HINGE, BUMBLE, OR IN THE WILD? SCOTTSDALE BARTENDER SPILLS

Welcome And Why Dating Hurts

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to the meat market. The single scene is a slaughterhouse and we are here to devour it. We are your hosts. I'm Lindsay. I'm Jess. And today's Sisling Single is April. Thank you for joining us. Thank you for having me. See, you posted a video and it broke my heart. You were in tears crying and you were saying, um, dating's so hard. So be kind to any of your friends who are dating because it's so tough. Is it are you having a tough time?

SPEAKER_00 0:21

I it's it's been about three and a half years, and yes, it has been a wild ride. I have not had one solid relationship. One thing last year lasted about eight months, but it was back and forth, and it was a huge waste of time. And so that's the longest thing that has happened. Everything else has been less than like a month. They like are gone in the wind. So it's them. Yes. It's definitely because I'm so ready for it that like I'm willing to work through if there's a little minor inconvenience. But for them, it's like they shut down and they're like, oh no, I'm out.

SPEAKER_01 0:57

We talked about this on the other time we filmed, how people are just so quick to move on. When, like you said, relationships are hard. When it gets a little bit rocky, rather than persevere and work through it, they just move on to the next thing because there's so many options out there.

SPEAKER_00 1:10

It just takes this. Just a butt. It's just a press of a button. And that's how they feel like all the problems will go away. And I'm like, well, you're gonna eventually hit that problem with whoever you choose. It's true. And so, like, why not at least experience it and see if it works out for you? Yeah. I'm just I'm that hopeless, like romantic of like, I remember my grandparents' relationship and like I look for that. And I don't know what has happened nowadays where people like don't look for that. It's or they say they do, and then you go through it and they're like, Oh, you know what? Actually, oh, works picked up. So sorry.

SPEAKER_01 1:46

Well, like Emily, she said she was dating a guy and she had that conversation after three months. Hey, you know, what are we doing here? What are you doing? And he's like, Oh, I'm just having fun until it's not fun. And that's, I think a lot of guys' mentality, once it's not fun anymore, peace out, I'm gone.

SPEAKER_00 2:00

That's literally that was the relationship last year that I had. It was at the three-month mark, and normally

When Having Fun Isn’t Enough

SPEAKER_00 2:05

around a month or so, I'm like, okay, like what's going on? And for me, we were just having fun, like we were enjoying each other. I was like, oh, this is going great. I'm obviously his girlfriend, like, I don't have to worry about it. But three months were in and we're at dinner, and I'm like, so like ready to delete the dating apps. I'm like, so like, what's going on? And he, it's like someone like took the words, he was like, I was like, I'm wow, I was so confident that this is gonna be like, oh yeah, April, like you, you're it, like state, you're my girlfriend, all of that. That's what I thought it was. And then whenever I saw like the choke, I was like, wait, what? I remember going home, and we obviously drank a bunch of martinis at that point. I was like, all right, well, I'm gonna forget this. And I went remember going home and I sat and I went to the bathroom, and I didn't even need to go to the bathroom. I just wanted to cry because I was like, I know right there I got my answer. He told me, like, he tried to give me reassurance of like, you're the only one I'm talking to, and you're the only one I spend time with. But I was like, yes, but what's the holdup? Like, you're on the dating app, I'm on the dating app. He had he was someone that had pursued me many times, like we had matched a few times on Hinge. And it's funny because I feel like you always sent out the same message, and finally I responded to it, and like we hit it off and it went really well. But whenever it got to that point, I was like, wait, what? Now you're not ready for a relationship. What what have we been doing?

SPEAKER_03 3:37

Because that's the thing. Did in his profile he have looking for a long-term relationship? Monogamy. And do you always have that conversation within the first like one or two dates of like, what are you looking for?

SPEAKER_00 3:48

Yes, in a sense, I try to wait like maybe till like the third date or so. Give it like a date or two to like have some fun, get to see who they are, see if I even want to have this conversation with them. And then come like the third or fourth date, that's when I'm kind of like opening up, getting to know who they are. Tell me about like what are your morals? Like, what are your goals? Anything like that? Is there like absolutely nots? Is there things that you see in the future that you truly like can't live without? Like, what what are they? But I can usually wait until that point. But with him, he was so consistent and so like present that I was like, oh, this is a no-brainer. I felt so confident in my mind. And so that's I think when it I went home and I cried, I was just like, I thought I had this in the bag. I thought I I thought I had it all figured out, and then immediately something switched. Did you see him after that? I was dumb, and yes, I did. We continued to talk and we had like this kind of traumatic experience happen and we kept on talking. And it got to the point like where we would go out to dinner still, we would still go, we we both road biked, so we would both go on road bikes together, like we'd go on really long bike rides, we would um go play golf together. Like we would do all these things like we were together, but he was never willing to commit. And I think in my mind, I was just so hopeless in a sense of like, why doesn't he see it? What like we hang out, we have fun, we do all these things. Like normal girls don't normally golf all the time and want to go do those things. Like, why doesn't he when will he wake

The Non-Committer Meets A Stalker

SPEAKER_00 5:27

up? And finally, it actually got to the point where I saw him back on hinge and he lied to me about it. And then I went on his Instagram and I have, I truly believe she's a stalker. I finally blocked her and she's like hasn't shown up since. But we matched on Bumble, best friends, like was looking for some girlfriends. I went out like once or twice with her, and I was just like immediately no. She wouldn't stop calling me, she wouldn't leave me alone. I would say no, I don't want to hang out, and then she'd f like find a different thing to ask me if I wanted to do that too uh on the same night. And I'm like, Okay, I just told you no bad for tonight already. And then you're asking me to do something else again tonight.

SPEAKER_01 6:08

That's kind of creepy.

SPEAKER_00 6:10

But then she called my work one time and she was asking me about GLP ones, and I was just like, Okay, weird, because I could see her name on the caller ID. And then she would always like show up to my work. I used to work at a restaurant, she would show up by herself and sit at the bar at the restaurant and just sit there and watch me. What? And so it was just the weirdest thing. And then so randomly one day I go on his Instagram and we only had two mutual friends. And at that point, when it's not that many, like you kind of notice when it bumps up to three. And when it bumps up to three, it was her. And I was like, the only reason I ever have a match with any guy that is her is because she has gone off, like found him on Hinge and like gone and found them on Instagram and followed them. She's not the type that like has a conversation, she just will go immediately find the man, and it's like aggressive. And so when I saw her match with him, I was like, wait, what? And I messaged him, I was like, Did you meet that Jessica girl off of Hinge? He's like, Yeah. I was like, if you did, you need to run. He's like, Yeah, I'm finding that out. I saw and and he's like speaking to me openly about this. So I'm like, okay, now we're not we're not hiding anything anymore. I obviously know you're on Hinge. And he's like telling me all about her, and he's like, Yeah, she's going crazy. And then I go on his Instagram a little bit later and she's not on there anymore. He's like, Yeah, I blocked her. All of that. And I was at the point where I was like, This girl has gone too far. So I message her and I was like, You need to stop. She's like, Stop what? I was like, Okay, the couple times that we hung out, we discussed our whole dating life. And you showed me the guy you were talking to. I showed you like both of his dating profile and his Instagram of who I was talking to. And now you're about to go on a date with him. She's like, Oh, that's the same Andrew. I had no idea. I'm like, Wow. Yeah, okay. And then she's like, Well, April, I tried to be your friend, and you know, you just have no loyalty. And so I'm gonna go on the date with him. He seems like a really fun guy. In my head, I'm like, I don't know if she knows that he's blocked her at this point. So I don't know if you guys are going on the date. Did you call, did you say that to her? No, I was just I said, have fun. Have fun. Have fun. I obviously blinked your ass. I was like, I'm gonna let her figure that one out. And then I think though, okay, he had this thing where he hates fat people. And she had gained a bunch of weight. Oh no. And I think she was one of those girls that had all her GLP one photos on her hinge from when like earlier in the year she weighed probably 30, 40 pounds lighter. She was stick thin. And now she like not to be mean, but full on Fupa, like everything was going on. And I was just like, gee, I said to her, I find it really funny. Like, I don't think you know what you were about to go on a date with. Because you he would have never. You would have never. Like coming from some I work out six, seven days a week. Coming from that to that, I I was I should have just let it happen because I would have had the biggest laugh in my mind. But I said something to him and he was like, Hey, thanks for the heads up. Oh my god. I was just like, Okay, so there are girls out there that put their GLP one photos on there. So now I see why guys are hesitant to like, are you real? And then there's actually girls at stalk, good to know as well. And then there's losers that go after the stalker. Cause I'm pretty sure I had mentioned her before to him too. And I don't know, obviously, guys don't put faces together in a sense, but I was just like, You're going on a date with my stalker. That and that at that point, I was like, okay, April, you have to like at some point say no to him. You have to like shut it down. And that was it was literally that night. I woke up the next morning. I was like, hey, I'm just I'm not into it. I'm sorry. You go on the date with the girl, you want it, whoever you want. I don't care. I'm done. We're done. It's it's over. Have a nice life. And he was just like, Oh, well, if that's how you feel, if that's how I feel, what do you mean? Did you think I was just gonna stick around until you go through like a round of girls on hinge and realize, like, oh, maybe I had something good with April?

SPEAKER_02 10:35

Right.

SPEAKER_00 10:35

So it was just crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy. I couldn't believe it.

Catfish Tells And The Henna Sleeve

SPEAKER_01 10:41

Do you have any other crazy first date stories or have you been catfished?

SPEAKER_00 10:44

I've been catfished a couple times. I think the first time made me realize that the second time was happening again. The first time I was like kind of just oblivious to it, where uh we matched and he looked familiar, but I was like, oh well, because one of the guys in his photo, I was like, that looks like maybe my friend's husband, but I'm not sure. And so we're chit-chatting and he plays the whole, like, yeah, I deactivated my Instagram, so that's not a thing right now. And I was like, okay, cool. Like most guys do that thing. And so I don't think anything of it. And then he wants to play like a picture game. And so we're like sending pictures back and forth, and his pictures are all kind of like filtered, and they're all like this square photo. And I'm like, that's weird that like nothing is like a full photo or anything. And the morning we are supposed to go on a brunch date, he messages me at like 4:30, five in the morning saying that his dad had a stroke, that he has to fly back to the bay and be with his family. And I'm like, it the oblivious of me. I don't think like this is my first time being catfish, so I don't think anything of it. I'm like, oh my god, are you okay? That's so sad. Like, let me know if you need anything, anything like that. And so we go on and we're talking for maybe like a week or two later, and then finally something pops up in my girlfriend that I thought was her husband in the photo. She posts a photo and it's got the guy in the picture. And I was like, wait, that's him, and he's tagged in the photo.

SPEAKER_03 12:16

I was like, wait, that's not him.

SPEAKER_00 12:19

That's not him. So I click on the guy and I was like, oh my god, here are all the photos that I've been being sent the whole time. So I remember just screenshotting the Instagram and I sent it to the guy, and I'm like, You're a liar, never talk to me again. Sent him that and I blocked him. And I ended up messaging the guy and I said, Hey, you don't live in Arizona, but someone is impersonating you and they are like using you as a catfish. And he was like, Oh my gosh. And I guess it happens to him often because this is like the second or third time that it happened. And then the next time was probably the craziest because it happened. We were talking for maybe like two days or something. The first day we get each other's numbers, he's like sending me pictures, and I'm like, that's a little aggressive, but whatever. And they're not like anything weird, it's just like one was like this of him cooking, and in all of his uh pictures, he has a sleeve tattoo and he's wearing a tank top in the photo he sent me. There's no tattoos, no tattoos at all. And I'm like, I was like, that's weird. I thought you had a sleeve tattoo. And he goes, Oh, that's henna. That's henna? That's henna. You're kidding me, right? There's like where did you come up with that in your mind that you think would anyone would believe that? And so I'm looking at his photos again, I'm like, these are all like really far apart, it looks like like months apart. I'm like, if I have any advice, uh, one, stop talking to me, two, get the tattoo. Because if you're gonna get henna, you're gonna sit there and get henna that often is what you're relaying to me that you got it every couple months for years, it looked like, because you've had this sleeve for a while. Just get the damn tattoo.

SPEAKER_01 14:06

Like, just do it. What a dumbass. If you're gonna catfish, use the same freaking photo, it's the same person.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

Something or like at that point, AI. AI is why it's there's crazy things you can do with Chat GPT nowadays. Like, you could have really fooled me, but I was just like, what girl is gonna believe one, a guy gets henna? You're gonna tell like a girl, like that's a girls' thing. Like, guys, do it. Like, I understand it's a cultural thing as well. But like, if you're a white guy and you're just hanging out getting a henna sleeve tattoo like every couple months, that's like I'm also gonna question your thought process before I even I'm gonna stop talking to you then. Like, I'm not even gonna think about it. I'm like, we're done. Bye. What do you do for a living? Um, I'm a personal assistant.

SPEAKER_01 14:55

Okay, got you.

SPEAKER_00 14:56

Yes. So I used to be in the um restaurant industry. I was a bartender for the longest time in like fine dining. And so I've

Dad Or Daddy And Relationship Goals

SPEAKER_00 15:04

seen a lot of like crazy wild, like we used to do the game, like dad or daddy and fine dining restaurants. Like I loved it.

SPEAKER_03 15:11

Like that's so funny. Have I ever told the story on here about when my dad and I went to lunch or dinner or something together? My dad was just here visiting, but I sometimes my parents come separate or one stays longer than the other, whatever. And I remember we went out to eat and we went to culinary dropout in like at the mall or whatever in Sashion Square. Um, and this was probably in it was it was not long after I moved here. It was probably in like 2014, maybe 13, 14. Um, and we were eating on the patio and we were sitting because it's a bench, right? And so you either sit on the comfy bench or you sit on a hardwire outdoor chair. And like, I'm not gonna make my dad sit on the hardwire outdoor chair, but also I'm not gonna sit on that chair either. And so I'm just gonna sit next to my dad on the comfy bench seat, right? And so we're eating, and I'm like, you know, the looks that people are giving us, dad. I literally said, I go, they're playing dad or daddy. And he was like, what are you talking about? And I'm like, they're trying to figure out if you're my dad or my sugar daddy. And he was like, oh my God. He was like, Where did you move?

SPEAKER_01 16:23

I remember I was from, I was 14 years old and I was flying with my dad and we had gotten upgraded. I think it was like Tokyo to LA, and we had gotten upgraded to first class. I was 14 with my dad. And the server, the server, the flight attendant comes over and says, Would you like a glass of champagne, sir? And what about your wife? Would your wife like a glass of champagne? I was like, I was mortified because I was only 14. I'm like, no.

SPEAKER_00 16:47

My uh, my grandma, my real dad's mom, she got Alzheimer's. And there was a time where I came into town and was gonna take care of her for a moment. And she clearly didn't know who I was at that moment. And she was like, So, like, there's a solo bed over there, or you guys could go sleep upstairs together. And I'm like, uh, I do not. I look at him and he's like, just and I'm just he's and like she steps aside and like walks away, and he's like, You're gonna get that. And he's like, she does it to me every once in a while, where she like thinks the nurse is my girlfriend. And so I it was just like one of those things where I was like, ew, but love playing the game as a as a bartender server, loved playing it. And like I would play it with the kitchen staff. I worked at Nobu for the longest time, and like you can see out into the dining room and like the whole kitchen staff can see the sushi bar. So anytime I'd go to pick up a dish, they'd be like, April, seat seven, eight, what do you think? I'm like, Daddy, duh. And they were like, really? I'm like, you thought that was her dad? Like, I could, I could just catch on immediately. I don't know what it was. Maybe I just saw so many, but they were just all taken back by like, oh my God, we thought that was her dad. I was like, no, no, no, no, no. That's um, that's that's uh, that's that's right here. Are you looking to get married, have kids? With love. Yeah. With love. I mean, I'm 35, so I am getting to that point where comfortably where I want to have kids, I don't know if I want to have them after 40. I know that like healthcare and things are doing wild things nowadays, and people are having babies at 65, and like that's great. I just personally think of quality of life for my child, and I don't want them to be pushing me in a wheelchair when we're going to their high school graduation or something. So, like I would love to have kids, but I'm also open to meeting a man who has children and taking that on as well, because at least I would still get like that feeling of kind of being a mom, of like responsibility sense. But I would love to be married, I'd love to have kids, I'd love to do it all. But I also know that life is life, and sometimes things don't happen like that. And so you gotta kind of just go with whatever is given to you, and if it works, it works. So do you date older? Do you date younger? I do, I go all up and down. I'm not opposed. I hate when people tell me you just need to date an older guy. No, no, no, no, no. I've done it. The last two guys that I've dated that have been um, one was 41 and one was 43. Both had three kids, both like were great the first night, and then the communication sucked. And I understand they have children. Like, I'm not expecting you to text me every day, maybe every like other day or something like that, or like an update. I don't know. But they just like ghosted me, went off the face of the earth, and then they played the whole, oh my gosh, work's picked up.

SPEAKER_01 19:48

That's so annoying.

SPEAKER_00 19:49

Where like I like I just did a TikTok the other day of like a public service announcement, like, life doesn't stop whenever you decide to date. Work doesn't be like, oh, you can take a work leave for that. Like, go have fun, fall in love. No, like friends don't stop, life doesn't stop.

SPEAKER_01 20:05

Like, I wish people would just be more honest. Like, I would prefer a guy to say to me, Listen, I just don't think we're a match, you're too crazy for me, or whatever. Why he doesn't think we're matched rather than give me an excuse. That's kind of offensive to me when they're like, Oh, I just don't have the time or at work, or it's annoying.

SPEAKER_03 20:20

Especially when they know that you're dating with intention and that you're really looking for someone to date. It's not like you're just dating willy-nilly for fun.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

And that's the thing is like maybe since they've potentially been married and like they have kids and they've done it all, that they don't think that's like a big kind of drive in my mind. But like I went through that where I wasn't married, but I did have a relationship for 10 years and I thought we were getting married. I thought we were having kids, and that didn't happen. And so I do feel very lucky that I got out of that with no divorce, no like kids going back and forth, nothing like that. But I still do want it. I still do want to at least have that feeling. I've even gotten to the point of being comfortable with not getting married, but also just having that solid relationship. Uh, because like watching my dad, he has gone through girlfriend to girlfriend to girlfriend to girlfriend. And I understand him not wanting to get married every single time. But to just have someone solid and stable and who wants to just take on life with you sounds great. I don't need a contract for that. And so I am open to all different things, just it just hasn't lined up.

Ten Years Together Then Everything Breaks

SPEAKER_00 21:37

Why did your 10 year relationship end? Um controversial. He wants to say that he wasn't like in it anymore, but I found out that he cheated on me.

SPEAKER_01 21:50

How did you find out?

SPEAKER_00 21:51

Um Well, it was more of like a guess, and someone confirmed it. One of one of our mutual best friends. So We broke up in like August 16th of like 23 or something like that. And then his birthday is December 7th. I am at the same bar he's celebrating his birthday at the same day. And my friend runs over and he's like, April, uh, he's here with his new girlfriend. We're gonna go because he knows you're here. We just have four months. Two months. Two months, August. Oh, yeah. Oh, excuse me, October. It was October 16th. Okay. October to December. Within two months, he already has a girlfriend that he's inviting out to meet friends and all of that. That's hurtful. After 10 years, she's in the construction industry too. And so I feel like they met at like maybe like a construction meetup or something that they were having for maybe like a broker or something. And then they exchanged numbers. I feel like they just had an emotional relationship going. I don't think he physically cheated on me. I'm hoping not, but I do know that there was something emotional going on.

SPEAKER_03 22:58

And also in that industry, like networking, quote unquote, is so important. So like who knows? You know what I mean? It's just like, what type of networking really were you doing? Because was he in construction? He was in the construction industry. And it kind of, because I was gonna ask that if he was also in the restaurant industry, because were you serving? Were you like were your schedules different?

SPEAKER_00 23:23

Yes, our schedules are different. So I was always that person of wanting to get on a full-time schedule, didn't really care what the job was, just as long as we shared the same schedule, it life was gonna be better. Yeah, and so that was something that was always coming up in our relationship. And so, but we made it work for the longest time we did. And right at the end, I was just about to move on to something new. And so that's why I knew that it wasn't even that. It like nothing he was telling me was gonna save the relationship. It was like, it was crazy though. We dated solid for six years, and then COVID happened. He played the whole I'm we were living in California, and he was like, I'm gonna go. We both were born and raised in Arizona. He's like, I'm gonna go back to my family's house and just hang out there for like a week. I'm gonna take Nelly, that was our dog. And I was like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. And this is right when California shut down for COVID, the first week. And so two days into it, I'm at the house by myself and I'm like, well, this is boring. I was like, I'm gonna go back and see my family too. So I drive back to Arizona and I text him, I'm like, hey, I'm in Arizona, would love to see you guys in the family. And then he like breaks down, he's like, actually, I came here to get away from you. Um, and took the dog and everything.

SPEAKER_03 24:35

Dang.

SPEAKER_00 24:36

And you guys have been together for six years at this point. Six years at that point. And he was just like, he breaks down and tells me all of that. And so after that, I didn't talk to him. I gave him a space, whatever. Like a month later, he comes crawling back. And in that time, within like almost two and a half years, we broke up eight times and got back together seven. And I was never the one initiating it, I was never the one breaking up. I was always the one that's like, we will get through this.

SPEAKER_02 25:07

Oh god.

SPEAKER_00 25:08

And like I gave him his space whenever he'd break up with me, and I wouldn't be like crying or calling him or anything, and he'd come running back. And so I lost a one of my really good friends. She was just tired of seeing me go through it. She doesn't talk to me anymore because she could not take the phone call of me being like completely traumatized whenever he would just completely pull the rug out from me. We'd be fine. Nothing would be going on. He would just call me one day and be like, hey, I want to break up.

SPEAKER_01 25:36

Why do you think he was doing this? Was did he find another girl he was interested in and wanted to break up so that he could have sex with someone else and not feel guilty? Why?

SPEAKER_00 25:46

He wasn't telling he said a lot of uh false things about me to his family and would exaggerate stories to where they were now thinking just these terrible things about me that I know weren't true. And it was more to kind of maybe cover up maybe the things he was doing that he probably didn't think his family would believe he was doing. Um, like there was times where he got a little physical and things like that. Like he broke one of our doors at our place and like the thing had a hole in it and it was like hanging. Like he got rather aggressive, but I don't think he ever wanted his family to know that side of him. So he would just uh like just dramatize anything I would do. And so uh a lot of the times through that two and a half period, I don't think his family really knew that we were talking. There was touch and go that they would know, like maybe we were like chit-chatting back and forth, but for the most time, he was just trying to hide me from our friends, from family, from everything.

SPEAKER_01 26:47

Sounds like he dodged a bullet. I good riddance.

SPEAKER_00 26:50

Seriously, it's been so good. It's so funny though, because it's been three and a half years and maybe like two months ago, I look at one of my TikTok stories and I was looking at who looked at it, and it was her, his girlfriend. Or shall I say his fiance. Oh, because I go on her TikTok and her first TikTok is her wedding ring in front of like a mountainscape. And I was like, girl, why are you looking at my TikTok? You are secure. Yeah. And he's I I have not come running back in the three and a half years, not even to get the dog he stole. Like, I just let him go. And so I just found it weird. I'm like, what are you looking at?

Golf As A Way To Meet

SPEAKER_00 27:28

So you golf. Do you meet a lot of men golfing? So that is the funny thing. So uh last year in October, my girlfriend and I were tired of going to the bars and we're like, let's find other things to do to meet guys. So we like started going to comedy shows, and I was like, let's go to the driving range. And so we both had clubs, and so we started going, and we just enjoyed it so much that we just kept going. We'd meet up every Tuesday. She had met some guys, and I hadn't had any luck yet. Although my ex that I was back and forth with last year, he I would see him there every once in a while. I'd be like, Oh, great, not the guy I was looking for. But earlier this year in January, I was at Grass Clippings and like my friend got his tripod out and was like recording us uh taking our hits and stuff. And this guy comes over, super handsome. I had seen him like when I walked over, I was like, Oh, who's that? And he comes over and he's like asking us, like, um, are you guys like influencers? What are you? And I was like, we're just dumb taking videos of our golf shop. We'll probably just post it on Instagram or something. And like it just led into a full conversation. We had a little fling, it was great, but he ended up being a golf coach for me and he gives me lessons. Oh my god. And he's bought me like a club and everything. And so I've met some guys. Um, nothing I would ever like go after, but I'm always open to it. I will go play golf. That's what I love about golf, is I'll go play golf by myself. I'll find a tea time that has four open slots, and I'll go play potentially by myself, or three people will join me. And like I've met a lot of guys. No one's been cute enough for me to be like, hey, let's play another round, but just the opportunity to meet different people and maybe they have a friend or something like that.

SPEAKER_01 29:14

And I'm like, this is nice. Have you ever walked out mid-date?

SPEAKER_00 29:19

No. No, I think I've tried to get through everything. Yeah, I've been a little like my first date off of the dating apps. That was like wild. We're like sitting, it's a nice dinner, we're at the mission, we're having a wonderful time. And then all of a sudden the conversation goes south, and he starts telling me his addiction to ketamine. And I was like, What? Is this how it goes? Is this how because I was so hesitant to get online. And I think probably the first six months I was single, I was like, I'm not getting on dating apps, those are dumb. Like, we're not doing it. And working at NOBA, I had already had like a line of regulars that had been begging to take me on a date. So I was like, I'll just go check through those boxes real quick. And then I go on my first date and I was like, is this how it goes? Are they all like this? Are they all just gonna be like seem normal? And then all of a sudden they've got a ketamine edition, or also like, I don't know, they like to smell gasoline. I don't know. It was just like this is it's just been a wild ride. And I didn't, if I would have known this going into this, I would have made sure that my ex and I would have broken up the first time and we would have been done. Because the opportunities, like the guys that approached me during it, it's it feels like guys just know whenever you're in that weird time with someone that they approach you and you're like, oh man, I'm trying to work something out with the guy I'm working with. But he's a really nice guy. And I feel like I've passed up a lot of those because I was trying to work on something that obviously did not benefit me in any sense.

SPEAKER_03 30:47

So and how many people do you know that are like, oh yeah, we're so happily married and now we've been together for 10 years, but we broke up and got back together eight times. Never worked. Like you never hear of people that say that, like maybe one time, maybe like one breakup and get back together. That's you know what I mean. Like a little like fallen. Yes. Like we had a little hiccup, you know, one of us got cold feet, we weren't sure, and so we took our separate ways or whatever for however long, and then we came back to each other. And and ever since then we've been good. But you never hear, oh yeah, we broke up eight times together eight times. So it's like broke up, we got back together, we broke up, we got back together. Yes, but like the second time, if you break up for a second time, it should be the last time.

SPEAKER_00 31:36

And I think that's why like I still regret losing my girlfriend over that relationship because that was such a wonderful friendship. And like we still keep in contact with each other, and like every year I still wish her happy birthday. And like one year, like I think it was two years ago, she's like, She's like, I'm just so grateful that you still like keep contact with me. She's like, that it does, as much as I haven't reached out, it does mean a lot for you to just like still be around. She's like, I just couldn't physically be there for you anymore. And I was like, Yes. That and that that's something you have to think about when going into dating, is what kind of stress you put on the people around you too. And so if you're putting stress on the people around you, you should clearly not be in that relationship. It's true. It's like that shouldn't that shouldn't fall out to everything in your life. Should be a red flag.

SPEAKER_03 32:26

Exactly. Are you ready for it? Yeah, I'm ready for it. The keep more minute brought to you by Tactical Tax Strategies. They help you keep more in your wallet. We help you keep more in your relationship. Okay, so we have a listener question.

Handling A Long Distance Sex Gap

SPEAKER_03 32:38

Okay from a guy says struggling, struggling with struggling with my high sex drive in a long distance relationship. I am a 20-year-old male currently in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend who is 25. We are actually in different continents. And she lives with her mom and sisters. We text all day and have audio calls regularly when she's and and when she's home alone, we video call too. So here's the issue. I have a very high sex drive, and before this relationship, I've had I had several sexual partners. But being in a long distance relationship has has been tough for me in terms of sexual frustration. We do engage in dirty talk and some sexting. About half the time I initiate, but she's also very enthusiastic and takes the lead sometimes. Um, he says she also initiates these conversations about the other half of the time. But I've been struggling a lot recently because these sexual conversations get me worked up and it's hard to control myself afterwards, and naturally it makes me want to ask her for nudes or more explicit content. The tricky part is that while we used to exchange that kind of stuff before, now she avoids it. She either makes excuses or brushes it off. And if I push the subject, she makes me feel like I'm obsessed with her body, which isn't the case. I just have a high sex drive and miss her and our intimacy. I don't want to put pressure on her or ruin the relationship, but I also don't know how to cope with this other side and myself in a long distance and potentially long-term situation or relationship. Um, I'd really appreciate any advice or perspective on how to handle this in a healthy and respectful way. Thanks in advance.

SPEAKER_01 34:21

That's tough. Because if they're on different continents, like maybe long distance isn't for him, eh? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:27

So I was just like, I just maybe two weeks ago, this randomly stopped, but I was talking to a guy in Canada. We talked every day. He would text me good morning. Every morning, he was so consistent. He reassured me that we were gonna meet. Like he would, he did everything. If I had any problems, he would sit there, we'd talk it out, we'd figure it out. He would change immediately. Like one time I was like, I just don't like, I don't know. It feels like you aren't that into it and like you haven't been keeping up with me. And then the next morning we woke up, he's like, Hi, good morning. I like you. And just a heads up, I'm gonna be busy today, so I might not be on my phone. So he was like real receptive to things. And we would dirty talk, we'd sex. I did one time record myself with my vibrator. It was dark, the room was dark, which is why I felt comfortable. But yes, I think going into those relationships, you do have to have that conversation of, are you comfortable? And you have to go over all the things. Are you comfortable with this? I have a heavy sex drive. Are you gonna be comfortable with like keeping up with that? Because that does keep the relationship spark going. So if she's not willing to find that time, and I'm that simple person that if you are busy, you will find the time for someone that matters, whether it's a text message or a phone call or a photo, like you'll find some way to make them happy that fills their cup because they're filling your cup.

SPEAKER_01 35:55

It's so true. Yeah, you'll find the time.

SPEAKER_00 35:57

I just think it's super important to just with that, I would have a conversation with her. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:03

Because it sounds like she's comfortable with like seing a little bit and flirting, but maybe not comfortable with like sending a nude photo, or you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 36:12

And to each their own, everyone has their boundaries, but that might be where you guys, your relationship won't go. Especially further.

SPEAKER_01 36:20

Long distance, you have to do the video, the sexting, the especially if you have a high sex drive.

SPEAKER_00 36:25

Yeah, you've got to be open to new things whenever you're in a long distance relationship. Because, like, if they think of something, you gotta be like, We can try it. You can't be so opposed to everything. And so that is something that he brought up though. One time he was like, You haven't seen me a naked picture in a couple like it's been like a week. And like I I got it though. I was like, okay, that's fine.

SPEAKER_03 36:47

Like I admit, because you're like, you know what, you're right. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 36:50

So because it's like once you get used to that, and also, yes, if you're gonna be consistent in that sense, like you you have to like keep up with that. You can't go, that's almost like love bombing. Yeah. If you're gonna just like do something just for a little bit, that's not consistent, and that's not that's not honest with a relationship. And so, like, I would never over-exert yourself to where you can't keep up because you're gonna burn yourself out, you're gonna end up like either hating the person or hating yourself, or something's gonna happen where it just doesn't work. And so I would never recommend over-exerting. That's probably my biggest thing.

The STD Story That Turned Stomachs

SPEAKER_01 37:27

So I saw this TikTok video, it was of a gynecologist that gave craze that would tell some of her craziest stories working as a gynecologist. And she was talking about this one couple came in together because something was going on with the female's nether regions. So she got an STD test and she ended up having trichumina trick, is what they call it. And the doctor explains that explained that it can make you smell funny, right? That's probably why she smelled different and she was gonna prescribe her some medication. The boyfriend then continued to beg the doctor not to prescribe this and not to put her on meds and ask his girlfriend not to go on them because he really liked the way she currently tasted.

SPEAKER_03 38:12

He liked it.

SPEAKER_01 38:13

He should not go on the meds because I love the way she tastes right now. Don't change it.

SPEAKER_03 38:16

Like, what's so gross?

SPEAKER_00 38:20

I've never heard of a man liking the taste of a urinary tract. Like that's just isn't that freaking weird? Like, drink some cranberry juice if you like the taste. Like, that is I thought that was undeserving.

SPEAKER_03 38:32

I know there are some people that are turned on like when their partner is like sweaty or post-workout, or like just like the fair musk, like it is that natural like smell that you get, like the musk. But that gives me that uh that makes me like cringe too. I don't like I don't like that.

SPEAKER_00 38:51

Don't like don't get me wrong, I can see a hot man sweaty, but like if you get close to me and want to touch me, I'm like, no, like not right now. Not right now. It's just like jumping in the pool and touching me whenever I'm dry. Like, don't just don't do that. No thanks.

SPEAKER_03 39:02

I can't imagine that that's so gross. I would be so grossed out.

SPEAKER_00 39:06

People like some weird shit. I know. So true. People like some weird shit. Like the things that you can sell online and the thing, like the TikToks that I've gotten, like the the amount of feet pictures that I have been asked to do. I'm like, you know, maybe like it's not that bad. No one knows what memo feet.

SPEAKER_01 39:26

Talking yourself into it. You're like, huh, maybe. You should put your Venmo like on your profile and be like, yeah, for 100 bucks. You don't have a picture of it.

Celebrity Breakups And Profile Makeovers

SPEAKER_01 39:39

Now it's time for the celebrity cup. We'll remarinate in the juices of the celebrities. So I saw an interview with Olivia Wilde and it kind of broke my heart. So, you know, she used to be married to Jason Sadakis. Yes. I love him, I love Ted Lasso. But she was saying that the moment like they both realized that their marriage was just over was in 2020, it was her birthday. And she said to him, she realized, she's like, Oh, honey, you didn't get me anything for my birthday. Did you not get me a birthday present? And his response was, Olivia, what would I get you? I don't know you anymore. And it just kind of because I feel like a lot of couples go through that when they've been together for so long, they grow apart and they just don't know each other anymore. And the fact that he said that, you know, what would I get you? I just don't know you anymore. It's like, ouch. I hope my husband and I don't ever get to that point, you know?

SPEAKER_00 40:26

That's like a big thing for me is that I want to make sure that I have a relationship that when I have kids, they look at that and they're like, oh, my parents love each other. Like I love, like my boss, she went on, her and her husband were set up on a blind date. She's like, our friends are a little racist because we're both Indians, so that's why they did it. But but like to watch this family, they've been together for over 20 years. They have two boys, the the love that overflows and like how much they respect their parents and how much they like just like one was out of town and got in trouble and called his parents. And like, I just loved that they're just so comfortable with that. And it's like it's it's so beautiful when it works that I would love for it to work. Like, I I want that when I see it, but I know that you have to find that right person. You cannot be with someone who also that was one of the things when I first did my hinge. I was like that typical Scot Stobel. I just got my boobs done. I had 22 hair extensions. I was wearing tiny little outfits in front of like nice ass restaurants like Mastro's and Ocean 44. And like every single picture was like a pose at a restaurant. And I got the craziest people thinking the craziest things about me. And I'm like, why are they thinking this way about me? Or like, why do they think I want to come over and watch a movie on the first date? Like, clearly, you want to have sex with me. And so I was just like, oh, my pictures, got it. I'm giving off Scottsdale nightclub, old town kind of sugar baby. Sugar babies. I am sugar baby vibes. I am, which granted, I should have known working at Nobu what I was posting. Right. But I was giving sugar baby vibes, and I had to like step away from that because those kind of people, like, that's not the relationship that I want. Like, I want someone who knows me, like the back of their hand, and can get me some like silly little trinket at Goodwill, and like I will love it. And so I I get so sad hearing that that that's like when she knew that was her point. And the fact that he can say that too wow, the balls on that man. Yeah, like it hurts so it yeah, it hurts, but that's wonderful that he could tell the truth and he could be honest in that sense. But yeah, I'd be like, oh my god, run. How's the quickest way I can get out of this divorce? Like now.

Outro And Two Dating Nightmares

SPEAKER_01 42:52

Thank you so much for joining us this week at the meat market. And thank you so much, April. If you want to snag a date with April, go to any of our social media platforms at Meat Market Podcast. And thank you to our sponsor, Tactical Tax Strategies. If you want to preserve your wealth and keep more of your own money in your wallet, go to Tactical Tax Strategies. We'll see you next week at the Meat Market. Oh my god, I just totally got catfished. He looks absolutely nothing like his picture.

SPEAKER_03 43:15

So I found out the guy that I've been dating is married with kids. His wife just reached out to me.