. And so we jump into a lot of things and then we get comfortable and then we don't want to leave.

SPEAKER_01 29:50

And it's just wouldn't you prefer to be alone though than to be with the wrong person? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 29:55

I would at cause okay, four years. So 18, 19, 20, 21-ish, did you start dating him when you were 18, 19 years old? 19, yeah. At 19. So it's like, I feel like at that age, you like you don't learn that, you don't learn that lesson yet. Yeah. You haven't had enough experience to realize that you'd rather be alone than be with the wrong person. It's like it takes that experience. I'm so thankful for it. To learn that. You know what I mean? And even learning having learned that at 23, you've learned it young because a lot of people don't realize that until they're on their first divorce in their late 30s or early 40s. Yeah. And now all of a sudden it's, I'd rather be alone than with the wrong person. And so they waste a lot of years. I agree.

SPEAKER_02 30:41

I'm so grateful for that relationship. A lot of, like I said, a lot of people when you leave one like a relationship, they're like, oh, I feel so bad for you. And I'm like, no, like it took me a little bit to recover. But once I started, you know, actually processing, and I was like, this is great. Like I have so much insight onto my dating life and moving forward. And it gives you the skills to actually find fruitful relationships. So I'm I'm very grateful for it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:07

Yeah.

Celebrity Diet Talk Then Rapid Fire

SPEAKER_01 31:08

So now it's time for the celebrity cup where we marinate in the juices of the celebrities. So did you see that interview with Miranda Kerr? You know Miranda Kerr, she was the Victoria's Secret model that used to be married to Orlando Bloom. Okay. She was on Kristen Cavalleri's podcast talking about what she eats, or more importantly, what she doesn't eat, which is most things on the list. Did you see that? Bloody exhausting. So she doesn't believe labels and she tests all her products herself for lead and mold. She doesn't have it. I mean, how married to the Snapchat guy. Is it like home testing kids? Oh, I'm sure she has someone do it. Okay, she's married to the guy that she has some money. She's married to the guy that created Snapchat. So I'm sure they're billionaires. Okay. She doesn't need any sushi because it has parasites. She only drinks coffee that's been tested for mold and lead. No dairy, no eggs, obviously no artificial colours and preservatives or processed food. She only drinks celery juice and nonny juice, zero carbs, just parsnips and squash, zero sweet things except carob, carob, however you pronounce that. No spinach, no kale, no fish because of the mercury. That would give me anxiety if you're like that conscious about what you put into your body.

SPEAKER_00 32:15

But does she gatekeep also? So it's like she's done all this research about like what's the best coffee brand and what's the best brand for this. And I bet she won't tell you. I bet she won't say what kind of coffee she drinks. I don't know. That's what I'm saying. Does she gatekeep? She obviously does. Like, if she's not like, oh, drink this coffee, like it's found to be the best.

SPEAKER_02 32:35

She probably wants a sponsorship from it. Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_01 32:38

With that following, you're not, you're not talking about your favorite products for free. But it's funny because like I always wondered why she got divorced from Orlando Bloom, who's English. And you know how Brits are. They go to the pub, they drink a pint, they eat fish and chips. They're not very health conscious, you know? And so I can imagine, like, as a I can imagine a Brit guy, the ones I know would never could never date that. Because then you could never go out to dinner, right? You can never go to the pub for a pub roast. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 33:02

I mean, you could you just have to order. Bring a side note. Parsnips. Bring a Tupperware. They mashed parsnips. People do that. I know. Absolutely. We do that. People do.

SPEAKER_01 33:15

Bring their own food.

SPEAKER_02 33:16

They bring their own food.

SPEAKER_01 33:17

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 33:17

Really?

SPEAKER_02 33:18

Oh, yeah. A lot of uh bodybuilders and women in the gym. Oh yeah, they're they're bringing their cod everywhere.

SPEAKER_01 33:26

They're just in dinner and chicken. Oh my god. Are you very health conscious? Like, do you no?

SPEAKER_02 33:34

I drove through Krispy Kreme yesterday, got two donuts on my way to pickleball. Yeah. That's what I think everything in moderation, right? Like, I wish I didn't have those two donuts, but like I'm not worried about it. But I think it's because I had such an unhealthy relationship with food that I am happy now that I can just eat. I still intuitively, but not as strictly. Yeah. Because there I've been through times where I was like, you know, worried about like if I eat this donut, like I'm ruining my calories for the day. I'm gonna gain weight, and I don't that's a lot of mental weight for eating. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:11

Now it's time to get to know you with Zoya, sponsored by Zoya, your neighborhood yogurt. Rapid fire questions. Oh, yeah. Are these red flags on her? Okay. Splits makes you split the bill on the first date. No. Not a red flag, really. You're okay splitting the bill on the first date? I'm okay paying for it. What? Yeah. This is like the first time we've ever had this response. So you're on a date with a guy and you pay for it. You you go on a second date with him? Uh it depends. It depends on the context. Depends on how good the date was. So, okay, you offer your credit card and he's like, let's split it, and he makes you split it. That's okay with you. That's fine. Yeah. Oh, okay. Um, still follows their ex on Instagram.

SPEAKER_02 34:48

Ooh.

SPEAKER_01 34:49

Uh Age. Bad tipper.

SPEAKER_02 34:53

Red.

SPEAKER_01 34:54

Has no social media at all. Could be very green, could be a serial killer. So TBD on that one. Where should someone not take you on a first date? Outback. Why Outback? They have the best French onion soup.

SPEAKER_02 35:11

I just I just don't like Outback. I just don't want to go there. Yeah. Every guy cool price. Outback, yeah. Really? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:18

Who? In today's day and age, guys are wanting to take you to Outback? Yeah. That's hilarious. Yeah. Is Outback having a moment? I mean, they've done it.

unknown 35:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:30

Then they want to take you on the back. Exactly. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:32

No, seriously.

SPEAKER_01 35:33

That's hilarious. Of all the restaurants in town, like there are a lot of good restaurants.

SPEAKER_00 35:38

Oh, that gives me an idea though. No, it's it has nothing to do with this podcast or what we're talking about. I need to start I I've started making canabter, and I think I'm gonna make a cinnamon version, an outback uh version. Outback version. I had a purpose. Yeah, I had a purpose.

SPEAKER_01 35:56

Is watching porn considered cheating?

SPEAKER_02 35:59

I think it's a horrible habit. I would not consider it cheating, but I think it's dumb.

SPEAKER_01 36:07

Before you're intimate, is it appropriate to ask your date how many people they've been with?

SPEAKER_02 36:10

That's a hot that's a hot button issue. I think I think it's not important, but you can ask. I absolutely think you can ask.

SPEAKER_01 36:16

Is it a do bug if you have some guys like, yeah, I've I was a player, I was a little hobag, I've been with a partner.

SPEAKER_02 36:22

If your character is consistent with changing or not being that way anymore, absolutely not.

SPEAKER_01 36:26

Is it acceptable to have sex on a first date?

SPEAKER_02 36:30

I don't think if you plan on seeing them consistently, that's a good idea. But there's no blueprint for life, so you know that could be the love of your life. Who knows?

SPEAKER_01 36:39

Do you have a secret talent or something about you that not many people know?

SPEAKER_02 36:43

Uh really good Dora impression. Really good what? Dora?

SPEAKER_01 36:46

The explorer? Can you do it?

SPEAKER_02 36:48

That's so random. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:49

Can you do it?

SPEAKER_02 36:50

Oh, um, I gotta prep. What do you want me to say? Do you speak Spanish? I don't. Okay, yeah. I don't know if this is um considered safe for public consumption, but I'm really good at it. So it's good. Um can you say familia?

SPEAKER_01 37:13

That is hilarious.

SPEAKER_02 37:15

Thanks, guys.

SPEAKER_01 37:16

In one sentence, why should someone date you? Ooh, in one sentence, why should somebody date me? I am easygoing and enjoy life. And last but not least, what is your favorite sexual position and why? Abstinence.

Closing And Where To Follow

SPEAKER_01 37:32

Thank you so much for joining us this week at the meat market, and thank you so much to Ivy. If you want to snag a date with Ivy, go to any of our social media platforms at Meat Market Podcast. And thanks to our sponsor, Tactical Tax Strategy. If you want to preserve your wealth and keep more of your own money in your wallet where it belongs, you need to go to Tactical Tax Strategies. We'll see you next week at the Meat Market.