WHAT'S LOVE BOMBING AND HAS IT HAPPENED TO YOU?

Catfish Fears And Love Bombing

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Oh my god, I just totally got catfished. He looks absolutely nothing like his picture. So I found out the guy that I've been dating is married with kids. His wife just reached out to me.

SPEAKER_04 0:15

Welcome to the meat market. The single scene is a slaughterhouse, and we are here to devour it. We are your hosts. I'm Lindsay. I'm Jess. And today's sizzling single is Crystal. Welcome.

SPEAKER_03 0:23

Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 0:24

So you posted a video saying that if a guy, it's if it's too good to be true, you break up with him before they can break your heart. Is that how you really feel?

SPEAKER_00 0:32

No, it's not. I mean, it is scary, like when a guy seems too good to be true, because I'm like, why is why is he love bombing me right now? Why is he like really into me? But for the most part, I give him their their fair shot.

SPEAKER_04 0:47

It's funny because my sister does the same thing. Like if some guy messages her from one of the dating apps and he seems too good to be true, she doesn't respond. I'm like, what? She's like, no, he's gotta be fake. It's gotta be, you know, catfish, it's gotta be a scam, he's gotta be married. I'm like, just give him a shot.

SPEAKER_02 1:02

Well, and just ask. I feel like it's pretty easy to suss it out. You would just with like questions, like asking the right questions. You don't have to waste that much energy to try to figure out like if it is too good to be true or if it is just like a genuine person.

SPEAKER_04 1:17

I do think though, if they love bomb you right off the bat, that screams red flags all the way. No guy that's love bombed me has ever turned out to be a long-term relationship. Yeah, they will leave you like that for someone else.

SPEAKER_00 1:29

I think I've had my fair share of experience with so many types of different men that do the love bombing that I'm just like, that's a red flag. I can just identify it right away.

Quitting Apps And Dating At 35

SPEAKER_00 1:38

Are you on the dating apps? I'm not. I deleted them probably about two years ago. One because it shows your age, and I'm so embarrassed to be on there. I don't know at my age. Why? How old are you? I'm gonna be 35 on the first. You're still young?

SPEAKER_04 1:53

What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_00 1:53

I don't know. I feel funny. I mean, for my for myself, like, what am I still doing here? I want to meet it more organically, I feel. But um, and also the guys that are on the dating apps, I feel they're not, I don't know, they're not the type of guys that I would want to date.

SPEAKER_04 2:12

So you want to meet them organically, but where would you meet them? Do you where do you work?

SPEAKER_00 2:15

Do you I work so I work for a nonprofit organization and I work from home most of the time.

SPEAKER_04 2:22

So you're not meeting anyone at work. So do you go out socially to bars, clubs?

SPEAKER_00 2:27

I meet guys on social media. I don't go out socially as much. Um, anytime I do, I go with my little sisters, and they're a different vibe. So I'm like the old, old woman vibe.

SPEAKER_02 2:39

You're like, you're like the girl. Like if he's not delivering my Amazon packages, he's not gonna find me. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 2:45

So he better start working for Amazon or something. That's hilarious. So are you looking to get married, have kids? I do if it makes sense. Um, I'm so scared to pick the wrong partner, but I I will say that if I find the right guy, you know, like any guy that I date now, um, and I make it publicly announced, you know that's gonna be like the right guy, or that is that's him. Because I don't know. I it's so hard for a guy to really like catch my interest these days. When was your last relationship?

Cheating Proof And Trust Afterward

SPEAKER_00 3:19

Three years ago. A serious relationship was three years ago.

SPEAKER_04 3:22

How long was that?

SPEAKER_00 3:23

Um six years. Oh wow. Why did that end? He was a player. Oh, did he cheat? Yeah. What?

SPEAKER_04 3:33

How did you catch him?

SPEAKER_00 3:34

So he was, I mean, he was in love with another woman. Um, and I kind of knew, like, I knew, but you know, I loved him and I was just like, oh, I was stuck in like this triangle.

SPEAKER_02 3:47

And I was gonna say, because did he love you too? Like, did he say he was in love with both of you?

SPEAKER_00 3:53

I would think so. The way that he made me feel, yes. I feel like he really he did show me a lot of love. Um, but then I think of it and I'm like, I can never love two guys in the same way. But I don't know, I don't know, men are different, I guess.

SPEAKER_04 4:06

I don't know, but did he come to you with this and admit this to you, or did you catch him?

SPEAKER_00 4:10

Oh no, I caught him. I caught him.

SPEAKER_04 4:11

How did you catch him?

SPEAKER_00 4:12

Through his watch, his um his apple watch. Apple watch, yeah. And he left it in the bathroom and I went through it and I saw these messages where he's like telling this girl like that he loves her, sending her like, and I'm just like, Aww. So I gave him a shot after that. Like we were still together for probably a good year and a half, but the trust was just so off. It was so toxic after that, and I it just didn't make sense. And did he break things off with the other woman after you caught him? He said he did. I don't think they ever how did he meet her? Were they co-workers? No, um, I don't know. They they had their own past before me. So she was in the picture before me. Um, he just knew how to hide it very well. Like I would post him online, like everything. He was not on social media though.

SPEAKER_04 5:01

Red flag.

SPEAKER_00 5:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:03

So I I don't know, I guess his name didn't start with a J, did it?

SPEAKER_00 5:08

It didn't.

SPEAKER_04 5:09

So my ex he was the same way. No social media didn't want me tagging pictures of him or posting pictures of him.

SPEAKER_02 5:15

Yeah. And I wasn't cheating. But was it an issue that you were posting pictures of him? Like did he have a problem with it?

SPEAKER_00 5:22

Never.

SPEAKER_02 5:22

So then it really isn't that much of a red flag that he didn't have social media. It's just because he doesn't have social, like, I think it's a green flag if a man doesn't have social media.

SPEAKER_04 5:32

I think it's the when you get upset about I would post pictures of us together, and he's not on social media, so I couldn't tag him, but he would call me and be like, I thought we agreed that we weren't gonna post pictures of us together on social media. I'm like, but you're not on social media, so what's the problem here? But he just said he was so private.

SPEAKER_00 5:48

How do you know I posted? How did he know? That's actually true. He was freaking stalking my account.

SPEAKER_04 5:54

Dang. Yeah, probably a lot of fake accounts. Oh, I'm sure. So is he did he end up with this girl?

SPEAKER_00 6:01

Um, I haven't checked in on him, but last I heard they were. This was probably two years ago. Last I heard.

SPEAKER_04 6:06

They were together, dang.

SPEAKER_00 6:07

They were together.

SPEAKER_04 6:08

That's hurtful.

SPEAKER_00 6:08

But he was also seeing other people at the time too.

SPEAKER_04 6:10

So I'm like suppressed.

SPEAKER_00 6:12

Yeah. So I mean, it is what it is.

SPEAKER_04 6:16

Looks like you dodged a bullet.

SPEAKER_00 6:17

I did.

Red Pill Talk And Single Mom Bias

SPEAKER_04 6:18

So I saw some other TikToks of yours saying that you're a man hater. Is that how you really are you a man hater or just jaded? Like us.

SPEAKER_00 6:25

I think I'm jaded for sure, but I wouldn't say I'm a man hater in the sense of every man I hate. I do not like feminine men that are kind of popular nowadays where they're just very 50-50 men. Um, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with 50-50-ness. I think if that's what a woman wants and she's she likes it, uh go for it. But there's a lot of men that like have that red pill mentality. I don't know, you guys are familiar.

SPEAKER_02 6:55

The manosphere.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

Yes. And it's so ugly, and I can just, I I just don't like that. And so I try to do I try to stick up for the women and do like the man-hater thing of like those are the type of men to stay away from.

SPEAKER_02 7:08

Well, they focus so heavily on just one aspect, like the financial aspect or whatever, where they don't take into consideration everything else that comes along with a relationship, the emotional availability and the emotional intelligence and the time investment and the energy investment and all of these things. And it's just like, I am the man, I am the prize. And it's like, okay.

SPEAKER_00 7:35

That's so ugly too. And then they have so many bad things to say about single moms, and I'm a single mother. And so when I hear guys saying all these, I'm like, how do you guys see single mothers so low, like in value? Because I think they're the most amazing women, not just speaking for myself, there's a lot of very beautiful aspects of motherhood and doing it alone on your own because a man couldn't fulfill that role. I'm not saying my son's dad is not, we just grew apart, but it's just one of those things where, like, why would you think so bad about it?

SPEAKER_04 8:07

That pisses me off when I see men digging and dissing single mothers because that is freaking hard work.

SPEAKER_02 8:12

Yeah, and we get hate comments a lot too, like about the single moms that we because we have a lot of single moms on.

SPEAKER_04 8:19

And it pisses me off because it's not like they want to be a single mother, you know, because no one wants to raise a kid by themselves. Raising a kid with a partner is difficult as it is. Then you take away one partner and you do it yourself, and it's tough.

SPEAKER_00 8:31

It is so hard.

SPEAKER_04 8:32

And physically, financially, mentally, emotionally.

SPEAKER_00 8:34

You hit it right on the nail. Like I didn't want, I didn't choose this life. I didn't want to be a single mom. I didn't want to show that type of household for my son. But at the same time, I didn't want to be in a household where there was no love, and I I didn't want to show that piece to my son and think that it's okay to settle or for his mom to settle. And with that, my son's dad and and myself, our dynamic is so good right now, separated, that I just think it's so much more healthy for my son. So it doesn't make sense, and it's just the right choice a lot of the times for women. And how old is your son? He's 12.

SPEAKER_02 9:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:08

So the dating scene right now is like open for me. Like I'm like very open.

SPEAKER_02 9:13

How does he feel about you dating? Do you guys talk about it? Do you talk to him about dating or going out on dates?

SPEAKER_00 9:20

He doesn't bring it up as often. I actually haven't gone out on dates since like well, no, I lied. I recently went on a date, but um, he just no, he doesn't really comment much. He comments on my outfits, like, oh, you look very pretty, or like, I like that, I like your hair. Like, just try to kind of pump me up, but nothing more than that.

Sugar Baby Reality And Boundaries

SPEAKER_04 9:40

I saw another one of your videos about being a sugar baby. Are you open to being a sugar baby?

SPEAKER_00 9:44

100%. Yeah. Um, you know what's funny? I used to be a sugar baby. It was like, it was nothing serious. Um, this guy, he was super scared because he had, I think, his own family, right? Um, and what we would do is he would take me out on hikes and he would pay me to like go out on a hike with him. I went to dinner with him one time and he gave me like $500. And I remember I was like, this is so cool. Like he's just paying me to hang out with him. And then after six times that we hung out, we went hiking and we did all these cool things. He was like, things are getting kind of serious. Which mind you, it had been like maybe in a six-month time frame time frame that I had hung out with him. So six different times to me, that's like, I'm not getting to know you that deep. Like it's nothing serious. He was like, we're getting to know each other really serious now, and I think we're ready for the next phase. And I ghosted him after that. I was like, I can't. Because the next phase was sex. Yes. And he was as like, I'm so sorry, but I love older men, but he was like old old. Where like his neck was like really, I don't know, like wrinkly, you know, like old Pete Grandpa, you know. And I was just like, I can't, I can't picture myself doing anything with that.

SPEAKER_02 11:00

You know what I appreciate though, is that you admitting that there was there was a sexual proposition in exchange because we've had we've had we had a sugar baby on of months ago. It's been a quite a while, and she swears up and down like there are guys out there that just want to pay for your time and you don't even have to sleep with them, and they just want a companion. And it's like, I call bullshit because what man is wanting to spend money and funnel money into a woman that he's not getting anything in return? Yeah, it like it'll come. Eventually it comes.

SPEAKER_04 11:42

It's like sex is always on the agenda, always on their mind. Always always the end game. It is always the end game.

SPEAKER_00 11:48

Some sort of intimacy for sure, because yeah, they are investing a lot in you, and at some point they're gonna ask for something in return. And it's probably something that's gonna make you uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_04 11:57

And but would you have been open to it had he offered you $20,000?

SPEAKER_00 12:02

I don't think so. Nah. I don't think so. I wouldn't do it for a guy that I dated and didn't pay me anything. So Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_02 12:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:10

So I don't know. I I don't think I would.

SPEAKER_02 12:12

It would be hard when you're not attracted to someone in that way. It's hard. No amount of money can make me attracted in that way to someone that it's not naturally there, even a little bit.

Icks And Scottsdale Dating Culture

SPEAKER_00 12:24

Also, do you guys ever get the ick with guys? Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:28

It's so easy, so fast.

SPEAKER_00 12:29

Yeah, and I get the ick for anything these days, like the most ridiculous things. I I tell myself, like, what's wrong with me? Because, like, for example, if a guy's walking, if a guy's walking and his earlobes are moving while he's walking, I'm like, what is like why why are they moving like that? And so it's just weird, like silly things that I'm like, mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 12:51

So I get the ick on the smallest things too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:55

So the older men, I mean, I love older men, but there's a there's a cap, I think. So how do you find dating in Scottsdale? Uh so Scottsdale, I feel like there's a lot of tools out there. Um, very superficial men. And I don't think I fit the vibe for a lot of them. Um I dated a guy, actually, I have a story time on my TikTok. Um really awesome guy. He was super sweet, had a very terrible experience on a first date because of me. I um I drank a little too much and I um I threw a ball over myself. Oh no. And he took care of me the whole night. But I did notice, like, as so like that was a bad experience, but he still wanted to get to know me and we got to know each other a lot more. Um he turned, I don't know, I think he was very superficial on like what I look like and didn't really try to get to know me. Like for me, me, he was very like into like what I looked like, and I was like, uh, it kind of bores me. I I really I like to have mental stimulation with conversations, and he didn't have that. So I feel like that's a lot of the guys out there in Scottsdale.

SPEAKER_04 14:06

What is the worst that you've ever been on?

SPEAKER_00 14:08

Date.

SPEAKER_04 14:08

Do you have a disaster date story? Besides the one where you throw upon yourself.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

That one is pretty bad.

SPEAKER_04 14:12

I know.

SPEAKER_02 14:13

Why did you drink so much?

SPEAKER_00 14:15

Girl, I don't know. I was I was having such a blast. It was such a good dinner date. Um, I didn't want the date to end, and so I asked him if we could still continue hanging out, and he's like, let's go to a bar. We went to a bar, the bartender, she was um, she was hitting on me like throughout the night, and she was giving us shots. And I was taking advantage of him. At one point, she gave us this uh, I don't know, I just remember it being black. I don't know what kind of shot it was, but it was like a really dark color. And we all took it, and after that, I don't remember anything other than like waking up on his lawn. I had been sleeping apparently, but I had the rub all over my hair, all over my overserved for sure. I've certainly been there. I've been there on a first day where I've overindulged and it was awful, and this guy was very attractive. Like he was, and I was so embarrassed. Um, but he took care of me, and then in the morning I woke up and I my hair was hard from like it was bad. But he was hugging me, like, and I was like, I moved his arm. I'm like, I'm gonna go get an Uber. Like, I smell, I can smell it, it's gross.

SPEAKER_02 15:23

Well, and I feel like it's partially the fault of the bartender for serving shot after shot after shot, too. You know, like obviously, like you have self-control. You could have said no, you could have said, like, no, thank you. I'm good. I don't need this one.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

Yeah, but also like if you're gonna keep you know, yeah, if you're gonna keep sending them, I have to keep drinking them.

SPEAKER_04 15:42

Yeah, maybe he could have also been like, okay, okay, we've had enough.

SPEAKER_00 15:46

Yeah, let me take you home. Yeah. Uh-huh. But I definitely learned my lesson, and I don't drink as much. I really hardly drink now, but I don't drink as much on a first date. If one drink, I'm good, and then after that, I'm like, I won't take it easy.

Disaster Dates And Bathroom Panic

SPEAKER_04 15:59

Have you ever walked out mid-date?

SPEAKER_00 16:01

I haven't, but um, oh gosh, I don't know if I should tell you guys this story. So this one is pretty funny. Um, I had gone on a date to like dinner with this guy, and he had just bought a house and he wanted to show me his house. So we went to his place, like he was super excited, and it was like there was not much in there. Um, I think he was still trying to get his furniture put in. He had kids, he told me they were younger, probably like under the age of 10. And um so he was showing me his different spots. It was a three, three-story uh house, and so there were two levels that had restrooms in it. And at one point, oh, he was like, Can I massage your feet? So I was like, Okay, so like this is the first day, yeah. This is the first time we had met. So I was like, okay, like so. We sat on his couch and like he's massaging my feet, and I'm like, okay, this kind of feels good.

SPEAKER_02 16:54

But I'll have a foot massage. I would have done the done the same thing.

SPEAKER_00 16:57

You must have a foot fetish, huh? And then he was like, okay, my turn. And he like puts his foot on me and I was like, I'm not gonna massage your crusty feet. Like, no, like, no, like that's so gross. By the way, he was a firefighter, so you can imagine how like I don't know, gross his feet were like crusty. And so after that, I was like, okay, like to try to get away from this situation, I was like, let me use your restroom. He's like, you can go to the one that's here on this level or the one upstairs. So I just, I'm like the one that's nearest, of course. So I go in there. Um, there was a stain on the on the toilet seat. And I had been, so when as soon as I walked in the restroom, I started doing my makeup. Like, I'm looking at myself to see what I look like. And I had been in there for like five minutes. So when I look at the toilet seat, I saw there was like a little poop stain on there. I was like, he's gonna think it was me. Oh no. Like, why wouldn't I have walked out right away and been like, there's a poop stain there? Um, so I was like, what do I do? So I ended up cleaning it myself. I'm like, so he wouldn't think it was me.

SPEAKER_04 17:59

Oh so I probably would have done the same thing.

SPEAKER_00 18:02

I probably would have done the same thing.

SPEAKER_04 18:05

Because that's mortifying if you leave and he thinks that's you.

SPEAKER_00 18:08

Yeah, because I was gonna like buy it, like I'm not even gonna explain anything. So I wiped it and I was just girl style because I was like, hopefully it wasn't his, hopefully it was one of his kids. Like, I don't know. Um, I walked out the restroom and I was like, I think I'm gonna go home. And he's like, why? What's wrong? I'm like, eh, just I'm tired. I got work in the morning. So I ended up, he's like, I can drive you home. I was like, I'll just get an Uber, like, don't worry about it. I need to give myself an Uber going home, and I just ghosted him. So I guess kind of I walked out on hanging out with a guy, but it's that's hard.

SPEAKER_02 18:41

I was at this is not a date story, but I had something similar happen. I was at a friend's house and there was just like very, there was a few of us there, not very many. And I needed to use the bathroom, but someone else was in the bathroom. And so when they came out and I went in, it stunk. No bad. And I'm like, and now I'm gonna walk out of here. And everyone, like the next person to come in is gonna think that it was me that I just blew up this bathroom. But what do you do? You like walk out and you're like, woo!

SPEAKER_04 19:13

Like, but that happens like on the plane. If you go in there and then it's not like on the plane you're gonna clean it, so you're like, fuck, I hope when I come out, no one is going to go in because they're gonna think it's me.

SPEAKER_02 19:22

And that's what I was thinking. I was like, I hope no one has to use the bathroom for at least like 30 minutes because there's only four of us, five of us in this house right now. And it's like, oh my god, it's so bad.

SPEAKER_00 19:34

And it's convenient for the one before you because they're like they could just blame it on you. Exactly, exactly, exactly. Yeah, it would be worse on a date. Those are awful stories, but have you ever been cheated on? Yes. Well, by the guy, yeah. Oh, that's right. Um, and then my son's dad, uh, we were younger though. We were like 19, 20, so he had a little experience with another girl.

SPEAKER_02 19:59

And did you were you married to him?

SPEAKER_00 20:02

No, we were together for 10 years though. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 20:04

But you weren't married.

SPEAKER_00 20:05

We weren't married. Um, towards the end of the relationship, I think we both knew we outgrew each other. So there's no bad blood. I think we are really great co-parents. Um but yeah, we're totally different people now. It's it's crazy. Sometimes people tell me, like, that's your son's dad. Like, I can't see you being, you know, with someone. Not that he's a terrible person or anything. He's amazing, he's a great father, but we're just totally different people. Like, people can't see us ever have been together. Is he in a new relationship now? He is.

SPEAKER_02 20:32

So your son and your he obviously your son knows his new partner, and that they're that's all good.

SPEAKER_00 20:39

Yeah. Um, but yeah, they have their own little family, and so I support it.

SPEAKER_02 20:45

Are you ready for it?

Listener Question On Debt Disclosure

SPEAKER_02 20:46

I'm ready for it. They keep more minute, brought to you by Tactical Tax Strategies. They help you keep more in your wallet. We help you keep more in your relationship. So we have a listener question. All right. So this one says, I uh I am a 27-year-old female and beginning to date someone, a 35-year-old male that I can see a future with. I'm recently divorced and came out with about 28K in credit card debt and 22K in a car. The new prospect and I are getting close enough to be in each other's day-to-day lives. And I'm sure it doesn't make much sense to him that I have two stable, well-paying jobs, but still live in a tiny apartment. I feel a little bit trapped, um, and I'm going to struggle now even more that I'm living alone. He has his shit together for the most part, and I really don't want to drag him into this, but I'm afraid that it might be a deal breaker. How do I bring it up without scaring him away?

SPEAKER_04 21:43

I feel like she's just gotta be honest and communicate. You can't lie, because then he's gonna get even more pissed. I feel like she just has to be up front sooner rather than later. And just be honest about it and be kind and nice. You can't get mad, that's her situation, you know?

SPEAKER_02 21:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 21:59

What do you think?

SPEAKER_02 22:01

I don't know. I it I think it kind of depends. Credit card debt is hard to get out of. So I think it depends on it. Sounds like she's like stable, living in a small apartment, trying to save to pay it off. I think it would be more of a red flag, I guess, if she was just like continuing to accrue more debt.

SPEAKER_04 22:22

She's going about it the right way. She's trying to pay it off. She's not just gonna let it, you know, let it go. So she's being responsible, trying to fix it and trying to change the situation. So that shows she's taking initiative, you know?

SPEAKER_00 22:34

I'm a firm believer that you can't scare the right man away. It's true.

SPEAKER_04 22:39

So what is that saying? You can't say the wrong thing to the right person and you can't say the right thing to the wrong person. It's true.

SPEAKER_02 22:45

Yeah. Is that though a ick? Is that one of is that an ick for you?

SPEAKER_00 22:50

For a guy, yes. I think so. Hell yeah, especially at our age.

SPEAKER_02 22:53

You're like 40 years old and still pay off credit cards.

SPEAKER_00 22:57

Get it together.

SPEAKER_02 22:58

So I went out on a date. I I didn't realize this that this was an ick for me. Speaking of like new icks and things that just come up, I was dating this guy and he was telling me that he had made some business investments and that he was like, he was on like a two-year plan to sort of like get out of debt and he had accrued some debt to to do this business venture. And it it didn't, it didn't fail necessarily, but it also didn't like go far. So it just sort of like it was an investment, but it wasn't necessarily a bad investment. It was just sort of like stagnant, but now he had this debt and he was working to like clear it up or whatever, get rid of it. And I remember we were, we were in the car and it was a total foot-in-the-mouth moment because I was like, I said something, I go, Well, I mean, at least you didn't like cash out your form of 1k and now you have no retirement. And he goes, Oh no, I did that. Oh shit. I was like, oh, I was like, oh, well, I was like, I mean, it sounds like you have a really good plan. Like to get up. And I was like, okay. I was like, new ick unlocked. Like if you have, if you've, you know, if you've gotten yourself into this place where you don't, where you've risked basically your financial future, that's really hard for me to like come to terms with, you know.

SPEAKER_04 24:26

I'm gonna feel like if you're in your 20s, okay, but you know, at our age, at our time in our life, you should be set for retirement. Also, he was 10 years older than me. What? I hear a lot too how men, it's a deal breaker for men if the woman has credit card debt. I hear that a lot nowadays.

SPEAKER_02 24:42

Because it means that she's gonna be financially irresponsible with his money.

SPEAKER_04 24:46

Yeah, maybe. And if they get married, he's taking on that debt.

SPEAKER_00 24:51

I think for me, I want to find a man that's a provider man and has that mentality to where he's not afraid to take on any type of um financial debt that I might have. Not that I have anything huge, but I also have assets, like I have my home. And there's just those scenarios where like if you want to build a partnership with something, you it's a balance. Like you have to give and take. And I don't know. I think the right man won't get scared away for something like that. And if they can problem solve, that's like that's a very masculine man.

SPEAKER_04 25:25

That's true. That's a that's actually a turn on. If you tell him you have debt and he's like, How are we gonna figure this out? How are we? Yeah, I love that. Yeah, let's come up with a solution together.

SPEAKER_02 25:34

And I think it depends on, like you said, like good debt versus bad debt too, because like obviously like a home mortgage debt is one thing, whereas a shopping addiction debt is another thing. And so it's like you can sort of That's true.

SPEAKER_04 25:49

It depends on debt because student loans, that's very acceptable. But I do know some women that are in debt paying off credit cards because they're buying designer bags. Yeah. What the hell? Yeah. That for me would be a deal breaker.

SPEAKER_02 26:00

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 26:01

If I was a guy.

SPEAKER_02 26:02

Yeah, same.

SPEAKER_04 26:02

So one of the most Googled questions when it

Who Pays On The First Date

SPEAKER_04 26:05

comes to dating comes up all the time is who pays for the first date? For me, that shouldn't really be a question, right? Like, shouldn't it for me, it should be the man on the first date. Don't you think?

SPEAKER_00 26:18

I think so. I think that's the role.

SPEAKER_04 26:20

I know some people say, well, it depends on who asked who out. If the girl asks the guy on a date, then the girl should pay. I don't know, isn't there something manly about a guy that's like, put your wallet away? Even if she did ask him out.

SPEAKER_00 26:32

It's so attractive when a man does that, like without no questions asked, like, doesn't even make it awkward. Um, if I'm not liking the guy though, I will offer to pay and I will pay for both of us because I'm like, I'm never gonna talk to you again. And I don't want you to waste your time.

SPEAKER_02 26:47

I still let him pay.

SPEAKER_00 26:49

You do?

unknown 26:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:52

I still let him pay, and then he gets the it was really nice to meet you, but I don't think that this is, I don't think that we align. Yeah. Um, but he can still, I think if he asks me out on a date, I think he can pay. Whether it's but I also don't require like a $500 dinner on the first date either. Like it's like take me for a tea and an appetizer, and I'm fine with that. You know what I mean? Yeah. So it's like you're you're not out that much, anyways.

SPEAKER_04 27:19

It's funny because when I was single, I would always offer. I would always 100% of the time offer. And the amount of men that would accept it, and it's like you're willing to risk that on a $10 drink. You know, you're willing to risk getting a second aid or risk what I think of him for $10, you know? If I was a guy, I'd be like, I'll pay the $10 and just, you know?

SPEAKER_00 27:40

Yeah, just don't make it awkward. And also the same thing for me. I don't expect a very fancy dinner or anything. Like, I'm good with wherever whatever you plan, I'm good for it.

SPEAKER_02 27:50

That's how I am too. I just want the effort. Like you put the effort into making the plan, you know, lining up the date, making the reservation, whatever it is. If you take the time and the effort to do that, I'm fine with whatever it is. Yeah. Like whatever's in within your budget.

SPEAKER_00 28:04

Because that means they want to get to know you and they're being intentional about wanting to set up a date. And it's like, if I don't have to do any planning, then I'm good for it.

SPEAKER_02 28:13

I recently went out with, I think I told you, a guy that hit on me at uh a circle K. Um. And when the bill came, so we had, so I had a Pellegrino and like a like a cauliflower appetizer. So, and he had a beer and a burger. And so I think the check was like uh like $45 or something like that. So, like very minimal, like a very minimal first date. Um, and the check comes and he pays for it. And I was like, you know, thank you so much. Like, thank you for for dinner, like it's been really nice. I really appreciate it. And rather than just saying you're welcome, I had a great time, he goes, Well, I mean, I asked you on a date, so it's like kind of my job to pay. And I was just like, immediate ick. I was like, no, like you don't have to say that. Like, why would you say that? Wow, why not just say you're welcome?

SPEAKER_00 29:07

Just say you're welcome. Yeah, because thinking about it.

SPEAKER_02 29:10

So Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:11

Oh my god. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:12

It was the like it was such an ick. I was like, yeah, no, this is this is gonna be probably a one and done.

SPEAKER_04 29:19

But I guess you get when you get younger men.

SPEAKER_00 29:21

Oh

Flying Out For A Younger Guy

SPEAKER_00 29:22

my gosh, don't tell me about younger men.

SPEAKER_02 29:24

Do you pay it for the plot?

SPEAKER_00 29:25

I don't, and I did recently, and it was the worst experience of my life. Why? How? Oh gosh. Um, this guy is pretty popular on social media. Um, I think I shared with you guys briefly. I wouldn't say he's an influencer, but he he does content on socials, and he has a very niche content for cougars. And somehow I got, you know, looped into this little whatever it was um situation.

SPEAKER_02 29:53

He is in your algorithm.

SPEAKER_00 29:54

Yeah. She was talking him. He's a very attractive man. I will give him a. How old is he? He was 27. I think he just turned 28. Okay. And so we got to know each other a little bit. Um, I went to a wedding in New York back in December, and he's he lives near New York, so we ended up um getting together out there, and like we were really vibing. So he was working in Canada. I was supposed to go out and see him in Canada. That didn't work out. Um, then we ended up planning for me to go out to see him while he was working in Indiana. And I went to go see him. First of all, I mean I knew he was gonna be working the whole time, so I didn't get to um spend a lot of quality time with him. I even took myself out on dates because he was just working the whole time, so I ended up going to a museum, like doing my own thing. Um when the day that I was leaving, coming back home, he was acting really weird, really shady, like very short, very distant with me, and I was just kind of feeling uncomfortable. I even called my sister and I was like, I don't know what's wrong, like I just want to go home. Like, it just feels like overstayed my welcome. I'm staying in his place, which by the way was like really like dirty, like it was a shared space with, yes, definitely an ick. A shared space with other guys he worked with, and it was just not the nicest. It was like a almost like a bachelor pad or like a frat house. Yes, it was really gross. His space was his room area was not as bad, but it still was like, I don't know. But I was staying in his in his space, and I just felt like I overstayed my welcome. Um, he was being really weird, and so I was like, you know what? My flight was supposed to leave at seven at night, and it was around 12, and I was like, just take me to the airport, hoping that he would be like, No, like I'm sorry, like some, you know, it's you're gonna be out there for hours, like, let's go do something. He was like, You're gonna be there for a couple hours. Like, are you sure? And I was like, Yeah, and he's like, Okay. So he ended up taking me to the airport, and I'm over here confused, like, like, am I is did he just not like me? Like, is there something wrong? Um a couple days go by and he messages me and he's like, Hey, did anybody did anybody that I work with like reach out to you on Instagram or anything? And I was like, No, how would they like I didn't talk to anybody, how would they know who I am? He's like, Well, you follow me. And I was like, no. Um, and he's like, Okay. And then he's like, Can you send me a screenshot of your DoorDash order that you ordered? And I was like, Yeah. So I sent it to him. Um, which the day that I had left, I had ordered myself like a matcha from Starbucks or something. And whatever that happened, that was weird. A couple hours later, I get a message from this girl. She's like, Hey, were you in Indiana? And I was like, Yes. And she's like, visiting this person, and I was like, Yes. She's like, Oh, well, I got there right when you left. And I was like, wait, like to go see him? She's like, Yeah, I got into the room like around 2 p.m. So when he was driving me to the airport, he had texted her and was like, come over. And I'm like, so I go look at her profile, she's this beautiful girl, OnlyFans girl, and she's got like hundreds of thousands of followers, which they don't even follow each other, by the way. So this is how sketchy men are. There's no way I would have ever known that they were ever like associated or anything. And so I was just like, everything she told me, so apparently he had a girlfriend. He still has a girlfriend that knows about all this stuff. Um, the reason she found out about me was because she found my matcha cup with my name on it and confronted him. So that's why he was asking me for the receipt, like to show him or that. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 33:52

To show her, oh, I ordered it and I oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 33:54

Yeah, or that somebody ordered it for him or something. Um she found like other stuff other clues from other women that was not anything to do with me. She like took pictures of everything and she's like, Is this yours? Is this yours? And I was like, No. So there were other girls. Um she ended up reaching out to these other girls. Apparently, he like rotates all these different girls. I'm just like, how do you have the time? Younger men just have all this energy that I just don't want to deal with.

SPEAKER_04 34:25

And how stressful.

SPEAKER_00 34:27

Yes, how do you deal with all that? And so now it all makes sense why he was being weird that age. And who did you fly yourself to Indiana?

SPEAKER_02 34:36

Or did he just pay for everything?

SPEAKER_00 34:38

So it was his birthday, and I was like, oh, like I'm just gonna go visit him for his birthday. So that's what I was thinking, and I was like, I should have never spent those dollars.

SPEAKER_04 34:46

Like, I can see how that would put you off dating younger guys.

OnlyFans Tragedy And Consent Questions

SPEAKER_04 34:52

So did you hear about that California housewife who killed a man in a kinky OnlyFans video gone wrong? Speaking of OnlyFans. What the hell? So there's this woman, and she's married, happily married with three kids. Um, super pretty gorgeous. She was an OnlyFans star on the side, lived a double life, killed a client, Dale, 55, in a kinky encounter gone terribly wrong. She ends up pleading guilty to causing his death. So they were recording a steamy OnlyFans video, and clips show Dale with his wrists tied, mouth duct taped, and a plastic bag over his head for several minutes. She called 911, but he ended up dying at the hospital. So Dale paid over $1,000 for this experience, plus a hefty tip, and texts show that he requested all this. He wanted to be, quote, wrapped up like a mummy in saran wrap, and wanted her to glue his boots to his feet. So her husband knew about this OnlyFans and was supportive, helped her run this business. She told the police it was her first time engaging in this type of fetish behavior. Like, why, if you're new to this and you haven't done it, like why would you put a plastic bag over someone's head when you don't know what you're doing? And then footage, this is so disturbing to me. Footage from her phone shows the bag was over his head for eight minutes, with him struggling to breathe after duct tape, saran wrap, and a plastic bag was placed over his head. His hands were tied, so he couldn't remove his hands to remove the bag or the wrappings. And as he lay there unresponsive, she was recording a sex act by herself for her own OnlyFans page. What the hell? That's crazy. But the her defense is saying that she didn't intend to kill him. He asked for it, he requested this. It was consensual, he wanted it, and that there was no attempt to cover it up. She called 911, she did everything right. Should she be charged with murder? Like, what do you guys think? Definitely negligence. And like she fucked up and should be like, there should be consequences, but should she be charged for murder? How do you feel about this?

SPEAKER_00 36:52

Oh my gosh, that's scary. Fucking scary.

SPEAKER_02 36:55

I don't, I don't think it's a murder.

SPEAKER_00 36:59

Well, she went out to play with herself while he was. Yeah, it's looking better than that. That tape Saran Rap? Yeah. Like, I don't know. She was definitely at least cutting a little hole in his mouth, you know. Right.

SPEAKER_02 37:12

I mean, like the definition, the difference between like murder and manslaughter. Yeah. And like the degrees, like, what does it qualify as? Because it obviously is like she caused the death.

SPEAKER_04 37:25

This happens a lot, though. Like, I actually know someone from my childhood, one of my friends, his father was found in a chair, like on the street with like an orange in his mouth and duct tape and a plastic bag over his head. They never found out, but it was a kinky act gone wrong. They never found out who did the kinky act with him. But yeah, he I feel like this happens all the time, no?

SPEAKER_00 37:43

Oh wow. Freaking crazy. Then they're into some weird stuff.

SPEAKER_04 37:46

It's crazy how he paid $11,000 and a hefty tip for that experience.

Celebrity Tipping And Character Clues

SPEAKER_04 37:50

Speaking of hefty tips, now it's time for the celebrity cut. Well we marinate in the juices of the celebrities. I saw this post that was like, hey, who's served a celebrity? Who tips? Who doesn't tip? Spill the beans. So it's funny how um, so Ed Sheeran apparently tips really good. He tipped this guy $3,000 on a $2 muffin. And the guy was like, I used that to buy my first car, he saved me. Lainey Wilson apparently doesn't tip. She came up a lot. You know who else came up as never ever tipping? Jelly Roll. Like some guy said Jelly Roll tipped $0 on a $300 takeout order. Yes, it was takeout, but he ordered 10 minutes before closing. So we had to be there over an hour after closing because of him. And he left $0. But doesn't he have money?

SPEAKER_02 38:31

Yeah, Jelly Roll has money, but I think he came from not having money. So maybe it's like a frugal.

SPEAKER_04 38:38

Jack Black tipped me thousands and told me to go on a shopping spree. Matthew McConaughey paid for me to fill up my car when I was frantically looking for my wallet at a gas station with my toddler in tow. He saw me, needed, saw that I needed help and paid to fill out my car. How nice. Lil Wayne left me a thousand dollar cash tip on top of a 20% tip. Luke Bryan tipped me $50 and a $3 ice cream. Another one, Jelly Roll doesn't tip. Jeff Bezos tipped 18%. WTF. That pisses me off. Shaquille Shaq gave me $1,000 and a $90 tab. Kylie Jenner's tab was $5K, and she tipped me and the bartender both $5K. T Pain tips good. Tristan Thompson left $0 on a $3K bill. $0? Like, I mean, was the service that bad? But even if it was that bad, you should leave something, right?

SPEAKER_00 39:23

Saving up for all the kids he was having. Seriously.

SPEAKER_04 39:26

You know who was the number one person, celebrity that came up time after time after time, tipping thousands of dollars? Post Malone. Like to the point where people are like, damn, I worry about his finances. Post Malone came in for a glass of wine and tipped me $30,000. Post Malone leaves $10K every time he comes in for coffee. Post Malone came into my bar and ordered one bud light and left $10K. Post Malone tipped me $4K on a $300 tab. He ordered a burger and an iced tea, gave me $3K. I guess one person commented and said, well, he used to work at Chicken Express. My friend was his manager. So he knows how shitty it is to work in the food industry. Then one guy said, Yeah, Post Malone, our restaurant took care of his team dinner and he tipped every person 20K. How nice is that?

SPEAKER_02 40:06

I feel like though, tipping, that is something we talk about this a lot, like bad tippers. That is a huge ick to me. When the bad tip is hell yeah. Because tipping is something that's so easy and people appreciate it.

SPEAKER_04 40:20

They it means the I used to serve. A good tip means the world. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:24

I was like two weeks ago, I was in Florida. Um, my best friend from high school, like from growing up, it was her 40th birthday. And so we, her husband and then her brother and brother's husband and I. So it was the five of us, and we were at this restaurant, and we were planning on like hopping around, but we ended up finding this place that was really cool, and we ended up staying there for like four hours. And our poor server, like, we didn't want food, and then we did want food, but then we didn't want shots, but then we did want shots, and then we didn't want like the bubble gun thing with the whole thing, but then we did want it. And she just was like, she was so good to us. And so my friend's brother's wife, when she brought the bill, she ended up paying for it and just covering it and sending it. She's like, I just I tipped her really well, just so you guys know. Like, are you guys okay with that? We're like, yeah, no, no worries. And so the bill was $500, and she tipped her $200 and she like took it away. And I don't think she looked at it. And then literally, like three minutes later, this girl comes like running and she had like tears in her eyes, and she was like, Thank you guys so much. That made my whole day like this was the best thing that's happened to me all week. And she like gave my friend's wife like a big hug, and she was like, I can't believe you did that. It was so nice. And so it's just like something that seemed so like little to us at the time because not that we were difficult, but we did have her like working that day. Like she was running for us. And so it was just like something for us that seemed so little meant a lot to her. And so it's like for people, when it's like you don't even think about how your actions are affecting another person just because you want to save a dollar. It's like, come on, it's not that hard. It's not that hard.

SPEAKER_04 42:15

Especially when you have money. Like Katy Perry tipped 30 bucks on a $250 tab. She has so much money. She can tip more. Shaquille O'Neal came into the Apple store and bought every single kid in there an iPad. How nice is that? You know who else came up as not tipping? J-Lo. So many people like that. I've heard that before. She has so much. There's no excuse. Steve Martin apparently doesn't tip. Um, Pete Davidson tipped the room service guy 600 bucks. Beyonce and Jay-Z tip me 4K. Anyways, there's so many on here, but um J-Lo, another one doesn't tip. Jonas Brothers apparently don't tip. None of them? No, apparently none of them tip. Jason Momoa doesn't tip. Um, the owner of Walmart tipped me 20 bucks. I don't know. That's tough. And then a couple other comments. I served Abraham Lincoln one time. He left me $200 for his $1 bill. Someone else said Michael Jackson doesn't tip. Oh my God. Oh my gosh. It's crazy too. Like, if I was a millionaire, because I guess because I served, I know how meaningful it is. It does make your day, your week, your month a good tip. So if I had millions, I would I'd be post-malone.

SPEAKER_00 43:16

I even tip when they get bad service. I don't tip the greatest when I get bad service, but I'm like, I know that they're not getting paid as much.

SPEAKER_02 43:22

So and you don't know why you didn't get great service. Like were they just given like eight tables all at once and they didn't have the attention? And so it's just like you still want to give something.

SPEAKER_04 43:33

Yeah.

Rapid Fire Red Flags And Closing

SPEAKER_04 43:34

Now it's time to get to know you with Zoya, sponsored by Zoya, your neighborhood yogurt. Rapid fire questions. Is this a r are these a red flag? Splits the bill on the first date.

SPEAKER_00 43:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 43:43

Still follows their ex on Instagram. Yes. Bad tipper.

SPEAKER_00 43:46

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 43:46

Has no social media.

SPEAKER_00 43:48

No.

SPEAKER_04 43:48

Where should someone not take you on a first date?

SPEAKER_00 43:51

McDonald's.

SPEAKER_04 43:52

Is watching porn considered cheating?

SPEAKER_00 43:54

No.

SPEAKER_04 43:54

Before you're intimate, is it appropriate to ask your date how many people they've been with?

SPEAKER_00 43:58

No. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 43:58

Is it acceptable to have Sex on a first date.

SPEAKER_00 44:01

Wait, I go back to the other one. Yes, you do. Sorry.

SPEAKER_04 44:03

You can have sex on a first date?

SPEAKER_00 44:04

No, no, the other one asking appropriate.

SPEAKER_04 44:06

Oh, how many people I've been with? It's appropriate?

SPEAKER_00 44:08

It is, I think.

SPEAKER_04 44:09

Okay. Is it acceptable to have sex on a first date?

SPEAKER_00 44:12

Sure, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 44:13

Yeah. Do you have a secret talent that not many people know of, or something about you not many people know of?

SPEAKER_00 44:18

Um that I'm actually very, very lover girlish. Like I I love love. And people might not see that on social media. They might think I'm the biggest man hater, but actually a man can tell me, you know, lie to me and I will believe it because I'm the biggest lover girl.

SPEAKER_04 44:38

And last but not least, what is your favorite sexual position and why?

SPEAKER_00 44:42

Um what's it called when you're on top? Like cowgirl? Cowgirl? Reverse cowl. Oh, cowgirl? Cowgirl, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 44:48

Just regular cowgirl.

SPEAKER_00 44:49

Regular cowgirl, yeah. Funny.

SPEAKER_04 44:52

You're like, you know all them down.

SPEAKER_02 44:53

Reverse, you gotta turn it around.

SPEAKER_00 44:55

I think that one, because again, I'm a lover girl and I like to see my partner's face and um making out with them and stuff.

SPEAKER_04 45:01

Thank you so much for joining us this week at the Meat Market. And thank you so much, Crystal. If you want to snag a date with Crystal, go to any of our social media platforms at Meat Market Podcast. And thank you to our sponsor, Tacticals Tax Strategies. If you want to preserve your wealth and keep more of your own money in your wallet where it belongs, you need to go to Tactical Tax Strategies. We'll see you next week at the Meat Market.

SPEAKER_01 45:20

Oh my god, I just totally got catfished. He looks absolutely nothing like his picture. So I found out the guy that I've been dating is married with kids. His wife just reached out to me.